I’m broken
I’m absolutely broken and really do not want to be here anymore. 4 years ago today my wonderful precious wee boy passed away after a very sudden and horrible virus took hold of him. But I could have prevented it. I could and should have taken him to hospital the night before. But I didn’t. And that negligence has haunted me every single day of my miserable stinking pathetic existence since. I’d say life but it hasnt been a life. And it’s exactly what I deserve. I don’t deserve a life I don’t deserve to be happy. I deserve to be the one in the ground and my wee lad alive and living his life to the max.
Last week I had a counselling session and even she said I was broken and being held together with glue and duck tape. I can’t go on feeling like this for the rest of what little time I have left on this earth. Hopefully the end will be here for me sooner rather than later. Apologies if this triggers anyone I honestly wish no person on this earth any harm or bad feeling - I wish that entirely on myself and me only |
I'm glad you have a professional you can trust. Can they help you with some plans or tools to work through what is going on in a way that keeps you alive?
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I go back next week, not sure what the outcome of only having one day filled in. |
If positives are too hard, could you try coming up with one neutral thing to write down each day? That would at least show you've made an effort, even if you couldn't accomplish what was asked exactly as written.
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