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-   -   I am dying (http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=80268)

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 10:59 AM

I am dying
 
Oh somebody please help me.

I can't go through life feeling this depressed anymore. I feel dead, suffocated and unable to breathe.

I just keep singing lines from that Smiths song: I haven't had a dream in a long time/ See the looks I've had would make a good man bad/ So please please please let me get what I want this time/ Lord knows it would be the first time

I feel bad because I care about my friends but I don't have the energy for them. I just either want to be laying on the sofa at home with my boy or asleep. I have no energy for anything.

Life just feels like an endless boring sea of nothing. Get up, work, go home, sleep. Repeat, repeat. Where's the joy?

I find joy in my fiance and my family, but they will die one day and then I'll be alone again.

I'm so afraid.

I want to have a child but I don't know that I'll be a good mum. I don't want to f*** up their life like my parents fucked up mine.

Last night I dreamt of suicide.

I don't want to die, I just want to feel happy.

-Shae-Lynn* 08-01-2009 11:16 AM

The future isn't a guareentie. Make the most out of today, out of thid very moment. You'll regret not taking the chance at being happy because you are afraid to be sad. The only reason we know we are happy is because we've been sad. They go hand in hand! The point is, do what maks you happy in this moment without fear for the next.
It's hard, but you can fight this and be yourslf again.
I'm sorry I'm not much use at the moment....

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 12:21 PM

I can't make the most of every day. I'm depressed and weighed down.

All I know I definitely like doing is watching dvds at home, going out to the cinema and for meals. I am therefore a boring arsehole. I am a terrible person. I ruin people's lives.

*..life in pain..* 08-01-2009 12:28 PM

you don't ruin peoples lives. see, there are things that you like doing, its not bad watching movies and going out.

Louise 08-01-2009 12:32 PM

hey, i am so sorry things are tough for you right now, your not a boring arsehole, your not a terrible person, why do you think you are. no one knows what the future hods, that's why we have to take each day as it comes. and you said yourself, you do not want to die, you just want to be happy. if you die, you would never no if you could be happy. what about the things you want to do, your dreams and goal out of life. you can do this. your not alone. my pm box is always open.

take care
xxx

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 02:46 PM

I have ruined everything. I've got too many enemies in this area and I need to leave. I feel ashamed when I walk around town because they see me. Ex boyfriends who were abusive, cruel people from work, people I fell out with.... they're all here and I see them all the time. They must look at me and think what a fucking loser I am.

I've just been to the cupboard and got some blades out. I will make all this right by fucking myself up with them.

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 02:57 PM

Nobody cares, I am just mental in their eyes. I want to change my name and run away. Now.

I want to gauge my eyes out and cut the skin off my face.

broken-soul 08-01-2009 03:23 PM

look have u got someone to talk to?
i know what u mean by the whole same routine every single day i go through it.
You need to find a new out look on life like try being creative writing, drawing or u could simply go for a walk just try and find somethin to make you happy and you ever want to talk just PM me
take care
xxxx

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 03:26 PM

I see a psych every week but not til next Tues. I don't know that the hospital will help much if I ring them.

broken-soul 08-01-2009 03:33 PM

well its always worth ringing just to find out
and i will try to be here for you as much as possible ok?
xxxx

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 04:31 PM

Thats very sweet of you. Waiting for a call back now. I have done a few cuts on my wrist but nothing major. Am starting to calm down a little.

broken-soul 08-01-2009 04:37 PM

ok just try to keep calm and inform me wen u get a kl i will help u as much as possible

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 04:38 PM

They just called and advised me to take a small dose of my antipsychotic as it will calm my anxiety.

broken-soul 08-01-2009 04:42 PM

ok then how are you feeling now?

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 05:13 PM

Stressed and sorry for myself. The cuts sting but they're not too bad. I've got that calm but upset feeling you get after self harm.

broken-soul 08-01-2009 05:26 PM

ok u need to get unstressed < weired word
try playing a game or talkin to someone who makes u feel calm

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 05:27 PM

Will be with my fiance in an hour and hopefully we'll play some Xbox or watch Prison Break. Thanks for all your kindness, it means a lot.

broken-soul 08-01-2009 05:33 PM

Thats ok sweetie u ever need me just pm me i dnt mind its nice to have someone to chat to
xxxx

Littlelostlamb 08-01-2009 05:37 PM

I'll pm you tomorrow hon. Thanks again. You've been brill. Going offlien now. Take good care of yourself xxx

broken-soul 08-01-2009 05:43 PM

ok you 2 bye
xxxx


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