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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

chinahorse 11-08-2019 10:34 PM

The Man has made me evil. He holds the balance and since moving here I couldn't run from him. The clock ticks and time is tipping the scale the thread blood thins. I'm scared and I want to call someone and there's no one. I want to steal a car and drive home. But I chose wrong. The evil drips from me.

nonperson 11-08-2019 10:42 PM

That doesn't mean you can't talk to them when you're struggling so much. I think they would very much want to help. Wouldn't it better to have them know than try to do this all on your own?

Stellata 11-08-2019 10:49 PM

Everyone has a dark place in their mind, it doesn't make you evil. In fact it means you need help all the more to manage that dark place safely.

chinahorse 11-08-2019 11:09 PM

I need to go home. To plymouth.

Stellata 11-08-2019 11:10 PM

What would help there? Is that a possibility?

chinahorse 11-08-2019 11:18 PM

I had friends and a job I could cope with mentally. A support system.

Stellata 11-08-2019 11:20 PM

What caused the move away?

Auror. 12-08-2019 12:07 AM

Lillie, I remember you said you were unable to cope with your last job. I know things might be hard and scary now, but other than your friends you didn't have much of a professional support system. If it's possible to hang on until your appointment there, I'd give things a go and see if they can take time to improve. Hopefully this place will have some better support options for you.

For what it's worth, my case manager said a client moving was considered a catastrophic change to them, as it's a massive upheaval and stressful thing. I'm not saying that to invalidate your feelings, only to say that for anyone even without mental health issues, moving can be a huge challenge. It's okay to be scared and stressed. Hopefully once you get more used to things the bad will lessen in intensity.

chinahorse 13-08-2019 01:33 PM

It was physically I couldn't cope with my old job.
LeaSt people there gave a damn and didn't regulardy make me look stupid on purpose and my dentist understood I was a trainee. Now I have to do everything.
I keep cutting. I don't know what to do. I can't get them seen to because the local hospital is a 40 min bus ride away and minor injuries in my town is only open when I'm at work.
I want out of this world. All I do is make bad choices. Coming here was such a mistake. My friends in plymouth saved my life more than once.
I have to wait until the 29th for an assessment. That's not even support.
It's all too much and I'd cry if I wasn't here surrounded by people who don't give a shit.

tamobhuuta 13-08-2019 04:00 PM

Leaving hugs

Stellata 13-08-2019 08:39 PM

You can get through this. It's tough, but you can do it.

chinahorse 13-08-2019 09:46 PM

Feel so low.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 14-08-2019 10:27 AM

Sending love

x

chinahorse 14-08-2019 06:20 PM

Thank you.

Had an assessment today. With a therapy place. The ut come after me being really honest with her is that the service thinks km better suited to more intensive community support and won't take me on. The lady was nice and chased up my cmht referral. They are going to ring me to tell me more about what they offer and what the assessment is.

The lady apologised to me and said I should not have been referred to them.

tiptoes 14-08-2019 06:41 PM

That must be disappointing. It is always difficult whe you get yourself in the head space for an assessment and then they say what they offer isn't suitable. It sounds promising that the cmht might be able to help you. I hope you hear from them soon.

How are you doing?

chinahorse 14-08-2019 07:59 PM

It's like no one professional ever wants to help me.

I feel low. The assessment made me realise I'm really struggling with every day looking after myself more than I thought I was.

I'm upset I even tried to explain stuff about the evil and that.

Waiting for my mum to come and go so I can cut.

Stellata 14-08-2019 08:56 PM

When will you know the outcome of the assessment? I'm sure you'll get some help.

chinahorse 14-08-2019 09:58 PM

The assessment from today? I'm too complex for them.

Stellata 14-08-2019 10:04 PM

Surely they can refer you on?

chinahorse 14-08-2019 10:05 PM

I have an assessment with the recovery team in the 29th. Seems a long time.


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