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-   -   Out-of-mindedness? (http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230033)

Mihashi 14-01-2015 08:10 AM

Okay, so I've wanted to talk about this thing for awhile. Long time, really. I didn't want to initially talk about it here because I thought it'd be instantly recognized by my therapist, but it seems clear even he doesn't know what it is. I try and come up with many different ways to describe it, but nothing seems to work. So I'm wondering if anybody else has something like this, or knows what it is?

Just before I SH, like a split second, or maybe a few seconds (it's hard to tell the time between the feeling and the action), I'll get a strange lightheaded-ness. But it's not just a lightheaded-ness. I don't even know if it's lightheaded-ness. All I know is this:

1. I'm not myself. All the me-ness goes away, and I'm left in almost 0 control of my own body. It's kind of like the inverse of a first-person video game. You are the character, and you see, touch, hear and smell everything, but someone else is pulling your strings and giving you the motivation to make the movements you're essentially watching yourself make.
2. It feels very similar to being very tired. Like 2 hours worth of sleep tired.
3. Before this happens, my anxiety level is already quite high.
4. Sometimes after this happens, in especially horrible cases, I'll have a headache.

I haven't SH'ed much in the past few months. I can count 3 times. But I got this even during those; even when I'm recovering. I've learned a couple days ago that it doesn't just happen before I SH, but also when I have really bad depression spells.

sherlock holmes 14-01-2015 06:06 PM

I'm not really sure. Possibly a form of dissociation? It happens when you're feeling very emotional/stressed so that would fit. It's probably something your mind does in order to cope with the extreme emotions.

Mihashi 15-01-2015 09:22 AM

How would it be a form of coping? It doesn't happen voluntarily.

Unbreakable. 15-01-2015 10:26 AM

The body has automated coping mechanisms that you aren't in control of.
Repressed memories would be another example of that.

The idea is that when things get too much your brain shuts down to protect you from intense negative feelings.

sherlock holmes 15-01-2015 04:36 PM

Yeah, your brain is doing it automatically to protect itself. As you said it's not something you have control of, but the mind does it regardless.

Mihashi 15-01-2015 05:04 PM

Huh. Okay, never thought of it that way. You learn something new every day, I guess.

Unbreakable. 15-01-2015 11:41 PM

Maybe raise the topic of dissociation next time you speak to your therapist.
Might be a good. idea to look it up beforehand and see if it might fit with what you experience. There are different forms of dissociation and what you describe might be sth like that.

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