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*Hugs Helen* Just really triggerd and wishing I had my blades back :(
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Meh. Chocolate is helping. As is muh kitty ^^
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-hugs nicole and offers a protective teddy-
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*Hugs Helen and Kitty*
I don't know :( *Takes teddy* thanks kitty :( |
-sits next to nicole- Welcome. Hope it helps..
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:) Thanyou...
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-sighs- Why cant I have friends in real life? I always scare everyone away. I deserve to be punished..
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*snuggles Nicole and Kitty*
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You don't deserve to be punished hun, and i'm sure you have friends, although I wish I didn't have friends, I always end up hurting them :(
I wan't to cut guys, I mean really want to cut. Why bother? |
Nicole, why bother what honey? Please stay safe, you can through these urges. You don't always hurt your friends Nicole. You haven't hurt me and I'm sure you haven't hurt any of the other wardies. I'm sure you have friends in your real life as it were that haven't been hurt. Besides, everyone hurts one another at times. Sadly it's a part of life. We just have to try not to.
Kitty, you don't deserve to be punished sweetie x |
*Hugs Helen* why bother trying to fight this? I like my self harm, it makes me feel safe-why am I trying to give that up? And I haven't hurt you yet, but I will eventually :(
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I don't have friends. I have people that pretend to be my friends because they like the fact that I am such a generous person and they like to use me. I thought I had friends in my coven, but it's just a show. They are friends on facebook but ever since I moved away they hardly ever talk to me anymore. When I try to talk to them, they either don't answer or are "only on for a few minutes". I text them but they never text back. They never come to see me.
I'm sorry you are so triggered, Nicole. I am in the same boat. I wish I could help. I'm just a waste of time and space. I should die. My problem is, I am probably pregnant. I can't let the baby die. I might hate myself but I would never kill anyone, not even an unborn baby. I want to cut so bad. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry.. |
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I know you addressed the second half of your post to Nicole, but you're not a waste of time or space. You shouldn't die. Please try not to cut sweetheart. Your baby might be able to feel that pain and be affected if you cut, and I'm sure you don't want that. I know it's not easy having urges and trying not to act upon them *cuddles* |
*Hugs Helen and Kitty*
Kitty-I'm sorry people can be so awful :( Please try to stay safe hun, for your baby if not for yourself. And we are all your friends, I know it's not the same, but it's better that nothing. Helen-I know, I know that it's bad for me, not a healthy way of dealing with things and everything, but I need it. :( |
I didn't mean to address that part just to Nicole. It was meant for everyone, really. Just didn't think to separate it for any confusion. I don't know for sure if I am pregnant yet, but it's highly likely. I have been so nauseous lately and every time I eat, afterwords I feel even more nauseous. And my menstrual cycle was supposed to start on Wednesday. It is now Saturday night and I haven't started yet. I can't afford to go out and get a pregnancy test so I have to wait until this next Thursday at noon to get tested at a clinic. The waiting is killing me. But if I am pregnant, it's so early in the pregnancy that the baby wouldn't know and/or understand what me self harming means. What I would worry about would be the doctor seeing my scars and freaking out again (the doctor in the emergency room did) but I could always explain my way out of that..
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And, what if I am pregnant, and the school happens to deny my financial aid? Then I would be pregnant AND homeless because I wouldn't be able to pay my rent. Ugh. I don't know what to do. My husband tells me not to worry, but I can't help it...I have anxiety issues. And this whole waiting thing is killing me!
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*Hugs* I'm sorry hun...I don't have many words :(
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