*hugs April*
*hugs Louise*
*Hugs Laura*
*Hugs Kat* thanks for the celebratory cuddle!!:-)

EDIT:- Sorry I missed this out , just to say that I'm really sorry that so many of us are feeling ...well crap to come straight to the point and although I am BAD at advice I am always willing to listen and will try my best to help you guys . and this is the first time I have said this ,and probably won't get around to answering until tomorrow afternoon UK time but you guys can always PM anytime k?

hmm... thanks
<3

i dont wanna do it healthily =\

*snuggles heather* i think ur beautiful

Any excuse for a cuddle! :) That's a really nice thought and offer hun, and I want you to know that my PM box is open to you too.

EDIT: apologies for the multipost - don't know what happened there!

Righties, I'm going to have to go bed, because I've got to be on my own in the morning, and i'm still a bit fragile after everything that happened yesterday. I'm not proud of myself for getting a caution, and in a way I'm kinda hurt that my hubby decided that it was a good course of action. I'm not sure I've forgiven him yet, and my heart and mind are going all over the place. I've had 4 mini anxiety attacks today.. and I've only ever had 6 mini attacks like this in my entire life.

Sleep deprivation on top of that wouldn't be a good idea.

But I wanna stay and talk, but as there's no one here I guess I can just leave it. *shrugs* it's not as if it matters really. I'm just another invisible person on a keyboard. :(

I'm hurting, and I'm ****, complete and utter ****. Pathetic, worthless, stupid, ****..

The following content has been hidden - Reason : TRIGGERS FOR SI SUICIDE

*TRIGGER WARNING: SI/SUICIDE*

I'm a peice of worthless ****, and I don't want to continue like this anymore. I just want the ground to open up and swallow me whole, because I'm tired of fighting, and I'm tired of struggling. I can't do this. I can't keep smiling and pretending that it is all ok. I can't continue to watch everything I say and do around people. I just want to be free and right now death feels like the only way out. Sorry, I'm pathetic I know. Getting suicidal over a police caution, but it's really bothered me. really f***ing badly and I don't know how to handle it because I'm not allowed to cut any more so I have no release and I just want to end it all. I do. I don't want to hurt any more. Please don't make me hurt anymore.

*cuddles Kat* Sweetie, I wish I knew what to say that could help you... but I'm in somewhat the same mental place you are, so can't help very much. :( Just know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you (but only if that's okay)... *more cuddles* You're not just an "invisible face at a keyboard," you're KAT. :) And you're important to all of us here.

*hides back in her hole*

*hugs Kat gently* sleep is a good idea hun, take care and take it one day at a time 'k?

*hugs everyone else* my head is a bit chokka today so I don't have the words, but tonight I will try. Thanks for all the replies, and I am thinking about you all, just unable to verbalise any of it just now.

Heaps going on for me with selling the marital home, someone in my life who is very keen on a new relationship, stressed out at work, a really busy flat these days and all the noise I'm creating for myself = agggh! My analogy to the psych last time I saw her was a puffer fish, whenever it gets too much my mind "puffers" and I can't think about anything, don't know if any of you can relate to that but I find it helpful to explain where I'm at.

Anyway, where I should be at is work, will catch up on you all later, sorry and please take care of yourselves

JK
xx

*cuddles april*Your prayers are greatly appriecated, and know that I am praying for you too. infact, I'm proud of myself because I remembered your name in church this morning. *clings* I dont wanna be alone tommorrow. I want to fix my marriage. *cries* I cant believe I did that. So F*****G stupid. Idiotic.

*hugs JK back* *nods* uh-huh, I so need to sleep.
EDIT: okay collapsingly tired, :( and hubby is now home and in bed :), so i'm gonna go too now I dont feel like i'm going to be all cold and alone and unsafe. Night lovlies, look after yourselves.

night kat :)

G'night Kat, pleasant dreams... and I understand what you mean when you say about being all cold/alone/etc. *cuddles tight* Things WILL be okay. You've got to keep believing that. :)

*cuddles JK* That analogy kind of makes sense to me. :) I hope that your day goes well... try and check in tonight/tomorrow morning (depending on what timezone the reader is in!! lol) and let us know how your day went. *more cuddles*

I spy a Kahlia!! *cuddles* How are you, love?

I'm still feeling pretty ****, cried and that helped, but I don't know, I'm really struggling and don't know if I can put on a happy face tomorrow at work. I'm really scared too as I didn't finish the surveys. She - my supervisor - is really easy-going but I'm scared she'll think that I wasted my Friday. :-S When I was supposed to be working......... yeah. :(

*hides in her hole*

*cuddles/waves at all*

*hugs April* - Ah, you spotted me! Not doing too brilliantly.

I have a meeting with an Advocate in a couple of hours. Really nervous. *bites nails*

*more cuddles for Kahlia* I hope the meeting goes well... will be thinking of you!!

I also spy a Hels and a Julie!! *cuddles and/or waves*

*hugs everyone* then sits in the corner with a book

i want coffee but cba to walk and get it as its cold and rainy [england- take your weather back now please? :P]

*hides and cries*

What's up, Hels? *cuddles*

And Heather, I'm sorry that you don't want to walk in the rain to get coffee - can't blame you, haha... *cuddles*

*cuddles Louise* How are you doing now? any better than earlier?

Heather, I want to keep our warmness, except at nights, soooooo stuffy & sticky =[

April, so much :(

Anything I can help with, sweetie? *holds you and rocks back and forth gently*

*clings*

I'm thinking about walking away from someone, knowing it'll cause pain, but it's for the best.

*cuddles all* sorry no individual replies, there has been about 10 pages since I was last here. Don't know why I havn't been here I just havn't, its weird.

I'm sorry so many of you are struggling, my Pm box is always open and I am going to place a massive box of cuddles in the ward :)

My life is strange at the moment. I said when I was last on here I had met someone who likes me and I like them, well I'm now going out with them and its great, went for a picnic today with her and her friend and then went to the cinema and then just sat talking this evening, I've never been in a relationship before so its all new to me and very scary, but so good at the same time.
However I'm still harming loads, still wanting to OD all the time and only not because I don't have any pills and so I SH to stop myself from buying them. I'm stressing majorly as my recital is in 2 weeks on monday, I'm not sleeping, sister has sent me some really mean texts, mum is hacking me off by sticking up for her.

*sits in a corner and contemplates his life*

oh wow so much going on and I'm afraid I have to be lame and just offer hugs to everyone.

I'm off to Copenhagen for work tomorrow, so may not be around very much, although I'm probably not around much anyway and then I'm going down to see my boyfriend at the weekend and I'm pretty sure there will be very little internet there. I won't have seen him for three weeks, am so looking forward to it, it seems like forever.

*hugs Oliver* try to concentrate on the good things, like enjoying spending time with your girl, sorry to hear your family is being ****, try not to listen to them, try not to stress about your recital, take it one day at a time.

*hugs Hels* remember to do what's best for you *cuddles*

*hugs April* sorry to hear you're struggling so much and I hope work goes okay tomorrow

*hugs heather* the weather in england isn't lasting, so where are you where it's raining

*hugs Louise* hope you are okay

*hugs Khalia* hope your meeting goes okay

*hugs Kat* I hope you sleep well and things feel a bit more manageable tomorrow

*hugs Julie* how are you?

*hugs JK* wow does sound like you have a lot to take up your mind. I hope you sleep well and work goes okay and things start to work themselves out.

*hugs Laura* good luck prepping, hope things are ok

*hugs Mark* yay for a good weekend and whoop whoop! for not SIing hope tomorrow goes okay

*hugs Lindsay and Hayley and Emma*

Got pretty much everything done and got into the sun too, hope I have everything tomorrow. Am trying not to stress about it or my interview on Friday, ah well, we will see, indeed we will.

sleep well or those in the other hemisphere/time zones leaves fresh doughnuts and orange juice and a random collection of magazines.

im in new jersey in US lol.

*snuggles oliver if want*

*snuggles with Heather*
I've been to New Jersay, it was about 12 years ago though.

*curls up and looks around* on phone sorry can't read the thread very well

sok =]
how're you sweetie? =]

really oliver? where in nj?
lol

*offers hugs to all*

Sorry.

*cuddles helen*

*offers hugs to everyone else*
I <3 u guys. Sorry to hear that most of us are struggling. Keep in mind that my PM box is always open. Stay strong.

i wanna say i'm fine i'm so tired and my tummy wants food

*hugs julie* No fine.. i think that word needs a ban in this place heh... u should try to eat something if your hungry, even if its something small.

Me & Kahlia have officially banned the phrase I'm fine from here :P

*cuddles Laura & Julie*

Sorry I missed so many replies, was playing WoW... :o

But my pally on Runetotem hit level 20 today - 20 levels in 3 days, woohoo!! and my priest hit level 19. Oh and Crimson, sent Ashean the names of my toons. :)

I'm feeling a bit better although still definitely ill... going to take a hot bath and see if that makes me feel any better. :-S Hope so. Am so tired of life at the moment and will have to tell my supervisor about my **** weekend... :-S because I didn't get done all of the work I was supposed to. Oops. :'(

*hides in a deep, deep hole forever* :'(

O i missed the ban :-P oops.. well i am joining in support of misuse of the word.

*cuddles julie, helen, and april*

Well, techically it hasn't been said to be banned, but Kahlia did make a couple posts about it and asked people not to or something like that anyway.

Having another bad night. Joyyyyyyyy. >.> Best friend told me to do something kind for myself til I can sleep. So I suppose I better had :( I just want to destruct so much.

lol well i figured it was not literally banned... And you should do something nice for yourself, you deserve it!

i'll probably forget about the ban *curls up and looks at my shapes* i really like u shapes y can't i eat u *throws the shapes at the wall* sorry... sorry...

*huggles/waves at all*

Just got home from my meeting with the Advocate. She can't help us BUT ...
She has referred us to a program that can help step in and provide support with our mental illnesses, she has given us information and supplied a "referral" for systemic advocacy to the highest advocacy person/group in the State, AND she's looking up how we can put in a Ministerial complaint and advised us both to do so. So, I guess it's a good thing, right?

Feeling like I could collapse right now. But I did really well. Gave the Advocate heaps of information that was probably more than she needed. She was really surprised (in a good way) of how organised we were. AND I didn't freeze up, so yay me.

Now I'm counting down the hours until 9am tomorrow when I hit my next milestone on my SI free journey. But am oh, so, very tired. *sighs and collapses onto floor*

Me rest now. :)

*huggles/waves at everyone, then crashes out for a little while on a pile of duvets*

I'm glad :) I will, going to try attempt to watch one of my TV DVDs, hopefully my TV won't throw hissy fits like my laptop did, course I'll still be online too ;)

*offers cuddles*

YAAAAAAAY this made me so happy for you Kahlia!! *biiiig cuddles* What's your next milestone? :D

*huggles Helen* - Hels, it's my 21 months. Only a little milestone, but it's still a milestone. I have to remind my housemate tomorrow. He said we could do something to celebrate. But he won't even remember what day it is lol. He never does. Even when I tell him like 5 minutes before.

^ thats amazing :)

*offers cuddles to julie* try and eat something sweetheart <3

Oh, and I didn't mean to ban the use of the word "FINE". All I meant was that we really should try and use this forum to be honest with each other. If you ARE fine, than say so, but if you aren't and you say you are, then really all you are doing is "saying the world is other than it is" both to us, and to yourself. Sorry if that upsets anyone.

*curls up in corner of room and sighs*

*hugs Kahlia* Go you sweetie, just incase I don't remember to say this later, congratulations <3

*throw confetti around for Kahlia* Great job! On both talking to the advocate and the 21 months!

*hugs julie, helen, and heather*

*hides under blankets for awhile*

I feel soooooooooooo sick, it's horrible :'( *hides*

*cuddles gently* im sorry that you aren't feeling well hun.

*kicks things around in anger* I am doing everything right. Why cant I just be okay? I hate this. I'm done. Whats the frickin' point anyway.

EDIT: i'm sorry you guys. I'm kinda freaking out right now... But it may not be right to post so anger-ly

Thanks Laura - but I've still got some time to go - a whole 17 hours - 'till my 21 month milestone! By the way honey, feel free to let your anger out. It's better than keeping it in. *offers hugs gently*

Hels: Sorry you're feeling sick. :( *big hugs*

A bit knotted up here. Went with my friend to get some stuff from her mother's place. She has been offered a place. She has to go into a Real Estate Agent tomorrow to sign the lease and stuff. Am very relieved for her. It'll mean some stability for the kids.

*sighs and collapses onto a pile of duvets*

*sits sniffles*