You're NOT , repeat NOT stupid kitty :P I won't hear of such ! Yesterday I got confused between Lia and Felicia , It happens to us all :P
I'm sorry you are having nightmares , they. royally. suck. could you maybe get some sedatives from a Dr? they might help you sleep beyond dreams . I'm not sure but I think someone else suggested that but I wanted to make sure. *Huggles*

*hugs everyone*
Felicia-I love that book. And the film. Eugh
I think it might be bath/bed time. Can't wait till today is over. Night everyone. Stay safe.

Night Nicole , Sleep well hun :)

-hugs mark back- well according to my oh-so-wonderful husband, you're wrong. He thinks I'm stupid - he feels that he has to explain everything to me in great detail because I am too stupid to know. For instance, he was talking about something yesterday and decided to go into describing what the term "syncing" means - in full detail. I know what it means. But I'm too stupid to know anything. And as for the sedatives/sleeping pills, I go to see my doctor tomorrow. Gawd, I hate him. But I'm hoping he can prescribe me some. My husband also bitches at me for taking medication. He is a conspiracy theorist and believes they are poisoning me and I can do without them. I just want to be free...

-hugs nicole back-

-turns her head, thinking of the plans that she has made as well-

*hugs everyone*
Kitty, you aren't stupid for the amy/julie mistake... you'll get to know us and how thing like that go with time :)
(speaking of has anyone seen kat or becca around in the past while? i don't wander outside the ward on ryl much anymore but i haven't seen either of them in quite a while...)
I'm crimson by the way :)

Sorry for not answering you spotting me earlier Mark... there was a ton of pages to catch up on. and now i have info overload.

*Hugs Kitty* I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I really hope your Dr can help you tomorrow. :)

I haven't heard from either Kat or Beck Crimson, :S *Is concerned a bit*
No worries on earlier though , I spot people all the time and the last 24 hours on here have been super busy , Info overload and a half :S

-hugs crimson and mark back- nice to meet you. I'm kitty. I'm the reject of the litter. -waves paw-

So...I have come up with a few different plans on how to...become free, so to speak. All of them will work, but I'm hoping for the perfect one. Might not find it though. As long as it does its trick, and sets me free, I guess... I just don't know the when factor yet. It depends on when I will have the money for the supplies (unless felicia will send me hers?) and I want to make sure its not right before any holidays. Or my moms or dads birthday.

-looks down at her wrists and ponders- I'm calm now. Calm. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. But I'm calm. I just want to be free. Just to be free. -repeats in a soft innocent voice- They won't go away...they won't stop...until I'm free...

*Hugs Kitty* Please please don't go through with any suicide plans you have hun , we all have them in here and this place is a great place to get support , Please , if you feel like you would act on these urges come here , tell somebody , anyone you feel safe talking to online or offline .

-hugs mark- -whispers- I feel like acting on them...now. I...I'm kind of afraid, but at the same time, I welcome it. I am just so tired...

If it were 100% up to my counselor, I'd be locked away in a real psych ward right now. I dissociate, bad. When I do, a lot of times I harm and don't remember in the morning what happened...all I know is that I had harmed. But I don't have health insurance, and no money. So they can't just lock me up and throw away the key...unfortunately, help comes with a hefty price. At least, it does here in the great USA - I want to move out of this country so bad.

I am kinda scared, though. Being that I dissociate and stuff...I'm kinda scared that I might do something else or cut too deep and end up dying before I'm ready. I don't trust myself...I never can...I am the best of friends to others, I try my best to help and support, but I suck at helping myself. I just...can't afford it. -shrugs- It all boils down to money.

I will be back in a few minutes or so - shouldn't be longer than an hour. If it is...well...ya I'm saying it shouldn't be. I need to get food. xx

Oh please please take good care of yourself if you possibly can Kitty *Hugs* Enjoy your food :)

Right Wardmates I'm going to bed
*Night time hugs my wardies*
Catch you all tomorrow.
Stay safe .
Love you guys <3

*squishes anyone who wants*
love you guyssss

*hugs Mark goodnight and tucks him in*

*Hugs Kitty* He did you know (Mark got me and Felicia mixed up) and I called my best friend Sarah once, despite the fact that back then I knew no one called Sarah in any way shape or form. It happens to the best of us. I forgot my own name once. I don't know exactly what I am going to do about it, but I won't let you go through with any plans. Is there really nowhere you can go other than being with your husband? If he is getting you down so much,is anywhere not better? I understand it's not so simple, but is there any way?

*Hugs rest of ward.*

*dances around the ward* FINALLY! the benefits people finally quit being a pain in the arse. I can quit putting myself into debt to keep my family fed and housed (at least for another 6 months when I have to re-certify again)... only took them 2 whole months.
*hugs Lia*

Yay Crimson :) *hugs*

I'm back. Night night mark -hugs mark goodnight-

-hugs Lia back- I would, but I don't know where I would go. I sometimes go for walks, but if I go while my husband is awake, he will insist on going with me. If I say no, he gets really mad, and it turns out worse than it started. I would go to a friends house, but...I don't have friends here. My closest friends are about 2 and a half hours away from me. They live in the same town that my family lives in. My closest not so close relatives live about 2 hours away. And, being that I had to medically withdraw from school for this semester, I can't use the excuse that I am going to go study at the college, either. I'm on an invisible leash and trapped. But...why can't I be free? I am held by my husband, by my past, by fears that he is going to find me and kill me. I may want to die, but I don't want him to be the one to kill me...if I die, I want to go on my own standards. I don't want my last moments facing him...I never want to see him again.

-sits back in the corner against the wall and squishes with heather-

-hugs crimson- I'm glad you don't have to worry about that anymore. 6 months is better than nothing. One less thing to worry about for a while is always nice.