:( *hugs* is there someone in oxford you can talk to apart from your aunt? i don't like you feeling rubbish by yourself :( and you wouldn't be happy...you wouldn't be here :( and we totally would notice, trust me! much love xx

no there's nobody. just me. i'm actually in the house along at the moment. i can't do this. i can't.

*cuddles everyone* sorry you're all having crappy times!

Sorry i don't have any individual replies, but i'm thinking of u all lots


I had a motivated day today, got lots of things that have been hanging over me for ages done... so yay for me!

Also me and my gf have talked over everything i was worried about and it's all in the open so thats good too.

love to all of you x x x

please don't. *hugs* go out for a walk, or watch a film or something, anything to distract you from feeling like this while there's no one around. thinking of you.

*hugs* imaginary ( is there something u'd like to be called?)

How did counselling go? weldone for going, thats great! How are you doing now? x x x

thanks jocelyn :) i thought i put my name in somewhere but apparently i didn't...lol i'm Laura :) *waves* hii! lol
it went ok i think...was only an assesment session but they seem to think they'll be able to help so that's kind of a relief. i don't she got the whole fact that i'm drinking far more than i should be but i guess i can talk about that in my actual sessions.
i'm doing ok at the moment....i'm going out tonight so i'm hoping to have a good time and get very drunk :) woop. lol i know, i know, its bad ... urgh. *wraps herself up in a duvet with a hot ribeana* yum :)

Hi Laura! Nice to meet you properly :-)

Weldone that sounds fab. Yeah don't worry about not telling her yet, im sure they're used to people not opening up immediately about everything, some people find that very hard.

Well its good you're going out with friends, make sure u keep safe, book a cab home before hand if u need to! And if u feel u can, maybe set a limit to how much you're happy to spend? This could proof very difficult though *hugs*

Have you been given a next appt or are u on a waiting list?

x x x

:) i have to wait for them to get back to me about an appointment...probably in the next couple of weeks is when i'll get my first proper one :) i'll try and limit how much money i take out with me but tbh, it's the drinking before i go out that always gets me...haha...working with a drink in hand. bad bad times. my essay is going to be fab. they all are! lol
i'm glad you've had a good day too :) being motivated is always fab, doesn't happen very often for me tho!
xx

Have a good time! Yeah me neither, its a huge rarity (sp!)

stay safe and have fun x x x

:) well, it's good today was a good day then! :)
thanks - will do :)
xx

*hugs everyone*

Well I haven't heard back from my tdoc - but to be fair the email was sent pretty late yesterday afternoon, and it's not even 7am yet.

The feelings are getting worse. I'm thinking of waking up my housemate.

I just don't know anymore. :(

*cuddles everyone and then returns to her dark corner*

If you're housemate will be fine with u waking them up do it sweety. Could u quietly creep into their bed (not trying to sound creepy or anything!) and gently put they're arm around u? this might wake them up a little bit to cuddle u back... idk

Du know why ur feeling so low? could u watch tv or something? *cuddles*

*crawls into the denial tent and cries*

*crawls after MammaMia and wipes tears* what's up sweetie? *hugs* x x x

Urgh long day...

*hides in dark dark corner*

:crying:

*hugs*

I can't do it anymore. I can't keep pretending. :'(

Shouldn't have gone out with my friends tonight. They really upset me (well upset me further) and I think I upset them :'( :'(

*hugs April* Sorry u've had a rough day.. wanna talk about it? x

*hugs mamma* have u tried talking to any of them? I know this can be hard but it might be better than trying to pretend, that doesnt do any good to anyone x x x

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry it was a bad day... what about your friends upset you more?

*huggles Jocelyn* Erm yeah, it's just been a bad day, with wanting to purge & cut all day... talked a bit with a professor and he said that it was shitty that I had to think ahead so much... as in, I have to keep in mind that I could land up in hospital if I'm not careful with sleep/meds/cognitions, etc. I texted my NP this morning and she texted back this afternoon asking me if I needed to go to the ER... I was like "Um no..." lol... I hate the ER. I've been there 2x in 2 weeks, don't need to go again!! (although that was back in December)

*hides*

i've come home. thank you for helping me laura. i'm sorry if i worried you. i'm going to get into bed and try and wake up in the morning. see what happens.

I've spoken to a friend. Feel bit better now. I thought she'd called me fat on two occasions (I am fat though heh) which didn't help matters. Need to speak to the other one about tonight and the other night and then it'll be okay then :) Hopefully. Still have to pretend though.

I seriously need to purge and cut tonight :/ :(

try to resist sweetie. Weldone for talking to ur friend, communication is so important, we were made to interact and support one another.
I'm so glad ur feeling even a smidgin (sp!) better, try to distract urself hon. stay strong, I know you can x x x

I'll try :(

*Hugs Vicki* Welcome home hon! I hope ur ok.

*Hugs Helen (is it?)* Good girl, good luck sweetie. All my best happy thoughts and wishes coming your way

xxx

Thanks and yeah it is Helen =)

I really want to cut/purge too, Helen. *cuddles* I'm sorry you feel that way... we just went out for pizza & while it was good I feel like I ate too much. Of course. So yeah... but we don't NEED to do it... either of those things... we can make it. *hugs tight*

I feel like **** tonight. Today, really. It's been a pretty rough day, as I've said. I have a thread in the main (Vet's support) forum, you can check it out if you want... no pressure... :-/ Sorry for being annoying!!! :crying:

Oh April! You're not being annoying. You are amazing and you are strong. I believe you can resist these urges.

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this, are u able to talk to your hubby about it? ask him for a cuddle or something? *cuddles* x x x

*trots of to main vet's support to read April's thread :-) *

I don't know if I can resist the SI urges... I really don't want to either. I know, rubbish and I'm supposed to be recovering & all, but I don't have any motivation not to cut. I NEED to cut... :( that sounds stupid and all... I know... but... :(

I'm really rubbish at life. I just need to quit it. :(

Ugh I had pizza tonight too (plus a second dinner, don't ask, I didn't want either of them!!!) and only ate two slices. Beginning to wish I brought the rest home to pig out on. Good job I didn't though. (Y)

I am soooooooooooooo tired and feel so shitty and ill >_>

Am going to read your thread sweet.

Am exhausted too. Went to bed at 9pm last night after a late night class (it got out an hour early or else I'd've gone to bed at 10 instead) and got up at 5:45am... I usually go to bed at 7pm or so... so yeah. :( Tiiiiiiired.

I feel really **** right now... *cuddles Helen because we both need cuddles* What's going on in your head, love?

*cuddles April lots*

I'm going to crawl into bed and try sleep soon. Ugh. What's the betting I'll still be awake come 3/4/5am? :(

*cuddles Helen and April*

Don't feel guilty if u can't resist sweetie. We all know that its our coping mechanism. Pretty ****ed up one but still if we haven't addressed the issues and haven't found any decent alternatives then it's normal that we'll stick with what u know.

Try to be safe whatever u do hon.

Weldone hon for not taking it home. eating too much doesnt make anyone (or most people anyway) feel good. I hope u get some decent sleep

x x x

Good luck sleeping, Helen. *sleepytime cuddles*

*sigh* Yeh it is pretty ****ed up that we have coping mechanisms like that... :( I wish I could just get over it. But, as we all know, it's not that simple...

I don't have anything else that really and truly works. I feel so desperate I'd do it tonight except Jarrod's home and I feel guilty if I do it when he's around.

:crying:

Oh im so sorry sweetie. I feel the same when my gf is home. It's tough hon. I just want to let u know that i know how hard it is *hugs* x x x

*hugs back* Thanks love... nice to know someone understands - or a lot of people rather - since I know there are others on this site... but I'm sorry that you understand, too... :( no one deserves this pain except for me. :(

Gonna go do my workout, then soak in the tub for a bit, then bed I think...

:crying:

Thats a good plan hon. Hope it goes well...

P.s u don't deserve it either! x

*hugs everyone*

Sorry no individual replies, I have been reading but don't feel like I'm in a position to comment. :(

It's been a busy morning so far and it's just after 10:30 am. I decided to have a shower before waking up my housemate, and he woke himself up. We talked a bit and I got a text from my tdoc with an alternative email address on it, so I resent my email to his other address. Then I rang my employment counsellor to let her know what was going on. She suggested ringing the crisis team, so I did and now I feel even worse than before. To give you some kind of idea of how the conversation went I ended it with "if I'm ever feeling fine and want to feel suicidal I'll give you a call". Pretentious pricks they all are. Now I just have to wait to hear back from my tdoc ... and if he doesn't reply in time, it will mean a hospital visit. My housemate has said that he won't come with me this time because of how much responsibility they shrugged off onto his shoulders.

Personally I just want it all to stop.

*sneaks into the denial tent so all the crap isn't happening*

wow there have been a lot of posts... *cuddles everyone* sorry that some of you had such a bad day.

day 3 of classes was a bit better for me. Got a headache right now though. I'll reply to u guys later maybe if my head stops killing me.

*sends cuddles for all*

*cuddles everyone*

I had a call from the crisis team saying they had spoken to my tdoc. My housemate and I actually believe that my tdoc rang them and told them to pull their fingers out ... but I guess we'll wait and see. They have arranged with me to do a home visit at 1:30 pm - which is less than 30 minutes away now. I'm going to record the conversation, which I'm sure that they won't be happy about but I have been misquoted, misdiagnosed and mistreated so many times that I need to have a record of what they are saying. I do realise that I have to inform them first of what I am going to do.

My housemate and I have talked about things, and we are trying to set things up so that those higher up (and out of the boys club that forms our city health service district and hospital) are aware of the situation.

My housemate floated the idea of moving south because the health care is better there ... and I seriously agree with him. I don't know whether he wants me to move with him if he goes, and if I decide to go, but right now I really have to think about what is best for me, and if moving is the best option, then move I shall.

If anything my situation is getting worse as the day progresses. I'm just so sick of all of this.

Glad they're finally sorta helping you Kahlia :(

*cuddles laura, Kahlia and Helen*

Sorry about the headache Laura? maybe take some strong painkillers?

Kahlia I'm glad the Tdoc is trying to do his bit to help. yes if moving willget u more support that may be something u should think about, i agree. Recording the visit is also a good idea. I hope its going well hon

Helen, I'm sorry ur still awake...

I am too :-( I took 2 sleeping pills 4 hrs ago and had no affect so just had a small drink and am finally starting to feel drowsy! Bout ruddy time!
Have an appt with gp on sat so will mention how crap the sleeping pills are and request a dif type. Hopefully will work *fingers crossed*

Seeing a pysch tomorow as my uni counsellor referred me cause he didnt think i was getting enough support through the gp and hosp.

ergh, i dont cope well with little sleep :-( I was so drowsy yesterday, too drowsy to go to my counselling appt :-/ eek he won't be happy :-(

I just want to feel tired, i want my body to let me!

*hugs again to all*

*cuddles*

Hope you'll be asleep soon.
Well hope we'll both be xD

^ nods! Yes please! *fingers crossed for us both*

*makes some warm milk or whatever hot sleep inducing drink u prefer*

Morning lovely people.
Sorry you're awake too, it's very sucky.
*passes around blanket and snuggles down*

Thanks.
*drinks hot choc*
Mmmmm
:P

*takes blanket and snuggles into Emma and anyone else who wants to join*

*snuggles back*

This is getting silly now :-(

^ *agrees*

La la la la
it's nto 4am.
hahahahaha
someone texted me as i was drifting to sleep.
ugh >.>
so yeah been awake since then haha

ugh! thats not fair! sucky text message *hugs*