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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

one_step_closer 27-07-2019 07:06 PM

You're not shit, you're starting lots of new things and that takes time to get used to. No one can do things right away. Do you have much contact with your friends?

chinahorse 27-07-2019 07:15 PM

Im talking to friends online. Not the same.

I should be better. Im never going to be good enough. I'm letting everyone down. I wish to not be here.

one_step_closer 28-07-2019 12:14 PM

Of course it's not the same, how far away are your friends?

You're judging yourself really harshly, I don't think you're not good enough etc. I'm sorry you feel so awful.

How are you today?

nonperson 28-07-2019 01:16 PM

What was it like when you first moved to your old place? Was that difficult too? Did you know anyone there? Was your job overwhelming? Just asking because these are all normal things to feel when doing a complete life overhaul, which you have done. Please don't give up. I am absolutely certain you can get through this, become more confident in your job, get the mental health help you need and make new friends. It takes time... and from reading your r/v it definitely will take longer than a week (being realistic) so please hold on. Wednesday isn't far off now.

chinahorse 29-07-2019 05:47 PM

I lived in plymouth for like 9 years and I went for uni with friends so was never friendless. My job was overwhelming but there was people to help and to ask.

I feel hideous. I honestly feel so so low that I can't even explain it. I don't know what to do. I've been holding on for months and months now.

Juella 30-07-2019 04:22 AM

I don't have many words, but I understand and I'm sorry things suck for you right now. Sending good wishes your way. Hope you'll feel at least a little bit better soon.

chinahorse 31-07-2019 12:25 PM

New drs is shit. Can't even get through to speak to anyone at my old cmht to see if they've transferred my care. I have so much left to do and I'm really upset.

Juella 31-07-2019 01:35 PM

Why you don't like the new dr? Do you feel like you can talk to them about your issues at all?

chinahorse 31-07-2019 02:25 PM

She barely listened to me. Rushed me. Won't prescribe my meds or refer me to the cmht or do my depot. Have to make appointments with 3 separate people over the next few weeks. Because I have time for that. And I couldn't even book in yo see the mental health nurse. So fuck know what I do now. I apparently have to wait until she sees me. Oh and I have to refer myself for therapy. Involved a phone call which I made. Can't get the assessment for 3 weeks to even get on the waiting list.

one_step_closer 31-07-2019 03:10 PM

That's really rubbish. :( Will you keep trying to get through to your old CMHT? Maybe they could do something to speed things up a bit.

chinahorse 02-08-2019 09:49 PM

I'm done. I'm so ar the end of my tether.

Juella 03-08-2019 09:26 AM

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. Did something in particular upset you? Can you think of something that could comfort you in the moment?

one_step_closer 03-08-2019 12:59 PM

How are you today? I hope you can do something nice for yourself over the weekend.

chinahorse 03-08-2019 03:21 PM

I'm ok today. Because I'm living in the moment and have a plan to end it soon.

Got a copy of a letter through the post that mymycht have sent to my new area so hopefully that won't take forever.

I'm torn. My mind is screaming to kill myself. The man is too.

one_step_closer 03-08-2019 03:28 PM

I think it would be worth seeing what the CMHT in your new area can offer. I know it's hard when you're really suicidal though. Have you spoken to anyone about what's going on right now?

chinahorse 03-08-2019 03:32 PM

There's nothing and no one to talk to.

one_step_closer 03-08-2019 05:10 PM

I hear your feelings of hopelessness, I know that pain. *hugs* I guess it's just about continuing to fight for now because I don't think attempting suicide would make things better for you at all. Have you phoned any of your friends?

chinahorse 07-08-2019 07:30 PM

Struggling a lot.

one_step_closer 07-08-2019 07:30 PM

What's happening Lillie?

chinahorse 07-08-2019 07:37 PM

Need to hurt. To balance the rights of the world. New team got word of my evil. They don't want to support me.


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