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-   -   everything keeps going wrong. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=256314)

one_step_closer 14-10-2019 06:58 PM

What was your compromise? Does your case manager usually take a while to reply to your emails? If you were another person replying to your email, what do you think you might say? Sometimes it's helpful to look at things from an outside perspective.

Auror. 14-10-2019 07:44 PM

Took laxatives. But not a good number.

Normally we do not email our case manager human. But they said to send emails instead of texts so did. But how can they help with things if they do not reply? So unsure about response time.

Unsure what they would say. Usually in the past they have just said to hide until we see our therapist human so she can help. But she is still gone. We were supposed to see her today because today is Monday but she is still gone.

one_step_closer 15-10-2019 10:40 AM

How are things today? Did your case manager reply?

Auror. 15-10-2019 04:31 PM

They emailed us a little bit ago. It is confusing. Then texted and said that their schedule changed and they want to come over to our apartment at 3pm today. We are supposed to go to the vet at 4:15 and our apartment is not clean. I told them that and they said they think it will still work. We are going to hide. I told work I could not come again. I want to be dead.

one_step_closer 15-10-2019 05:39 PM

Will you let them in when they come? I hope they are helpful.

Auror. 15-10-2019 08:24 PM

If they come yes we will let them in. They are late and we have to leave to go to the vet soon and someone from work phoned and left me a message and I cannot listen to it.

They finally came but not for very long. They listened to the message and just said work did not sound mad. They made us a to do list but things on it are definitely not okay. We did not see the list until after they had left so now I have no idea what to do.

one_step_closer 16-10-2019 12:44 PM

Do any of the things on the list feel ok to you? What's happening next with your support, do you know?

Auror. 16-10-2019 03:24 PM

They wrote that we are supposed to meet a new therapist human TODAY which is a problem.

They wrote to reply to their email before Friday.

They wrote to see them on Friday and they will come to our apartment.

They wrote to give my dog lots of love.

I tried texting them to tell them what they want today is problematic. But they have not replied. I do not want to get lost or lose time or be alone with a strange human. The other things seem okay but they require not being dead. They wanted me to give them the things for being dead with but I said no and they said they were not mad.

one_step_closer 17-10-2019 01:33 PM

Did you meet with the therapist yesterday? I can understand why that would feel problematic. I know you're preoccupied with being dead but it's great that you're managing to hold on and I hope you can add things to your list of things to do that feel good for you.

Auror. 17-10-2019 01:41 PM

Unsure what happened. What I remember does not make any sense so it cannot be real. I am scared and confused.

I really hope our case manager human knows what to do. It says they are coming over tomorrow.

one_step_closer 17-10-2019 01:42 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling scared and confused, those can be really awful feelings. I hope it helps to see your case manager tomorrow. How are you managing things today?

Auror. 17-10-2019 02:00 PM

I had to get up early to take care of the ponies I am pet sitting. Work already texted and told me not to come. I am going to go to a workout class. Then hide until I have to do my pet visits tonight and go back to the ponies. Maybe email our case manager human. Maybe take dog for a walk. Unsure. Want to be dead but also there are ponies.

one_step_closer 17-10-2019 04:11 PM

Those sound like good plans, please try to focus on life things rather than being dead. It sounds like you're trying hard and I hope your efforts pay off.

Auror. 18-10-2019 08:35 PM

Case manager human came to see us. They asked a lot of confusing questions about emotions. They said I am not psychotic. They said we saw them and a strange human and that the strange human wants to be our therapist human. They said our old therapist human is gone permanently and is not coming back. They said they would not lie about that and that it is a real thing that they said and that occurred.

They made us a new list of things to do. They wrote down to respond to their new email. They wrote down to see them on Tuesday. They wrote down to keep giving my dog lots of love. They said we are doing a really good job of following their rules and trying.

They wrote down what to say to the human that I work for. They do not think I can do the new office job right now and that I need to say that and say that I can still take care of the horses. They said it is not lying and that hopefully she will understand.

I am scared. The things about emotions were really confusing and their email is confusing and nothing is okay.

I did come to school and am doing the things in the lab like I am supposed to. But really overwhelmed and really worried about money and how to explain any of this to my mother or ask her for more money and I did not even mention that to our case manager human because they said they had to go.

Auror. 19-10-2019 08:15 PM

The human I work for brought me back special dark chocolate that she knows I can eat and fancy socks and a rock sample from her trip. I felt too horrible to talk to her about the new job and now I do not know what to do. She is so nice. She brought me back a rock sample.

Pi.R^2 20-10-2019 12:06 PM

Those sound like lovely gifts! She clearly values you as a person and an employee and wouldn't want for you to be doing work that you aren't currently able to do. I hope you're able to talk to her about the office work soon; it will feel better once that conversation is out of the way.

How do you feel about the potential new therapist?

Auror. 20-10-2019 06:40 PM

She did not come down to the barn at all today. Case manager human said it was an in person thing to talk to her. So now I have no idea what to do!!!!!

I want our therapist human to come back. It does not make sense that she would have just left and not come back at all. I thought she just meant it was for a little bit and she would be back to help with things.

I am so tired and so overwhelmed and nothing seems to be working right.

one_step_closer 21-10-2019 01:17 PM

Will you have another chance to talk to her face to face?

I know it must hurt for your therapist to have left, and I can also understand your feelings of confusion. It's a loss and it will take some time to heal from it. Do you think you can give the new therapist a chance?

Auror. 21-10-2019 07:51 PM

Not until I am at the barn next weekend. Which is a problem given I am supposed to be at the other job tomorrow.

Case manager human texted and said they are very busy but will try to email me by the end of the day.

Nothing has really been said about a new therapist human.

Pi.R^2 21-10-2019 09:52 PM

Will she be at the other job tomorrow? If so maybe you could turn up and explain that you can't do it.

You said earlier in the thread that your therapist was leaving to go and do a different non-therapist job. To me that sounds like you were somewhat aware that this wasn't a temporary absence and I wonder what has caused you to now say that you thought it was just for a short time?

I absolutely hear you that you wish you had the old therapist back. It's going to take a while to work through that and come to terms with the loss, as Lindsay said. However, I don't think it is helpful for you to see 'I want the old therapist back' as a complete answer to the question I asked previously about a new therapist. It can be an add on to any answer of course, but I think you need to accept (and only accept, not necessarily be OK with yet!) that you aren't going to be able to have the old therapist as your therapist. Otherwise it's going to be impossible to move forward.

I hope that makes sense and I don't intend it to sound critical at all, I know it's very hard to see beyond "but I want the old therapist back" right now!

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