*huggles Nicole* That's such a crap attitude for your mum to have. Do you have a social worker or anything that you could talk to that could then try and convey the message to your mum for you? That way it's likely to be less emotionally fraught and some conclusion may come of it?

*huggles Taz* yes at the moment I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, Eoghan chuckled when I told him about me singing and laughing out loud on the walk home from the doctors. Hope you continued to enjoy your caffiene! I live on the stuff, lol

*pauses for a 35min phonecall to her best mate*

*huggles Helen* your best is good enough!!! And I can empathise with the no money thing. Luckily I've sorted myself and benefits out now with thanks to the CAB, but it is a horrid stress and worry to be going through on top of everything else. Hope that it improves for you soon.

*huggles Julie* I hope your aqua class thingy was fun! How has the rest of your day been so far?

*huggles Crimson* oh my goodness, you sooo need to get a bigger place even if G is moving out in 3 days - thank goodness! You really are quite amazing to be able live in well, um, chaos it seems! Glad that WoW gives you a break from it all. I looked at changing sever but my options were to go onto german/italian/russian/spanish, no US server unfortunately.

*huggles Mark* How's you day been?

*huggles Oliver* do you want to talk about why you're angry with your horn teacher? I hope that your depression and confusion eases up for you soon.

*huggles April* Any news?!!! though by the time I've posted this, you'll probably have answered that already!

*huggles all other fellow wardies in a manner in which they can recieve*

my apologies to anyone who it may seem that I may miss, but as I've been typing this for about 50mins niow, due to the phonecall, there is everychance that I've missed some posts!!

*toddles out to smoking shelter*

EDIT: wow, quiet period in the common room....I didn't miss any posts....

Well I'm going to take my meds and snuggle down now, its been a long and busy day for me. Not sure how much I'll be online tomorrow as I seriously need to super clean my flat and I'm worried that I'll get side tracked too much!! But hopefully it'll motivate me to get it all done so that I can then be social with you lot afterwards.

So, til then goodnight/goodafternoon/goodmorning! Whichever it may be!

*leaves tlc to last through tomorrow for everyone!*

*curls up*i'm on my phone so it's really hard to read the post so i'm not ignoring anyone k i just don't have the payshons and i can't spell sorry. thanks for all the hugs i have to be fine it's safer for everyone if i'm not fine she'll come out again and i'm to tired for damage control right now

HmmMy day has been odd , I've played WoW a bit , on and off , but HAD to Harm earlier on this evening after 5 days, time wasted eh? , it's amazing I went 5 days with all the stress lately , but I just feel numb :S, so I'm gonna plop down and watch a little TV but if nothing keeps my attention then bed , bed soon anyway I think .

*Hugs ward*

*hugs Nicole* Sorry hun :( That sounds like it really sucks. I would expect your own mother to be a little more understanding than that, especially if she knows the situation you're in...

*hugs Helen* Having no money definitely sucks, I hear ya :( I'm glad I have a job right now, even though it's crappy part time grocery store... nowhere else is hiring.

*hugs Mark* Don't worry about how you broke down Mark, focus on how you made it 5 days :) That's awesome! What triggered you? (if you don't mind me prodding)

*hugs Crimson* I can't remember if I've "met" you before or not, sorry >< I'm Taz :) And wow, that childish behaviour definitely sucks. I think you're right by having warned her that if she does it again, she'll pay the price. You've given her notice, she should clue in.

*joins in poking April* :) I WANNA KNOW TOO :D Here's hoping it went amazingggg!

*hugs Oliver* what did your horn teacher do to anger you?

*hugs Hayley* I forgot to mention I do that singing out loud periodically too ;) It's epic, no? :D Even better when people start giving you weird looks. Have fun cleaning your flat tomorrow!

*hugs Julie* I hope you're taking care of yourself <3

Good night Hayley and Mark *cuddles and tucks in*
*sits with Julie and pets her hair* Here sporadically today if you wanna talk. k?

Sorry I didn't respond earlier, just had enough time to come online then my supervisor needed me to do something. :) Although I really didn't get a whole lot accomplished today... sat in on a freaking TWO HOUR LONG BUSINESS MEETING............... my very first, lol, and I will be sitting in on many more. *sigh* Haha. It wasn't awful but near the end I was yawning, probably due to being up at 5:20am today. >_<

But overall, it went really well. :D I'm happy with the placement, only problem is I have to "rustle up" $1600+ ASAP. My parents will help as will our savings account, but I hate knowing that that is how much 6 credits costs!! :'( (that's now much my internship is for, 6 credits) SO GRRRRRRR!!!!!!! :'(

Sorry. It's just that money is frustrating me right now. :'(

I'm so tired right now... ugh. :'( But my bestie should be coming over shortly... she said she'd be here at 5pm but it's 5:25pm now, texted me and said she had to go to Walmart first. ARGH. That's frustrating!! because it feels like she's never on time. :'( But at least she's coming... I hope.

Sorry no individual replies at the moment, am somewhat distracted by Jarrod playing Halo behind me. I don't feel great mentally but I was able to hide that most of the day... which is good. :-/

*hides back in her hole*

Oh, and my parcels in the post came today!! :D *bounces*

*more cuddles for everyone*

*hugs April* ick =/ Two hour meetings must suck... I have a hard enough time sitting through 20 minutes!

Sorry for not having been around.

*Hugs the ward*

*Peeks out*

I can't do this :'( So tired of everything.

*curls up*

umm, thanks for the hugs Taz, *hugs back* How are you?

I hate Mondays and I had to get through it after feeling so horrible yesterday. Feel slightly better now, although I should probably have been in bed an hour ago, been triggered all day, only managed to do about an hours work, could not get motivated, not that anyone will know. Managed to drop my MP3 player down the stairs so I've had to fork out £50 for a new one blinking clumsy oaf that I am. I also can't work out how to transfer my music from my external hard drive to my new laptop as the format seems to be acceptable. good job I have friends who know about these things and can hopefully help.

Oh Jeez I hope tomorrow's easier.

Hey Helen, hope you had a good ole natter and are feeling slightly better. I know how tough money problems are *hugs*

*hugs Mark* concentrate that you made 5 days, that's really good :) and if you want to it means you can do it again and maybe even a little longer. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if needs be, it's never wasted, hope you sleep okay and feel better tomorrow.

*hugs Hayley* glad you're feeling good, hope you have the energy to super clean the flat.

*hugs lynx and crimson and julie and oliver and nicole and lindsay and kahlia and anyone else I may have missed that is if you want a hug, if not then a blanket and a cuppa*

It's not just money problems though. But I know you haven't been round lately...

*hugs everyone then yawns and curls up sucks thumb* i feel very unhelpful right now

*cuddles Julie*

update r/v again. *screams and punches the wall*

*cuddles Hannah (?)/Wildly insane* I'm sorry that you've had a bad day... yes, hopefully tomorrow will be better!! :) For both of us - ALL of us...

*cuddles Julie* How are you, hon?

*cuddles Crimson 'cause I spy you!!* :D As Mark said, sounds like you've had to put up with a hell of a lot of immature behavior. Grats on getting Lurial up that high - what other toons do you have (j/w)? I'm sorry I didn't get to play with you but maybe once you get to like level 25 my level 30 mage can play with your priest? Hehe two squishies playing together... :P *more huggles*

*tucks Hayley into her ward bed* Nighty night, love, pleasant dreams. :) Hopefully you'll "stay sane" and will be happier for it!! :D

*tucks Mark into his ward bed* Sweet dreams... :) Talk to you in the morning hopefully, before I'm off to my internship - I will have to be there earlier, 8am instead of 9am, because that's how my hours work. Heh, fun.

*cuddles Hels* I'm sorry you're having money issues and best friend issues and other issues... your life seems so far from easy and I wish that I could help more than I do... I'm here for you though, love, and I hope that you know that. *holds you and rocks you gently* "Things will be okay in the end... if they're not okay it's not the end" - I truly do believe that.

*cuddles Oliver* I'm sorry that you're not doing too well atm, what did your horn teacher do to make you angry?

*cuddles Laura, wherever she is* What's up, sweetie?

*cuddles Nicole* I'm sorry, sweetie, that your mum was being unfair and mean. That's not cool at all. :( At least you have us to talk with, right? :)

*cuddles Tineke* Missed you!! Are you kind of okay? or not really?

*cuddles Kahlia, JK, Kat, and anyone else I missed*

I'm doing okayish... stressed out about tomorrow but looking forward to figuring out what I'll be wearing... lol I know, typical "girliness" but I can't help it, I've never had to go business casual for days at a time. :) It's kind of exciting to be honest. I like looking nice... :)

No one wanted to know what I got in my parcels? *pouts* Hehe.......... :)

*curls up and cries in the window seat cuz I'm such teh loser face*

*Note for April~ I'll look tonight and let you know who's where I know Ashean and Demyn are on runetotem... I have others too though.

*cuddles Crimson* You are NOT a loser, sweetie. I'll read your r/v in just a sec... I need to update mine too. :( Thanks for checking - oh, and what levels/side are Ashean and Demyn? I might start a toon on Runetotem... we'll see. :) I love starting toons... heh. I'm so altoholicky. :P

Anyway. You are NOT a loser, no one in here is, and I wish I could all make you think well of yourselves. :(

*sprinkles cuddles around the ward*

I just want this to end && be okay :'(

I mentioned best friend issues? :S What? When?? LOL!

Your best friend not feeling well enough to do the chat tonight? I thought you mentioned that... :-/ Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and I haven't had enough Abilify lately... heh. :-X

*hides* :o

How ironic is it tht I got an email today with the subject line of : "Is your emotional account bankrupt?"

Um...I didn't say that :) Haven't said that in a long time ^_^

Got to talk to my best friend tonight though, as planned...

*hides, curls up and sobs*

*sits wriggling around* i wanna no wats in ur mail

Oh whoops, just went back to check and I totally misread a post... :-X lol... Sorry for the mixup, Hels, all my fault. :P (*feels like an idiot*)

Well, for those who want to know, I got this blue sleeveless hoodie that has verses from Song of Solomon on the back and an empire waistline shirt that says "Beloved" on the front of it from c28.com. I can wear them to my internship so I am excited about that, especially as the empire waistline shirt is 3/4 length sleeves so will hide some of my scars. :) Then I got two psychology books (A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis and The Games People Play by Eric Berne, both pretty old books but psych classics according to one of my profs) and a cd (Sirenia's "13th Floor"). So 5 packages total, because I use Amazon's used & new so the last three things didn't come in the same package as I ordered them from different places through Amazon. I have no idea why the stuff from c28.com didn't come in one package though... :-/

So yey. :)

My tummy hurts... just ate supper... want to purge now. :'(

It's not a problem darling. I thought you may have mis-read something. It's easily done. *cuddles tight* Try not to purge and your parcels sound awesommmmme :D

*hugs Helen* What's on your mind? :(

*hugs April* your purchases sound awesome :)

*offers hugs to anyone who needs them*

Lots is on my mind Taz :( It sucks. Am seriously struggling. Am so scared I'll do something just to make this feeling end for a while at least :S :'( *cuddles*

Keep talking to us, Hels, love. *cuddles* And thanks for being so understanding... lol... I hate feeling like an idiot. :( Don't do anything "stupid," we need you to be okay. Because you're awesome and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to talk with sometimes. :) Same goes for all of you. You all mean so much to me... *tons of cuddles*

*cuddles Taz* How you doing, sweetie?

Updated r/v. Twice. I feel like ****......... really really REALLY want to purge.... :'( and am anxious but listening to my new cd, which I looooove... hehe. Xandria is the next group I'll be ordering a cd by, they're awesome too, if you like female-fronted Goth rock bands (which I do :D).

Just want to die. Please? :'(

I am trying to keep talking to you guys. But finding it hard & don't want to sound like a broken record you know? :( *cuddles tight* I'm a very understanding person lol. Not always a good thing I guess. But yes. Don't feel like an idiot *snuggles* We all make mistakes & stuffs. I'm trying to stay safe & not do anything 'stupid'. I wish I could be okay :'( I really really do. I'm not awesome. I'm sure you'd cope without me being here. You mean so much to me too. The whole ward does really.

*cuddles Taz* Like April asked how you doing sweetie?

I kinda want to die too April. I know, sounds pathetic. If I can't, then you must certainly can't. We'll get through this.

i'm sorry........................ i'm a pathetic bitch.

:'(

And you ARE awesome, Hels... i'm sure that the whole ward would agree with me. *cuddles tight*

gotta go take a bath... then bed. at least it'll keep me from purging/cutting/doing anything "stupid" ... for a bit at least. :'(

You're not a pathetic bitch. Nothing to apologise for sweetheart. I'm not awesome, but thank you *cuddles tight* Try & enjoy your bath and keep staying safe sweetheart :'(

*super squishy hug for Helen* you don't sound like a broken record to me. We're here to listen and help. you can PM me if you want... I'm horrible at offering advice, but definitely willing to listen :)

*super squishy hug for April* You're not pathetic at all <3 You have SO much to offer, don't sell yourself short. (easier said than done, I know)

I'm alright... having a decent day. Had counseling earlier, somewhat helped, but somewhat messes with my mind too. Hard to explain...
And my mom is beating herself up (figuratively) over my SI, blaming herself... even when I tell her that it's not her fault. She won't believe me when I say I'm okay, because apparently if I was okay, I wouldn't be doing this. =/ I'm just trying to focus on getting some of my chemistry done. Looking forward to being home alone all day tomorrow, not have to worry about meeting any expectations.

*hugs for everyone in the ward*
Oh, you're all awesome. I don't want to say that to only one person and have others feel left out. But you are all wonderful <3 :)

*curls up and looks at my lunch* shouldn't eat it.it doesn't look healthy cheese on toast not healthy *sniffles* sometimes i wish good at purging but i'm not i just can't no matter how hard i try probably seems like a good thing it's not it sucks sorry i'll shut up

*cuddles Taz & Julie*

Try to eat Julie. I know it's hard.

*sits*

*curls up & rocks*

*offers hugs to Julie* I hope you ended up eating at least a little bit Julie.

*sits beside Hels & hugs her tightly* Keep your head up hun <3

*hugs tight*

Thanks honey. I'm going to try sleep now. I'll reply to your latest PM asap <3 xxx

*cuddles those who can accept hugs*
*waves at everyone else*

So sick of all of this. Someone make it stop .... please ....


*disappears back down hole*

*peeks out from hiding* sorry, i havent been posting much... I havent really felt like talking the past few days. I keep reading though, to try to keep caught up with all of you. Again, sorry.. i prolly don't deserve any responses if i cant give them i know... so if you want to ignore, thats okay i understand.
*leaves hugs*

I hope it's Ok if i hang around in here for a little bit. I am not so good being on my own latley.

*hugs Laura* - Been missing you. Hope you are doing okay.
*hugs Vikki - I think that's your name (lost in dreams)* Hang in here as much as you want.

Had a bad night last night. My DID resurfaced for the first time in a long time. Not quite sure what to do or what I'm going to do to cope. Feeling a bit scared. I don't have any support psychologically for it, and am not able to get any. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and we'll see what he says ... but I'm not sure how he will react. My last psychiatrist dealt with it and helped me with it, but since then I've had ECT and don't remember anything about it. My GP was really understanding though.

I guess it's good that I have one ally, right?

Sorry, I guess it just caught me by surprise and I'm scared and I don't know what to do and that scares me even more.

I'll stop complaining now. I'm really sorry. :crying:

*becomes invisible and sneaks off into a corner to hide in shame*

*leaves hugs for all* stupid phone it turned my pmimg off on here and i won't be able to fix it till after combat fitness but combat is good

*snuggles everyone*
*curls up in corner*

Quick hi as I couldn't drag myself out of bed this morning so am rushing around to be on time for work again, I don't want to go I hate it.

*hugs Helen* I'm sorry I haven't been around and I know it's never just money but it doesn't help, but you are awesome and kind and always supporting other people and you don't deserve any of this pain and you can get through this.

That goes for everyone, you can all get through this.

*hugs Laura* don't worry about trying to respond and we won't ignore you, we'll just sit by you and hold your hand

*hugs Taz* sorry to hear about your mum, parents are always difficult

*hugs Kahlia* hope today goes okay and you can talk to your psych about the DID

*hugs Nikki* you're welcome here, being alone is not easy

*offers blanket to horseridinbbe*

*hugs Julie* hope combat was good, please try and eat something

*hugs April* hope your day at the internship goes well, it's really fun getting things through the post even when we buy them :)

*hugs Crimson* hope you feel better today

*hugs Hayley* hope you slept well

Checks on all those asleep, hope you wake up feeling better than yesterday

okay gotta dash

Thanks people for allowing me to be in here. It makes me feel better.

*Hugs every one around* I'm going to go over by the wall now and try to sleep if thats OK. Thanks again.

*sits and looks around*

just so u guys no i ate