A little better then I have been. A couple of friends helped me study on my break today. It's nice to feel like I actually got something accomplished for once. Pretty urgy on the SI side of things, and I didn't manage to get up in time to hand over my blades on Saturday which means I have them until my appointment on Thursday. I know I will have a hard time explaining myself if I use them.

Sorry I haven't been very responsive to anyone. I'm still a bit of a mess.

Emma: Of course you can. :)

Thank you :)
how are you? x

Hey Emma, just wondering, what was your previous screenname? :) Just so I know who I'm talking to, hehe.

Hels, hope the chat with your dad & J goes okay later today (right? it is today?). *cuddles*

*cuddles Mark* Thanks for the blanket. :) It was appreciated, hehe. I hope you manage to get through the day without SI'ing, and even if you don't, the day will come when you will be able to. <3 I know it will. The same goes for all of you. Also, am glad that you slept okay once you got to sleep. :)

*cuddles Jess* It's okay that you're not up to individuals right now; it's also okay to be a bit of a mess sometimes. Trust me on that one, lol. Too much experience here. :P Anyway... I hope that you manage to stay SI-free today too... you've been doing so well lately!!

*glomps Oliver as I spy him!!*

So tiiiired. :(

It is today yes, less than 6 hours to go >_> I have such a bad headache at the moment. I feel even more rough. Fun times. I'm going to go shower and then have some lunch me thinks!!! I'm really exhausted. Fun times.

*cuddles April* Thanks. I have been doing pretty well. It's only happened once since I started seeing my doctor about stuffs.

*hugs Hels* I hope it goes alright.

*huggles for Mark* Sorry I forgot your hugs before. :)

Sleepy time for me now. :) I plan to actually make it to my first class tomorrow. Today was a bit of a fail for that.

*finds place on the floor*
*flops down*
...sorry too many pages...
*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Jessica* Hope you sleep well.

*Hugs Hels* Hope everything goes well.

April, I hope your meds come in speedily. I'm waiting on mine too, and only have two left.... It's making me a nervous wreck *hugs*

Hey Emma, I'm Felicia. I wasn't around back when you were probably, so just introducing myself =)

*Hugs Mark* I hope you get through the day SI free, but even if you don't, April's right, the day will come =).

*Hugs Crimson* You posted whilst I was making my super long post. It's alright if you can't reply, things are moving fast.


As for me, another one of my forums wants me gone cause apparently mentioning that I was caught purging and was actually glad cause now my friend is helping me research treatment options is triggering. I try not to trigger people there...
But that's not a huge worry, cause I'm so tired and have so much to do but so little motivation.
And for a positive note, my Tori Amos CD I got off of ebay came in! Yayyy!

*Hugs Felicia * I LOVE Tori Amos , what CD did you get ?

*Hugs Crimson*It moves fast in here sometimes , it can be hard to keep up.

*Hugs Jessica* Don;t worry , its busy in here.

*Hugs Helen*


*Hugs April*

I've semi-slept through most of the afternoon , hmmm I hope I sleep tonight.

Hey all.

How are you Crimson? Haven't seen you here in a while.

I'm happy for once :) I like being happy, but it's kinda scary too because there might be a come down, but never mind that for now.

Ouch. Lol, I just got off the bed and promptly tripped over a cereal packet. What's it even doing there?

xx

Mark, I got From the Choirgirl Hotel in today, but I have a few others being shipped to me. I just recently discovered Tori Amos, thanks to my Pandora radio telling me since I like Fiona Apple, I may like Tori Amos too. haha.

Hmmm... been better, been worse... I have a friend finishing up reading over my essays (journalism major now so she's fixing everything lol)
I've established that when I feel crap being at work really amps up my anxiety all by itself no little extra push necessary... I didn't really notice before since I'm usually not really un-anxious at home either (unless the in-laws are gone) but I got relaxed this weekend after spending most of yesterday in the kitchen... made muffins, cookies, yogurt, etc yesterday and aim to make spaghetti noodles today if i get the time. Maybe I should rethink my career goals... i used to want my own restaurant but thought it'd be too hard to get up and running but i do feel much better after some time in the kitchen... it may just be my mind wandering though since i've only had 6 hours or so sleep the last 48 hours...

hmmm realized i forgot to reply in part... i've been around (all but the weekend) just been lurking more than posting...

Felicia , whats a pandora Radio? I've heard of Fiona Apple but don't know any of her songs .

Oh Crimson , you need sleep! Hands a blanket over for you to snuggle under :)

Still happyish, just have a question.

Is it possible to push things out forever? Or do they come back eventually with a vengence?

There are things that are too painful for me to think about, things I push out because if I allowed myself to think, I would break. But I don't know if I can do that forever and I can't handle it.

Mark, Pandora Radio is an online radio thing where you make stations based on your favorite artists, and it'll pick similar artists and play them too. I have it on my ipod touch it's pretty cool.
http://www.pandora.com

Lia, in my experience, it always comes back with a vengence.

Thanks for the link Felicia :)

Lia , I'm afraid I agree with Felicia , things have a habit of coming back if you push them out for too long. perhaps you could deal with them little by little ? sorry

Oh woopy do da. Still, it's not brought me right down. Still a little happy, only not as much as before. I'll get over it. Pushing stuff out has worked for years. I've had the same thing shoved to th back of my mind for months. It can stay there until it's easier to deal with. Only I have a feeling I'm not going to get a say in the matter.

xx

Urgh. I have to spend three weeks in their company. I don't know how I'm going to last. I've just spent half an hour of a 'family meal' having every part of my appearance picked at. In the end I just suggested I get an enitre make-over so not to embarass my mum in front of all the Canadians. She wants to change just about everything. But she's right. I am fat. Fat and dirty. Always dirty.

Oh Lia *Hugs* you're not dirty no matter how much you think that of yourself , you are a kind, intelligent person :)

Lia, sweetie, I agree with Mark. You're not dirty & I doubt that you're fat. *gentle hugs*

*cuddles Crimson, Hels, Felicia, Mark, & Jess*
*cuddles everyone that hasn't posted yet on this page :P*

Sorry it's not more. My brain isn't functioning and I'm having an eye twitch that is driving me craaazy. >:( Have no idea what's causing it either and it's been happening off & on all day.

Last day with Tegretol, since I totally have run out of it and it's not come in the mail yet. Damn it. I have no idea how loopy I'mma be tomorrow night when I don't get my dosage... or how bad a headache I'm gonna have... :'(

Spent most of the day at my parents' house, which was nice... slept a lot though so hopefully won't have a problem falling asleep tonight. Read some, relaxed, drank a lot of tea (chamomile, Mark!! XD I love that stuff...), etc.

Just sent directions to our apartment to a friend who's coming over tomorrow. I have to do a bit more cleaning or else my conscience is going to rip me apart for introducing a new person to the clutter that is our apartment. :( I hate not being more motivated to clean clean clean... probably will be doing it last minute tomorrow morning. She's supposed to get here around 9:30am, so yeah. Guhhh. Feel so stupid!! for not getting on this sooner, or not forcing myself to stay home today and just get it done.

*sighs and hides in the warren to try and forget about the eye twitch (which is REALLY ****ING ANNOYING), the cleaning, and my parents*

OOOh April I hope your meds come in the mail tomorrow *Crosses fingers* don't worry about your flat being a bit messy , mine is too , magazines lying strewn about Easter Cards still up lol . Mess is Normal ! don't fret over what your mother says about it , it's YOUR home after all .