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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kahlia1981 30-03-2016 08:36 AM

Hey Kat, I count myself lucky that the nerve root compression misses those needed for bladder and bowel control. Don't get me wrong, I would dearly love the pain to go away but I'm fully aware that that won't happen until after the surgery. *sigh*

Yep I definitely remember the Glomp big brother.... *glomps you right back*

Annie I'm sending you all my thoughts and wishes that things will be okay.

As hugs are nice Drew I'm sending you heaps. *hugs*

My husband and his daughter have left for a couple of nights on an island close to us. Since they have left the only thing that I have been thinking about is harming myself. Every single plan for every single option that I have is just going around and around in my head and I don't know what will stop it.

*Disappears into her pillow fort with her bear, a hot chocolate and some biscuits immediately after leaving heaps of both on the table*

Eir 30-03-2016 10:31 AM

It's a pity you couldn't join them Kahlia. I hear the island is beautiful. Never had the chance to go myself, maybe next time I'm up your way Ill go. If finances permit. Love to meet you too.
Be safe. Thinking of you

Doikers 30-03-2016 03:10 PM

I'm going to just sit in here for a bit if okay . . . .

Drewbles 01-04-2016 05:33 AM

me too, if that's ok Mark (is it ok to call you Mark or should I call you Doikers?)
*wraps a blanket around my shoulders and sinks against the wall quietly*
Thank-you for the hugs Kahlia. I'll store some for later.

Is everyone ok today?

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 05:36 AM

Thanks Annie. Magnetic Island is beautiful and apparently has one of the best sunset views in the world, or so the chick who was trying to pick up my husband says.... Lol, considering he was openly wearing his wedding ring and she didn't really cool down until she learned he was there with his daughter. Cooled down might not be the right term though.... She checked out of her room at 10:00, came back around 14:00 to "collect something" she had left behind and then went into the communal bathroom and took a full shower and stood naked and then with fluorescent underwear on in the corridor smiling at my husband as he walked past. He only saw her because of the colour of the underwear and the fact that she was standing in the walkway. It really cracks me up.

Hey big brother, you know it's always okay to sit here as long as you need. *hugs* I'm always here for you Mark.

Really not feeling all that crash hot but I guess that's life. I won't put everything in here, it'll be on the last page of my support thread for anyone interested.

*leaves brownies, hot chocolates and cookies on the table*

*hugs* and *safe hugs* for anyone who needs/wants them

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 05:37 AM

Thanks Drew. There will always be hugs around here if you want/need them.

Drewbles 01-04-2016 05:54 AM

That's an excellent resource to have. I'll try to remember that.
Sorry you're feeling unwell

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 06:49 AM

God, as if being 34 years of age and having to use a wheelie walker wasn't bad enough, 2 near falls today mean I'm having to use the wheelchair until I can prove my legs are stable enough for me to use the walker and I can only leave the house in the wheelchair.

I'm sorry, I know there are a lot of people, both younger and older, that are in much worse situations than I am, but I'm really struggling with the dramatic change from fully mobile to using a wheelie walker all because the hospital refused to give me an orthopedic bed and refused to assist when I awoke unable to move both my legs.

Sorry for that everyone, probably TMI..

*Grabs a pillow, blanket and bear and heads into a corner to cry*

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 07:17 AM

I'm really starting to think we need a positive post thread where anyone in Vets can post whatever positive things they can find, just to help us all remember that our lives aren't all negative. I'm happy to create the thread if anyone else thinks it might be a good idea.

Eir 01-04-2016 01:11 PM

Love that idea Kahlia. Not sure I have anything to share yet. But I'll keep an eye out.

Doikers 01-04-2016 01:39 PM

I think that's a fab idea Kahlia :)

Yes , I go my Mark , Ribbons , so you can call me Mark if you feel comfy with that :)

Kahlia1981 01-04-2016 02:57 PM

So, with two people agreeing with me on this one I have created a thread. I called it the positive post thread as I wanted it to be clear for everyone. Please feel free to read and contribute as you may be surprised by how many positives you can find or by how much you can relate to other people's positive's. The Positive Post Thread

Kathryn_Anna 01-04-2016 08:26 PM

So I have my niece and nephew's birthday party bright and early tomorrow morning at a museum. It's indoor and outdoor and tons of fun. Problem is my son's anxiety meds are out at our pharmacy so no clue when they'll come in. He's already been without all week and has slept 90% of the last 2 days. My knee is alao acting up again and it hurts to walk. PSA: when you hurt your knee, Sven if minor, take it seriously. I wacked it on the couch stepping over something and that was probably 2 months ago.

Doikers 01-04-2016 09:56 PM

~Can Someone tell what PSA means please

Drewbles 01-04-2016 11:09 PM

psa is public service announcement. It's meant to be like.. Information shared with everyone to be helpful or informative.

I'm off for the weekend and I really want to relax but I feel like so much difficult is happening. I haven't slept in a while. My best friend is in the midst of breaking up with someone and needs me. I love them and I want to be there for them but it's like everything happens at once

The following content has been hidden - Reason : death mention
Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of someone important passing away too so i'm a ball of yuck this weekend. If i was also working I'd be in a lot of trouble. I can already tell it's going to be a "curl up in bed and don't move for any reason" kind of weekend :(


I feel like I'm laying in a bathtub with the water just covering my ears. The sounds of the room around me are muffled by the water and I'm barely aware of whats happening out there. But then I knock something into the tub right near me and it's this deafening clatter reminding me i can still hear.

I don't know if that makes sense. I'm just sad and stressed and empty and "far away"

Kathryn_Anna 02-04-2016 02:23 AM

Sorry Mark, I wasn't thinking when I abbreviated it. <3

Kahlia1981 02-04-2016 02:28 AM

Kat: I know I can't understand exactly what your son is going through but I do know what it's like to be without anxiety medication. I cannot leave the house without taking something or I go into a full blown panic attack, especially if there are people around like a doctor's surgery waiting room or a shopping center. Broken toes are also a pain.... My husband broke his toe in at least three places, since they can't do anything for him he never got it x-rayed, and he keeps banging it on everything. It's amazing how you never realise how many things you bump into when something like a toe is damaged.

Mark: How are you going big brother?

Drew: I can understand the anniversary very well and the emotional blowout it can cause. Thank goodness you aren't working this weekend as you definitely don't need that extra stress right now. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to take time out if you need it. Maybe some techniques to stay in the moment or meditation might help. Even making a list of reasons to live, not to self harm or trying to find a positive. Feel free to visit the positive post thread mentioned above if you can find some positives. From what you've said maybe a "curl up in bed" weekend is just what you need. Obviously I don't know why you haven't been sleeping but sleep may also help you to stay in control instead of everything else controlling you.

Firstly, thanks to everyone who posted in the positive post thread. I'm going to, somehow, put the link in my signature but I am hoping that enough people find it helpful that it will be easy to find instead of getting lost in the long number of forgotten posts.

Yesterday I had almost had two falls, stopped by the handle on my walker, one stopped by a wall and two where I actually did hit the ground. The only reason I'm on the walker today is the access doors need a ramp cover or I'll be stuck either inside the house or outside. Having said that, anytime I leave the house I have to be in the wheelchair because, obviously, my legs are no longer stable enough for us to be sure that I won't fall, especially on long distance walks. That really isn't helping my mood which is already very low and increased the amount of suicidal thoughts and ideas my brain/mind/head is ruminating on. I could really do with some hugs if anyone is around.

*hugs* and *safe hugs* to all

Drewbles 02-04-2016 04:20 AM

*sends safe hugs to Kahlia if they're still needed*

I don't think I'll be getting sleep anytime soon either. I know I have to take care of myself too but it feels like too many people need me.
Sorry if that wasn't meant for me though, I think it was but I'm not sure.

I know it's been a while since you said it Kahlia but your feelings are valid and okay even if other people have it worse. someone always does. Doesn't mean things don't hurt. it sounds like a really tough adjustment, I'm sorry you have to go through that. Sending extra hugs if you want them.

Kahlia1981 02-04-2016 06:11 AM

Thanks Drew. I got myself confused while responding because I'm using my phone and cannot see the actual posts, not to mention that it keeps throwing random words half way through my posts for no apparent reason. I'm really sorry about that response. I really want to thank you for helping me with recognising that my feelings are valid. *hugs*

We just had a doctor's appointment and I realised that I actually nearly fell three times. What I did was count the two almost identical close calls as one. Both times I was luck enough to be blocked by the walker handle. He was also able to give me an answer for why I'm almost completely covered in bruises which was reassuring.

Right now I just want to burst into tears because I feel useless and like I have no value whatsoever. It doesn't matter what I do my independence is becoming less and less and I have to be pushed in the wheelchair because my shoulders dislocate and sublux when I push myself both for long distances or sideways slopes. Why I keep going when it would be so easy to just let go? Man I just need to cry my eyes/heart out.

*hides in a corner to cry*

Kahlia1981 02-04-2016 06:42 AM

Drew: I edited the post above. Thanks for pointing it out to me. :-D


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