hugs everyone

you say you wanna help
you swear you'll be right there
you promise you'll understand
you assure me that you'll care

but everytime I go to you, its all just in vain
you don't know how to help me
you can't take away my pain

you're only capable of love but love's not all I need
I need you to listen, to understand, these desperate words you should heed


I don't know whats wrong with me
how its all so damn @#%$ up
how last night I tried to take a knife
and make myself a cut

Another attempted scar upon my arm, blessed be for all to see
I need you to help me because
I fear I may drown in my own weakness and misery



maybe there is something wrong with me
put on display for all to see
but that's just fine
I'll sit and slit to pass the time
strip my sleeves and show my wounds
probably then you'd sing a different tune

months and years of strife and stress
repressing things that shouldnt be repressed
and all this @#%$ time you couldn't guess

didn't have a @#%$ clue
no idea what to do
sorry to say but that killed me too

can you even begin to comprehend
some of the things I keep locked within
safe and sound away so you dont do see
every little stab of inadequecy

when you go to bed at night do you dream like I
is the ceiling your sky
at which you gaze through translucent eyes
and realize with a soul charred by lies

your life is turning into a disguise

Disgusted, mistrusted, and all that jazz
smile and it wont seem so bad
yeah right.

you dont @#%$ know my plight
you can't understand "fight or flight"
fight a battle and surely lose
or run away to continue this exhausted ruse

Elsewhere.


im like at the far bottom where i can see my soul stearing at me ordering me to start again.
its so ****ed up i wanna be active again.
and my dads not making it any easier getting on the forth ground asking a ton of question with NO ****ING CLUE WHY just cause he wants to.
he has a vision i will break easily but i do.
and it still hurts to have eyes.
my mother never calls no one contacts me. should i break the contact indefinite?
no one wants my attention anymore even though dreams and hopes are all around me. twisting me like a pepsi twist. cant forget the taste cant forget the feelings cant do what i want to do.
i even feel the marijuana necklace burned in my skin watching over me in my dreams so that i always forget the bad side of how i met aliens the first and last time.
never getting lifted never getting appreciated
my "friends" are all tifted
my feelings are all sifted
to this twisted scar its a vision we need to heal

*hugs Mark*
*hugs monk*
*hugs Louise*

Hi guys. I just came to sit. Things are so crazyy.

*Huggles my wardies*

*hugs Pretty.Reckless* (sorry... don't know your name)
*hugs Mark* how are you today?

Freaking Out about my Benfits Medical Laura , How are you Hun ? *Hugs
*

Hi everyone. *hugs for all*

hugs everyone - how are you all

*hugs Mark* oh... I hate it when there is so much worry about money.
*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Louise*

Do you know the feeling when everything is annoying? I'm so easily annoyed lately. I get annoyed of the way the blanket was touching my back. And I get annoyed when someone in the room is talking on the phone. I get annoyed when the page of my book makes a noise when I turn the page. I hate it when I'm getting annoyed so easily, it makes me want to sh because I'm getting annoyed with how easily I'm getting annoyed.

I know that feeling, Laura. Is there something that you enjy doing that won't annoy you? Maybe listening to music would at least drown out some of the sounds that are annoying you.

I'm in so much emotional pain. Just want to die. So sick of considering how my death would effect everyone else.

*huggles Lindsay* do you want to talk about why you are feeling that way?

I am listening to music, and being on the computer takes enough of my fokus so I don't get annoyed of other things. It's just the fact that I 'fled' from the rest of the family, because I'm getting so annoyed. I want to be more sociable in my family if that makes sense? I don't want others to be extra cautious because I'm getting annoyed all the time, so I'm spending a lot of time alone lately. I don't want to isolate myself though... meh.

Hello,
anybody around at this hour?

Hi Daisy, sorry for the late reply. How are you?

*Hugs Daisy if okay?*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Louise*

How's Mark today?

*hugs Daisy if ok*
*hugs Lindsay* how are you?
*hugs Mark*

I'm not too great at the moment. How are you, Laura?

Tired. I spent almost the whole day with my best friend and now I'm exhausted.
Is there anything going on that's making you feel bad or did it come out of nowhere?