Kahlia thank you and *hugs to you too*

*sits in corner and sleeps*
i tired and bored.
and am full- ick =[

*sits in a corner and tries not to cry*

updated r/v

*Shrugs and checks in anyway, deciding they can always tell me to get lost and sits in the corner with a blanket and a hot chocolate. The invisible girl. *

What's up, Crimson? *cuddles gently*

I'mJustMe, I don't have a problem with you being in here... I mean, I'd prefer the Vet's section be swarmed with people under 18, but a few are fine in my book. :) Welcome. I'm April. Are you okay with hugs/huggles/cuddles?

*huggles Heather* I know that full feeling... it's indeed icky. :( And I hate being bored, too. Ugh. I hope that you find something to occupy yourself and have fun with. :)

*spies a Kahlia and glomps* Hehe... how are you? what time is it there? Must be relatively early morning as it's only 6:20pm here.

I'm really tired. And drained. Just wrote out a lot of stuff in my LiveJournal... verbal vomit... I needed to write it out though. Stuff about how I'm passively suicidal - again - and that seems to be my way of coping with stressors... and how I did an "I don't want to" thing today (cleaning the toilet!! lol, I am ridiculously proud of myself)... and a bunch of other things.

*big sigh, then curls up in a corner with a blanket and a mug of tea*

*points to r/v* Sorry can't retype it and not burst into tears here at work... hard even thinking about it right now...

Hey April, were you born on April Fool's day, if you were, you're not the only one. I was. Which is my excuse for this joke of a life. I'm OK with hugs, but only sometimes, I don't always like phyiscal contact, and never if it's sudden, but I don't mind the odd one if I am upset. Not here anyway, in real life though, I often push people away.

I won't swarm, I'm just me on my own, trying to belong and find somewhere I don't feel so lost and alone.

I am off to bed no, I have an exam in the morning and it's important for my future. Night night everyone. Be safe.
x

dad made me make his stupid sample boards.... even though he's payed me 25 dollars for over 4 hours of work... less than 6 an hour ><

zzzzz.

*sets out a box of cuddles for whoever wants them*

Crimson, love, I read your r/v and am so sorry about what happened... that has got to hurt, he had no right to say those things to you... *holds you gently* I hope that you're feeling a bit better now, maybe try and lose yourself in WoW tonight or something, treat yourself somehow? I can understand why you would hate your life - you've been through a crapload of stuff. *more cuddles*

Nope, I'mJustMe, I wasn't born on April Fool's Day. Was born exactly 2 months later, heh. But it would make sense for me to have been born then 'cause it feels sometimes like my life is a joke, too. I'm sorry that you feel that way... :( *sets a hug on the table beside the box of cuddles in case you want it* Good luck on the exam!! will be thinking of you...

Heather, I guess you could look at it this way - at least you got some money for working for your dad. Me, if I help my dad out, it's a favor, but I don't get paid for it. Just a thought. :) I know that less than $6/hour is sucky pay but $25 as a whole is quite a bit. I don't mean to brush off your feelings on the matter, just offering an alternative viewpoint, if that makes sense. :-S

I just finished supper and am SO full. And I hardly ate anything compared to what I used to be able to eat. It's so frustrating, kind of... I don't know. :-/ I get so full so fast that it's got to be psychological... and I have no idea how to stop that. :(

And I really, really, really want to cut. :'( So badly.

*cries in the corner because she can't cry IRL*

*huggles/waves at everyone*

Crimson: I read your r/v. I'm sorry hun. I wish I could offer you more, but all I have at the moment are *hugs* if you are able to accept them and a *safe care package* if you are not.

I'mJustMe: Do you mind if I call you Lia? I'd just like to say welcome, and good luck on the exam.

April: Thanks for the glomping and the hugs. :p *hugs back* It was about 8:20 am when you spied me on here, lol. By the way, I didn't say it before but I loved the pic of you and the cello. I have to confess I've never really gotten into string instruments (although I can play violin) but the cello was brilliant, as are you!

-- The bus has come to take me to the doctors so I'll catch up later!

*sneaks in and hides under a blanket*

Welcome to all our new warders by the way :) I'm Helen :) xx

i'm not safe i'm not safe i'm not safe i'm not safe

:crying:

i just want it to be over. is that too much to ask??

*hugs April tight*

*hugs Hels back* i'm sorry...... :( i whinge too much........

*shuts up* :'(

*hugs April lots with safe hugs*

*hugs Helen*

*hugs April and Oliver lots*

You don't whine too much :(

I could post about so much right now but I'm holding it all in again :'(

*hugs April and Hels*

is it sick and wrong i wish someone I am related to, to miscarry cause im jealous and she dont want the baby anyways AND shes not married. then again i cant be to jealous im married and have a 8mo old

How do you even know how heartbreaking a miscarriage is? :'(

Welcome to my life That describes quite well how I'm doing... but I don't feel like I'm going to burst into tears at the drop of a hat anymore. I think I'll try walking in and requesting the home inspection report. Then go over it with David and see if we think it's doable (I think it is from looking in the windows -since apparently showing the place to me is a waste of time-) and if we think the 200k (the cost of the house itself is 155k) loan will get the place fixed up talk to a lender and see if they'll let me negotiate a VA loan to buy the place as a construction loan. Then when we get the paperwork out of the way walk in and make that asshole eat every last belittling comment he made to me. I may look and sound younger than I am but damn it I am a 28 yr old Army Vet! I deserve some respect when I am trying to do something as simple as look at a damn house and inspection report... I mean really even if simple customer service didn't factor in I myself deserve not to be treated like crap by a sales person on the phone.

*ahem* erm...sorry as you can probably tell by the end I have moved mostly from upset to angry. >.>
Anyhow...

*huggles April* Are you feeling any safer? You don't whine too much... We care about you and want to hear how you're doing.

*hugs Helen* What's up, hun?

*hugs Oliver*

*gives Mark gentle hugs so as not to wake him*

Yess i had one two years ago after i got married, when this same person got preggo with her first mind you shes not married at all

i'm not feeling any safer, no. :(

want to hurt myself badly. :'(

*curls up in corner*

Many mothers aren't married, does that *really* matter??? I'm sorry you've had one. But I think you of all people shouldn't be wishing that on anyone. I understand being jealous and all that, I've been there. Esepically having a miscarriage of my own when I was 14. But I wouldn't even wish a miscarriage on my own worst enemy. I had a friend who I knew would be a bad mother to her child and she really is, I hated her when she got pregnant (we no longer speak anyway) but I wouldn't have wished a miscarriage on her =[

I'm sorry :'(

's okay, Hels. *huggles* i understand being jealous too... but, well, i don't want to take sides. because we all should be on each other's side here... i don't know... please let this not escalate into a fullblown argument... :-s

*hides in the warren* :-s

*cuddles April tightly*

*hugs April, Helen and Becca*

*hides*

*hugs Oliver lots* What's wrong sweet?

Shes the sort of person who can look at a naked man get preggo, then thers me i had to fight medically not to lose this one, and still had him 1.5mo early. its just not fair for people like me. i have had a **** life and had to fight, shes lived the silver platter life.

depression hitting me again

I agree that mothers don't need to be married in order to be good parents. At the same time I don't think asking if someone even knows what it is like to have a miscarriage is very helpful. People have different views and if someone posted then (most of the time) it is clear they are having issues coming to terms with something. Maybe it would be better to support them rather than attack? Besides...via the internet how can any of us tell whether someone has really gone through something they claim to have or not?

If she wants to do that, then it's her choice. You shouldn't let her affect you so much. I know how hard it must, I really do. I'm sorry you had to fight medically not to lose your child and still had him early. Aswell as the miscarriage. I've not had the best of lives either (as many here who have had miscarriages) and yes we've had all had to fight and there's people like her who haven't. Please try not to let her affect you so. I'm not attacking you with this post and I apologise if my other posts have felt attacking towards you, that wasn't my intention.

Oliver, I'm sorry depression's hitting you again. *cuddles*

Thanks. I will chalk the others up to simple misunderstanding. Here is really my only safe place to say my real feelings

I'm glad you feel it's a safe place to share your real feelings. Feel free to continue to do so. Just sometimes people may be upset and seem like they're attacking you with their replies, but they're usually not :)

Anyway I really should head to bed, got a migraine coming on and can't see the screen very well.

Bleh migraines suck. Rest well

april- yeh i got money, but he said he wouldnt lemme use laptop [is his] 'less did it.

*huggles everyone who wants*

I wish I could do more, but i'm still struggling way too much right now. The kids want to stay with their father, so a whole custordy battle is about to break out... so im trying to handle knowing my neice and nephew are there, at risk of being visited by that monster..:S and there's naff all anyone can do about it. I'm so depressed it's stupid. Im falling apart but I have to stay together for haz. :( I havn't cried this much in a long time. Amy is going through some kind of breakdown. She's just curled up in the corner crying, she wont talk to me, or come out and talk to anyone. She really can't handle everything about HIM coming up right now. Rosie is all upset that things are unhappy, and im having trouble controlling Sarah's temper.

*hugs Kat if that's OK* crying is good sometimes hun.

I am no good, really want to cut, have a little but its just triggered me more. So will sit in here for a while and hope it just passes. This time.

Would cuddle April if she was here cos she looks to be in a similar place.

rahh.

JK, I'm here if u want to talk. *hugs*

*cuddles kat, heather, april, helen, crimson, oliver, and becca*

*huggles JK back* *sniffles* I just feel so..blerk..I dont even have a word for it. I cant stop the si/suicidal thoughts/urges. I've gone two weeks now no si, and I want to keep it up. I just dont know how much longer i can go on with this. I'm sorry you are triggered too, is there anything I can do to help?

Kat, 2 weeks is awesome. Try to keep distracted from those thoughts/fight them, I know its really hard.. Here for u too *hugs*

2 weeks = awesome. Don't blow it now Kat, sorry I won't rave on, would rather see some success on here! I don't want to trigger anyone so will just sit here quietly and stay watching the goings on here.

Thanks both for the hugs *hugs back*

JK - well if u need to talk, you wouldnt be able to trigger me right now... you dont have to obviously, just want to make sure you know that the option is there.

*walks around finding all the hiding people and hugging them*

*sits and yawns* :notsure:

Thanks Laura *hugs tight*

Hey Julie, nice to see you here too

*yawns and curls up small in a box*

So where exactly does one go when they have bad thoughts in their mind and nobody to go to? I need to know.

i go get my coloured pencils and my pictures and coluor in

hey ace
*offers hugs*