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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

misskitty112 14-07-2010 07:10 AM

I cut again. And I just keep wanting to do it more and more.
Looks like I'll be hanging around RYL until right before I go to sleep again.
I'll be hanging around if anyone wants to PM or something.

risenfromperdition 14-07-2010 07:22 AM

thanks taz and crimson, appreciate it. hmm... it scares me seeing older peopel in group... what if i never get better :s. and... wish was as small as the other people there :/
on a different note, i just found out a girl that was in a bunch of my classes is recovering from an ed/used to cut o_O
so random haha

Kahlia1981 14-07-2010 10:13 AM

*huggles everyone*

just quickly jumping in to say hi.
went to a shopping centre today and did okay until my xanax wore off. my housemate bought me some gum to chew (and concentrate on) until we got home.
had another "incident" with my "body jerks" and spilt a lot of laundy detergent. feel really crappy about that. i'm such a waste of space.
still haven't heard back from the psychiatrist. guess he's trying to work out what to do ... i don't know. maybe there isn't anything to do. maybe this is "as good as it gets"
*shrugs*

sorry. *offers everyone hugs and waves at new people*

nicole94 14-07-2010 11:17 AM

*hugs everyone then goes to sit in a corner*

Doikers 14-07-2010 11:42 AM

*Hugs Crimson* GO you!! I hope you can find someone suitable to do your essay in front of.

*Hugs April * I'll go off and read your R/V thread in a bit.EDIT :- Roots for you in advance of Sunday *ROOT*

*Group Hugs*

*Hugs and sits with Nicole*

*Hugs Kahlia* I hope you hear from your pdoc soon.

*Hugs Jessica* 3 weeks is a big acheivment and your little blip doesn't make it any smaller

nicole94 14-07-2010 11:46 AM

*hugs mark* im so confused! my head keeps changing its mind! nothings working out :(

Doikers 14-07-2010 12:03 PM

*Enormous hugs for Nicole*

nicole94 14-07-2010 12:07 PM

*hides*

shadowedsoul 14-07-2010 12:30 PM

Hmm think today's going to be one of those days. Kind of struggling today. (shrugs shoulders)

nicole94 14-07-2010 12:35 PM

*hugs* i think it is for everyone, we all seem to have moods together in here, we can have a month where everyones happy and feeling good, and then a month where everyones triggerd and suicidal and generally just feeling crap :(

Doikers 14-07-2010 12:40 PM

I'm going for a quick walk NOW or I won't get out of my flat at all today but I'll be back soon *Peeved that I can't comment on youtube for some reason* I Still feel NUMB in all Caps and thats it , I had hope I'd sleep it away but it didn't work Grr
*Hugs Jill*

Scarletdreamer 14-07-2010 01:34 PM

I gave up my blades.

:-S

I know intellectually this is a good thing, & something to celebrate... but... I'm scared to do without them when Jarrod goes off to basic. *date yet undetermined*

*hides in a hole*

Doikers 14-07-2010 01:49 PM

*Hugs April*
I said it on LJ and I'll say it here , thats Massive ! You're very brave :)<3

Scarletdreamer 14-07-2010 01:55 PM

Thanks, big bro. *cuddles* Just updated my r/v... :-S

*cuddles all* Sorry for no individual replies, I promise I'm not ignoring you!!!

taz35 14-07-2010 02:12 PM

*hugs Mark, Nicole, Heather, Jill, Jess, Kahlia, Felicia, April.. and any other wardies who happened to stop by but just not post*

Not up for individual replies at the moment, but thinking of you all :)

I'mJustMe 14-07-2010 03:36 PM

April, that's brilliant! *Huge encouraging hugs!* You're so strong for giving them up, I know it's scary. I've done it a few times in the past and I know how lost you can feel without them. I eneded up getting more, but you're stronger than me and you can do this. I haven't used them in a couple of weeks anyway, it just makes me feel safer to have them, but you can do this. :)

*Hugs Taz* What's the matter? People have a nickname for me too, they call me the ice queen which is kinda annoying but I'm used to it by now and don't really care anymore. I can see why they do it. Which quote in my signiture? Or is there only one. I actually forget. I might go check. Nope, there's two. Which one did you mean? Both of them are from me, they're not quotes. Well, they are, but from myself. I'm not really making sense so I'll shut up. I hope you're ok, you seemed to be doing really well. *More hugs*

*Hugs Mark* How was your walk? How are you feeling? It's good you managed to get yourself out of the house raher than lying in bed. It can really help just do get out of the house or do something to distract yourself. Well done. :)

*Hugs Nicole* What's wrong sweet? How's the moving out thing going? Why are you worried? It is nice when everyone is happy, or even at least on person, it can be really encouraging.

*Hugs Jill* What's the matter Jill? We're all here for you, you don't have to struggle alone.

Kahlia- It's great that you managed to get out of the house and go out without freaking out too much. Don't worry about the jerking, it's not your fault and it doens't make you a waste of space. We all have our problems and it's not anyone's fault, it's just the way you are and you shouldn't hate yourself for it. *Hugs*

*Hugs Heather*- You will get better, you can do this and you won't have these problems forever. We're all here to help you with that sweet. x

MissKitty- I don't think I've spoken to you before. I'm Lia. Hey. I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment. Try not to be ashamed of the cutting, all of us here know the feeling and it doesn't mean you're weak or pathetic. You just have problems and it's your way of dealing. I wish I listened to myself more, the sensible side of me makes so much sense, but I never listen to it myself.

Three weeks is really good Jess. *Hugs* Good luck with your appointment and I hope it goes well for you and you get the help you need.

Get this guys. I'm going to talk about myself.

My friend keeps telling me I have depression...I looked at a list of symptoms of adolesant depression and I have every single one. Except low sex drive and lack of performance in the bedroom, but that's kinda N/A, lol.

I wish she would leave me alone. I don't need her. She's hurt me in the past, she told me I was an attention seeking bitch, that I ****ed up her life and was nothing to her. She said she doesn't care about me and all I ever did was moan. Since then I lost my voice. Not literally, but I lost the one on the inside, the one that says 'help me, I can't do this on my own'. She's the reason I can't open up and she says she's sorry now, she never stops saying it but I need her to leave me alone. She doesn't understand that I can't and won't talk to her, I can't talk to anyone, although I am beginning to be able to open up here.

I'm so scared that she's right and I can't even admit it to myself.

xx

misskitty112 14-07-2010 05:24 PM

*hugs to everyone* I wish I could reply to you all individually, but I can't right now...

I just woke up to a text from my supposed best friend saying "I want you out of my life. That's all I'm gonna say." I just told him fine. so be it.

I'm so hurt and not in a safe place right now...

SoMuchMore 14-07-2010 06:44 PM

*cuddles april* You are amazing! Great job, I'm so proud of you for taking that step. I know its so hard.

*hugs mark* Sorry that you are feeling numb still. Hopefully things will turn around soon.

*hugs kahlia* I wish this anxiety would go down for you soon. Glad that you managed to go shopping though. Little steps maybe?

*hugs nicole, heather, jill and helen*

*hugs lia* its hard when people are there, then leave, then try to come back. I've had that happen to me several times. It ruins a lot of trust. I think that would kind of annoy me that they are "diagnosing" you, especially after calling you attention seeking and all that. Can you talk to them and explain why you do not want to discuss your MH issues with them anymore, or at least not until they show that you can trust them again?

*hugs felicia* I'm sorry that your best friend said that to you. It really hurts I know. Try to hang in there. Talk/vent in here if you need to and it would help.

*hugs oliver* I'm happy for your bf! I know thats a major step for him and for you too. Sorry you have such bad hay fever.

*hugs crimson* well done on completing the essay!

Must be motivated, must be motivated... *gets distracted* (Story of my life right now)
I don't really feel much of anything at the moment, which is kind of a relief I guess.

I'mJustMe 14-07-2010 06:49 PM

I could, but it was ages ago. I've forgiven her, I just don't want to discuss issues with her, not now not ever. I can't feel the same way, whatever I do and I really resent her trying to make me. It's just awkward and horrible.

I'm so sorry Felica. He's not worth it, I know that's hard to believe, but he's really not. If he's going to just ditch you for no reason at all, you at least deserve an explaination. *Huge hugs* You'll always have all of us here, whatever happens.

*Hugs Laura* Anything wrong sweet? I'm here to listen if you want me to.

xx

SoMuchMore 14-07-2010 06:53 PM

*hugs lia* thanks hun, I'm okay right now though. I just got up a few minutes ago lol (at 11:20am here) b/c i didnt get home until almost 4am last night. So my first 40 minutes of the day have been alright lol

shadowedsoul 14-07-2010 07:02 PM

Hugs lia sorry your friends being like that its really sucky.

Can't believe how many epic fails happened to day, some so funny it's was so worth it. Might not be saying it was funny tomorrow tho, but ah well. =\

I'mJustMe 14-07-2010 07:16 PM

Hey Jill. What happened? Anything you wanna talk about?

Glad you're ok Laura :) Here if you ever do want to talk though.

xx

PoisonedApple 14-07-2010 07:37 PM

*walks in and flops down on the floor*
...so drained...

nicole94 14-07-2010 08:57 PM

*hides in corner.*

PoisonedApple 14-07-2010 08:59 PM

Why hide, Nicole?

nicole94 14-07-2010 09:02 PM

*im trying to hide from the suicidal thoughts. not particurly working though :(

PoisonedApple 14-07-2010 09:03 PM

ah....hmmm... do you like to draw? maybe that'd help some...
*cuddles*

shadowedsoul 14-07-2010 09:07 PM

hmm just me being stuiped again. not towards anyone on in here sorry.

hahahah, now you know what its like to feel so small to made to feel like a peace of crap. i hate you, hope you get yours i really do.and you get the same thing done to you. you got a little taster. hahahahahaha.

nicole94 14-07-2010 09:09 PM

nah, it just makes me frustrated cause im rubbish, i suppose i should go get my brother from school....

Doikers 14-07-2010 09:11 PM

Nah Nicole You're not Rubbish , far from it *Hugs*

nicole94 14-07-2010 09:14 PM

thanks mark, *hugs* but i am.
my brother is home from school so i dont have to go pick him up.

PoisonedApple 14-07-2010 09:23 PM

it doesn't have to be "good art" to get it out of you and onto paper.

nicole94 14-07-2010 09:26 PM

is still get annoyed. i was looking forward to picking my brother up. but hes already home :/

misskitty112 14-07-2010 09:34 PM

*hugs Nicole*

So... my friend that told me he no longer wanted me in his life? Texted me and said "sorry for this morning.. hormones... love you!" I haven't responded. I can't forgive him just like that. Am I wrong?

nicole94 14-07-2010 09:41 PM

*hugs*
no sweetie you're not wrong, he hurt you and youre right to be upset, but i think its better for you to just forget it, otherwise your just gonna end up stressing over it.

[speaking of hormones-i feel like ive hit puberty all over again! my boobs hurt, my periods are all over the place, and my mood swings are MENTAL! gah. i hate being a woman.]

taz35 14-07-2010 09:45 PM

*hugs Lia* The first one. :) And it sucks how your friend tries to fix the problem, but only makes you feel worse. It's always easy to say forgive and forget... but actually doing it is another matter. If I were you, I'd just keep my distance for a few days, then try to talk it out :)

*hugs Felicia* That's hurtful... but with "friends" like that, who needs enemies? I'm sure you have lots of other people that care about you, so don't worry about him. <3

*throws motivation cookies at Laura* I can never seem to find any motivation. And although it's not a good thing to feel nothing, maybe it's better than feeling bad? That's just me though.

*hugs Jill* Feel like sharing the epic fails? I always love an epic fail story :D Well... when they're funny for everyone involved. My latest epic fail involves locking my keys in my car... for the third time now ><

*picks up Crimson and lies her on ultra comfy bed* Why so drained? Too much essaying? :P

*hugs Nicole* You're not rubbish at all hun. And Crimson had a point, sometimes even scribbling on paper helps.

*hugs Mark* How are YOU?

I'm having a good day. It's my third full day off the meds, and I'm starting to feel like me again. I'm gonna go for another few days just to prove to everyone I'm better this way, and then I'll tell them. I feel bad for lying to my parents, my doctor, my counselor... but it's like they don't listen anyway. Oh, and I got my lip pierced this morning, just for the heck of it. And I love it :) Except eating a sandwhich was an adventure. I'm leaving for camp tomorrow morning, so I probably won't be on at all over the weekend.

You'll all be in my thoughts, and I'm leaving lots and lots of good wishes and thoughts and care packages in every corner for every wardie :D

nicole94 14-07-2010 09:53 PM

*screams and throws things around ward* I ****ING HATE THIS! i hate feeling so crap i nhate living here i hate everything! i just want to die! why was i ever stupid enough to make that first cut? why did i let my self ruin my life? i'd be better off dead.
*goes back to corner and cries*

PoisonedApple 14-07-2010 09:58 PM

Quote:

*picks up Crimson and lies her on ultra comfy bed* Why so drained? Too much essaying? :P
Oooooooooo cushie! I dunno why though... just am. Not from the essays though. I had them all done lunch yesterday and haven't done a thing with them since emailing them to April once I got home yesterday.
On the upside I'm starting a garden adventure. I decided to start composting. *nods* Started last night as I cleaned up what everyone left around the kitchen (about 2 packs of ramen noodles, a coffee filter fill of grounds, napkins off the floor, egg shells, etc) while I was at work. This is also not the source of my being drained though and I didn't cook last night so that's not it... *shrugs*ah well...

Doikers 14-07-2010 09:58 PM

Hey Taz *Hugs* I'm sure if I had a car I would lock my keys in it too :) Did the piercing hurt? I can imagine the sandwich issue Heh. You'll get used to it, re-learning eating :)

Me? I'm still numb and royally sick of it , I got out for a walk this morning , I MADE myself go , only for 30 minutes , but I just seem to stare into space epically or at a blank computer screen for 15 minutes solid and the time go's and I don't FEEL anything. I cut myself just to FEEL , right arm so left handed , was a crap attempt. Hmmmmm . I don't want to say what I'm thinking in case I end up doing it *Sigh*

PoisonedApple 14-07-2010 09:59 PM

Quote:

*screams and throws things around ward* I ****ING HATE THIS! i hate feeling so crap i nhate living here i hate everything! i just want to die! why was i ever stupid enough to make that first cut? why did i let my self ruin my life? i'd be better off dead.
*goes back to corner and cries*
you would not be better off dead. and your scars don't have to ruin your life. *cuddles*

PoisonedApple 14-07-2010 10:01 PM

*hugs everyone* I'm going to walk down to the park and see if I can't make lunch time decent today.

one_step_closer 14-07-2010 10:03 PM

*hugs everyone*

nicole94 14-07-2010 10:05 PM

i want to leave tonight but i have no money, i want to get out of here now. i cant handle it.

Doikers 14-07-2010 10:13 PM

*Hugs Lindsay*

nicole94 14-07-2010 10:24 PM

*rocks*

Scarletdreamer 14-07-2010 10:33 PM

Sorry I have been absent for so long today... about 2 pages since I last wrote (I think - or at least, since I last got caught up), so there is no way I could (easily) do replies for everyone. Sorry. :( I feel like a bad wardie. :(

Oh & Nicole - as Crimson said, your scars don't have to ruin your life. You can stop cutting - it's hard but possible. I'm doing that right now. Quitting. For good. Because I can't have it in my life and really be happy at the same time, if that makes any sense at all. I can't have a real job if I'm still cutting, especially as I want to go into the psych field, and the stigma hurts my social life (as I'm finding out... :-X see r/v for more). So yeah. Quitting is possible. I have so far gone a week without any urges - or hardly any, at least - and it's easily been one of the most stressful weeks in my life (so far, at least). So... anyway, just wanted to offer that scrap of hope. :) *hugs*

*cuddles all the wardies*

I'm so exhausted, and I don't know why. I even took a nap... and I'm STILL tired... fail. :-X

I'm also still worried about Jarrod & the army... worried that we're "marrying the military" and that he will be so focused on his job that he won't miss me when he's at basic (which wouldn't be too bad a thing, I guess, since basic requires a lot of focus) and advanced and then when he's deployed. :-X I don't know. I don't know of anyone who's been in the military, no military spouses are on my friends list on FB - as far as I know, anyway!! - so that doesn't help matters, not being able to talk with a military spouse. :-S

Anyway.

Sorry for rambling on... I'm just scared. :(

MammaMia 14-07-2010 10:43 PM

SO ****ing pissed off, upset, disgusted & hurt.
ARRRRRRRRRRGH.

PoisonedApple 14-07-2010 11:16 PM

ok so lunch started good and ended in an epic fail... to avoid climbing the hill that kills my bad knee I went a different way and came across some stairs behind/ beside a building thats across the street from my work and didn't look like they went into the building and since I couldn;t see the top clearly I thought it connected to street level... Well 3 flights of stairs later I get to the top and it's 10 feet from the road. with a steeply inclined hill. since I couldn't be back to work late I climbed over the rail and held on to things (pipes, trees, etc) to aid me in climbing the hill (and hoping I wasn't going to fall and kill myself trying to get back to work). I got here on time but with a bit of a limp... To think I thought the other hill was bad... **Epic Fail**
But I love the smell of the beach after a good rain and swinging was awesome and best yet since it rained yesterday (all day) the park wasn't very full at all. Most of the time I had the swings all to myself.

nicole94 14-07-2010 11:21 PM

*hugs everyone* sorry for my little outburst earlier, had a bad day and was very low, just did some ice diving and am feeling WAY better

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 12:17 AM

*Hugs Nicole* Glad you're feeling better sweeite, and you wouldn't be better off dead.

*Hugs Helen* What's the matter honey?

xx


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