*cuddles Crimson and Helen*

My head is really screwing me about at the moment. the last few days have been a bit up and down.
had 4th appointment with my counsellor the other day, its the 6th counsellor I've had and first one I've ever stayed for more than 3 sessions and it was a good session, we mainly talked about how my coming out to mum went because he knew I was going to be doing it, then he said the next few sessions we will be doing a sort of map thing of my life and looking at who I am, not just in terms of gender but in everything, which I think will be really good.

today had tutorial for language of music, which is meant to be about 5 people but the others dont turn up so its just me and the tutor, which is good. she also asked about how it went with my mum, because she knew I was planning on coming out over the hols and she is great she just gets it and she gets that it is massive for me and also realises that because I've come I am not suddenly happy and fine, so she is being good, giving me structured things to do with my essay and saying that they need to take into acount everything else that is going on in my life. but I'm seriously panicing about these 2 essays due in for a months time, because I really struggle with writing anything, like even on here it takes me ages to write stuff because I really struggle to express myself when talking/writing, even though its in my head, so I was telling her this and she was saying its ok don't panic, but of course I am, then she gave me a sort of pep talk saying how I am good at somethings otherwise I wouldn't be at music college, I didn't believe her and telling me how I'll get more confidence gradually and how I have come out of myself in the last few months, because when she taught me last term in a group I didn't talk.

its ok you dont have to read that, I think I just needed to write it down was all going on in my head a bit, I'm just sort of falling apart again, what with deadlines and recital coming up I am seriously panicing, my head is all over the place and I'm scared, because I got seriously bad suicidal thoughts and urges earlier and havn't had them for a while.
anyway I'm going to shut up, cos I am rambling and probably really annoying everyone.
*wonders off so pepople don't have to see him*

*cuddles Oliver* Sorry it's not more. But I have read your post and wanted to let you know.

This^

*leaves on last supersized hug for everyone then runs out the door to head home*

*wonders back in and cuddles Helen and Crimson* thank you both.


*hides*

*cuddles you & then hides too*

*hugs crimson* its hard when you feel lots of things at once. I'm glad that you had fun at your work party tho!

*hugs oliver* I read your post too. You dont have to shut up at all though, we really don't mind. I'm glad that you are liking your new counselor. Sounds like some of the "work" your going to do could be very helpful.

*finds helen and hugs her*

I am feeling kinda low right now. Ugly and stupid.. Unproductive and unnecessary.. (lets see how many words that start with U that i can call myself heh). Is it as bad as I think in the looks department? (Picture below). I know that this is shallow and insecure of me... but I was hanging with some ppl and these guys were telling my friend how fantastic she looks and nobody said anything to me.. and its stupid but it made me feel so ugly. And i've just been so self conscience about how i look ever since i found out about my ex cheating. *sigh* im sorry. I dont mean to be petty.

Good morning/afternoon/night where ever you all may be! *blows kisses round the ward!*

I feel like a broken record in saying apologies for no individual replies, but when I let over 24hours go by the amount of posts can seem overwhelming. BUT there are a few points that stick in my mind (and I feel awful that they can't all take priority, as I don't want you thinking I value any posts over others becuase I don't...) Anyhoo....

April - did it occur to you that the people who have consumed less calories and lost weight may also have an ED?! Try not to compare yourself although I knows its hard. You are not a fat pig or a failure. *huggles*

Oliver - go you on the progress with your councellor and with having such a supportive music teacher. Try not to panic too much and I hope that we can help you in any way we can even if its just huggles, so...*huggles!*

Crimson - whoohoo on all that you achieved, sorry that your feeling mixed though. I hope thats passed by now *huggles*

*huggles Mark, Helen, Kahlia, Laura, JK* how are you guys all doing today? A little bit better I hope *sends positve thoughts your way*

*welcomes Julie to the ward - huggles*

*looks around for Nicole* Has anyone heard from our youngster recently?!

"oh puppy sinclair! Its time for out fag break!"

*goes out to smoking shelter*

awww i feel special people noticed me
i no it sounds lame but it's true

^ It's not lame at all. I saw this on live view and thought I'd pop in cause you made me smile in chat, so thank you, hope you are okay, keep talking xxxx *squish*

awww i'm glad

can we post phoros in here
and i've just learnt how to use live view yay me

*pops head in from smoking shelter to respond to Julie*

Well I'm sure that you are a special person worth noticing and its not lame for feeling that way at all. I hope that you find us 'loons' helpful and supportive when you need us. I stay in here all the time now, even on my good days so I can keep up to date on things and be helpful when I can. The regulars in here are all becoming real friends to me, well as real as virtual ones can be...if that makes sense?!....I value them all deeply and think highly of them. Perhaps I'll be able to add you to that group soon. *huggles*

*goes back to smoking fag outside*

*reads the same sentance like 5 times* not coz ur typing my reading isnt good i guess, coz i has dislexia

*taps my head* i has people
*nods*

Julie - I've no idea what Live View is - so go you! I'm not great with technology, lol As for photos yup they can be posted in here. the whole ward can be triggering sometimes, but if we think there will be a likely trigger in a post or photo we put an extra warning on it for people. Otherwise, just post away, whether its photos, links, or music or just general waffle. You'll get the feel for things soon enough.

I'm being socialble by my own choice today - whoohoo! I'm going jewellery shopping at 1pm with a friend of mine who also has M.E. Shopping with a fellow M.E sufferrer is good as we both know we have to pace ourselves and have rest breaks for our muscles etc. I need to get a new lip bar and I'm thinking of getting a jewelled thingy for my tragus as at the moment its just a silver hoop with ball. Thinking perhaps a crystal ball bit....gosh I'm getting more sparkly like my mum as I get older. Well I'd rather people look at the jewellery than the lines appearing in my forehead, LOL!!!

After that I should have time for a nap and to cook a healthy dinner before a different friend of mine comes over for our wii fit night. Phew! I'm a little bit anxious that I may have booked in too much and thrown myself in at the deep end after such a hermit PMDD time, but I'm hoping that once I get going I'll enjoy myself and it'll be all good.

Ooh I spy a JK *huggles*

*feels super silly* um.. wats M.E.

*quickly jumps into the ward to offer hugs to everybody*

Really not doing well. Not up to typing much so will try and get back in here when I'm feeling a bit more eloquent.

*hugs all and looks for Puppy SinClair as she needs some "puppy love"*

Ah don't feel silly, a few weeks ago Helen most kindly put up a link to inofrmation. If I was clever I'd do it too.

So skip ahead if you already know....
M.E stands for MyalgicEncephalomylitis and it is an auto-immune disease which causes your body to fight itself. There are a multitude of neurological, cognitive and physical symptoms that this causes, much more than the overwhelming fatigue that it is often commonly known for. I could go on and on but I think that'll do for now.

I spy Kahlia! *huggles*

Anyhoo, its time for me to get my arse in the shower (well all of me!) and get ready for the day.

Catch you all a bit later. *blows more kisses round the ward*

Ooh I'm feeling less anxious and more excited by the minute - how good is that?! *tries to share positivity with everyone*

the first words in my head where well that much really suck
sorry if i say something blunt and offencive i dont mean to ok

anyone need a flower

Nice work Hayley, awesome that you're out and about and sounding so positive, love it!

*cuddles Helen & Kahlia* missed you gals since I left the ward last night

*hugs smart April and hopes some intelligence comes to JK through osmosis*

Laura, you're gorgeous hun, that colour real suits you and you should hold your head high and revel in your loveliness OK? No more 'U' words for you.

*hugs Mark and Oliver* sounds like you two are struggling huh, no great advice for you but I'm thinking about you both

Crimson! hi honey, well done with your work party, its a big deal having a nice time with a bunch of people around. You should be real proud of yourself *hugs*

*waves to Julie* nice to see you visiting here sweet

*wonders where Nicole is* must go see if I can find her

*cuddles Kahlia again* cos I see you and I can x

I have made it through a real crap day in one piece *cheers, and is very surprised* so off to bed now before anything changes.

Will check up on you all in the morning

loves and goodnight
JK
xx

Also this^^

and Laura , you are very beautiful :)

*Group hugs*
I'm off to my parents today so I'll be less often on here for a few days , it's my brother in laws birthday , still can't quite grasp my little sis has a new surname ,(New marrige) it must be super weird for her lol . I was supposed to get married first , I'm older , ugh pet peeve , but I AM super happy for My sister and bro in law though . just a touch jealous :( I hate to admit that .

*hugs Mark* thanks, hope you have agood timeat your parents.

*hugs JK* hope you have a good sleep.

*hugs Julie* I havn't sadi hi yet, so hi I'm Oliver. *waves*

*I spy April*

*curls up in a corner crying and in pain*

oh hi oliver can i help u in anyway

flower?

*cuddles all* Sorry I've been absent, yesterday was freaking long. :(

I forget who asked it (Hayley?) but yeah, I did consider that some of the other people who didn't eat a lot also have EDs, but one of them admitted to not eating breakfast on early morning class days (and he says that if he has breakfast it has to be hearty, no simple Clif bar or bagel for him!!) and the other said that she was sick on two of the days she did her food analysis. I just wish that we didn't HAVE to talk about kcal etc... it's still very triggering for me and since I'm eating a healthy amount now, and pigging out more on junk food on campus than I used to (will be so glad to be away from the snack machines!!)... I feel so awful because I AM eating too much. I won't post the number of kcal on here, obviously as that's against rules, but it was below the average number that you're "supposed" to eat and I'm supposed to be losing almost Xlbs a month... which isn't happening, damn it all. But anyway, /rant, sorry about that guys. :'(

Laura, hon, you're gorgeous!!! I wish I looked like you... :) Such a pretty smile, even if it is fake, and I love your hairstyle. It suits you as does the color of your top (as someone else said). *cuddles* How are YOU doing? and NO "fine" ... because I know that's not the truth!! (usually, anyway *mroe cuddles* You can be honest with us, we don't mind it one bit) ♥

Mark, I can (kinda) understand the whole "older should be married first" thing... my sister (who is 25) probably understands it better as she is the older one of us two and hasn't ever even had a boyfriend. I didn't have a boyfriend before I met my husband, and then we got married... :) But she's probably a little jealous - or at least, feels weird about me having a different last name. But anyway, I'm sorry that you feel that way. :( It's gotta be really tough. *cuddles*

Hels, how are you doing, love? ♥ *cuddles*

JK, how are you? Guess it's almost bedtime for you over there... or definitely bedtime, hmmm. Please take care of yourself!! *cuddles*

Crimson, well done on the whole staff appreciation party thingummy (:P). I'm proud of you, I really am, because I know how tough it is to go out there and "just be" without freaking out... plus the whole food thing!! How are you doing today??

Hayley, hope you enjoy(ed) your shopping trip!! :) Lol, sparkly as you get older... well, to me, that works just fine. :D I'm looking at getting my ear pierced again at the same place where I got my nose done... I want cartilage, right ear, because I did have a stud there but it fell out after years of use and I couldn't find the parts of the stud to put it back in. :( And anyway, I want a ring instead of a stud there, if the piercing guy can do that. :) That's a birthday present to myself, hehe. But anyway, sorry, ramble... :-/

Oliver, read what you said and I think you're doing a very good job at coping with coming out and going to a music college where it sounds like everything is extremely difficult!! A lot of changes in your life, I daresay, but as I said, I think you're handling them very well, from what I can tell from on here at least. *cuddles* How're you doing today?? (and I spy you!! :D)

Julie, how are you doing? *hugs* and thanks for the flower - lovely pic. :D

I'm so tired... the class at my prof's house was awesome, it really was. We meditated outside - each of the 27 or so of us - on an individualized quote from a certain poet or author, and then wrote about it or what it made us feel like or what it brought up within us, etc. Mine was an excerpt from a poem by Mary Oliver, and it had a very special meaning for me, so I wrote about that. Then we made prayer flags to string up in her woods (:D) which was a lot of fun... and then while they dried we talked about what we wrote about. And we ate a lot, and then went home. :)

Am so tired and my period started today (sorry if that's TMI)... so cramps and chest pain and all that lovely stuff... :( At least I'm not pregnant, heh, because that's the last thing in the world (or almost!!) that I'd want. No offense to those who want kids, it's just not for Jarrod or me.

*cuddles all then retreats to a lonely dark hole* :(

*thinks* to sleep or not to sleep

Hi Julie, thanks for the offer but there isn't anything you can do. how are you today?

*hugs April* I'm glad you had a good night last night, sorry your feeling ill and tired.

I've got to go, in the lunchtime concert, with such cheesy music a carmen fantasy for violin and orchestra and then bolero.
Just wish I wasn't feeling so damn crap and wasnt in so much pain, stupid f***ing thing, sorry it just makes me so angry.

*hides for a bit before he has to go to concert*

i'm nacked and my muscels will hurt tommorrow

Flowers ! Can I have one to b righten up my flat plz Julie :)
I spot an Oliver! How are you this afternoon?

I have my Pychchiatrists appointment at 3.30pm this afternoon so is it ok to ask for positive thoughts to be sent my way? I really dislike meeting my P.Doc , it's so intrusive and I am constantly aware that he has the power to hospitalise me, ugh , I don't know whether to tell him I am feeling so numb and apathetic but I am NOT telling him I cut on a new part of my body .

*will be sending positive thoughts Mark's way at 3.30*
*hugs* hope it goes ok for you

yip the flowers r for everyone

*hides under a blanket*

*gives everyone hugs*

Sorry, trying to look after myself at the moment, which means not really meant to be offering support *whistles* But I like helping. Arrgh!!! I do love you all & have been reading posts etc.

Laura, you're so beautiful <3
Julie, I love your flowers :D
Hayley, glad you're having a good day darling :)

xxx

I just read all the posts, but unfortunately do not have time for individual responses as i have to run out to class. I'll def respond later.
*cuddles Hayley, Kahlia, Mark, JK, Julie, April, Crimson, Oliver, Helen, and anyone else i missed*

Oh, and thanks for ur reassurance that maybe i'm not as ugly as i feel at the moment.. Really, it means a lot right now.
Anyway, I'm trying to be okay because I know some how I have to work my way back upwards... but its hard this time.

*takes a flower* :-)

hey guys, sorry i havent been on in a while, been really busy. *cuddles all*

i am REALLY annoyed :( my friend is having a sleepover friday, and my mum wont let me go :( its so unfair, i've been trying so hard to go to school, and i REALLYT couldnt face it yesterday, i had such a bad day, and because i didnt go, im not allowed to go to the sleepover! its so unfair, because i missed school for 13 weeks, and i was still allowed to stay at my friends houses, and i decided i was gonna go back this week and do my best-which i did, i did my best, and i couldnt do it, and i feel like shes punishing me for trying, i might aswell just say stuff my GCSEs if im gonna get punished for trying and failing! :'(
sorry-rant over

*huggles everyone*
read all the new posts... no time for replies right now though... Sorry.
*runs down stairs to cover front desk*

my brain is giving up on me, its plunging into a deep and dark depression and I'm terrified, can't cope, don't know what to do.

Oliver, love, what's going on? Do you know what triggered the descent into the depression? I mean, obviously you've had a lot going on lately, stress from the concerts and coming out and all, but anything else? did someone say something? *gentle cuddles* You CAN cope, you're a strong guy, you CAN make it through.

Laura, sweetie, hope your day goes well. I only have one class but it's one I have a love/hate relationship with - advanced counseling techniques. I'm probably going to end up with a B or B+ in it... urgh. :( That will definitely lower my GPA for my major. Damn it all... :'( But anyway, sorry for the mini-rant, I shouldn't be talking so much about myself!!! Hope that you post later with news on how you are and how your day's been. ♥

Nicole, I'm sorry that your mum seems like she's being unfair... that sucks. But remember - word from us oldies, lol - that in the grand scheme of things, this won't really matter. I mean, in a few years, you probably won't even remember it. *cuddles* But I am sorry that you're angry and upset and hurt and everything... @-->--- a rose for you :)

Mark, JK, Kahlia, Crimson, Hayley, how are all of you? Mark, I hope that your pdoc appt went well as it's way past 3.30pm your time now. Let us know how it went, okay? if you can, that is... *cuddles all*

I'm alright, I guess... really tired... just got back from the booksale (AGAIN)... our apartment is going to be bulging at its seams due to all of the books I've gotten. It was frustrating, I found the sequel to a book by John Updike that sounded really good, and then I left that section and went and found - by accident - the prequel, and then I tried to find the sequel so I could own both but I couldn't!! And then they gave me a box to carry the books in and it was a liquor box... and this is what is called a "dry campus" - no alcohol legally allowed. I got a comment on the box whilst walking up to my dad's office - "That's a nice box" - lol... made me smile although was a bit embarrassed!! :-X

Anyway. Just want to die... or hide... or have next week over with. I'm feeling a lot better than I was a few weeks ago, which is awesome... hopefully I can finish up this semester with a BANG!!! and not be all squishy and sad about it.

*more cuddles for everyone* ♥

Thanks for ignoring me April =P

*cuddles everyone*

the trouble is April I don't know why I am suddenly descending into a depression again, yes I am stressed because of the amount of work I've got coming up in the next few weeks/months, but I don't think thats just it and I really can't think of anything else that it would be, I'm still taking my meds and stuff.
maybe I should go back and see my doctor if I stay this way or get worse over the next few days.
I'm so tired and got no motivation what so ever, but determined to go to my british military fitness class, because its nice and sunny outside and I hope exercise might help a bit.

*cuddles all then hides for a while*

Awh Hels, you know I'd never ignore you on purpose. :) How are you doing? (you know also how hard it is to remember all who post here as it's grown to be so busy!!) *cuddles* I miss your longer posts... :) How are your friends doing? *I spy you!!* ♥

Oliver, I think the exercise would help... and yeah, maybe the stress of the workload you've got is doing something, probably is. And everything else. I'd try to take it easy if I were you, and also definitely talk with your doctor about what's happening if it doesn't ease up in a day or two. *cuddles*

I'm so tired... and I don't want to go to advanced. I'm dreading it so much... :( We have an exam due tomorrow in it (online) and I'm so scared it's going to be really hard... it's only the second exam we've had this term and so is going to cover a lot of material. I hope I get at least a 90% (A) on it... :'( Feel so effing stupid.

My arm is all scarred and I keep noticing it today... and the fresh scratches... I don't know, I feel like such a damn loser. :'(

*hides where no one can find her* :'(

R/v thread has been updated... it's a little SI graphic... but only a few words.

*Finds April and HUGS*
Oliver, I'm sorry you are falling into a depression , I HATE it when that happens to me *Hugs*
*Hugs Nicole* I'm sorry your mum is being unfair to you , maybe you could put forward the point that you really have tried at school , maybe she would cut you some slack ?

As for my P Doc meeting , I told him that I was feeling numb and he basically said that it was a side effect of my meds and that was better than my depression . I got the feeling that he felt that the meds were working and I should stop my complaining , thats just how it felt to me ......

*hugs april* i know its silly to get upset about one sleepover. but it was really important for me, i have just started to make proper friends and feel included, and now i just feel like my mums ruined all that.
*hugs mark* i've tried that, i told her how hard i've tried, and what it's doing to me (i have started SIing regularly again, and i was doing so well!) but she still wont listen!

*hugs hayley* I hope you had a great day shopping and that you have fun with your wii fit night! Its good to hear you sound so positive in your last few posts :-)

*hugs julie* Thanks for the flowers. They are decorating my room quite nicely lol

*cuddles kahlia* I hope you are feeling a bit better.

*hugs JK* glad that you managed to make it thru a bad day. How are you doing now?

*hugs nicole* Im sorry that you mom and you arent getting along right now. I'm sure she knows that you are trying. Maybe she just wants you to get back into the swing of school so she trying to set more boundaries..? which could be very annoying i know but.. i bet its because she cares. Try not to dwell on it hun.

*hugs crimson* how r u today?

*cuddles helen* I hope that you are taking care of yourself. Its okay that u havent done many individual replies. We do miss ur updates tho!

*hugs mark* I hope that you had a good time at your parents place. I understand the jealously a bit. Some of my younger cousins seem to be incredibly successful and I get kinda jealous/annoyed with them b/c if it. Im sorry that your p doc was not very understanding. Maybe you could try to explain further next time you see him? I know its hard when doctors get it into their minds that their meds/treatments are working.

*hugs oliver* Maybe going to your doctor will be a good idea if your feelings of depression don't decrease soon. Stress could be a major factor tho. I wouldn't just rule that out. Hope you got in some good exercise. It can be very helpful.

*cuddles april* Good luck on your test! Im sorry that your noticing your arm today. I have days like that too where all i do is study my arms. It can be kinda triggering. I read your venting spot. Please try to fight both the ED and SI urges. And remember that you are in no way stupid or pathetic. Hang in there hun.

Things with me havent been great the past couple of days. I did finally talk to my friend. He was very nice.. but he kept saying things that made me feel weird like "You need to hang in there. I mean i know I dont really understand b/c nothing bad has ever happened to me, but...." And idk, i dont really like comparing lives with ppl. It all seems kinda relative.

I'm supposed to work out with one of my friends tonight. However, she wants to swim... and well.. Its gonna be hard to hide in a swim suit... And I have been doing quite badly on the SI front lately so everything is at least semi-new looking.

Tons of work for uni too. So everything combined has made the past few weeks suck pretty badly.

However, I did apply for a job this summer at a local newspaper. So thats positive right? I'm trying to act like i'm really okay. I keep thinking that if it gets easier to pretend im feeling better then better must be not that far off.. or something..

*sigh* why do i have to be like this?

* sits and cries *
if you wanna know about my meltdown/pity party i updated my r/v thread... not that it'll make much sense.

*huggles crimson* I read your venting thread. Sounds like life is pretty crazy right now with all those ppl living in ur apartment. No wonder you are having a hard time dealing with it. Hang in there hun. I wish i had some advice for you, but I wanted to let u know that i read it.

*hugs everyone*

Nice work with all your replies Gorgeous Laura, I'm not even going to try and match that in the 5 minutes i have before starting work!

*hugs Crimson* you're right your RV didn't really make sense lol, but I did gather from it that you have a lot going on right now, so please take some time for yourself and keep safe ok? *hugs again and passes tissues*

*hugs Hayley, April, Helen, Mark, Oliver, Julie, Kahlia,

Nicole honey, don't be too hard on yourself, you'll be back bouncing round the ward in no time. You know you can go without SI, and you'll get back there I'm sure off it *cuddles gently*

*spies Mark, Oliver and Crimson and hugs some more*

I'll catch up on you all later, please try and look after yourselves, and each other.

*hugs and doesn't really want to let go*
*lets go*
xx

*hugs JK* no sweetie, i COULD go without SI, i cant while i'm at school, it's killing me, i'm getting back to my suicidal stage, and i've been back less than a week. i dont wanna go anymore.

JK~ To make it make more sense and shorter... I just feel overwhelmed and trapped since right now I can't go anywhere but work, home and places I can walk to... so no trips to the store or gym or anything else really. But I will have a positive balance in my acct to pay rent with at least since I can walk to my bank from work...

Wow its been a busy day in the ward. I've just finished reading all the posts since I left this morning and have come out of the tv room after watching the leaders debate (UK politics as general election is coming up), so I think I'm up to speed on the world and the ward, but forgive me if I miss anything, its been a long and busy day for me....

*huggles Julie* your flowers are brightening up the ward and its good to see a smiling face in the photo. I hope you're settling in here ok. Is there anything we can help you with?

*huggles Helen* its good that you're looking after yourself, so don't make apologies for it! And you do help us, even if its not a long post, just knowing your there is good enough for me.

*huggles Laura* I seemed to have missed your photo earlier, it wasn't until reading peoples comments that I realised it must be hiding somewhere. I found it! You're beautiful! I don't think your smile looked fake at all, its a very pretty fake smile and real ones are always better than fake ones, so when we get you through this tough patch - you'll be even prettier! How did the work out/swim go with your friend?

*huggles Nicole* glad to see you back in here, I was starting to worry. Oh its so crap that school has set you back again and you're mum seems to be punishing you for it. Perhaps she is worried about letting you out of the house as you've SI'd again? It may be unfair to you, but maybe she's acting out of love? Not that it makes it any easier for you to accept. Teenage years are so hard I remember. Also, is there any way that you can get home schooling and exams at home under medical grounds of school phobia? You obviously can't cope with it at the moment and it seems unfair to make your mental health suffer more when there should be ways to get around it.

*huggles Crimson* Sorry but I've not the brain power at the moment to read your latest update on your rant thread, but even from your breif description and what I've read in the past, I can only imagine the strain and chaos that you must be feeling. Wish that I had more useful words to say...*extra huggles*

*Huggles Oliver* oh its horrid to hear you sinking so low, yet understandable with everything that you've been going through. It is definately a snesible plan to talk to your gp if things haven't improved, or have gotten worse over next few days. I hope the exercise helped.

*huggles April* that women and spirituality class that you had at your professors house sounds right up my street! Also the book sale! I'm so glad that things are a bit better for you, I know you're still struggling right now and worried about your GPA (which I don't understand to be honest, I dropped out of UK uni due to ill health after only 2months) and other things, but the end is in sight and you've so much to be proud of! Keep going and then you can flop out and hibernate away with all those books! Sorry to not read your rant thread yet, again, lacking brain power to do much more than this.

*huggles Mark* try not to compare yourself to your sister, although I know easier said than done. I've got 7 siblings and there is a lot of rivalry and its never good. I wish we could all just be happy and supportive, but human emotions seem to like to thrive on envy and jealousy don't they?! Anyhoo...I'm so glad that your apathy is a side effect and that the doc is happy that you've got that rather than the deep depression. Its not great to be apathetic, but at least its reassuring to know its a side effect and the doc is aware of it.

*huggles JK* thanks for the hugs. I hope that work goes (went) ok for you and that you get through the day a bit better. I may see you before you go to bed depending on what time I wake up and come online! lol

phew! *wipes brow* think thats me caught up! Which is good timing seeing as my night meds are well and truely kicking in; I took them a bit early as I was already shattered and didn't want to stay up just to take them!

Oh shopping went well, got a pair of earings like dreamcatchers and then some moonstone studs (sorry men if it bores you, lol) and I got perfect balance on the wii fit! whoohoo! seeing as when I started I was REALLY wonky, I'm rather chuffed that I'm straight in 63days...lets hope it wasn't a fluke!

*toddles off down the corridor to find a comfy looking spot to snuggle down in*