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PoisonedApple 12-02-2010 06:32 PM

*waves at Matt and Nicole* I'm Crimson *extends hand*
*cuddles April, Helen, Laurafriend, Laurastar, Kahlia*
Sorry to many posts to answer em all so I'm starting with a clean slate post...

I've realized today that venting feels a lot like talking to a brick wall. But it does make the weight of my little world easier to lift... Anyone else feel weird posting in r/v? Maybe it's just because mine ends up more like a forum based journal... :ermm:

Imaginary_friend 12-02-2010 07:02 PM

*hugs everyone*
*waves at Matt* hii :) you shouldn't be disappointed in yourself. you should be proud of the fact that you're fighting and not just giving in :) *hugs*

last night was utterly....****ed up. my "friend" keeps shouting at me about everything...that i'm drinking too much, smoking, that i slept with this guy last week, and she was telling me that i was making myself worse by turning myself into a "victim". like, WTF?! i hardly talk about him because i know everyone gets bored, and i don't want to keep thinking about it. and she's never here anyway. argh. she's just pissing me off massively atm. and she shouted at me in the bar last night so i ran out crying, to have another one of my friends catch me and make me tell her what was up. ARGH! she's not helping...just keeps telling me i'm ****, which i know, SO WHY KEEP GOING ON ABOUT IT?!
*bursts into tears*

Scarletdreamer 12-02-2010 07:36 PM

Just posted in my r/v thread if anyone wants to look... suicide/ED triggers.

*hides in darkest corner where she can cry without anyone noticing*

NicolaRose 12-02-2010 07:54 PM

Hi all **hugs everyone** hi Matt.
Sorry that everyone seems to be feeling so bad right now

*hugs scarlet dreamer* and hope you are ok, anything I can help with??
And to your question..... I don't really know why I've been feeling so bad lately , had depression for a long time and SI and seemedto be dealing with that a bit better but now it's all going downhill and feel very low and self concious. I guess I don't have many reasons to feel like this, my life is ok, there's quite alot of stressful things going on all the time, but who doesn't have that???? Always had very low self esteem, every day is a struggle now and I don't have the energy to do anything, I feel kind of alone too, I have people around me.....but I just don't feel it, it just doesn't feel like people understand or are saying anything nice to me.
I hate myself, wish the person I love would give me s compliment or say something good about me cos I am struggling to find anything, but seems they only notice the bad stuff too
my boyfriend just moaned at me for asking for a sigarette, cos he keeps having to pay for it and I dint have my own, reason is is that I have no money..... My student loan us nearly gone but gotta last a couple more months. Money is gone because I have been lending my boyfriend alot of money for rent and bills cos he couldn't afford to pay them. But now he just made me feel like I am selfish and not worth anything and that everyone else has to pay fir me.

I'm feeling stressed, stressed about money and how it's gunna last, and want to cut :(

*sits in a dark corner and cries*

Sefka 12-02-2010 07:57 PM

Waves at everyone (I'll cuddle later.) Curls up and immediately falls asleep.

PoisonedApple 12-02-2010 08:03 PM

In an attempt to cheer people up... To explain this conversation I need to say I'm trying to do my family tree and asked my father to have Grammie put post-it notes with the info on them on all her old family pictures (I use ancestry.com so I can add in the pics...) since no one else in the family has old pics or knows who's in the ones she has (and all of the ones from the date my grandparents married till my father was a teen were lost when my great uncle's basement flooded)... Well this task has taken a few months now and this is the email I got this morning:

So my mother says, "I'm done with the pictures, and now...", and I interrupt and say "I'll come over and get them" and she continues, "...I'll write the notes next."
Huh?
"What have you been doing so far?" I ask.
"Sorting them."

I burst out laughing... That was just too funny not to for me.
But I don't mind the wait (she's also finding documents) as I've been getting more family information as she goes...
Just thought I'd share my funny email... hope it make you guys smile :)

frenchhorn 12-02-2010 09:36 PM

*curls up crying in corner* such a stupid, failure of a freak. Triggered really badly.
I could really do with a hug right now, if its ok to ask.

NicolaRose 12-02-2010 09:45 PM

*hugs Frenchhorn gently* you are not a freak or failure
sorry you fel triggered.... Welli do too at the moment :(

PoisonedApple 12-02-2010 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicoleRose (Post 2137276)
*hugs Frenchhorn gently* you are not a freak or failure
sorry you fel triggered....

^^this.

PoisonedApple 12-02-2010 09:48 PM

Do you want to talk about it Oliver?

frenchhorn 12-02-2010 09:57 PM

I fail at everything, even the thing I am meant to be good at I am terrible at.

Imaginary_friend 12-02-2010 10:39 PM

i hate myself. i wish i could just disappear. apparently everyone would be much better off without me.

SoMuchMore 12-02-2010 10:54 PM

*cuddles laurafriend* people would not be better without you, dont let yourself think that. what happened hun?

*cuddles oliver* you don't fail at everything. Hang in there.

*hugs crimson* that is pretty funny. Good luck with your family tree thing.

*hugs nicolerose* im sorry that your so stressed right now. try to do something nice for yourself. stay strong.

*hugs matt* Sorry that you are feeling so alone right now. Its hard, I feel the same way about people being happy all around me and doing good in life yet i'm just kinda stuck where i am feeling like a failure. That sucks that your friends arent being very supportive.

*cuddles april* i know i keep saying this but you have to keep fighting hun. I read your venting spot. Dont let your professor crush your dreams, if you want to be a therapist then u should follow what you want to do. It'll work out if it was meant to be, and until you find that out u just have to keep moving forward with what u feel is right.

*hugs helen* I hope that your head feels better.

As the hypocrite that I am, telling everyone to hang in there. I now must say that I don't want to hang in there much longer. Too stressed about everything. Not even managing not to SI at the moment. Nothing too bad.. its just kinda there i guess.

Imaginary_friend 12-02-2010 10:56 PM

*hugs Laura* sorry hun. i know what you mean about the SI. look after yourself *cuddles*

i just...my friends all think i'm being an idiot but have no idea how to help me. i have no idea what i want. i just know that at the moment i hate myself and my friends are getting pissed off with me.

shadowedsoul 12-02-2010 11:03 PM

argh i just want to die, cant handle much more. curls up and crys

Kahlia1981 12-02-2010 11:44 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I don't want to die ..... I just don't want to live anymore. The sentence that confused the hell out of the crisis team when I rang them yesterday.

My mood just won't lift .... I'm so over it. 9:45 in the morning and I'm already thinking of suicide. *sigh*

*disappears into the darkness*

MammaMia 12-02-2010 11:49 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Argh I'm so worried :/ My best friend reallllly needs help and I can't do much to help her :'( Please let him find her soon, please please please. :'(

quiet1 13-02-2010 02:40 AM

i cut. i liked it. i want to be done living now.
i suck at life.
*cries and locks self in bathroom*

Sefka 13-02-2010 05:42 AM

Hugs quiet 1 and frenchhorn - you don't suck or fail. But I know the feeling.
Hugs everyone else. But I have no words now.
I'm going back to bed.
<falls asleep>

Kahlia1981 13-02-2010 06:49 AM

*cuddles everyone*

It's officially 30 degrees C here ... and I'm shivering and getting goosebumps. Mood is still the same. It just makes it seem like nothing is worth it anymore if you know what I mean. Meh.

*curls up in a dark corner somewhere*


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