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happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 02:35 PM

whats up mark? hugs

im in a weird mood today i feel a bit strange

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 02:52 PM

Checking in. Maybe permanently. I shouldn't be allowed out into the real world.

F*cked up again last night. Hurt myself without knowing. Scared my friends.

I just want to retreat. I want to curl up inside this thread and never have to leave.

*hugs Mark* you alright?
*hugs happiness* strange how?

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 03:14 PM

hey hun sorry things are so hard for you right now. Have you got your wound clean etc. *offers safe hugs*

well for about 20 minutes i was feeling ok almost normal and yet for the last 2 weeks have been awful. Then my mum came home and said to me "i dont know how you'll cope working again you've been off so long" so now im ****ed off and want to be on my own.

Doikers 29-06-2012 03:42 PM

Just been low for quite a while Faye...

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 03:51 PM

Parents can be a pain *hugs* don't be on your own, be here with us :)

Sorry you've been feeling low hun *offers hugs*

I don't WANT to hurt myself, I don't even remember doing it, it's when I'm all stupid and dissociated and then I come back and there's blood everywhere. I hate this. I'm so f*cking pathetic.

Am gonna clean them now

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 03:52 PM

aww anything you want to talk about can always pm me if you like x

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 03:53 PM

im glad your going to clean them hun, its hard but you will get better in time.

Im going to stay here im just sad and fed up. Nothing i do is ever good enough. I dont want to feel this way forever.

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 03:56 PM

*hugs* you won't feel this way forever. It'll pass. And you are good enough honey.

I've just been losing chunks of time, I don't know what I've said or done, and three times now I've come out of it to find I've hurt myself. It started again after the bad thing, five weeks ago, and I don't know how to make it stop :(

(I'm Katie, btw)

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 03:58 PM

Hi Katie im faye :) nice to meet you.

I dont know i just want to cut so i can show them show them how i always fail them.

Could you go to a dr or therapist to get help? do your family know could they help?xx

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 04:03 PM

Nice to meet you Faye :) beautiful name

My family don't know, and will never know if I can help it.

I'm being referred somewhere to deal with the ED - not sure if they'll deal with this too or just the eating thingy.

I'm sure you don't always fail them honey, and you don't need to hurt yourself (hypocrite alert, I know, sorry) why do you think you always fail people? x

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 04:08 PM

hey thanks.

Well you could always ask if they cant deal with that if their main focus is the ed you could ask them to refer you elsewhere for the otherstuff. Do your friends know? could they help?

lol thats ok hypocrite is my middle name. Because they supported me when i left my job due to bullying and its been a lot longer than planned me getting into work again and then now my mums making comments i also have a broken leg and shes like so what are you doing today? etc as if im meant to do stuff. My ex broke up with me and met someone else straight away i feel like a failure and my dad told me not to talk such crap i only said how i felt. Its just always something negative coming back my way. sorry ill shush now.

Louise 29-06-2012 04:09 PM

Hi everyone- hugs everyone

then sits in the corner.

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 04:10 PM

hey louise you ok?

Louise 29-06-2012 04:12 PM

feeling a bit low today.

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 04:13 PM

Hi Louise *offers cuddles* how are you?

Faye, you've had a lot of difficult things to deal with, things that aren't your fault. That doesn't mean you've failed anyone. If anything, the fact that you're still here shows how strong you truly are.

I'm just sick of this. The flashbacks, the dissociation, the accidental cutting... I just want it to stop.

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 04:13 PM

I'm sorry to hear that Louise. Is there any particular reason, or just generally low? Is there anything I can do to help? xx

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 04:19 PM

whats up hun?

they are my fault-i left my job i was too weak, my bf dumped me because he couldnt handle my depression and i slipped in the mud and broke my leg im a total screw up i wish they could put me down.

I knwo hun but thats why you need to ask for help, there will be someone able to help you. xx

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 04:21 PM

You are NOT a total screw up. Being bullied at work wasn't your fault, neither is your depression (bf sounds like a dick for leaving, sorry) and I am personally so accident-prone I injure myself or others on nearly a daily basis through breaking stuff/falling over/falling up or down stairs. This doesn't make you a screw up sweetheart, it makes you human, someone who's had a very difficult time *hugs*

happiness...its all a lie 29-06-2012 04:31 PM

thanks just wish i was stronger but im not. yeah he is but i still have feelings for him :( wish i didnt. Im just clumsy i dont mean to injure myself like that i hate not being able to do things it drives me mad. Im so frustrated and lost right now i dont know what to do.

Do you feel able to ask for help for the other stuff not just the ed? x

sapphire hearts 29-06-2012 04:37 PM

I tried talking to my GP about it when I went to get a refill of my ADs, but she didn't really want to listen. I also can't talk about the thing that triggered all this. I don't think I explained it very well. I feel like a freak.

*offers massive cuddles* I know how you feel sweetheart, but this won't last forever. I know you probably don't feel like it, but you will get through this, and you will feel better. xx


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