Hehe, Lia. "lieblingssprache" is favourite language, "lieblingsfarbe" is favourite colour. But that was really good! So many German speakers! Gute nacht! Schlafst gut!
Shadow, looking forward to your first video post! good night!sleep well!

<3 =].

hi Heather *hugs* how are you?

Hugs Oliver and Heather! Oliver, did you manage to sleep?

*Hugs Helen* You're NOT Pathetic :)

*Hugs Jocyln*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Shad*

*Hugs Lore*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Oliver*

It's 6.48am , I've been up since 6.27am , thank goodness for 2nd alarm clocks , I've put my Heating on already because I'm cold . I might not go for my Walk by the canal, I might go straight to my nurse because it's pretty cold . Erp .

Nicole , Did you get your Light Snow last night ?

*hugs everyone* sorry, i cant seem to comprehend all the pages ive missed..

<3

*Hugs Laura* I know how it feels to miss a few pages Erp! How are you , isn't it colosally early in the morning for you ? How are you ?

Really Jordyn? I always thought 'leiblingsfarbe' meant favourite subject? Or perhaps I remembered wrong, as I said, it was never my best subject and I haven't studied it in months, but I was sure it was....never mind, I'm never going to have to do another exam so what the heck.

Morning all!

I just googled it and you're right. What on Earth's favourite subject then and why did I decide it was that? Ah, great mysteries of the world. Never mind.

Edit: Ah, it's lieblingsfach. Close enough.

Morning Lia , Or Gutten Morgun :P I don't remember much of my German either heh .

just got the email from the welfare admin lady at uni saying that my interuption to my course will start today as she has the form for certain staff to sign. the decision was made on friday to take the rest of this year out, I didn't want it to come to this, mainly because it means telling my family and telling them the reason why, cos I have clinical depression, social anxiety and panic attacks, they think I'm happy since I've come out.
its now so real. i never thought my life would come to this, I feel worthless and so low, want to go and buy pills, god i'm pathetic

Oh *Hugs Oliver* Please don't go buying pills , Depression is a real problem (speaking from experience) and it's not your fault that you have it so theres no need to feel ashamed of your family knowing *Extra Squeezes*

Well I'm back from meeting Sharron ( My Nurse ) , I actually got there a couple of minutes before her heh :) I breathalised a 0 so I can start taking my Antabuse today :) It's like a comfort blanket being on it , still I'm disapointed that I coulden't go without it and not drink Alcohol Hmmmmm :S

*Hugs Oliver* You're not pathetic, dear. Please don't buy pills. I've had to quit courses twice (possibly a third time, if today goes like I expect it will), it's horrible at the time, I know. But it does get better. I'm only a PM away if you need me.

*Hugs Mark* I'm glad you got on your Antabuse today. Don't be down on yourself for needing it, lovely. It's not a bad thing.

Oh god, 6:44 in the morning is EARLY. But I'm up, and I've already fought with my massively curly hair to straighten it. Haha, yeah burned the side of my face with my straightener... that was unpleasant. (This is reason #1 getting up before 9 is a bad bad idea for me)

So... I'm extremely nervous about my appointment today. I've written down everything I think I may need to say, because sometimes (surprise surprise) I shut down verbally. So, at least, if I do, my team has everything that may possibly be an issue with me.

I really just wanna go back to bed though. *sigh*

*hugs mark* I'm glad your back on the antabuse, don't feel down on yourself for needing it.

*hugs felicia* I hope your meeting goes ok today, its a good idea to write things down, I often do that.

I just had a chat with my horn teacher, she was really nice and supportive said I could ring her up, go round her house and just chat or just watch TV if I needed to just be somewhere with other people. She is great, except opne thing seriously pissed me off, she told me she cares about me, thats fine but then she told me she prays for me when she knows I'm really strongly atheist and that, that really makes me angry grrrrrr, sorry it justs annoys me when people do that.

i feel so sick, mainly because i didn't sleep all night and I'm in the library with people and I have to walk to the hospital to see the crisis team in an hour which means being out in public around people so feeling really anxious.
also do people think I should mention to someone that I draw disturbing pictures, like of people committing suicide. I don't know if its something they need to know. grrrr sorry I've rambled on now loads I'll shut up sorry

I don't really know if you need to mention it, Oliver. People tell me drawing and writing and stuff gets it out. I write suicide poems a lot, and most people don't think it's a big deal. So, I guess it's in the intention, if you're doing it just to "get it out" so to speak, I don't guess so. But if it's depressing and triggery and you do it for that intent, maybe you should. I would mention it, regardless. I tend to bring up things I write/draw. Sometimes it helps. (Sorry talked in a circle for that. I.. do that sometimes)
It's okay to ramble, dear, don't apologize for it. I'm sorry you feel anxious, and I'll be hoping that your appointment with the crisis team goes okay.

thanks felicia, yeah that makes sense, I mainly only draw or write depressing/suicidal poems when I'm really depressed and suicidal and I do it because I want to kill myself, I'll mention it if it seems like it at the time.

*hugs* ooo ouch burning yourself with straighteners is not good, is the burn ok?
I was very scared when my sister used to try and straighten my hair, when I was still being 'female' and it was longer, thankfully its now very short so she can't come near me.

*Hugs Oliver* Good luck with your Crisis Team Meeting , Drawing disturbing things can be a healthy way of getting things out , I don't think your crisis team will frown on it.

*Hugs Felicia* Good luck with your meeting :) Writing things down is a good idea , I've done that in the past .

thanks mark *hugs* how you feeling now?

*Hugs Oliver* Hmmm I'm feeling okay , My Dad just popped in and started mucking about with my computer which makes me pissed off and anxious as I have RYL open and there a lot of personal and private stuff on my computer and I don't even know if my family know I still S.I. . He just said "theres a way to look at the web without pictures" and went into my start menu . *sigh* But I'm feeling okay , Numb , but thats the usual :S