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Pomegranate 09-01-2009 09:42 PM

Thanks Rowie *hugs back*. Got prescribed Sertraline (sp?). Great.

713 09-01-2009 10:02 PM

Hi,
wanted to check in if possible. Whereīs the lorazepame and my bed?

Damnation. 09-01-2009 10:12 PM

*Hugs all* Sorry, don't really know much of what to say, other than to Katie: I know how you feel

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Long rant is long
Okay, so as I've mentioned once or twice before in here, my housemate and me are being evicted. We were given three weeks by the courts to find somewhere else to live and GTFO, and those three weeks elapsed without us finding anywhere. Hell, we weren't even offered anywhere to look at! So, the landlord would have to go back to the courts and get a warrant in order to get us to leave.

That warrant came through the post today. We have until the 27th to **** off, and if not, bailiffs'll come round and make us. We have nowhere else to go. When we were first told we were going to be thrown out, my housemate looked at a load of housing associations, and kept speaking to a guy called Lee, who's been helping us with accomodation.

We got to see one place. In all this time, since about Oct/Nov-ish, we've been shown ONE ****ING PLACE to look at. And guess what? It was too. ****ing. Expensive. The rent was at an already reduced price, and wouldn't be lowered further. My housemate was tempted to go for it anyway, but after consulting my grandparents and father for advice (an idea that sounds odd to me, for some reason), decided against it. 'Cause, y'know, the same thing'll happen all over a-****ing-gain.

So at this rate, we're going to be thrown out with nowhere to go. Katrica told me that her mother said they can't just leave us on the streets, they have to provide emergency accomodation, such as a B&B. When I mentioned this to my housemate, oh no, that's not a viable choice, we can't do that. Apparently we wouldn't be able to take the dog with us, so she downright refuses, won't be seperated. I can appreciate that, but wtf, what other ****ing option is there?

My father has said that I can stay with him and his girlfriend if needs be, but I'm reluctant. I like the fact that I no longer live with either of my parents, and to move back in with my dad would feel like taking a step backwards. That, and plus what about my housemate? I don't think he'd be able to home her and the dog, as well.

Not to mention the fact - how would I get there? How would I be able to travel from Lancashire to Suffolk? I don't travel well, unless I'm accompanied by someone.

And also:
  • My housemate wouldn't be able to go with me, 'cause she can't leave the dog for the day
  • My dad wouldn't be able to come and fetch me, as he has a demanding job. His girlfriend has a job plus is doing a college course
  • The easiest way to get from Lancs to Suffolk would be to fly. I don't have an up-to-date passport. That costs money to sort out, if I'm right. Even if it doesn't, plane tickets do. If we can't even afford Ģ25 for rent for a ****ing house, then we can't ****ing afford plane tickets!
  • My paternal grandparents probably wouldn't be able to help much either.
  • The less said about my mum's side of the family, the better (I nearly started a family feud =D they don't like me any more)
  • There was probably another point, but in a brilliant display of excellence and intelligence, I've forgotten it
So I am not in a good way. Horrible thoughts and urges have returned, and really, it's getting to the stage where I just don't see the point in living any more. I keep thinking about suicide, keep having mental images of it.

I've always said that I wouldn't ever deliberately take my own life, but now...I'm not so sure. Seriously, what is the point? I'm gonna be stuck on the ****ing streets, if I'm not careful, I don't see anything good lying up ahead. I'm tired of being falsely optimistic, reassuring other people by saying 'oh, I'm sure something'll come up', because I'm NOT sure. So mm. I had more to say, but again, I've forgotten it. I don't want to take my life, but I can feel my resolve, the ole 'omgdunworryIcouldneverdoit' breaking. And I'm still too cowardly to go to the docs =B.

TL;DR: I fail

Mary Anne 09-01-2009 10:42 PM

Hi all,

*hugs Emma* hope you are okay and that the meds make you feel a little better, you won't be on them forever, they are just there to help you just now.

*hugs Snuffles* hope you get everything sorted out

Hi 713 *offers hugs*

*offers hugs to everyone*

Soooo tired today, I had to keeping stopping work and going for a walk outside to wake up, hopefully I will sleep well tonight (all week I have gone to bed but despite being tired I have been unable to sleep but I am hoping exhaustion will kick in tonight)

Taking all my wedding photos to my mum's tomorrow so I don't look at them and get upset (or do something silly like destroy them, I know I really don;t want to do that but rage might take over).

*curls up and sleeps*

Damnation. 09-01-2009 10:43 PM

x_o *Hugs Mary Anne*

713 09-01-2009 11:06 PM

@poisonous cyanide
sorry, I donīt want to invade your privacy or anything, but I just looked at your facebook pic, aand, is it possible that we both went to college together? a college which usually has lots of german exchange students hanging around, being really rude and talking german all the time...?

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:08 PM

My college did have a load of German students when I attended, yeah. Colne College?

713 09-01-2009 11:09 PM

oh and thanks for the hugs mary anne. donīt know where the stars are on my stupid keyboard, but hugs back.

713 09-01-2009 11:10 PM

Yep. You probably donīt know me...aehh maybe you do, I think I had english literature classes with you.

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:11 PM

You poor sod, lol. I'm just tryna remember who else was in English classes with me now, other than the two I used to bug every lesson ._.

713 09-01-2009 11:20 PM

I wasnīt there for long. I only started after half term in year 13 and left quite soon afterwards again. But I left after you left anyway.

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:22 PM

Ahh, I see. Probably for the best, the place was awful x_o. And heh, I guess that means you were one of the lucky people who got to hear all the charming rumours about my leaving then <__<;;

713 09-01-2009 11:26 PM

Have you got any idea who I am? Not that anybody I went to college with would remember me, but itīs wort a try...donīt even know you...
Which place was awful? College or English classes? ;-)
Oh yes, I heard the rumours. Were they true?

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:28 PM

I'm not too sure, to be entirely honest, sorry. I don't really remember a lot of the past few years. And I meant the Colne itself was awful.

Nope, the rumours weren't true in the slightest. Granted, most people'd say that even if they were, but what was being passed around in the Colne was a load of ****. I left 'cause I couldn't live with my mum, my health was deteriorating, and if I stayed, I would've had a breakdown at the very least. Soyeah D:

713 09-01-2009 11:39 PM

Completely agree with you about the Colne. Gosh, I hate this place. There is a chance I wouldnīt even be on this type of forum if I hadnīt gone to school there.

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:40 PM

Yeah? How'd you discover RYL then? o.o

And as for the Colne, thank **** neither of us is stuck there any more <__<;;. Lol, I don't think I'd be welcome back in Essex if I tried, so is best to just leave it, I say

713 09-01-2009 11:45 PM

I got here through a link from The Studentroom. do you know any other good english forums? the german one are mostly small ones all over the place.

Damnation. 09-01-2009 11:50 PM

Ohh, I see. Well, the only other forum I go on that isn't RYL is Gaia Online

Snuffles 10-01-2009 01:45 AM

*cuddles Dayna*

It's ****ed up hey. I hope it won't happen to us. We're going to look into some storage places today and start to clean up as my brother is coming up tomorrow for a few days. Our housemate, she has grown up around here since she was little so she knows heaps of people and can go anywhere. Us? We've only been here 6 months, I know no one from uni (cept the odd snobby bitch), we have a couple, or rather family) about half an hour north that we can stay with for a week or two IF NEED BE. It's just frustrating isn't it?? I hate it. We had only just got settled here. Looks like I'm just going to have to find a job as well FFS. I can't do that while I'm studying argghhhh

Damnation. 10-01-2009 02:33 AM

*Cuddles Katie back* >__< I really hope you get it sorted out soon. Is ****ing ****, isn't it?

Snuffles 10-01-2009 02:52 AM

Oh it is... hope you get urs sorted as well! *cuddles*

Damnation. 10-01-2009 03:04 AM

Thanks, I hope so too *hugs back again*

Snuffles 10-01-2009 03:41 AM

Thanks, I'm sure it will out for us.. I don't know.. I hope it will...

Pomegranate 10-01-2009 03:47 AM

I hope it gets sorted for both of you. *sends lots of hugs* things will work out one day, promise xxxx

*sits and rocks*

Snuffles 10-01-2009 04:07 AM

Thanks Emma, how are you going today? *cuddles*

Pomegranate 10-01-2009 04:12 AM

Could be better. Got put on AD's again today but can't make myself take them. What's the point? I am not sure I deserve treatment. I deserve to die. I have had enough.

ravynsoul 10-01-2009 04:13 AM

*sends hugs and cuddles around*

Damnation. 10-01-2009 04:13 AM

Of course you deserve treatment, Emma! *Hugs muchly*

*Hugs Ravyn back*

ravynsoul 10-01-2009 04:28 AM

Thanks Dayna.

*hugs Katie and Dayna* - Sorry to hear/read about your situations with your houses. I wish I could offer some advice or something to make it better, but I don't have any words. *hugs*

*hugs Emma* Dayna is right, you deserve treatment! Glad to hear you went to the doctors.

Hi 713, nice to meet you.

*Hugs Mary Anne, Arwyen, Kahlia, Nicole, Lucy, Grace and anyone I've forgotten* Sorry I'm short on words tonite.

Damnation. 10-01-2009 04:29 AM

Tis alright *Hugs Ravyn back again* Hope you're okay

Eclectica 10-01-2009 04:33 AM

What to do what to do what to do. I hate these feelings. They're stupid and not even properly mine. Disturbing kinda :[

ravynsoul 10-01-2009 04:39 AM

*hugs Katrica*

Thanks Dayna, really struggling the past few days, can't put it into to words yet.

Eclectica 10-01-2009 04:42 AM

*Hugs ravyn* Sorry to hear things have been hard, hope it improves for you.

ravynsoul 10-01-2009 04:47 AM

*hugs Katrica back* thanks; I hope your feelings get sorted out soon and you start to feel better soon.

Eclectica 10-01-2009 04:50 AM

Thanks. It's been there a long time now... And it's stupid, annoying and shouldn't happen. Eeeeh I dunno. It's a strong wanting feeling. A stupidly strong one. And it's not me who began to feel it, though I am now (alters).

Damnation. 10-01-2009 04:51 AM

>__O *Hugs Kat and Ravyn*

mouse in darkness 10-01-2009 12:31 PM

*Hugs Dayna, Ravyn, Katrica, 713, Kahlia, Helen, Emma, Katie, Lucy, Zowie, Hana and anyone I have missed.*

Hello 713 nice to meet you. Im Nicole.

I am officialy enroled back into school and have my first exam on wendesday. Am very nervous. Still not coping well, but that is a long story. Sorry for the lack of support and words.

*Hugs*

*Hides back under bed with the denial tent over it with BJ*

Jetforce 10-01-2009 01:30 PM

Good luck nicole

i'm sure u'll do alrite in ur exam there xx

ravynsoul 10-01-2009 02:14 PM

*hugs Dayna back*
*Hugs Nicole* Good luck with your exam. Hope things start to go better for you soon.

Hi Jem, how are you doing?

*Leaves hugs for everyone else*

--
woke up today with a clearer head. Had a really tough week at work; not that anything bad happened, it just sent me deep into my depression to the point where I was contemplating suicide yesterday... but thankfully came out of it.. and it's the weekend!

Snuffles 10-01-2009 02:14 PM

Good luck Nicole! Will be thinking of you! And no need to apologise.. *cuddles* Hope your doing ok.

Jem.. how are you???

Welcome 713, welcome to the Psych Ward =D

*cuddles Kat and Ravyn* Hope your both doing ok there.. or as ok as can be!

Thanks guys the hugs etc. It's going to work out. Am feeling more positive about the situation now. But we found out that Miks friend who lives down the road and her boyfriend knew about the house before we did :\ So that's just pissed us off. I don't care how close mik and A are. I don't care. WE are living here so WE should have known BEFORE HER!! Does anyone else think that??

I socialised tonight... for all of half an hour I'm sure. I got fed up coz they were talking about mental illness and saying that what they think is right and I'm thinking yeah...... you don't know at all do you?? Before that they were talking about Mik's mum (which yes, I know she is very sick. I do know that so I do hope I'm not coming off as selfish or bitchy) but what they were saying was 'oh she hasn't died yet coz she doesn't want to so she's hanging on'. And I'm thinking, so mum died coz she DID want to??? And they were talking about MS (which my mum had.. and I've done my research on it, so I KNOW about it) and apparently Mik's mum has it too and so they were talking about it and how wrong were they!! And Ryan was all talking about it as if he's known her all his life.. and he's only known her for a few weeks!

Grrrr this is why I hate people.. I hate socialising.. it sucks. I tried. I do. I always try with them but I've had enough. I really have. I don't care what anyone else says, they can shove it.. lol. I'm so over talking with them and always getting hurt and having to cry myself to sleep.

Ok.. that's me done.. *hugs*

Snuffles 10-01-2009 02:15 PM

Hey ravyn, we posted at the same time heh. Glad you woke up better. *huggles* Tough weeks suck, glad you got through it though :D hang in there =)

ravynsoul 10-01-2009 02:23 PM

*huggles Katie back* thanks for the encouragement :)

I agree with you, it's not fair that someone else knew about the house before you did... it's kinda rude actually. :S I'm with you on the not enjoying socializing -- people seem to think they know it all and don't think about what they're saying.. sorry that they were not thinking...

Snuffles 10-01-2009 02:35 PM

*hugs* Always welcome :) hehe.

Yep, right now I can't wait to move out and be rid of them. I'm going to make an effort at uni to make new friends. But hope to god they are not like these people. I agree, people don't think, me included. But this guy in particular, thinks he knows the world. And I hate people like that. Sure, if you've seen alot in your life, experienced alot, great (or not so great??) but those that just.. are grrrrrr if you get what ones I'm talking about lol!

Oh and my brother missed his train tonight. So he won't be here tomorrow morning *cries* He's going to try to get another train.. but it sucks =( It just HAD to go wrong didn't it??

mouse in darkness 10-01-2009 03:09 PM

Thanks Katie and Ravyn.

Hope things go well for you both *Hugs*

713 10-01-2009 04:21 PM

Thanks for everyone welcoming me. It`s nearly as nice as on a real ward here :-)

zowie 10-01-2009 04:23 PM

Hello everyone. Sorry I haven't been supporting recently, just feel so drained. Selfish, I know. But I am sorry.
I'm gonna rant a bit here, so you don't have to read it.

It's my sister's birthday party tonight. She keeps telling me not to do anything that embarrasses her and it's really starting to get on my nerves. We've been to three parties together and on the first one her friend showed me her scars and asked to see mine so I showed her so she knew she wasn't alone, and my sister keeps saying 'don't you go showing off your slit wrists to everyone. it's ****ing horrible'. Apparently her friend told her I showed her my scars and omitted the part where she asked to see them. Gah.
I told her to stop acting to high and mighty, and reminded her that when she came to my birthday she was drunk and silly. But she's acting like I'm some sort of burden and will be annoying at her party. Pisses me right off.

My friend (the one who's angry at me for throwing up on new years) is coming for a bit, and my boyfriend said he's busy tonight but will also come for a bit. Strangely enough they're leaving at the same sort of time. So I'm pretty sure them and my other 'mates' are yet again doing something without inviting me.

I'm stressed out about money. I'm now on benefits, Jobseekers Allowance. I'm waiting for a letter about my application to disability living allowance. But the JSA I'm recieving at the moment is not enough to live on. My dad wants all of it to go on rent, and so I don't have any money for food, going out or tobacco.
I've got an appointment with them on Monday and I'm going to have to ask them to raise the ammount I'm getting. It's just not enough.

Okay, I'm done ranting.
*Gives out hugs and retreats to smoking shelter*
xxx

Snuffles 10-01-2009 04:33 PM

713, no worries =) Hope to get to know you more around here. I've never been in a real ward so I can't really... comment? Lol..

Zowie *huge cuddles* Sorry but your sister sounds like a...hmm... *insert word there* Sorry she's being like that. I haven't yet to deal with people like that but I can imagine how annoyed and upset and frustrated I'd get.

Money, yeah kinda same boat hey. Money sucks. It really does. It's great if you have it... lol.. but when you don't.. a real downer.. *hugs*

zowie 10-01-2009 05:14 PM

Thanks Katie *hugs back*
x

713 10-01-2009 06:09 PM

I just heard the one of the most *searching for a verb that doesnīt make my sentence sound like I am attemptin at discriminating anyone *
hilarious suggestions for supporting me. I was told my psychiatrist wanted me to apply for government funding for mentally disabled people.
I mean what the heck...? I am not disabled.

Damnation. 10-01-2009 11:02 PM

*Bounces madly in and tackleglompsquishes the flying **** outta everyone* =DD!!!

Kaatiiieee: Glad to hear that yer housing situation's gonna be alright ^____^ although bleh, I agree with you and Ravyn 'bout that other person knowing first. Ish not right .__.;;

I dun has enough concentration to read many other posts, so sorry about that :sweat:

* * *

I can basically sum up how I am in three words:

I.

Am.

HYPER =DD


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