*cuddles Nicole* Not really. Just trying to be strong for everyone, try help everyone else..

do you wanna talk? i'm perfectly fine and calmed down now, you can PM me if you want *hugs*

*cuddles all* my internet will go in a min so I am off, not sure how I will get through but will try for you all.

My best friend's boyfriend is wanting to take her to hospital, she's just really exhausted and stuff. Naturally she doesn't want to go for couple reasons. Wish she'd go, just get to checked out, hopefully she IS okay. But if she needs treatment then I'd rather she had it. Just wish I could help her more than I already do.

Thankfully, so far tonight, I haven't heard from a certain evil person in her life. Well he's sort of in it. Very complicated & messy stuff. Unfortunately, I'm very very involved in it. Don't think I quite realise the effect it has on me. Hopefully won't hear anything off him.

Having ****ing palpitations again. :/ ****'s sake. Might have to mention it to my doctor. Not that he seems to really care about my physical problems. :/ Keep having them, plus random breathlessness & panic attacks. Probably all related aha. Probably stress!!!

Worried about my other best friend. She'll get through it though. She's just having some 'downtime' as I like to call it. I just really miss her :( But she came online on Sunday & today. She hopes to be online tomorrow, we shall see. I just hate it when it happens, I feel so helpless but I try & help all the same.

*sighs* Just too much stuff right now. I'm supposed to be seeing my friend H tomorrow. But she's got to spend it with her Mum instead. So another day in by my lonesome. Oh well, Charlie will be here :D Ugh, I have to be up early. Joy :/ I'm still struggling to get a job, it's near impossible :( Something will come up. Am trying to survive on less than £5 until 4th May :| Luckily I have savings that I can dip into. Would rather not, need to save it for my 21st!!

Aha, was talking about my 21st birthday celebrations with my Mum the other day. She was talking about it tonight ^_^ Seems it will happen *squeals* No doubt I'll have to cough up most of the money. But I knew that xD Ugh why does money have to cause SO many problems right now? :( It's bad enough for us at the moment, my Mum is effectively losing her job soon :/ Hopefully can re-apply for the similar one. But if not..I dread to think :(

*hugs helen tightly*
as much as you care for your friends hun, sometimes you have to let them do what they want. if your friend doesnt want to go to the hospital, you've gotta respect that, no matter how hard it is.
what do you mean about your doctor not caring about your physical problems hun?
and your other friend will get through it, we all will eventually.
as for finding a job, isnt there any temporary jobs you can get for now, e.g. in tescos or somewhere similar?
and that sounds nice, having a party for your 21st, i never get partys lol.

*hugs Nicole tightly*

I know, I have to let them do what they want. I can't help it, I'm stubborn & stuffs. As is my best friend, well both of them are LOL. I know I can't force her to go to hospital & have to let her do what she wants..

Just feel like my doctor doesn't care about my physical health. The last time I saw him, well two days before that, I'd spoken about some health problems that weren't my mental side of things & they got ignored :( Despite one of them being about my way-too-regular fainting *touchswood*

We all will eventually get through it indeed.

I've gone for temporary jobs & not got those either :( :/ It's tough out there, godamm recession isn't helping whatsoever!!!!!!!

I'm sure it'll be fun. Got to do this year first :P My 21st isn't til next March :)

hmmm. thats a tough one :( gah. if you cant get a temporary job-what hope have i got?? :/ lol.
aah, well, at least you've got a long time to plan lol. i wanted a big 16th, but its a bit late now as its friday! lol

Indeed, only planning now, well starting to because places get booked so quick & stuff. The rest of it can wait. I wrote my guest list in February though LOL. Just been updating it!!! =D

You do have hope of getting a job, just depends when & where etc :P

lol. sounds like fun :P although to be honest i dont think i would like a big party. i get nervous around too many people lol.

its impossible to find a job while your still at school :/

Indeed it is my dear, keep trying though. Especially when you leave.

I don't ever have parties. I haven't had a party for me since I was young =) Obviously I've had 'big' meals :P Lol, for my 16th, I had mcdonalds at home because I couldn't eat due to my braces still killing me (they'd gone on less than a week before!) but I was supposed to be going out to a special restaurant. For my 17th, I went to the cinema with my Mum :D For my 18th, I had a meal at the special restaurant with some of my family & few friends. Was really fun ^_^ So yes, this 21st should be AMAZING!!! Just hope my best friends can make it, think I'd scream my head off if they did xD

Ahhh I'm rambling :P

lol. sounds like you enjoyed them, which is the main thing. aargh, i have no idea whats going on about the oxford meet, as noones posting on there anymore to say whats happening :/ its supposed to be sunday.....

I hope it goes ahead darling *cuddles* Sounds fun. If I had any money, I'd come :]

lol. bless. could you get to oxford some other time? as im sure this wont be the last one lol. (well, i hope it wont be lol) as i cant really get anywhere else (my mum is MAJORLY over-protective :/)

I'm sure I could, just need monies ;) Which I sadly have a severe lack of currently!!! But once I've sorted out my contract problems (don't ask :P) that'll free my money up a bit more.

UGH I DO NOT WANT TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW =(

I forgot to say, I've heard from my best friend's boyfriend. It's not good :|

*hugs all*

Some days it is so hard to breathe that it is hardly worth the effort ...

oh dear :( lol. i dont have to get up early :P i can sleep as long as i want. and where the hell is my mum :/ it would be nice to meet you lol. my mum is INSISTING that she takes me to the meet and meets everyone first :/ damn her. treating me like a child

I know what you mean Kahlia. Keep going sweetheart, it won't always be like this. *cuddles tight*

Nicole, lucky you ^_^ I'm sure your Mum's okay wherever she is. Bless her, my parents were like that when I was going to attend a meet on another forum. But it didn't happen. Shows they care ^_^ But I know you're probably bit embarrassed & stuffs? :) *cuddles* I'm sure we'll meet sometime ^_^

*hugs kahlia* it'll pass hun.
lol. its not my mum im worried about-shes at her boyfriends, but i'm scared home alone lol. and yeah it is embarrasing lol. its like-'im 16, stop babying me!' lol

*cuddles* If it helps, I hate being alone late at night. Not always, but particularly when I'm in a state or can hear things but don't recognise them :/ Once I was that scared, I stayed up til 4am before it felt anywhere near ok to sleep. LOL :/ :(