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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

nicole94 13-04-2010 09:10 PM

sorry guys. i SI'D. thats 2 weeks hard work ruined :( and i had a MASSIVE fight with my mum :'( i know there are other distractions beyond the computer, but i find none of them work, the only thing that does is RYL. and hayley, it wasnt the same friend that upset me last time, but it was about that :(

jonikd 13-04-2010 09:10 PM

*stretches and yawns and says good morning to Mark and pokes puppy Sinclair to see if he's up for a run*

I'm ok thanks, I cut last night too, but not badly so I'm ok with it. By the time I got off here last night I was too tired to do much, so thanks everyone ;)

Hope everyone is OK today, Nicole hunni, really hope you stayed safe.

Laura,April you guys have a lot on, so be gentle with yourselves 'k?

How did your day with your man go Hayley?

Helen, sweetie, you feeling a bit better? *hugs*

Crimson, I know how you feel about lack of sleep, I got bugga all last night, but at least I didn't have nightmares I guess!

Oliver, break ups suck, especially when we're a bit vulnerable to start with :( Take care of yourself, and agree that you should go to the doctor.

I have 2 big days ahead, tonight off to see my ex to keep trying to talk about selling the house and so on,and tomorrow my first session with my new psychotherapist.... so probably will be looking for friends in here later

*runs to get flat white*

jonikd 13-04-2010 09:13 PM

*hugs Nicole gently*
Well we can all start again today then hey hun. Its not 2 weeks ruined, its one slip up and you're back into it today ok. You haven't SIed for 13 out of 14 days, which is a 92% success rate, OK? Stay positive sweetie and look after your wound properly *hugs again*

xx

Doikers 13-04-2010 09:19 PM

*Hugs Nicole* I'm sorry you slipped up , are you taking care of the cut ? Please be careful.
*Hugs JK* I'm sorry you harmed too , please remember to keep it as sterile as you can , I know you both know this stuff but just to be sure.
I know it's early but I have had enough of today so have taken some Diazapam to make me sleep . I took 3 at once so I should sleep . Tomorrow is a new day , I know I shoulden't take so many pills but I just need today to be over , 3 is a safe amount to take although not recomended but I'm not gonna make a habit of it .
Stay safe you guys .

nicole94 13-04-2010 09:24 PM

*hugs mark and JK* they were only little cuts, and i cleaned them after but i feel like such a failure :( hopen you're both ok (other than the things you said in your posts)

jonikd 13-04-2010 09:24 PM

*thanks Dr Doikers ;)* Have a good sleep hun *tucks Mark in*

jonikd 13-04-2010 09:28 PM

*hugs Nicole* good girl. If you're a failure then so are we hun, and I'm sure you don't think that 'k? Give yourself a break and be patient with your recovery.

*cuddles again, hands Nicole puppy sinclair's lead and goes to do some work*

nicole94 13-04-2010 09:29 PM

but-you didnt do what i did today :( i was so nasty.

frenchhorn 13-04-2010 09:40 PM

*hugs JK* hope tomorrow/today(very confused with the time differences!!) goes ok.

*hugs Mark* have a good sleep

*hugs Nicole* your not a failure, we all have slip ups, they are part of life, tomorrow is a new day.

*hugs Crimson, April, Laura, Helen, Hayley, and anyone else I may have forgotten*

My hand is still bad, I can't go to the doctors until next week because I'm on this course, but will talk to my teacher when I get back to uni and see if she thinks it is playing related, but yeah another 4 hours of rehearsals today.
I've not been so good, I sat in my room earlier nearly took all my AD's, hich is a lot, I just can't see the point anymore, feeling really unwanted and crap right now.

MammaMia 13-04-2010 09:49 PM

*cuddles everyone lots*

Hope you sleep well Mark
Nicole, sorry you've had such a bad day sweet *holds you close*
JK =D *big hugs* I'm sorry you've cut too

I don't know how I feel. Been talking about my 21st birthday celebrations...aha

nicole94 13-04-2010 09:54 PM

*clings to helen* i told my mum i hated her, i hit her, just so she would hit me back, because when she hits me, it gives almost the same release as cutting. i threw things, i smashed things, i gave my mum a big bruise on her arm. i kicked her, punched her, slapped her and pulled her hair, because i know that if i do it to her, she will do it back. i am an awful person. i dont deserve to be here :'(

*curls up in corner crying*

frenchhorn 13-04-2010 10:03 PM

*comes over to corner, passes nicole tissues and sits next to* your not an awful person

MammaMia 13-04-2010 10:03 PM

Nicole, listen to me darling, you're NOT an awful person. You're an amazing young woman who's just had a bad day. We all throw strops & arguments at one time or another. Maybe apologise to her when you're feeling calmer? *cuddles you gently* You are not awful. I would tell you if you were :( You do deserve to be here. Very much so.

nicole94 13-04-2010 10:08 PM

*hugs oliver and helen, takes tissues* thanks guys. i just feel so awful. i have such a temper at times. and i cant control it :'( helen-i've already apologised to her. i'm banned from the laptop for a week (shes out now, so i've managed to get on it)

MammaMia 13-04-2010 10:14 PM

Your cats are beautiful *snuggles* Part of being a teenager babe, having a temper. Well I think so. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 20 & still have a few arguments with my Mum ;) Not so much now though.

nicole94 13-04-2010 10:18 PM

aaw, thanks, thats garfield. i want another kitten lol. but my mum wont let me. i dont often argue with my mum, but when we do argue, its really bad :(

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 10:33 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Forgot to mention earlier that I have a NP appt tonight... am worried, although not so bad as 3 weeks ago. It's crazy how time flies!! :-X

Am feeling rather stressed and overwhelmed at the moment, have so much to do in the next 3 weeks to get done for uni. Have to give practice presentations tomorrow for senior sem and I don't want to... :'( I'm really scared that people are going to think my talk/paper are **** and that I won't get a good grade on it. :'(

Other **** I posted about in my r/v thread... :crying:

nicole94 13-04-2010 10:36 PM

*cuddles april*
i feel........lonely :(

frenchhorn 13-04-2010 10:37 PM

*cuddles April* I'm sure no one will think your ****, and I'm sure you will get a good grade. just wondering whats a NP? hope the appt goes well though

*cuddles Nicole and sits with so she isn't lonely*

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 10:40 PM

NP = nurse practitioner. Almost like a doctor, can prescribe meds (which is what I see her for), but isn't one. I really like her, it's just that seeing her ramps up my anxiety usually as she's the one that has the "authority" to send me to the hospital. :-/ I am almost positive she won't tonight, as I'm passively suicidal, nothing huge, but still... am nervous.

*cuddles Oliver and Nicole, sits next to Nicole so she won't feel so lonely* Oliver, sorry about your hand (and sorry I didn't comment sooner) - is it still swollen/sore? And Nicole, you're not an awful person at all - many people have tempers and sometimes mental health issues can make them worse... glad you apologized to your mum. *more cuddles*

MammaMia 13-04-2010 10:41 PM

*cuddles all 3 of you*

*hugs April* They will like it, if they don't tough **** ;) You'll fly through these last few weeks. I promise xx

*sits with Nicole* You're not lonely, no matter how much you feel it darling. You have us xx

nicole94 13-04-2010 10:47 PM

thanks for sitting with me guys, but-honestly. IRL, i have no friends everyone hates me. :( i feel lonley as hell, because everyone i know has a best friend, and theyre so close and tell eachother everything. i dont have that, i dont even have anything close to that. i spend all my time at home. watching telly or on the computer, because noone wants to be friends with me.

frenchhorn 13-04-2010 10:56 PM

*cuddles April* I hope the appt goes well for you, I understand getting anxious before appointments, I get incredibley anxious before any appointment with dr, uni person, counsellor. yeah my hand is still painful, I'm pretty sure its playing related because it gets more painful when I play, which really isn't good,you can get some serious injuries from playing instruments and then you can't play for ages, its got a support thing on atm and out some anti-inflamatory gel on it.

*cuddles Helen and Nicole*

MammaMia 13-04-2010 10:59 PM

*cuddles Nicole* You'll find some good friends as you go through life. I promise babe. If it makes you feel any better, my two best friends are people I met online. They don't live near me :( I don't have many real life friends. I don't go out much, spend 90% of my days online & on tv. Pathetic of me. I should be out working, seeing friends, having a life.. apparently. But things prevent that :(

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:02 PM

*cuddles helen* thanks hun. it just upsets me because everyone has best friends, and i dont :( i have noone. and im exactly the same hun. i consider everyone on here my friends.

MammaMia 13-04-2010 11:05 PM

*cuddles* No, you may not have any. But you will have them one day & you'll be glad you had to wait. I promise. Over the years, I've considered many people my best friends, but all except one has walked away. We're close friends. I'm SO glad I had to wait & everything. Because they are seriously amazing. Yes they cause me huge amounts of worry sometimes, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm rambling and probably seem to be rubbing it in, but it will be worth the wait. I can promise you that honey. Also you may feel like you have nobody. But you've always got me.*cuddles*

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:09 PM

*cuddles helen* thankyou hun, and no it didnt seem like you were rubbing it in, just trying to make me see that someone will come along eventually, and thanks for being here :D

MammaMia 13-04-2010 11:11 PM

Always be here for you darling. Goes for rest of the warders really :) I know I can't always help but I'll try my best :) *cuddles*

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:13 PM

*cuddles* thanks. and i'm always here for all you lot. even if i dont have very good advice, and i tend to whinge quite a bit :/

frenchhorn 13-04-2010 11:16 PM

*cuddles all*
why do I want to cry and scream at the world, not sure how much longer I can hold on.

*retreats into corner*

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 11:17 PM

*cuddles Nicole* I totally can relate... I mean, I have one best friend, but she's been doing a lot of stuff with another girl lately, and it's been hurting me... vented about that in my r/v thread... I don't know, I think Hels said it all. :) Best friends are worth the wait. *more cuddles* Anyway, sorry, my head's all muzzy so I can't think too clearly at the moment. :(

I have so much to do in the next 3 weeks... my senior sem paper to revise and a talk to give (practicing tomorrow in front of 3 classmates and haven't practiced at all yet!!), soc paper to write, poems to write for my final project for Women & Spirituality (worth 20% of final grade so AM NERVOUS!!!!!!!!), etc., etc., etc... so ****ing overwhelmed. :'(

*is lonely even though her husband is nearby* :'(

MammaMia 13-04-2010 11:18 PM

You don't whinge, you talk, which is good :)

Oliver, cuddles, would talking help any?? Might help a cry?

MammaMia 13-04-2010 11:19 PM

*cuddles April lots* You're not lonely babe. I promise. Not surprised you're feeling overwhelmed.

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 11:19 PM

Oliver, please don't do anything "stupid" ... you'll make it through, all the bad stuff will pass, you'll be okay in the end. You know the cliché, "If everything's not okay, then it's not the end." Well, I believe that. Try to yourself. Please. For us, if not for you. *holds gently* You're so valuable to so many people, you're worth so much more than you can see...

:'(

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:19 PM

*cuddles april and oliver*

Scarletdreamer 13-04-2010 11:20 PM

*cuddles Hels* How're you doing this evening?? ♥

Yeh, there is a lot going on... and then the joys of finals first week of May. >_< Oh well. I'll make it through... dunno how safely... but that doesn't really matter.

:crying:

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:20 PM

lol. i do whinge quite a bit, like tonight

frenchhorn 13-04-2010 11:24 PM

I'm not valuable to people, I can't do this. I really want to harm and freaking out because havn't got my 'tool' so trying to find anything which would do, cant do this just cant not anymore.

MammaMia 13-04-2010 11:24 PM

Nicole, you don't. *cuddles*.

April, you'll get through it, we'll encourage you through the next few weeks :) Safely. Don't worry about me. I don't matter :) xx

Oliver, you are valuable to people.

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:32 PM

thanks helen *cuddles*
oliver-you definatley are valuable to people *hugs*
april-you can get through it, we're all behind you hun *squishes*

frenchhorn 13-04-2010 11:34 PM

i'm not, I'm just a useless freak, that all I am and great my internet is going to go off in about 25mins.

*hides rocking in corner*

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:37 PM

*comes over to corner and puts arm around oliver* well you're valuable to me.

MammaMia 13-04-2010 11:37 PM

You're not a useless freak, or I definitely am ;)

It's no problem Nicole *cuddles*

*curls up and hides*

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:42 PM

:D *finds helen, unravels her and cuddles* you ok hun?

MammaMia 13-04-2010 11:43 PM

*cuddles Nicole* Not really. Just trying to be strong for everyone, try help everyone else..

nicole94 13-04-2010 11:49 PM

do you wanna talk? i'm perfectly fine and calmed down now, you can PM me if you want *hugs*

frenchhorn 14-04-2010 12:00 AM

*cuddles all* my internet will go in a min so I am off, not sure how I will get through but will try for you all.

MammaMia 14-04-2010 12:02 AM

My best friend's boyfriend is wanting to take her to hospital, she's just really exhausted and stuff. Naturally she doesn't want to go for couple reasons. Wish she'd go, just get to checked out, hopefully she IS okay. But if she needs treatment then I'd rather she had it. Just wish I could help her more than I already do.

Thankfully, so far tonight, I haven't heard from a certain evil person in her life. Well he's sort of in it. Very complicated & messy stuff. Unfortunately, I'm very very involved in it. Don't think I quite realise the effect it has on me. Hopefully won't hear anything off him.

Having ****ing palpitations again. :/ ****'s sake. Might have to mention it to my doctor. Not that he seems to really care about my physical problems. :/ Keep having them, plus random breathlessness & panic attacks. Probably all related aha. Probably stress!!!

Worried about my other best friend. She'll get through it though. She's just having some 'downtime' as I like to call it. I just really miss her :( But she came online on Sunday & today. She hopes to be online tomorrow, we shall see. I just hate it when it happens, I feel so helpless but I try & help all the same.

*sighs* Just too much stuff right now. I'm supposed to be seeing my friend H tomorrow. But she's got to spend it with her Mum instead. So another day in by my lonesome. Oh well, Charlie will be here :D Ugh, I have to be up early. Joy :/ I'm still struggling to get a job, it's near impossible :( Something will come up. Am trying to survive on less than £5 until 4th May :| Luckily I have savings that I can dip into. Would rather not, need to save it for my 21st!!

Aha, was talking about my 21st birthday celebrations with my Mum the other day. She was talking about it tonight ^_^ Seems it will happen *squeals* No doubt I'll have to cough up most of the money. But I knew that xD Ugh why does money have to cause SO many problems right now? :( It's bad enough for us at the moment, my Mum is effectively losing her job soon :/ Hopefully can re-apply for the similar one. But if not..I dread to think :(

nicole94 14-04-2010 12:09 AM

*hugs helen tightly*
as much as you care for your friends hun, sometimes you have to let them do what they want. if your friend doesnt want to go to the hospital, you've gotta respect that, no matter how hard it is.
what do you mean about your doctor not caring about your physical problems hun?
and your other friend will get through it, we all will eventually.
as for finding a job, isnt there any temporary jobs you can get for now, e.g. in tescos or somewhere similar?
and that sounds nice, having a party for your 21st, i never get partys lol.

MammaMia 14-04-2010 12:13 AM

*hugs Nicole tightly*

I know, I have to let them do what they want. I can't help it, I'm stubborn & stuffs. As is my best friend, well both of them are LOL. I know I can't force her to go to hospital & have to let her do what she wants..

Just feel like my doctor doesn't care about my physical health. The last time I saw him, well two days before that, I'd spoken about some health problems that weren't my mental side of things & they got ignored :( Despite one of them being about my way-too-regular fainting *touchswood*

We all will eventually get through it indeed.

I've gone for temporary jobs & not got those either :( :/ It's tough out there, godamm recession isn't helping whatsoever!!!!!!!

I'm sure it'll be fun. Got to do this year first :P My 21st isn't til next March :)


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