*curls up in atiny ball* thanks for the hugs, im KJ im sorry im late replying i couldnt use internet, really triggered and struggling right now and not coping. Its the anniversary of all the crap coming out and my flashbacka are bad. Really need support

*Hugs KJ* Hi I forgot if I've introduced myself so , I'm Mark :)

went to my drs got an extra 50mg of my meds to take just in case i need it them

Needhelp, I hope that you got through the night okay last night. :-/ I'm sorry that no one was around to help. Sometimes this place gets really busy then really quiet, it's rather odd actually. *gentle hugs if okay?* How are you doing this morning?

KJ, I'm sorry that you're really triggered & struggling. :( I understand the whole anniversary/triggeryness/flashbacks, if that's at all a comfort. I mean, I don't have an anniversary myself, since I can't remember when (what dates) all of the stuff that happened to me, happened (repressed memories suck...), but I do at least understand why it would be upsetting. Geez. I am definitely rambling, heh. But anyway. I'm here if you need to talk, as are, well, most of us. :) *gentle hugs* Do you have any specific plans on how you'll handle today without cutting, if you can? 'cause sometimes that helps.

Mark, how are you, love? *cuddles* Hmm, you probably haven't forgotten most of the controls, but it was a "lol moment" yesterday when I went back to my warrior on one of the servers I play on (I have a level 32 warrior, but this is my level 14 one :P) and was like, "Wait, how do I play her again?!" The same for my death knight (level 80). Heh. That shows just how long it's been... :-/ Kinda sad actually. I should at least do dailies every day on my main so I can get some gold. Bleh. The upcoming expansion will make me want to buy 310% flying (right now I have 250% I think, unless it's 280% but that would make no sense... geez... my brain's not working) but that's 5k gold. So yes. Must. Make. Money. Heh... :-/

Anyway. As I said... I just got up. Jarrod got me up at 7am as I had asked him (otherwise I swear I could've slept for muuuuch longer!! even though I'd debated with myself whether getting up at 6:20am would be a good idea, as I was already half awake...)... bleh. Mind's still kind of sleep-fogged and I've not had my meds yet. Oof. Today's gonna be a "busy" day if I get done all the stuff I want/need to get done. :( Gotta do dishes (and there's a lot to do, yuck yuck), go to the library and reserve a book for Jarrod, and go to Walmart to pick up a few things. Gurk. I don't want to do ANYTHING either but it will be good for me to force myself out of that "I don't want to/feel like" mode that I've been stuck in for so long. Meh. It's just not gonna be FUN, except for the library part. And maybe Walmart if I can muster up enough excitement about frozen vegetables... :-/

*hides in the warren with her journal, some books, & a magical laptop, away from all of the day-to-day things that are screaming my name*

Oh Ryuu, meant to respond to you as well, sorry!! I'm glad that you got the meds that you (may) need. That's good... well done. :) What med is it that they think it will help? And also hope that you got through last night okay. *hugs if okay*

*hugs ward*

We got let out college earlier than usual :D So means I can get some stuff I really need to get done before later this afternoon :) However, it means going back in the pouring rain soon :(

OOmmff!! Just got back after 3 succsesive appointments , Housing support worker came at 12pm and reassured me about the benefits people assesing me , he said it's easy , Then the Volunteer lady , Anne, Listened to all my issues and even offered to go to the Psych Dr with me tomorrow! How Nice :) She is nice . Then I met with my nurse and told her how I don't think stopping injuring by my 30th was realistic and that I've not set another date to stop by as that would just give me something else to beat myself up over and she knew that I have signed up for this Dual Diagnosis Group to try and use that to help with my injuring , So I feel okay , It's nice to actually be told that I seem better and more positive than 2 months ago when I was super depressed .

*Hugs Ryuu* It's good that you got the meds just in case you need them :)

*Hugs April*Frozen Vegetables!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEP ;P

*Hugs Helen*I hope you don't get too wet.

*hugs mark* sounds like your appointments went very well today. I'm glad.

*hugs april* sorry you have such a busy day, but it may be good to be busy... at the very least it can be distracting.

*hugs helen* yay for being out early! hope the rain lets up soon so you dont have to get soaked.

*hugs RYUU* glad that you got your meds just in case.

*hugs KJ* We are always here to support if you need it. Sorry that your anniversaries are coming up, that has got to be really difficult :-/ please dont hesitate to post if you need to talk or just a distraction.

*hugs needhelp* sorry that you are struggling so much. Here if you need to talk, but as I said to KJ, dont hesitate to post if you need anything.

... what can I say? everything i could say is going to sound really depressing so maybe i should just keep my mouth shut. Oh here, this may not be so bad to say: Managed to get through last night without SI b/c it seems that everyone I know was seemingly freaking out/having a crisis about something or another... so i was dealing with that.. I don't mind really.. im good at dealing with other people's crisis', i just didnt get anything else done last night school wise, which isnt good.

*Hugs Laura* Well done with going S.I. free last night , Me Too *High fives Laura* It's tough to do I know so even though it wasn't the best of circumstances that led you to do it it's a good thing , Hmmmmm , does that make sense? , To Sum Up , Go you!!

*high fives mark back* yea i understood what you meant there lol.

I'm off to class for a few hours.. hope everyone has a good day/afternoon/evening!

*Hugs all*

Things seem to be ok here right now in terms of people's moods. I am going to ruin that with a rant.

I swear I hate them all! How come is it I am suddenly a self rightious bitch, stuck up and have my head up my arse just because I stuck up for someone? I don't even know the girl, I have never met her in my life, but I just don't think it's fair to give someone your phone number and lead them along for a joke, but my brother seems to think it's hilarious, and when I told him that it wasn't, he and my sister, and even my mum jumped down my throat.

I know it's not the world's biggest deal, but it just makes me feel as if I can do nothing right. I was only trying to be nice, I don't even know the girl, I just don't think it's very fair on her, but apparenlty, sticking up for people makes me the bitch. It wasn't as if I did it in a nasty way either, I didn't name call, I just said it wasn't fair.

Grr, damn this. I wish I didn't have to live here. Now they've even taking to mocking my writing, and that's just about the only thing I feel there's the slightest chance I may be any good at. Not a lot, I doubt I am, I'm probably ****. But still, I'm not as convinced about that then I am about the rest of me being worthless.

Sorry for that. Feel free to ignore me all you want.

*Hugs Lia* You did the right thing by that girl and it doesn't seem right that people would attack you for being a good person :( You're not worthless Lia , anything but and the way you write on here makes me beleive you are a good writer .
Don't worry about ranting , we all do it , and we are here for each other.

*cuddles wardies* Having more mum troubles recently. Mostly about my weight, which is healthy but curvy. I'm already skipping meals because I can't face eating due to the row that will follow... And she refuses to pay me the money she owes me as she's keeping it for board. I can't stand how she bullies my weight, I'm classed as healthy, whats the issue. So why am I being bullied because of how I look? Makes me uneasy, she's supposed to be loving and caring, not a bully. Sorry for ranting guys x

*Hugs Sarah*You are a healthy weight and thats whats important , I'm sorry you are being bullied by your mum :S

Has always been the same, really do wish she'd leave my weight alone because I constantly worry about it, I don't need her doing this :( *cuddles Mark*

Lia, hon, you ARE good at writing, and you're good at other stuff too!! Like helping us when we need encouragement (don't worry though, it's fine to rant as well!! - everyone needs to rant now and again), being sweet/kind/thoughtful, and by being willing to learn to trust us. :) I hope that made sense. But anyway, I'm glad that you stuck up for that girl, even though I got a bit confused by the situation. But that doesn't matter... what matters is the fact that 1) you did what was right [yey] and 2) your family were being asshats to you [I'm sorry about that...]. So yes. I hope that made sense!! But you ARE a good person, and I know that it's not just me who thinks that. :) *hugs gently*

Laura, glad that you didn't SI last night, even if it were because of other people's crises. That's good - no, not just good, it's VERY good. And congrats to Mark, too, for not SI'ing last night. ^_^ Proud of both of you. <3 *cuddles*

Sarah, sounds like maybe your mum's a bit jealous? I dunno. Seems like she's being a bit off by being mean about your weight. :( Also, maybe edit out the sizes in your post as they could be a bit triggering? (wanted to warn you before the mods did, if I could, because it's no fun having them edit posts for you) I think there are a few of us in here who have disordered eating/EDs, so yeah. Sorry... :-S But you've no cause to be worried about your weight, please try not to. *gentle cuddles* Oh, and sorry, but I forgot when your surgery is? My memory's a sieve, heh. :-/

Well, I did some grocery shopping today, as well as stopping by the library to reserve a book for Jarrod... except they HAD the book in so I just checked it out instead of reserving it!!! He will be pleased. :) And grocery shopping... gurk. I bought some premade (Weight Watchers) chicken & cheese quesadillas but am now a little worried as it said that they had to be heated up to 165'F to be fully cooked and the middle of my first one was cold... but I unthinkingly ate a bite or two before realizing that it was cold. (Yeah, I pay attention to what I eat, why do you ask? lol... :-X) So now I'm freaking out (in my head) about whether or not I'm going to get food poisoning. :( Silly me. Ugh. But it was ONLY a bite or two, and I heated the rest of it up... :-/ I hope I'll be okay. STUPID ME. :-X

Anyway. I also checked out a few (more) books from the library... and while my "internal battery" is recharging, I think I shall go read for a bit. I'm reading this one book called The Ten Year Nap and every time I look at the title I think, "I wish..." Haha. I mean, not really, I wouldn't like to sleep 10 years of my life away, but sleeping long enough that I actually felt rested? That would be pretty freaking amazing. :)

*extra cuddles to all*

So... I had a post, then my computer flipped the eff out.
Idk what's up with that.
Anywhoo, I'm so tired and I have to work soon.. joy! then I need to go hijack a professors computer to print out my papers... joy again!
I wore my tie dye shirt today and got SO MANY COMPLIMENTS! It was insane.
I almost harmed last night.. but didn't and settled for throwing one hell of a fit and throwing everything in my possession around the room. So... I couldn't find all of my books today... Oh, well... I'm sure my roomie hates me now for said fit though. Oh, well, I don't really care at the moment.

*Hugs everyone* I'll try to do individuals tonight once I don't have to be everywhere at once.

*Hugs April*I'm pretty sure you'll be okay with your food , you reheated it after you realised it was cold , you should be fine , I don't think you were being stupid .
Hmmm a ten year nap , I wake up tired too , no matter how much or little sleep I've had , latley I've been just falling/crawling out of bed which takes a LOT of laying there psyching myself up :S

*Hugs Felicia* I'm glad so many people liked your tye dying efforts :) Well done for not harming :)