*hugs MammaMia* your GP sounds like a pain the ass. Hope he calls soon

*Hugs Laura* don't feel stupid i know exactly what that plummeting mood feels like

I still feel really sick, even after a nap. And all I want is a drink.

Still no calls or email. Thanks GP. Thanks university.

Oh well, I don't care (I do but I can pretend I don't yeah?)

hugs to everyone

*is just going to sit in the corner for a bit and ty to clear my head*

*hus everyone before retreating into a corner and rocking* why am i so f*cked up?

About a week I guess since the serious search started.....I'm getting impatient...and antsy....I'm afraid that by the time I get in to see the one they want me to see i will have lost my nerve....or something else....
*HUGS* everyone

*hugs everyone*

I rang the crisis team yesterday to find out what had happened to my request for treatment and was brushed off. They couldn't find my initial request which I put in about three weeks ago then told me that I just have to wait until I can start my six free sessions with a psychologist. I was trying to get help with my medications and so forth but the guy brushed my concerns in that area aside. I'm getting increasingly frustrated by them doing that ..... it makes me mad. I'm trying to ask for help and all they can do is say wait. I have six sessions to become a normal well-adjusted 20-something year old. I can't see it happening especially since it takes me a session or two to even be able to talk because of my lack of trust. And I've been told that I have to look at it the right way and it will cure all my problems. NOT FRICKING LIKELY. I have medication that needs to be looked at because I'm sure my lithium levels aren't right. Not that they care.

Oh Kahlia. Mental health professionals all seem one big bunch of wankers and all need a kick up the bum *huggles tight*

*hugs Helen tightly* ~ Yeah mental health professionals are in line for a kick up the arse...

*hugs everyone*
I'm back from holiday early, things didn't go according to plan and well, we came home. There's too many to reply individually, sorry

*cuddles Kahlia some more and then cudddles Secrets*

Sorry that things didn't go to plan and that you had to come home early :(

*Hugs everyone*
Feeling too bloated and tired to reply to you all.
I was doing the washing up yesterday and a pint glass exploded in my hand (scary!) A shard cut my finger pretty deep, and it was such a shock. I was a real wimp about it, which makes me feel like I wont be able to self harm ever again.
I guess that's a good thing, right?
xx

*hugs everyone* sorry I've been so pathetically bad at messaging recently, I move to Liverpool in 10 days and everything is pretty insane. I seem to be holding together though, I am scared shitless :P

*hugs everyone again and leaves home-made cookies for devouring*

*hugs arwen* o dang! exploding glass is not good! glad that your okay, hope your finger heals fast.
*hugs wildly insane* good luck moving!

I was talking to my boyfriend about him joining the military, or well.. he was talking... i probably really need to tell him what i'm scared about in the air force, but he seems so happy and excited about it, I never get the chance to say anything.
There is too much piling up for me right now, I need to straighten some of it out before I... well... lets say before I screw up again.

*hugs everyone*

Uni have finally emailed me back hurray :D Still waiting from phone calls/letters from a few professionals *rolls eyes*

What did uni say Helen? xx

argh!!!!! screw everthing, i on longer give a sh*t. what the hell is the point. *curls up in ball in corner, crys myself to sleep*

*hugs everyone*

I rang the crisis team who organise community mental health and they basically are trying to have as little to do with me as possible. They told me I had to get a private doctor if I wanted a psychiatrist through some scheme neither I nor my doctor had ever heard of. My GP went off .... I was glad I was in the room and knew that the crisis team is one of his buttons. It was like a little shower of swearing where basically every second word was a curse word. He was none too happy about doing it - writing the referral I mean.

Why do mental health professionals have to have their heads stuck so far up their arse that they can't see anything?? Is it part of their training or something. Learning how to make their clients lives unliveable. I hate mental health professionals, they make me sick.

Woops, somehow missed this post for over 12 hours :O Anyway they basically said I was reigistered for returning in September and that he would forward on my email to exams & assessments about me re-doing my first year...

My sister came over last night, I thought it was going to be just me and her having a drink. But she invited two of her friends over, neither of which wanted to drink, so my sis decided not to buy any alcohol and just have a few of my beers. I felt completely excluded all night, in my own house. And I was feeling a bit peeved that she just decided that it would be alright for her friends to come over and for her to take some of my beers.
I'm not that annoyed, I guess. Just...My sis and one of the friends who came over are lying on the sofas watching **** TV. I just know they're going to stay there for ages.

Woo! Helen, that sounds like good news! xx

Kahlia, mental health professionals make me sick too :/

Arwen, yeah it is :) Just replied to another email from a photographer actually about Tuesday's photoshoot.

Helen ~ Yay for the uni getting back to you and giving you good news into the bargain. *hugs you*

Arwen ~ I'm sorry that you felt excluded in your own house. *hugs you*

*hugs everyone*

Me and my housemate went out to the uni club tonight for a change. I drank six cups of burbon and coke and two red bulls. I have to try and go to sleep but my head has set itself to keeping me awake. :S

*slips in and goes hides away in a locked room* maybe might be safe there.

*hugs* to everyone sorry not in a great place right now, just waiting to find out if theyre going to drag me back inot hospital or not :( i hate it all so much just want it all to go away :'(

Oh ****, I have til MONDAY, to email uni back with my ****ing appeal letter as they have apprantly withdrawn me.

I just don't need this right now...and can't exactly blame my 'depression' when my gp won't back me up (he'd have to...)

Why did I have to **** up so badly...

*hugs* heln. hope that you manage to get the emails in. i can completyl understan i had all that problem with uni wen i ended up in hospital. i really wanted to do it and go bk but then was supposed to go back in april but couldnt so they said theyd put me down to restart this september, but then got told i couldnt it was a mess. but ive decided not to go back, because im not in the right place. hope it all gets sorted for you though xx

Everything's going wrong today. I obviously don't matter and just argh

*Cuddles everyone*
My sister said she'd come over tonight, so we could have a drink together without her friends. But she hasn't returned my text, and according to her Facebook she's got people round her flat. Nice.

Helen- Having been through a similar process (having to submit medical evidence etc after withdrawing from uni) I just wanted to suggest you contacted student support and also the person you got the email from via the telephone and explain you have suffered from emotional issues and self harm throughout your first year and then ask them whether a note from your doctor or counsellor would do. At the end of the day you have proof in the form of doctors appointments/a+e visits/psych assesment and correspondance with a counsellor that you have struggled in your first year. Your GP may not be willing to say you have Depression but he should be willing to write a letter confirming your story as it were i.e explaining about emotional problems/self harm etc. I would also suggest mentioning that you are now having treatment in the form of a CPN and are waiting for CBT.

A good friend of mine failed a module or two of his first year at University and was thrown out but appealed on the grounds of a previously undisclosed (and undiagnosed) mental health issue and was allowed back in provided he resat his failed modules or redid the whole during the following year. He hadn't been to his GP until a few days before the appeal but recieved a note explaining he had had problems sleeping/dealing with family issues etc etc.

*hugs Zowie*- siblings can really suck some times. Hope you have a good night whatever happens.

Why don't you think you matter Secrets? *special hugs*

Kahlia- Hope you manage to get some sleep hun. I don't fully understand your health care system but it sounds like it sucks! At least your GP seems to give a **** though. Thinking of you x

hugs everyone

wish college would just tell me the date, instead of just keeping me on constant edge, if I had a date I could prepare.
just going to sit in the corner and try to relax a little.

Emma ~ I don't think anyone understands our health care system. It seems to be that they only treat certain people and let others take their chances. I'm very lucky to have found a good GP. *hugs you*

I managed to get some sleep but now am awake and ready for a new day. I have to keep my ears open because our doorbell isn't working (possibly needs a new battery) and our landlord (who is one of my housemates) hasn't been able to have a look at it yet, and I have a community nurse coming out to give me a shower.

*leaves hugs for everyone*

Thanks for that Emma, much appericated.

Kahlia, how you feeling today? xx

Arwen, cuddles lots




Am debating whether I'm going to go back to uni, am pretty certain I'm not, decided to get and job and get myself together and figure out what I want from life. Staying at uni, making myself feel worse etc won't do me any good, my work will just re-suffer and stuff.

Am scared :/

I really wanted to drive off the road and kill myself last night....damnit why didn't I?

*hugs Helen* if not going back to uni is the best decision you can make for yourself, then that's the one you should make. You can always continue your education later.

*hugs Rachel* hope you are alright.


I went to my work today and SHE was there... the girl that triggered me every single day in class last semester... now i have to work with her... i don't know if i can do it.

*leaves huggles for all*

I've read all the posts but don't have concentration to reply individually.

I have an appointment in like 45more minutes about my disorder. I'm nervous. I dont want to go. I know i should though. I just wanna sleep... sleep sleep sleep........ not have to worry. I'm afraid i'm gonna have a cup to drink to calm my nerves.

Ever gone to the doctors buzzed? lol (lays on a bed and starres at the ceilling..) when will this all end? ....

I am in a really ratty mood.
After my sister came round, deciding to invite her friends too and drink my beers, she said she'd come round the next night (last night) so we could have a drink just me and her. Then she didn't reply to my texts and I saw on Facebook that she'd invited people round her flat. Finally she texted me, at about 9pm, saying 'sorry, people have decided to come over mine, can I see you tomorrow night?' I was a bit miffed that she was lying about the fact that she invited them - They didn't just turn up. But I didn't take it personally, just sent back that tonight would be fine and I'd see her then.
I've just seen on Facebook that she's yet again invited people round her flat tonight, including one of my friends that she met at my party.
That, I take personally.

*hugs everyone*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies ... my brain can't remember everything and I don't want to miss anybody.

I managed to wash my own hair this morning. Yay! *does a little dance* My shoulder is finally on the road to recovery and motoring along at a great pace.

My birthday is in three weeks and I can't wait for it to come. Not because of any celebrations but because I should be getting some new clothes then ... and my clothes that I've been wearing are starting to get too big. Or are starting to look a little ratty from when I had the cast and it rubbed against my clothes.

I only have to wear my splint during the day now and my wrist is appreciating not being cooped up. At night I can even smoke with my dominant hand which I wasn't able to do before.

The biggest issue I have at the moment is with my mood. It's going up and down like nothing on earth. Thankfully mostly it's when there's no-one around so no-one IRL has the faintest idea that it's going on. I guess some of it is bound to happen when you get shafted by the crisis team.

I went down the pub to see my real friends. My sister phoned me while I was there and asked me to come home and see her. So I came home and she was waiting here with two of her friends. One went home as soon as I got here, one of them (my ex's sister) chatted to me vaguely. Me and my sister chatted for a while, then one of my old friends (who they made friends with though me) called her and they left without saying anything to me to 'go for a drive'. I called my sis and she said they'd be back in a while.
It's been an hour. I would go to bed, but I know if they do come back, they'll drink all my beer and wine.
I am so angry >.<

I know I'm not an older member, but this thread seems like a really good idea, and I wonder if I might be allowed to join in? I discharged myself from a psychiatric hospital on Tuesday, and although, for the main part, I made the right decision ... i do miss the safety and the containment of the unit, and I wonder if i might be allowed to try to get that from this thread?

hugs everyone

I'm so confused as to who I am at the moment, all the thoughts about that seem to have come to the surface tonight and it scares because I try to hide them, just going to sit in here for a bit it might make me feel a bit safer.

Im so tired.
I just need a cuddle?
Please?

Rach of course your welcome here hun!!
Im only 18 myself so not exactlly an older member haha!!
Everyone is welcome :)
Come in, make yourself at home.
Warm drink? *magics up a tray of hot chocolate and tea*

ohmygosh. Im sorry. Im post whoring. But Im supposed to be going shopping for uni stuff tomorrow and I can feel myself going down and down and downnnnnnn and Im quite a lot anxious and I dont know why.
I feel pretty rubbish.
Stupid boy. Trying to ruin my life. Do you know what? I dont CARE that he has a new girlfriend. I dont CARE that he posts so much about her on facebook just to try and hurt me. I dont care.
What I DO care about is the fact that he uses the word love so easily. That he throws it around so much. Because...does that mean that when he said it to me he didnt mean it? Was he just throwing it around? Is he RIGHT in saying Im too much hassle to be around?
And I CARE that he is trying so hard to drag me down with personal attacks and insults. Stop being a dick Luke. Really. All I ever did was love him. I gave him EVERYTHING. I dont have anything left anymore. I dont have anything thats just mine. Because I gave it all to him.
Why is he trying so hard to hurt me? After all....HE finished ME.

I just dont care anymore. about any of it.

*leaves hugs for everyone*

Welcome Rach, some of us are younger in here. I'm only just 19 so don't worry about it.

I regret so much talking why don't I just shut up and vanish

hugs secrets hope ur ok.

crisis team just been again tried to get me to go to hospital but i dont want to i dont want to be safe. now im just burdening people. feel so bad they r ringing at 6 im trying to be honest but feels like they r just having a go at me and i cnt cope with that right now.

I'm just a whiney bitch. I know people have real problems, why am I complaining about things that don't matter at all?
Shut up Arwen.

*hugs everyone*

*cuddles everyone*

Rach, I'm only 19 myself, so most of us are 18/19/20's really :)

Alexx, hope shopping goes okay and anxiety doesn't cause too much of a problem for you.

Arwen, your problems are just as important babe *cuddles*

Kahlia, how you doing sweet?

xxx

*locks self in room out the way of everyone* none will get hurt then :(


sorry things bit all over the place at the minute.



*hugs* hope everyones doing okx