*checks in because the will to live has disappeared*

Can I check in for a few days. It's the closest thing to an escape that I'll get. AHHHHHHHHHHHH......... I give up! Drug me up and leave me.

Have you talked to him about it getting more intense? Maybe he has an idea why.
*puts on pajamas and walks into wall*
Oops.
*Curls up on floor in front of wall*

Party last night was awesome :)

can i check in for a bit. want to curl up and dissapear for ever :(

dance(sorry i forgot your name)i'm so happy you enjoyed the party! ruggerblob, bleeping4hope, and kija hugs to all of you what has made you feel so down?

It's Helen.

I enjoyed my party.

In a right crappy mood though now.

argh.... its so ****, its all just rubbish...

popped back for a bit... think i need to be in here...

just the whole past year bad things happened, and i think now i'm trying to deal with them my whole lifes traumas are coming out, i never deal with anything as it happens, actually dont think i've dealt with anything my entire life, so wow, a lot of **** going on in my head! and because of all this i had to drop out of college, and move back in with my mom. its all gone weird, and i just want to curl up and dissapear.
thanks so much for the hug!
xxx

*hugs Kija, Helen and Raining in my head*
I hope you all feel better soon. Sorry I can't offer anymore than knowledge that you are not alone.

runs in
argggghhhhhhhhhhhhh
circles the chair
arghhhhhh
circles the table
argggghhhhhhhhh
sees the dr aproaching
runs away and hides

*hugs hopeandsanity*
Are you alright?

Do you people mind someone new in here?
If you don't, I'd like to check in for a few days... I'm so stressed out it's not even funny...

*hugs MasterofKaos* of course you are welcome here.
What's stressing you out? x

Thanks, that's really nice to hear... *hugs Carole back*
What's stressing me out is that everyone seems to want me to do stuff for them all the time and then they are mad at me for not getting my own stuff done. They just don't get that I can't magically add a couple of hours to the day...
Also, I want to come out to my dad as trans, which is going to be very difficult... well, he will probably accept it and be reasonably cool with it, but I'm still worried. I'm not sure what I would do if my (hypothetical) child came to me and told me he/she was trans...

*edited after reading your post*
*gives you big hugs and your favorite sweets*

I have no idea, actually. I mean, I know the basic things I want him to know and understand, but I have no idea how to say it. I mean, I can hardly sit down with him and tell him "Oh hey, just thought I'd tell you I'm a man now."

It was so much easier with my girlfriend because I dropped hints all the time already without realising so she already suspected something and had time to think about her reaction when I told her...

This week has been very very difficult... damn migrane... damn high school... basically damn Texas

EEK...

Stuipd headache :(

Hey guys! I know it's been a little while since I visited here, i'm sorry, my computer at my mothers house (where I was for most of vacation) apparently has a thing against RYL, so I couldn't get in ><
Well it's all better now. My dad got a router, and I have a Wii... so yea, this message is from my Nintendo Wii. It is a lot eaiser to use the internet up here in my room on my Wii so I don't feel paraniod about who is looking over my shoulder at any given second.
I'm kinda doing really bad right now. I've been like all reeeeally depressed for the past few days. I just feel so down, and I've been urging bad like I'm some kind of mad man or something... So yea, i'm gonna curl up in a ball in the corner and try to hold off for as long as I feel I can.
*sits in corner and turns on music*

EKKKK. I'm right with you sufferer. I can't hold out my longer. pm me if you want to talk.
*runs to find own corner and try to stay safe.*

*hugs everyone*

I feel so ill, feel like I'm gonna throw up. :( Have to return to college soon though, well in an hour. Hope I throw up, meh then no exam for this afternoon :D

please could i come and check in
i really dont think i can cope much more, need an escape
x

*screams*

*hits everything*

*then sits on the floor trying to sob whilst hiding*

*hugs dancedance*

I made it through yesterday fine, I'm feeling a bit better, not much but better. Got college apps in, which lifted a big weight off me. But as something exits the "being worried" zone, something fills it's spot. My dad and step mom started arguing again. I swear I hate being around them. They just make me so angry, and sad, and fed up...

Thanks for that yesterday bleedinghope. I'm gonna send you a PM in a bit. Feeling the need to talk. *hugs*

Thanks hun :(

Does she know college was closed anyway?

Is it me....or is it everytime when we post topics, they're pushed down a lot. >.< Seems like that with mine all the time, like loads of people get tons of replies & yeah.

Jealous obviously :|

Heh, i'm like that too.

Yea I'm not feeling all the well for sure now... I didn't let myself think. I don't wanna go into any details, cause I don't wanna upset anyone, but yea, I cut in the shower, and it was bad. Idiot me.
*hides in corner*

HOLA PEOPLE

*knocks on the door*
Can I come in???
I promise Ill be quite... I will not make any noise :)

*runs into wall*
*falls over and crawls to corner*
*grabs another duvet curls up and sobs*

With a heavy heart I fall into a ball and start to cry.

All I want is to feel better.

Will I ever again ........

*comes to sit with yo so you arent alone.*
love you girly
romp

Curls up next to Romp. Thanks for being my guardian Angel

I would be lost without you

Love you Jade xxx

Didi, mummy's here *hugs*

*curls up into a ball and sobs again*

I had a long talk about how the thoughs about SI seem to "stalk my negative thoughts" as I put it with my councler. I told her that I was having a hard time lately (didn't tell her about last night though) with not cutting. My dad don't seem to get that i'm not "fixed", even though everything he knows about my SI is a lie, it hurts to think that he thinks that way about my recovery. I think I've shown in my treatment (and on my own, by not being able to stop) that I'm not "fixed". I hope when me and my councler finally get to talk to him about that, he understands that even if it's been a long time that I've cut (again, I emphasize that all he knows is a lie, and therefore, it being a long time is a lie as well) that I struggle with it, even the days when I say "I'm not going to SI today, I'm not i'm not i'm not", it's not that simple. Thats what my dad beleves, which I think is a little weird since he struggled with booze before...

Sorry about the rant, needed to get that off my chest. I need someone to talk to...

*blasts music*

*thanks sasuke for hug*

*leaves a box of chocolates on the table*

How is everybody? *hugs*

I could be better hmm :-(

*stands up but falls bk down*
have no energy, no sleepin no eating
just crying and shaking and regret

i cant keep my mask up for much longer sooner or later everyone going to realise how much or a complete wreck i am but is it gud or bad i just cant decide :crying:

*hugs hellbunny*
i know how keeping up a mask feels.
how is everyone?
feeling **** today, but hey nothing new there.
xxx

I'm in ****ing tears.
Big time.
Well done mother.
You've wrecked everything for me.

*hugs dance dance and carole*
want to speak about it dance?
what have you done carole?
xxx

*goes to sit on chair*
*misses and falls on the floor*
*keeps crying and crawls back to duvet*

U okies carole & danacdance and Kija?

*sits in a corner and stares at the wall*
I'm losing it
I'm going to diesoon
*mumbles to self*

*hugs Zed, you can do it*
Banks head of wall. I can't do it anymore. I give up. Lock me in a broom closet. I don't care anymore.

Ahhh..k carole... :-) tc there

*bleeding and zed - BIG HUGS for u*
Plz look after urself there somehow xx

Hey Dance. *pulls up next to you and offers a shoulder*
Are you feeling any better?
*sighs at bandage on wrist*
I can't wait till I don't need this place.