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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

chinahorse 29-08-2019 07:06 PM

I don't feel safe.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 29-08-2019 07:42 PM

*Hugs* Is there any way you can distract yourself right now? Will talking here help?

chinahorse 29-08-2019 08:32 PM

Mum came. Tried to be practical about everything but made me worse. I just want to go home. She said I'm stupid for thinking of paying rent on this house and not being in it. But I want to go home. And I want to self destruct. She ignored my mh.

chinahorse 30-08-2019 04:27 AM

I called the police on the man. He was scaring me
. They did not come. An ambulance came 3 hours later. They did not help. At all. The man is wearing the shadows so they didnt look for him. I'm scared. I'm done with asking for help. The evil will win.

Juella 30-08-2019 12:49 PM

I'm sorry your mum is not very understanding when it comes to mental health. If she only wants to talk about practical matters, maybe you can at least ask her for help with practical aspects of life that you're struggling with?
It's understandable that people from the ambulance didn't look for the man, but did they do or say anything at all to help you?

chinahorse 30-08-2019 02:04 PM

No they didon't do anything.

one_step_closer 30-08-2019 05:21 PM

Is there anyone at all who you feel listens to your emotions and MH stuff? Is there a way to speed up the outcome of the assessment you had? Try and focus on getting to the middle of next week safely if you can, if that's when you'll find out the outcome. I really hope they will offer you some support that is good for you.

chinahorse 30-08-2019 07:31 PM

There's 1 friend I think truly cares. Other seem to be avoiding me.

one_step_closer 30-08-2019 07:39 PM

That's a shame. Do you manage to speak to your friend who you feel cares?

chinahorse 30-08-2019 07:42 PM

Yes.

Don't want to do this any more. No one will help me.

one_step_closer 30-08-2019 07:45 PM

I hear your pain, things can be so immensely tough. You haven't heard the outcome of the assessment yet though. What kind of help do you want people to give you?

chinahorse 30-08-2019 07:52 PM

The police didn't help. The ambulance didn't help. The hospital didn't help. The mh team didnt help. There's no one left to ask.

I want them to make the man less scary and go away. People don't care that I'm threatened. That I'm scared.

Auror. 30-08-2019 10:46 PM

It sounds like a lot of those people care, they just maybe aren't sure how to help. Those are separate things and it might be worth challenging.

I think it's also hard because it doesn't sound like anyone else can see or hear the man other than you. That doesn't mean how you feel isn't valid or difficult to deal with. But especially for folks not trained in mental health, it might be hard to know how to approach it. It sounds like those who are trained in mental health are trying to get you connected with folks who can help. Again, none of this means that people don't care though.

Asking for help is great and I think it's so brave for you to do time and time again. But I guess sometimes it also comes down to what steps can you take on your own to manage? If you want the man to be less scary and go away, it sounds as though some part of you might not entirely trust him. So maybe there's small steps you can take on your own to challenge him, like having cooked food, or getting rid of tools and supplies that you might use to harm yourself with.

It really sucks when you aren't getting the help you need, and I'm not saying you aren't trying immensely hard or that you aren't deserving of help. But instead of focusing on the things you don't currently have, maybe there's ways we can try to help you focus on how to work with what you DO have?

chinahorse 31-08-2019 01:38 PM

I'm sorry I will reply later. I can't focus.

Am very worried. I didn't do the protection ritual or self harm and now the evil will infect my patients. I don't know what to do. I can't self harm at work. It crosses a line I'm not prepared to.

one_step_closer 31-08-2019 02:58 PM

I don't think anything will happen to your patients because of you, honestly. I know that you must feel really terrified though, can you maybe work on ways to decrease your anxiety safely?

chinahorse 31-08-2019 08:52 PM

There's no bus to the hospital. Just another shitty thing about this town.

chinahorse 01-09-2019 08:02 AM

I called a friend. We went to MIU who couldn't help so we went to hospital. Waited 7 hours. Got stitched up. I told the friend and hospital about the man. No one helped. So fed up and scared and tired. Why won't anyone help me? I'm being stalked.

one_step_closer 01-09-2019 12:12 PM

What did your friend and the hospital say about the man? Do you think the CMHT will offer you some support when they get back to you next week? If other people aren't making the man less scary, as you said you wanted, how could you do that a bit yourself in the meantime?

Auror. 01-09-2019 08:56 PM

Sorry if I've misunderstood. It sounds like your friend and the people at the hospital were able to help you get the medical attention you needed and also that they do care about you. Have I got that wrong?

Has anyone else seen or heard the man besides you? Or when you say you are being stalked are you referring to somebody else?

Again correct me if I've misunderstood. But from what you've said before it doesn't sound like anyone else is able to see or hear the man besides you. When you refer to being stalked and want legal protection, there has to be evidence of the threat. That means for example, documentation like images of the person being on your property, emails, text messages or voicemails. Things overheard by friends or coworkers who can back you up.

I'm not trying to say that what you're going through isn't scary or stressful. But from what you've said of the man, it sounds as though the man is inside your head. Which makes trying to deal with it different than what you are referring to by stalking. Again, if I've misunderstood the situation though, please correct me.

nonperson 01-09-2019 09:31 PM

Lillie, I'm just wondering why the threats from the man have become more prevalent? I am vageuly recalling you mentioning something about not being able to get your meds (forgive me if I'm wrong) but could this be a reason why things are particularly difficult right now?

I'm glad you managed to get stitched up though. Even if you think people aren't listening to you, they did at least help you in that respect.


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