What does it achieve?
 

I really hate that I ever harmed myself. It's more than 20 years since I first cut myself, I don't remember exactly why. The feelings though ... anger, rage, hate, they're still around, some of the time at least. It was a release; my mind was so crushed by those feelings I needed to get them out, and it became the only way. It's circular. I do it to release the venom, but it creates more and then I feel more hatred of myself for being a dysfunctional screw-up. It's been quite a while since I harmed myself, but I find I want to do some serious damage today. Because I can, because I hate myself, because ... I don't know. I feel like crap. It's not going to help though. Several hours feeling **** in A&E, more scars, etc, etc. It achieves nothing.

I'm sorry you feel like hurting yourself again.

I'm not sure what to say, but try and remember what you've just written when you feel tempted.

I guess that was the turning point for me, when I started to wake up and realise that despite it helping for the moments I was doing it, there was more negative coming of it than positive and I was just fueling the cycle further.

But it's still difficult to listen to that side of things when all you want to do is hurt yourself.

Please just remind yourself of what you've said.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. It sounds like you are having a really tough time right now.

I don't think there is much I can add to what BackfromtheBrink said.

I think it's good you can recognise that it won't achieve anything because you are right, it won't.

I hope things improve for you soon though. x

Iam sorry you want to hurt yourself. I used to cut but now bruise myself but I can relate to your post so much! When I first started cutting, I didn't know why I did it, except that it was a relief.

Even though I hit, I wonder the same thing. Sure it helps when emotions are building up inside, but the relief never lasts. Once the high is worn off, I feel so angry that I harmed again, and the urge to want to hit comes back.

Now I wake up with bruises and sore legs and pain when I walk. Barely touching the bruises hurt and they look disgusting. I think why can't I handle difficult emotions like normal people? Why did I ever start harming? Are a few seconds of relief worth anger, shame, and days of pain?

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it. I'm feeling like a total ****-up today. I haven't harmed, but I want to. I don't know, I'm too old to post here, I can't relate to most of you, and you probably can't relate to me. I've been on a mini-high for a few months, I guess that's over with and I have to deal with it.

I'm sorry you are feeling so rubbish today. Well done for not self harming, despite the urges.

I don't know how old you are but you are never too old to post, though I appreciate it is nice to receive age-relevant advice. Would you find posting in Veterans Support more helpful?

x

Sorry if it seemed like I was criticizing your replies, it's not that at all, it's more a general thing I feel with my age (mid-30s) not this thread. I am under control, sort of, just maybe feeling a bit paranoid. I'm not comfortable asking others for support, I don't think anyone on here knows who I am ... but I think I have posted too much about myself recently and I'm not sure it's safe to. I can delete things though. Is it okay to delete posts because of paranoia? I'm not going down the road of harming again, I can't cope with it again. It'll just open up a whole can of worms that I really, really do not need. I need to get this stuff out of my head.