*waves to the newbies* Hi, I'm Taz :)

*hugs everyone else*

Feeling a bit better this morning, took a few too many pills last night but obviously wasn't enough to die, so I'm still here. Not even sure how I feel about that... wish I could sort out my brain =/

*tackles Lia* I see you! How are you today?

*gives RYL evils as they didnt show my post and hugs everyone*
*jumps on helen* YAY well done for one year free!

Hey.

Taz, I'm very glad the pills didn't kill you. Was that your intention? I wish you had came here before doing that. *Hugs*

I'm so pissed off. I can't live here for another two years. I can't stand it. All they ever do is insult me and make me feel like worthless crap and it won't change, it won't get better because it's been this way for 16 years. I'm a minger, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm dirty, no one will ever want me, I'm a skank, I don't dress right, everything about me is wrong, I look disgusting, I mean nothing to them, they wish I was dead, I should go and kill myself, everyone hates me, I'm no good. I'm so sick of it all. And **** it all, I believe every word.

Sorry Nicole, didn't see you until now. How are you today?

Oh and let's not forget pathetic, stupid, a ****ing idiot, a bitch, a vicious cow and worthless trash that no one will ever love.

*walks in, sits, and tries to refrain from banging my head into the wall*
result of gram's heart cath? she needs a triple bypass... getting it wed morning. her first heart attack and she needs a triple bypass. she's only in her 60's too. to put my mental place in perspective, heart problems run in both sides of my family and my mom's mom is only 7 yrs older than my dad, plus my other gram is dying (between the cancer, the arrhythmia and anything else, who knows what'll kill her first or when...)
...yeah i'm not great...
i don't know if i can do this today... i keep being on the verge of bursting into tears and it's only 7:45 am.

*huggles lia* yeah im good thanks. sorry your family are being so hard :(
are you ok other than that?
*huggles crimson* oh hun, i wish i knew what to say.....

*Hugs Crimson*. I'm so sorry to hear that. My nan had to have a pace maker fitted and that scared me because she had always been pretty healthy and I was worrired it was a decent into a long road of being ill and that she wouldn't get better. She was OK in the end. She died two years later of phumonia (sp?). If it all goes well, this will be the best thing for her. Doctors know what they're doing, she had the best possible chance. Please try and stay safe.

I don't know what I am anymore Nicole, but you don't all want or need to hear about anymore of my crap. You all have your own.

x

*huggles lia* please try and at least stay safe, and if you want to talk, i think i speak for everyone when i say that we're happy to listen, and feel free to PM me at any point aswell. *hugs*

Thanks Nicole. I have to be off now. Bye everyone. I'll be back later though.

*cuddles everyone*

Taz, sorry you felt like you had to take an OD darling.
Nicole, hey darling, how you doing?
Crimson, lots of huggles for you.
Lia, is it toight you'r having a sleepover thing?

I can't stand being so ill and in agony :'(

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Taz*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Oliver*

Phew ! I have had 2 conversations of and hour or more about my S.I. being ridiculous and me desperatly needing to numb the thoughts in my head with S.I. or drink .I'm emotionally exausted . Rang home to see when my dad was going to come this afternoon only to be told he had been by and I wasn't in heh , nevermind , my Mum said I sounded shaky on the phone andI am shaking :S

*cuddles lia and helen*
lia-ok hun, but remember im always here.x
helen-yeah im fine thanks hun, aaw, whats up? do you know why you're ill? (sorry if you've said before, my memorys awful.. :/)
*cuddles mark* we must've been writing at the same time, sorry to hear your exhausted, but i suppose its a good thing that you can talk about it? do you think it might be wise to see a doctor about the shaking? im getting quite worried about you :(

Nicole, all I know is that I have an awful cough, insane amounts of pain in my head & legs (everything hurts), my temperature keeps changing pretty fast, I'm so weak and sleepy. Keep crying on/off but that's not helping the pain...

*Hugs Nicole back* Thanks for being worried about me , the shaking is a side effect of Lithium and me having an emotional afternoon just makes me shakier . I will think about the dr tomorrow , I got out of my last appointment at 4.55pm so too late to go to the dr . sorry my mind is RACING , I had so much to talk about and my mind is going over it again and again . Hmmmmm

Oh Helen I'm sorry you feel so crappy *Hugs* It sounds like you have a fever . Please go to the Dr's tomorrow , Or if it gets to bad go to the hospital tonight .

*hugs Lia* Somewhat. I'm not even sure what I wanted... I just know I wanted to shut everything out.

*hugs Nicole*

*hugs Crimson*

*hugs Hels*

*hugs Mark*

Sorry... am not able to focus more on individuals at the moment, and feel really crappy about that ><

*leaves extra care packages for everyone*

If they put a pace maker in i'll just save the trouble and say goodbye now. The trouble with pace makers is that they have a habit of bad reactions in some populations and causing horrible lung problems. My grandfather had one and he had to go repeatedly to get the fluid drained from his lungs and then one night he died because the fluid in his lungs drowned him.
*hugs* Sorry to be miss-negative-pants and I appreciate you trying to make me feel better but I have a lot of reasons not to have faith in doctors and pacemakers.

Totally understandable. *huggles back*

*hugs back*

~~~~~~~~~~~~
*hugs everyone*
Sorry you're so drained Mark. That's a lot of conversation.
*hopes Taz is feeling better*
*hands Hels some cough drops with honey centers*

*hugs helen, mark, taz and crimson*
helen and mark-please go to the doctors tomorrow?
oh dear, i've just realised something that confused me/made me feel like a slut :(

*Hugs Nicole* I'm sure you are not a slut. You certanly don't come across as such , You are a very likeable girl :) I'm sorry you feel confused :(