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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Doikers 28-08-2010 07:21 PM

*Hugs April* I've no one IRL to talk to tonight either :( I'm sorry you had a weird dream , it sounds very odd :S I read your LJ , I know its not the same as Jarrod though.

I'm spending tomorrow night at my parents , I really don't want to be around people BUT I did ring up and ask as a way to stop , or at least postpone my S.I. , I figure I can't harm at my parents . I'm practically harming daily again :( sorry .

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 07:39 PM

Aw Mark, I'm sorry about the SI and I'm sorry (as always) about you not having anyone IRL from whom you can get support. :( I'm glad that you read my LJ (just updated it btw... lol), but you're right, it's not the same. But don't get me wrong, I am glad that you read it. :) It does mean a lot to me that you do. *hugs* I hope that you can stay safe at your parents'... and I also hope that, if it's the best for you, your nurse finds an IP place for you to go for SI. I wish I/we could do more to help you to stop, and also others who still struggle with it. :( I don't have a magic solution although I've managed a bit without it. :-/ I guess I was just ready? I don't know. Although I did have urges when my parents and I fought last week. That was pretty bad. :-X But at least I didn't act on them. Heh. Anyway... keeping fighting. *extra hugs*

*cuddles everyone* <3

Doikers 28-08-2010 08:49 PM

I did muscle tenseing relaxation exercises , I had a (Sleepless) Nap with music on , I went for a walk, I squeezed an ice cube , I went for another walk , I spent time on RYL AND watched self harm supports video on youtube , I phoned my parents .

I did all that to distract my self and still I cut , I can't win :( *sigh*

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 08:58 PM

I need my wardies.

Why is nothing I do ever good enough? Why am I never good enough? Why can't I have just one thing that's mine without someone coming along and tearing it from me? I've had enough. I can't do this.

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:03 PM

*Hugs Lia* Whats happened Lia?

RYUU 28-08-2010 09:03 PM

* hugs everyone *
I am triggered by raw emotions of self hate
I want to die but there is no way of killing myself as my husband keeps all the meds locked away i have tools i could use them but my nephew is here and so i cant do anything too bad that he will notice

risenfromperdition 28-08-2010 09:07 PM

*hugs lia* whats up? :(
*hugs mark*
*leaves rest of hugs near various peoples hidey places*

gahhhh im so freaking bored =[

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 09:07 PM

*cuddles Mark & Lia*

Lia, hon, you ARE good enough. Try not to let people tell you that you're not. If they do, they're not worth your time. :( I'm sorry that you feel that way and I wish that I could make you see/understand that you are good enough, that you DO do thing well enough... *hugs gently* I wish I were there IRL for you to talk with... is there anything I/we can do to help support you now?? My PM box is always open - for any of you - if you need to talk. <3

Mark, love, sounds like you tried oh so hard not to SI. I'm sorry that you did anyway - but I think you're getting to a point where you will be able to not SI. You managed 9 days without. I'm sorry I don't have any good suggestions, sounds like you tried a lot of distractions. :( I wish I could be there for you IRL as well to just be someone you can talk with when you feel like SI'ing. I'm also sorry that I wasn't on FB for you to talk with, maybe that would've gotten you through, I don't know. But I know that you will get to a point when SI isn't such a huge thing for you. Over half your life IS a long time, I am not going to say it's not (and no I'm not saying you're old :P 'cause you're definitely not - it'd be long for anyone), but - in my eyes - there is nothing wrong with being a 30 year old SI'er. As long as you're fighting it - and you are - then I don't see anything truly awfully significant about hitting 30 and still SI'ing. :( I mean yes, 15 years is a very long time, but... SI is not all that you are. You are so much more than that. ANYONE who self injures is so much more than that, whether you're 16 or 60 or anywhere in between. *gentle hugs*

Sorry, didn't mean to go into "lecture mode," lol. >_< Hope it didn't offend anyone...

*extra cuddles to all*

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 09:10 PM

*cuddles Reaper & Heather too!!* Sorry, my post took long enough I didn't see you two sneak in!!

Reaper, sorry you're having to cope with self hatred... I know how that goes, sadly. :( I'm kinda glad that your nephew is there though, maybe he'll keep you from SI'ing for now. I know that sounds kinda mean when you really really want to do it, but it is a way of keeping you safe. I wish I knew what else to say... :( Sorry. Brain's shut down on me now.

Heather, sorry you're bored. Are you into journaling? reading? what kind of music do you like? Maybe "chillax" and do some of those things - journaling or reading or listening to music, and have a cup of tea or hot choc or something... or maybe go for a walk with earphones, as long as it's in a safe neighborhood. I don't know. Sorry if those are stupid suggestions. :-X I can be the queen of denseness sometimes. >_<

Blah. My hands are a little shaky & I don't know why. :(

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 09:18 PM

Thank April, and everyone else who cares, but I'm not. I will never be good enough because I am weak, pathetic and dirty. If you knew me, if you really knew me you would hate me too. You would hate how weak I am in every way imaginable. I hate myself so much. The bottle's in my hands and it would be so easy just to stop all this. Just stop.

I'm sorry Reaper. Sorry you're feeling this way and sorry this is a pointless message because I don't know what to say. Just wanted you to know I see you and I care.

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:21 PM

*Hugs April* Thankyou for your encouragement , I feel SO FAR away from that 9 day stint harm free but I get where you are coming from. It seems that harming is the ONLY option and I really did try very hard to not harm , I think it's a good thing I'm taking myself off to my parents tomorrow , that SHOULD give me one day where I won't /can't harm.
I want to go to bed , heh , thats my solution o it all right now.....

The One Who 28-08-2010 09:29 PM

*hugs everyone* It seems like a lot of us could do with them.

I'm not doing too great right now either :(

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:29 PM

*Hugs Reaper* Please try really hard to fight the urges , Try and distract yourself , Play with your nephew maybe if he is a playing with age (Make Sense?).

*Hugs Lia* What bottle do you have there? Am worried , please try and be safe :)

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 09:33 PM

I don't know. A bottle of all sorts. Pills that is, not the sweets. You're a better person than I'll ever be Mark. You try and resist. I can't even do that. I cut when the urge arises because I am worth nothing more. I hate myself and I hate this life.

What's the matter Claire?

The One Who 28-08-2010 09:36 PM

Lia (have you changed you username, or am I just imagining that?), you are worth a lot, worth a lot more than you think you are, and worth more than the feelings you have right now.

I'm cold, tired, triggered, just feeling like I want to curl up.

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:39 PM

Lia you are worth SO much . It's really hard to try and resist the urges and beleive it or not I have day when I get an urge and cut straight away , sometimes I just don't fight . I am not a better person than you .
Please Lia, put the bottle away somewhere out of sight ( out of sight , out of mind ) .

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 09:39 PM

Yes, I did change my username. You're not imagining things. I was found on here.

Thanks Claire and Mark, but you don't know me. You don't know what I am, how...just how completly...urgh, I don't even know, there aren't words to describe it. Just the most, disgusting, weak, pathetic BITCH ever to be here. Anywhere. I have an image of little girl me in my head. I hate her. I hate her more than I hate myself now.

The One Who 28-08-2010 09:43 PM

We all have things we don't like about ourselves, all of us. That doesn't mean we don't deserve happiness.

taz35 28-08-2010 10:02 PM

*hugs everyone*

Just got back from the amusement park out of town. Went with my friends, which would've been fine... but my best friend's boyfriend ALWAYS needs to make fun of me. I know he's only doing it in a joking way, but he makes comments about how fat/lazy I am every time I see him. He knows about the SI too, which makes me wonder why he tries to mess me up worse... Maybe he's just praying I'll snap and off myself so that he doesn't have to always worry about his girlfriend freaking out about me. Gahh.... it's f*cked up.

Sorry for the lack of individuals... 8 pages since I posted. Hope everybody is hanging in there <33

risenfromperdition 28-08-2010 10:03 PM

*sits next to lia and offers hugs* i know you dont believe me but from what ive seen you're none of that at all <3 promise. wish i could do more to help but try to take care, xoxox. but i agree with claire, doesnt mean you dont deserve happiness even if theres stuff you dont like about yourself. sucks being found on here though :(

*curls up* thanks for the suggestions april :) i cant write anymore, and i brought all my books back to the library :( might go take a walk though... if can get up the motivation ><


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