Kathrine: Thanks for your understanding and support. I'm here if you need to talk, get virtual hugs or just need to feel safe.

Sometimes it feels like we just can't fight any more, that we can no longer take what life is throwing up at us. At times like this the most important thing that anyone can do is to try. It sounds stupid but we have no chance to get through anything if we can't look at what situation we are in and discover what (and where) we would like to be. I'm not trying to belittle anyone else's problems but I want you to know that there is hope.

*hugs all who want/need them and leaves blankets and boxes of tissues around the ward*

Missing grandpa very badly today :crying:

*disappears into a corner with a teddy bear and a blanket*

6+ months not drinking and cutting. can feel insomnia right next door.

I don't want to be alone tonight...

Yeah, I shouldn't have written that part of the story... now that scene triggered me and I have to deal with not doing well after being fine all day. This sucks :(

Sitting alone and crying before five in the morning. Another night of little sleep and I'm already over the day. I'm just going to hide in a corner with a pillow for the next six months

sorry i crashed into this stopping all everyting and causing chaos cause u dont know me. im not like that. and instead of joining a cult or sekt i was heling people out of **** back in alt.suicide.bus.stop.

where i am living now they dont even support me enough to give me a job its just deserted in a blink. i am well enough from another persons mouth i can drive a car. i am fully capable of working. i used to drive grass harvesters and big trailers fuill of grass. helping around the farm. (too bad this isnt a farm *paints a green tractor on the left invisible wall besides the entrance*) i have not been helped in any way. and i just found out that everyone that lives in the same place where i do with them. is a anstalt for the psychically ill. and not a finger is lifted to help us. they just let us rot. i cant really talk this way about medicine cause the pills make me angry and in result does more harm than help me in that way. they change the times they come to give me meds. like i wanted the meds an hour inbetween the different pills. and they decided they wanted to give me them at the same time making me throw up and dizzy and noxius(naceous) ill. its currently snowing now in norway. "the fjords are cold and the fjells are white, come take a trip into the wild viking reign."

m0nk: unfortunately this situation is all to common. *safe hugs*

*hides in the corner*

Really not doing very well right now, trying to focus on writing instead of doing bad things but even that is not going very well :(

*offers safe hugs to Matt*

Matt: It's good that you are aware you aren't doing crash hot and have been able to try and distract yourself. I hope things get better but please keep talking to us here.

I'm scared of what I might do to myself...

Thanks Kahlia. *hugs* I have a bad habit of turning in on myself when I get upset or start getting deeply depressed/psychotic... so sometimes it is hard for me to allow people in and to tell them what is going on with me.

*hugs Alexia* whats wrong hun?

I am not doing so well either... trying to write it out in my journal but its not helping very much right now at all

I feel like I am being watched. Like they are waiting for me to slip up to take me away. I texted a friend some hours ago that I wasn't doing well and he hasn't texted me back yet. I texted him again a few minutes ago telling him he may have to call if it continues to get worse. He took my phone and wrote down the numbers (my old psych and the hospital numbers) last time I was in crisis so he could call them if needed. I hate myself for letting him get those numbers. I am a bad person... always helping others and getting nothing back in return. I want so badly to give up right now

Matt: *hugs* I think we all turn on ourselves, to varying degrees, when life gets tough or we become extremely unwell. Are you able to write down what is happening when you are not doing so crash hot? I'm wondering if it would be easier to give something written to people during times like that so you don't have to actually speak. I know the feeling of being watched and of people waiting for us to slip up. The good thing is that you have managed to text your friend. I can understand you not being happy with your friend having those numbers but you appear to have at least a little faith in him, that he will only act if you are truly in a crisis. *hugs*

Really not coping now. It's getting worse the closer we are getting to christmas. Never a good time of year *sigh*

Thanks Kahlia *hugs* yeah, I write quite a lot... sometimes it ends up being like 10 pages in my journal. I do usually include what is going on and how I am feeling as well. I am scared to give them anything cause I do not know what they will do with it since it would kinda discuss about how I have been kinda suicidal at times... and last time the wanted for me to go and get a psych assessment or drive me to Woodburn. Woodburn is a short-term psych hospital. So I really feel caught between a rck and a hard place right now. I dunno what my friend would do either if I were to text him and say that I was kinda sorta suicidal. A few other friends know as well, but they have been pushing hard for me to either go back to seeing a new psych and get back on meds or go to Woodburn and take a "break". They know though, that I would rather attempt suicide first than be hospitalized.

By the way, what happens if you call a crisis center but then get too scared to say anything and hang up? Do they call you back or something?

Matt: I understand regarding preferring to attempt suicide than be hospitalised. In a lot of respects I am the same. Just a thought but could you re-write some of your journal to remove the parts you really don't want other people to see - maybe write that you have had suicidal thoughts instead of that you have been suicidal - and that may give you something you feel able to pass on. *huggles*

With regards to a crisis center, I can't answer for all of them obviously. The ones I have experience with here in Australia will often hang up after waiting for you to speak and then ring back if the number shows. Others will just expect you to call them back. Most try to get you to say something... anything on the phone, but it can depend on the person on the other end of the phone.

Thanks Kahlia for answering my question and responding back to me *hugs* I hope you are doing okay as I crash and burn. I might end up calling tonight since its going poorly and I really don't care what I do right now and am kinda unsafe

*hides under a blanket on the couch*

Matt: *huggles* This time of year I find extremely difficult. Please try and keep yourself safe. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that things improve.

*hugs Kahlia* Hope that you are doing well and this month isn't too bad for you. I am doing okies, not great though.

*puts down smores and cookies on the counter and some milk and water*

Matt: *hugs*