i'm not sure... i think it's 3 hrs ahead of me... will check later and see... sorry i wasn't there much this weekend.

wreak or wreck? either way no. i have mine litter box trained and i change their boxes every week. they're caged and only have out time when in areas they can't get into stuff that could hurt em. etc etc. i'm not up for telling more right now but chinchillaclub has a good forum with a lot of nice people with lots of exp with chins.

Houdini died this weekend. He'd been eating well and gaining good, filling out his frame better and i fed him his extra at 430 am then when i went out at 10 to get him he was gone. Explained it to the kids, G took it the worst. She cried for a long time. A's first answer to burying him was 'we can't leave him outside!' then asking when he'll wake up for her to play with him... she's 3 and he fit in one of her hands. she loved him most because "he's my size". We buried him and G wrote him a memorial on a <3 shaped paper and buried it with him. The other two are good though.

*sigh* I feel like **** today. I wanna just lay down and die. Gotta run down to cover the front desk. Oh yay... I think the sarcasm is palpable.

*edit* sorry so short... too many pages since i was here last

*goes around the ward catching up with everyone, giving appropriate huggles/waves/snacks/tuck-up in beds type things depending on the wardies needs!*

Wow, so much can happen in just under 36hours! So forgive me for not doing individual replies, but thanks to those who sent me hugs/cuddles/messages etc.

Anyhoo, luckily yesterday wasn't as bad as I had feared it would be, thank goodness, and so feeling slightly less stressed out but drained from it all, I decided it would be good for me to go to my Spiritualist church service and leave Eoghan at the pub! Church was uplifting and I get a message which was very positive, so it really helped.

I've been busy today, with a doctors appointment for a medication review - which I swear is just a waste of time - they asked me if I was still taking the same meds.."yes"...are you happy on them (and not as in asking if I'm emotionally happy if you get my meaning) ..."yes" ....there you go, I'll see you in another 6months. Oh well. Then I had to go and get my meds. I've cleaned my kitchen today and now I'm all caught up here and need to get my arse in gear as its Development circle at my spiritualist church tonight. I'm hoping for no tears again as I'm 'sane' but its been such an emotional past few days that I'm not too sure how it'll go..hey ho...

If I'm not back in here tonight, I'll make sure I log on in the morning to join in the party for Kahlia's 21month free milestone. Oly a few more hours to go for you Kahlia! yay!

*cuddles everyone*

I am totally flat today after i a very bad night. I'll catch up with individual replies later. Hope everyone is at least okay-ish.

*yawns and curls up* i gotta get up i have to go to aqua robics *yawns* have to get up

*Hugs Crimson* I'm sorry Houdini died :(

*Hugs Hayley*Sounds like your Dr appointment was a waste of time . I hate that :S

*Hugs Laura*mmm I'm sorry you're so flat , look after yourself ok.

My Social worker DID come today , 3rd time lucky , he is coming with me on Thursday to my benefits medical I HAVE to have , it's to find out who's cheating the system and claiming benefits their not entitled too . I am Bricking it :S so anxious , and feel pre-judged , like someone is saying I'm conning the benfits grrr
My 2nd appointment with the volunteer buero went ok , her name is Anne , she is Super-nice and I was so anxious I was shaking and telling her all details of my life heh what I did on the weekend etc. When I get anxious I chatter , I hate uncomfy silences hmmm

*Hugs Julie * Hi how are you ?

*hides down a hole and cries*

Why? Why don't i have someone that can tell me what really happened? Why did I have to remember?

Emma, sweet, what's up? *holds you gently and offers you some chamomile tea to help calm you* We're here if you want to talk...

Crimson, sorry Houdini died. :( That's so sad. A pet dying, especially a baby and one that you've taken such good care of, can be so painful. *cuddles* And dunno if you read, but my pally on Runetotem is level 20 now.

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry you got so nervous with your volunteer bureau worker, but at least the appt went well and your SW showed up to!! Third time's lucky indeed... lol. How are you feeling now?

*cuddles Julie and Laura*

*cuddles/waves to everyone else*

I'm so beat. I am utterly exhausted and feel so bad and don't want to have to go in to work tomorrow, I have 35 surveys yet to enter and I'm so ****ing tired that I don't know I'll be able to do them or not. I really WANT today to count as a day of work but all I want to do is sleep. :'(

So damn over this. All of it. :'(

How am I feeling ?, I took off my shirt (Wearing a T-shirt) and my arms are all exposed , I SO want to add scars , the urges are building :( looking at my own arms is triggering me for crying out loud :( sorry

*cuddles Emma gently* I'm sorry, hon. I wish I knew something that would help... :(

Mark, love, don't cut if you can help it, you've gone a couple of days without... maybe put your shirt back on and then drink something cold or sit in front of a fan or something if you're really warm? I understand your own arms triggering you though, I'm triggered by mine and also by something that someone said a little while ago... :-S I really want to cut and know that I can get away with it when Jarrod's home because I did yesterday. :'( *holds both your hands so neither of us can cut* :)

*hides*

i missed that page. congrats. i'll have to try to get on runetotem soon. my silvermoon toon is lvl 21. dunno if i let ya know before. *sigh* gotta go do the court run since r is out again today.

*Holds Aprils Hands* Thankyou April :)

*offers cuddles to all*

I feel so low, it's unreal, today's been really awful :( Thankfully my best friend is coming online at 9, need her so ,uch

*Lets go of Aprils hands long enough to HUG Helen and re-holds Aprils hands*

Tried to phone my bestfriend but her phone is off, really need to speak to her. Need her voice of reason and then how she turns the situation around to her - need my head to be focused on someone else.

Still in pain. This is ridiculous now.

*Hugs for Emma and Kitkat if ok?*

Yeah that's fine (:
It's just my stomach is still hurting after those pills went missing... But its okay to hug me (:

Kat, I really think you should seek medical advice sweetheart =( Even if you did overdose on the pills, they will have long left your body now.

I don't know what to say though... Yeah, they would've left my system now, think it was on Wednesday or Tuesday that it happened but I'm still getting stomach pain...

Just explain that you think you may have taken an od & your stomach's been hurting since it happened?

Yeah... But I can't go without my Mum knowing, and she doesn't know that I may have taken them... She'd go nuts.

#You need to go swertie, even if's a nurse at college.

... I'll go after my exam tomorrow... Don't know if I'd need an appointment though.

*is hurting, mentally/emotionally and physically* But so is everyone else...

*cuddles KitKat* I think you should seek medical advice as well... sorry I've not supported you throughout this, but just did not know what to say.

*cuddles Mark and keeps holding his hands so he can't SI* Feeling any better? or still triggered? (I'm still triggered :'( this whole business with my best friend is really messing with me...)

*cuddles Crimson* Grats on Lurial getting to 21!! That rocks. :D She's almost high enough level for my mage to play with her (my mage is level 30 :D). Hehe. WoW is such a good distraction - maybe we can play together on some server or another next weekend? or sometime soon anyway...

*cuddles Emma* I wish that I could help you feel better, love. :( Keep posting in here if you can... or maybe start an r/v thread if you don't already have one?

Damnit, itchy SI place... :(

Tried to take a nap but it didn't work. I don't know what I'll do now. I think I'm going to end up telling my supervisor that in all honesty I can't count today as a workday, as I haven't done and don't feel up to doing any work. :'( Stupid stupid me.

I need to make some phonecalls - to res and to that therapist - but I'm scared. :'( Terrified actually........... pathetically. :'(

*hides in a hole*

*sneaks on, lurks reading and then buries self deeply in a hole, pulling a concrete slab over the top*

I wish I could help.

I'm going to go and see the college nurse tomorrow.
Don't worry about it, it's okay you have your own stuff you need to deal with too (:
*crawls into hole with you*
I'm terrified too about seeing the nurse... The only reason I can now remember looking at the bottle of pills and seeing how many there were inside is because Blue told me that I did that... I honestly don't remember doing it... Is that what I say to the nurse? She's going to think I'm nuts... She's only a college nurse.
*hugs*

*makes huge multispace hole as everyone feels like being down holes* Now we have a warren..

I'm not so bad .
Sorry April I feel like I've let you down ....... I S.I'ed .
Not badly but the urge ( here comes my trying to justify it ) , the urge just kep coming and woulden't go away .
It hasn't worked as well as it has in the past , I've gotten to the point that I think I need to SI. worse for it to help , make sense , I hope this isn't triggering , I'll stop rambling about it .

* Finds Kat in her hole and HUGS *

I'm hot , so is everyone else around here right? I want to sleep , I'm all numb now hmmmmmm sorry

I take it we're rabbits now?
:)

Lol rabbits, down a warren... :)

Mark, love, you didn't let me down. *curls up next to* I - of course - wish that you hadn't harmed, but I understand why. You ARE strong enough to go without it though, you've just got to get yourself to believe that!! :) *cuddles*

*cuddles KitKat* I don't think the nurse will think you're crazy... especially at a college, I mean, if she doesn't know about your alts, which I'm assuming she doesn't, she'll probably assume you were drinking and can't remember. Heh. Maybe not the best of assumptions to make, but hey... it works. Dunno if she'll think that though, of course, as even though I'm a psych major I can't read minds. ;)

*cuddles Kat* What's up, love? feeling any better than yesterday? Hope so... :( Things seem to be so rough for you - all of us, really - right now, wish I could do something more to help. :(

I tried playing WoW but couldn't really focus, am too anxious... AHA I figured it out, my meds are 20 minutes late. Gonna go take those before I get much more anxious...

...there. Meds taken. Whew. :)

My bestie still isn't responding to texts. Or three phonecalls - one to her cell, one to her parents' landline (she still lives there), and one to her cell again. Jarrod went after a few groceries and was going to see if he could spot her and see if she could call me (she works for a bread company and stocks bread at Walmart), since she was purportedly at work when I called the landline. :-S I'm getting worried about this situation. :'( I don't want to lose her as a friend, she's the only close female friend I've got.

*hides in the warren beneath the psych ward* :crying:

No she doesn't. And she probably will suspect I was drinking, good grief haha.
I'm sure you won't lose her as a friend, maybe she's just busy at the moment and can't talk to you right now?

^^^^^^This^^^^^^

Well not just you but maybe she has no credit or her phone's died so she can't contact anyone...
Sorry if I offended you.

r/v updated...

no, you didn't offend me. :) i just... her landline? i did get ahold of her mum so i know that line works at least. and she wasn't at work, at least jarrod didn't spot her or her car. :'(

why do i even bother with friends? :'( they all end up hating me anyway...

*cuddles mark* sorry to hear that your urges are really strong, and that you SI'd. Look after that cut. Our own scars are unfortuanately triggering, and I guess there's some way to turn that around, which normally I'd know what it is, but at the moment I can't think.

*cuddles april and shakes head* feeling no better, I should be, but i'm not, infact i'm getting that sensation that i'm settling into feeling like this, so it's becoming almost numb, normal. Feeling very small, squashed under the thumb. Hating being married to a cop, infact, i'm almost certain that it could actually lead me to divorce, so i'm hoping, praying, that he takes his change of job soon. So many feelings that I just don't know where to go, what to think.

Yup Kitkat, we're rabbits. well, i assumed we're all as mad as march hares anyway so it wouldn't make much difference;) *Cheeky grin*

Got the curate coming round tommorow because I emailed him and told him that i was ill, and that i didn't want to go to church because i didn't feel like i could be me. :S Not sure i can handle it, but no backing out now, oh and i've got a Drs appointment on thurs when i'm gonna try and explain what's going on in my head :S :( so anxious.

Still in absolute shock over saturday, part of me thinks the whole thing was stupid, but heck what can i do?

Maybe she's just somewhere else and doesn't have her phone on her?
Aww I'm sure they don't all end up hating you, why would they?
*hugs*

Ahhh there's nothing wrong with being mad, it's more fun than being normal :) and anyway, as they say, "Genius is akin to madness"

I'm sure the Doctors will go fine for you (: but it is a very anxious experience, waiting to go to the doctors... The days leading up to it are worse than actually going on the day, I feel.

yup, it's a fine line and I overstepped it.



Yeah, that is very true, going to be the first time i've been about all this 'others', I don't know how i'm going to handle it, or even begin to talk abotu it. And I'm feeling really small and ashamed at the moment, so i feel like i dont deserve help.

Don't feel ashamed about it.
When I first told my therapist about the others, she looked at me like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. That was actually a while ago that I told her... Maybe in the Easter holidays I think.
I just kinda blurted it out... And hoped for the best. She's sending me to a psychiatrist soon... Not just because of that though.
Of course you deserve help *hugs*
Hope all your others are okay, I think my others are getting a bit lonely...

April , Your friends really won't end up hating you , there could be any number of perfectly normal reasons why she can't answer her phone .

Heads down into the warren to find a cool place to sleep in. *Hugs ward members* Night all :)

I'm in a two-mind world at the moment, and it's driving me mad.
one feels guilty and ashamed that we broke the law.
one feels that it was pathetic of hubby, and entire force to make such a fuss over such a tiny thing.

G'night Mark, pleasant dreams. *gives you a g'night squish and tucks you up into your ward bed* :)

I really do think that there's something wrong with me though. Beyond the obvious mental illness(es) stuff. Because I can't seem to hang on to friends... I don't know. And I'm aiming to become a therapist?! how the hell am I supposed to help people when I can't even be empathic and kind enough to keep my own friends? :crying:

Really really want to cut......... :crying:

I can't seem to hang onto friends either... Which is why I don't say I have best friends, just people that I know and hang out with.

How did you break the law Kat? *hugs*

*gently holds aprils hands* no sweetheart, please don't cut, you don't have to, you can get through this, I promise.

this is going to sound idiotic.. I slapped my husband twice during an arguement, but he rang the police because I did kinda go outside with a knife and threaten to slash the car tyres....

Domestic assualt by beating. So now I have a PNC record and have recieved a police caution. :S

Lesson I learnt? Don't slap a policeman.

Ohh I see... Blimey.
Hope its all sorted now though.
How are all your others? Feel free to PM me if you're nervous about posting on here or something.

I guess i am a little nervous, or maybe..hmm i dont know. to be honest i've been trying to ignore their exsistence because i just dont want to over analyse myself. Rosie & Amy are happy because we brought a pet rabbit last week. Sarah is, hmm, sarah. Stroppy, stressful, bitchy, angry.. 'miel is getting a bit more vocal, well as vocal as someone who can't talk can be.. and shadow, well, it's just there, sulking because i didn't let it have it's on way and let it Selfharm on saturday and got us a free trip to the police station instead.

I don't think you'd be overanalysing yourself if you didn't ignore their existence.
I don't ignore it and we all get on like a house on fire... Ish. Ayka's been keeping stuff from me, she hasn't been very noisy which is strange for her because she's always been very loud. Skye hasn't been around either, and Blue misses her but she said she's been taken by Ayka or something... I'll have to see.

*sits in my car and looks at the rain*

I want rain julie, send some here