Looking for triggers
 

I know exactly what triggers me. I know how triggers make me feel. So why then, do I go looking for triggers?

For some people, triggering themselves is a way for them to attempt to work through their trauma - a form of emotional processing, if you will. Unfortunately it ends up being harmful.

When you look for triggers, how do you feel before you do? How do you feel during? Are you thinking anything in particular that leads to looking for them?
It might be worth keeping track of thoughts and feelings surrounding this.

Are you receiving any professional support?

Sometimes I feel like my trauma isn't valid. Like it isn't that bad so it's possibly a way to feel valid? I think keeping track of thoughts/feelings would be a good idea.

I had an assessment for trauma-specific therapy so just on the waiting list for that now and I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor.

I do the same thing, I don’t know why.

I also do this, for much the same reasons as you do, OP. You're not alone.

I think sometimes we look for triggers because we want to feel real and so often because of the trauma we feel numb and yet in so much pain. It's as if we become alive when we experience our trauma over and over again so it's only natural 2 be looking for triggers. For me it's similar to the fact that I've had mental disorders for 31 years now , so it seems like I don't even know what life is like without a mental disorder. It's a familiar thing so it's a lot easier to stick with what's familiar, hence, we look for triggers in order to feel what is familiar to us. It makes sense and at the same time doesn't make sense and we're still perfectly normal.