Morning (it is here)

*takes teddy*

*hugs everyone*

not feeling much better but at least I am at work and have people around me.

take care everyone
x

Dayna: lol.. yes I guess we would have to admit that then and I ain't admiting anything.. that would mean the computers have won. :P Hope you have a good day.

Mary Anne: *hugs back* take care; glad to hear you're not alone.. i hope your day brightens somewhat. let us know how you're doing.

*leaves hugs for everyone*

*Triggering* SI
 

Helen glad to hear that the snow was fun. I also agree with the advice from Emma and Ravyn about your friend. *hugs you tight*

Emma you don't deserve pain and damage you are a wonderful supportive person. *Hugs you tight and gives you a fluffy teddy bear*

Dayna can understand the frustration with getting triggered out of no where. *hugs* Sorry don't know what to say.

Mary Anne hope your day improves to be a good day. I agree with you on stopping the world to get off.*lots of hugs*

Ravyn Hope you have a good sleep and that you are okayish. *hugs you tight*

Well I saw my psychiatrist today. He was concerned about the dreams and started with the hynothearapy. I have SIed nearly every night for the last 5 nights. I just wish I could stop. I want to stop. I hate doing it.:-(
Due to the lack of sleep am very moody and feel completely out of control:ermm: . The light at the end of the tunnel has just been put out. Sorry for the rant. I will be quiet now. *Goes back under the bed with the denial tent over it*

*Hugs and hot chocolate with marshmellows in it for everyone*

Thanks for the messages yesterday guys. I'm home now. x

Glad to hear you are home, hope you are okay.

Ravyn - my day was okay, I feel more in control now, how long it will last I don't know tho. *hugs*

Nicole - I so much just want a break from life. Hope you are feeling okay after seeing the psychiatrist, I know these meetings can be very draining *hugs*

*offers hugs to everyone*

Ravyn: And **** knows we can't let those bloody computers win! XDD. And thanks

Nicole: *Hugs back* No need to apologise for the rant, y'know? <3

Lucy: Glad to hear it, and I hope you're feeling a bit better now, too

Mary Anne: Fingers crossed it lasts a good while

*Hugs all*


Guess who feels like ****? =DD. My mind was rather disturbing me last night, I had all these horrible thoughts swimming around in my mind, graphic mental images of suicide and the like. I ended up telling myself over and over again that I'm worthless, just a burden, a waste of life/time/air/etc and all this. Constant stress is killing me x__x. I feel like I'm going to have a total breakdown soon.

And I'm still ****ing umming and ahhing over going to see the doctor. Thing is, if things get so bad, and I do feel like I could kill myself, I know just how I could do it, too .__.;;. I don't honestly feel like I actually could, no matter how much I think I might want to in my lowest moments. Just wanna make that clear ._.;.

I guess I could always say to my housemate I wanna go to the doctor to talk about my sleeping patterns, and then after say that 'everything else' got talked about as well (and she'd assume I meant the eviction - which wouldn't be a total lie, either). Buuut thing is, when our old GP retired ('suicidal thoughts? NOT MY PROBLEM =D'), my housemate ended up temporarily seeing a new one before she got a regular one assigned to her. And her temporary one is my regular one now. And he wanted to stick my housemate as a suicide risk apparently (and would have, if she hadn't told him about her firm religious/anti-suicide beliefs). So if I see him, I could just see him thinking 'OMGSHE'SASUICIDERISKTOO *locks me up*'. I dunno if that'd be a good thing or not.

Lollongpostislong

sends hugs to everyone

*curls up in a ball*

*Hugs Lucy and Louise*

Make it stop. Someone, please make it stop. I cna't go back. I'm so scared.

>__O I know how you feel, Lucy

*Sits in corner and rocks*

*sends hugs*

*Whimpers and curls up*

Can't...take...much...more...

Dayna- I think going to see the doctor may be a good idea. Do you know what has triggered these emotions today? Here if you want to talk about it? *sends safe hugs and some chains to help you hold on*

Lucy-I can't make it stop honey. I wish I could. What are you scared of? *cuddles*

Nicole- Sorry things are so rough for you right now. Did your psychiatrist give you any advice on how to handle things atm or any extra support? I hope the light comes back on soon, remember there is always hope.

Mary Anne- I hope work wasn't too draining and things are better for you tomorrow. Glad you are feeling more in control though.

*hugs Louise* Are you ok?

Ravyn? Kahlia? Jem? How are you all doing? Hope you had a good sleep Ravyn x

*leaves hugs and pillows for everyone*

Going back to uni.
I talked to my GP today & she wants to see me on Friday morning, so I'll be honest with her then & see what happens.

Thank you.

*hugs all*
x

What about going back to uni scares you? I am glad you are seeing your GP Friday hun x

I think it's just the general stress. This whole saga with my friend (in spite of the talk we had - nothing's changed), the eviction, the mindset that I will lose my friends...it's all taking it's toll on me. I fear a breakdown. If it's not yet already started.

Really, I'm losing whatever I had left to hold on for, if I haven't already. I'm only still breathing because I don't have the courage to try and change that. And LMAO, because I don't have enough of a spine to talk to anybody like my housemate or relatives about anything, they all think that I'll magically be cured by doing some stupid ****ing confidence building course. Except that could backfire. Badly. If I start to believe that I can accomplish what I want, then the next time I feel suicidal...

Dayna you have to be honest with someone in real life about what is going on. Someone who can help you. Anything you have lost can be regained or replaced with something new. It sounds like things are really stressful at the moment and that is bound to be affecting your mood and making you worse. Please try and take measures to stop a breakdown before things get worse. For what it is worth, I AM worried about you and thinking of you.

I don't know what to do. Too long I've taught myself to keep things bottled up. I can't hurt my housemate by telling her anything

Katrica that sounds really dangerous hun. Have you told anyone you can't feel pain? Please stop trying to make yourself, it wont come back until you can figure out what triggered it to go in the first place. It sounds like your experience was really frightening. Did your mum say anything?

Dayna- Eventually that bottle will become full though. Your housemate probably wouldn't want you to keep everything bottled in. Could you try and write her a note or something explaining what is going on if you can't talk to her?