I know that it was just an honest mistake... but i feel so stupid.. I have a hard enough time making phone calls without looking like an idiot.

April - I have 2 weeks... one more week of classes and then finals week. how about u?

*hugs everyone*

Ah Mark, they sound awesome!! I'll have to check 'em out on YouTube or summat, as I LOVE LOVE LOVE Within Temptation. :) They are one of my most favorite groups. Gothic music FTW, lol. :D *cuddles* How you doing??

Laura, I've just one week of finals left. This afternoon is my last class EVER (woohoo!!)... at least, hopefully. :-S We'll see how that goes... it's my advanced counseling class, and I have absolutely no clue on what we'll be doing in it. Urgh. I have a love/hate relationship with that class (more hate than love I'm afraid!!)...

So tired... *yawns, then curls up in a nook with a stuffed toy, her uni fleecy blanket, and some good books*

haHA!!!! I spy you, Hels!! :D Your invisibility cloak must've fallen off... oopsies, hope you didn't lose it. That would be bad. :P

*cuddles all then tries to figure out what to do next IRL*

*cuddles everyone*

=P I see April, Laura AND Mark wooop :)

Just had a shower, kept looking at my scars, really want to add to them, but I know I can't. Have to keep being freee. Dammit >.>

Awh... *cuddles Hels* (you've disappeared again) I understand that feeling... it's really a tough one to cope with, isn't it? :( I wish I could do something that would actually help... :(

I feel like such a worthless piece of **** that just takes up space. :(

*hides in shame*

I'm hanging on in there April , I'll be hanging around the ward I think until I have an early night I think.

Here's a Delain link :)

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn4ZUr-d05o[/ame]

A good idea to keep hanging 'round the ward til bedtime... wish I could do that, heh. And I'll listen to the Delain link once there isn't someone in the office with me (I'm at my dad's comp & he shares his office). Or I'll listen to it once I get home. Don't want to disturb the other guy. Heh.

*hides again*

Sorry, I really did disappear this time!! One of my sisters came into my room & we were talking. Heard the door go which shouldn't have happened. To find my Mum home early :D So she rang jobcentre for me about my JSA claim. Fun. Got an interview for that tomorrow PLUS my doctor's appointment. Dreading them both so much :'(

I made myself Bajoran Earrings last night so I could focus on something other than my thoughts and feelings... And my previous post was much more expansive and whatnot but I didn't wanna spend forever and a day retyping it so here you go :)
Will post a pic of them after I put a pic into my photobucket...

Awww Helen*hugs* I hope your stuff goes well tommorow , Thinking of you :)

Crimson *Hugs* I'd love to see those ear-rings you made you sound very creative:) Bajoran like DS9?

I'm thinking of bed already 6.30 pm I want to sleep but it feels too early but I AM tired , and triggered and if I'm sleeping I can't very well harm , plus my social worker is here 9am tommorow morning so I have to be up and dressed and whatnot by then and as I am having trouble waking up 8.30am is really tough for me ........

*Runs around the ward offereing hugs*

Thanks Mark :D

I spy Oliver again :) *glomps*

Helen , Whats a Glomp? lol

My fingers won't hit the right keys :S I'll go to bed , have a nice morning , lunch , afternoon ,evening , night ...........depending on your timezone :)

*hugs Mark* if your feeling really tired and as you said while sleeping you can't be harming it may be a good idea to go to bed, I hope it goes ok with your social worker tomorrow.

*hugs Helen* and also wonders what a glomp is?!?!

i'm so sleepy, been rehearsing all day and had about 3 hours sleep last night, I'm just lying on my bed wanting to sleep, but may watch mamma mia instead.

*hugs april* im sorry that your anxiety is so bad. I really understand. I HATE it. And mine has been through the roof lately with all the stress from uni. Its almost over though. Lucky you that you get done a week before me... and that you are done completely after that! But you have worked really hard so I'm super happy for you! :-)

*hugs mark* I sometimes sleep to avoid harming too.. or avoid dealing with life in general heh. Good luck with your social worker tomorrow.

*cuddles helen* I think you need to tell that invisibility cloak to behave better! It seems to have a life of its own deciding when it will turn on its magic... Plus what good is a cloak if it only works sometimes? :-P :-)

*hugs crimson* I love earrings! I would like to see a picture as well. how r u today?

*hugs oliver, then sits and watches Mammia Mia too (don't worry i can leave if u decide to sleep lol)*

I did get a hold of that source... unfortunately he was no help, he didn't seem to think i was stupid though. In fact, he admitted to forgetting about it completely. So that all worked out.
Tonight I have a job interview for the newspaper. Its so late, 7:00pm. I feel like that is a strange time for an interview but o well.
This is such a bad anxiety day for me with phone calls, interviewing, and being interviewed... Hopefully later night i will just be able to breath for a bit. Even tho i have tons of work that i should be doing.
I think i might go take a nap. Everyone here talking about sleep has made me tired lol.

My new earrings
 

*cuddles everyone* How is everyone doing today?

Crimson - wow you made those earrings?! that's awesome. They look cool!

I'm okay.. stressed and anxious.. but okay at the moment. How about u?

Well getting the pics from my phone to my photobucket seemed to take forever lol but yes, Mark, I did mean like from Babylon 5... but I modified them to suit the number of piercings in my ears. I had all the supplies already :). I moved around so much the last 2 decades that I had a ton of mismatched earrings so the stud based ones I just used what I had without matches and paired them up with each other as close in resemblance as possible. For example of the 2 tiniest ones... one of them is a piercing stud, the other isn't but they are both clear gems in relative size so I figured it was close enough :) I've actually gotten a compliment on them from a coworker that usually doesn't have a kind thing to say to anyone so that was cool... other people just stare at my ears and can't maintain eye contact but say nothing lol
Laura~ yep I did. Thank you! *beams with pride* I'm doing ok mostly... getting frustrated with looking for a file that has 3 marked boxes that somehow vanished into a black hole... I actually bothered to wear makeup today and 'get myself ready to face the day FLYing' (FLY is an acronym for finally loving myself)... All in all not a bad day so far but it is only 1030 am.
*tucks in those going to bed*
Helen is a glomp like a pounce?
*huggles all*

wow that was pleasant lol this weeks staff meeting only lasted 8 minutes from announcement and gathering to letting out and getting back to my office :D

*hugs everyone*

Sorry if I'm not around much. A computer with no monitor is about as much use as .... an Operating System with a Graphical User Interface on a computer with no Graphics Card. My friends daughter destroying my monitor means that I'm $320 out of pocket for a replacement monitor, I need to spend another $200 on a more stable desk to ensure it doesn't happen again and I had to throw a $305 piece of electronic equipment in the bin. *grumble grumble*

*finds everyone in the holes, boxes, forts and places in the garden they are hiding or sitting and hugs them then disappears into her own hole and cries*

*munch munch*

Sorry to talk with a mouthful, I'll be brief, munching on a late dinner, I'm just reading through the last 4pages since I last left the common room to watch west side story last night. Anyhoo...I'll respond bit better soon....

*group huggles*

*carries on munching*

ooh bollocks, I've missed the first 25minutes of priministal debate. Not that I need to watch it to influence my vote, I know who I'm voting for but I want to be aware of what the idiots who will end up running the country stand for and what to expect!
*extra huggles for wardies*
*toddles off to find a tv in ward to watch uk politics*

*wakes up then sits and hugs selp*

i just woke up in agony from cramp in both my calf's, was not fun.

*cuddles all*
why does my depression get severe again right when i need it not to

*hides*

*pokes head in*

So so anxious... couldn't even focus on WoW... have no idea how I'm going to handle the picnic tonight at my advisor's house... am so ****ing scared about being a pathetic loser there. Although, lol, there will be plenty of trained counselors (the faculty) on hand to assist me if I need it!! :P Just kidding... hopefully I won't need their help. ;)

Crimson, those earrings are AMAZING!!! :D You are so talented. And yey for FLYing. :D *glomps* (and yes, a glomp is like a pounce, only much, um, pouncier!! hehehe :D)

Damn, I hate being this anxious... :'( My throat is all constricted and I feel like I can't breathe... I HATE IT... and I have no real reason to be anxious either. Ughhh. I just want to be okay with life... okay with my head... okay in general would be good!!!! :'(

*needs hugs* Sorry for asking for attention... :'(

*hugs April* wish I could add some words of advice, but I'm not coping right now, but I hope tonight goes well

Thanks April :D I'm kinda surprised they turned out so good though. I was so just... erm... grrr is a good description yesterday that my hands were shaking and I kept dropping parts lol *cuddles April*

*cuddles Oliver* I dunno, hun. But it always seems to work that way.

I'm so nervous... and I have no reason to be... :'(

Oliver *cuddles* Hope you feel better soon. Any luck with extensions? & how was rehearsal earlier today? (or is that a bad question to ask?) Sorry am not more helpful... :(

Crimson *cuddles* Glad that you got them done then!! that would be annoying, the shaking etc. How are you feeling tonight?

*hides in a deep lonely quiet hole* :'(

Better today so far. got some stuff found in the office and no one's bothered me since lunch (not that impressive lunch was only over 10 min ago lol).
And I get to buy my new bus pass today so I don't have to keep getting up so early and getting to work an hour early, so that's good.
But even if work goes well thats no guarantee for when I get home.

April- rehearsal was dull, managed to not have a panic attack though, but concentration was bad. well havn't asked for extensions yet, talking to horn teacher tomorrow about whether I should defer my recital or not, then hopefully going to see tutor and head of school together to discuss deferring academic work, my tutor said I won't have a problem deferring it because college know about problems anyway, will just need a doctors note.

crimson-hope you don't get home too late, but its good your'll get your new bus pass so won't have to get up so early

*hugs Oliver* Glad everything's being taken care of and that your recital went ok. :) I won't get home too late. I get out of work at 4:30 pm... 3 hrs to go ! I'm so tired already though getting up early the last 2 days and not getting to sleep intill the usual time or later is wearing me down already today.

So anxious :(

Dreading tomorrow..

is there anything i can do to help

*hugs Helen* howcome your anxious hun?

*hugs Julie* how are you?

*sits in corner watching prime ministerial debate, lets see what they say, even though I'm not voting for any of those 3*

*hugs oli*
can i type it that way is that ok or would u prefer oliver

i do prefer oliver if thats ok.
you ok?

'm fine and olivers cool i'm just a lazy typer

*hugs Oliver and everyone else*

I think part of my anxiety is about my doctor's appointment in the morning.

*hugs Helen* good luck with your gp appointment, I can understand you being anxious over that, I get very anxious over them.

*sits in the corner and talks to self*

Thanks Oliver

You okay Julie?

*hugs all*

Waiting for the bus to go see the GP.
Starting to feel a bit "left out" on here, like no-one sees me.
But I guess that's okay.
After all, I'm just an insignificant nobody that doesn't matter.

*hugs April, Crimson, Oliver, Julie, Mark, JK, Kat, Laura, Helen, Ileana, Jem (if you happen to walk in) and whoever I've missed*

*nods* we is fine

*taps Kahlia's arm* i see u
and i thinks u is very nice

*Cuddles Kahlia* You are not an insignificant nobody.

*hugs Kahlia* hope your appointment goes ok, you are certainly not an insignificant nobody.
*hugs Julie and Crimson*

*finishes carrots and wanders around looking for people*

*sits in corner*
I dont know what to do, I feel so depressed that I am just lying here in bed in my clothes, its not good.

Kahlia, I'm sorry you feel that way, but you're really not sweetheart *cuddles*

I wish I could support people but I just can't at the moment, so all I can do is give hugs & stuff =(

9 hours to goo :(
It'll be okay?