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Moonlight Princess 11-01-2012 02:29 PM

Liv I'm glad that you know what you're feeling is logically normal and now you need to totally believe it. If you think about it, it would be totally impossible for you to continue if you were constantly experiencing the acute pain that you felt in the immediate days after your mum's death. Your life does need to continue, it's what she would have wanted and just because the pain gets easier to bear it doesn't mean that she will ever stop being an important part of your life.
*gentle cuddles*
Kiran

Kame 11-01-2012 09:47 PM

Hi Liv,

I think I've posted on this thread, or perhaps your other thread before, and I just wanted to say that it's good that you're managing to talk about how you're feeling and like I agree a lot with what Kiran has said. I wish I had some words of advice or something to make you feel better, but I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk any time, you can PM me.

Lanny xxx

Too Shy 12-01-2012 01:41 PM

Thank-you both, it is much appreciated. <3

I am feeling better today, I think maybe I needed some 'quiet' time to just think and cry for a little while, especially after Christmas and New Year.

We got a letter from the hospice yesterday. They hold a monthly remembrance service, and they invite you to the service that takes place 6 months after it happens, so we've been invited to the February one. I'm not sure whether or not to go. I don't think my dad or my brother will particularly want to (haven't spoken to them about it yet though, so may be wrong!), but I'm not sure. It's not the kind of thing I'd usually want to do. They said they have a time where candles are lit and you can just think for a while. And they have cards where you can write the person's name and they like to read them out loud, although they don't do that part if you don't want to.

But I'm still having counselling at the hospice at the moment and I don't like the thought of not going to the hospice one day because it feels like admitting that it's over (which again is not very logical, because it is over and I know that doesn't mean just moving on and forgetting, because my mum will always be a part of my life :) ). So maybe this would be a good 'milestone' to mark that and help with that. I don't know.

I don't know, this is just a bit of a ramble, thinking out loud I suppose heh.

makedamnsure 12-01-2012 02:02 PM

I don't know, it's up to you really.

I never really liked that kind of thing, but my Nan does and got quite involved with Roadpeace and various remembrance things. Just depends if you feel it will help you or not.

Aardbei 13-01-2012 01:28 AM

Hi Liv,

We've not spoken before but I just wanted to say that I have read all of this thread through, and your other one too, and you seem like such a strong person. I am so sorry for your loss. I really admire how brave you are.

Love,

Ali x

Too Shy 29-02-2012 02:42 PM

It is 6 months ago today.

I'm doing ok, I don't know why I'm writing this. I was sad yesterday afternoon, but that is partly because there's lots of Mother's Day stuff in the shops now, so I suppose that is normal maybe, having to get used to it all.

But I am doing ok, we all are. I'm just sad today. It's strange thinking that it's 6 months since my mum was last here, since I last saw her alive and since I last gave her a hug. I hope my mum would be proud of us, because I'm so, so, so proud of her.

Moonlight Princess 29-02-2012 03:28 PM

*lots of hugs*
Liv I can imagine how hard that must be. *cuddles*
All I can say is that yes, she would be so proud.

Too Shy 01-03-2012 12:30 AM

Thank-you, it is really, really aprecciated. <3

I cried for a little while at training earlier, but it was just one of those kind of 'I need a few minutes to cry' things, and I was mostly ok after that. And someone cheered me up a lot, so I think I just needed the distraction.

It's weird thinking that it's technically closer to it being a year now than it is to since it happened. But that's not a very helpful thought anyway, so I'll feel better in a day or two anyway when it's a big more 'distant'.

makedamnsure 02-03-2012 01:59 PM

You are coping so well Liv,

Your Mum would be proud of you, of course she would be.
And I'm proud of you too.
Everyone needs a little cry sometimes.

The mothers day stuff in shops always hurts. Focus on the nice memories, of which I know you have plenty.

Are you/your family planning anything to mark Mothers Day?

MrsNutkin 02-03-2012 05:54 PM

Liv my thoughts are with you. Today it's a year since my Father passed away from Cancer. (hugs)

Too Shy 03-03-2012 03:33 AM

Thank-you both. <3 I really hope she is proud, because I am trying hard, even if I struggle sometimes, I am trying.

I don't know if we'll do anything on Mother's Day, although it would be nice to. None of us have mentioned it, we very rarely mentioned anything that acknowledges what happened (although occasionally we'll mention my mum in a 'normal' way, and I love that). I did remind my dad to get his mum a Mother's Day card though, so I might suggest it. My mum loves to go out for meals with us all together, so that might be nice!

I feel stressed at the moment. Just that general stressed feeling where everything is building up too much, and it just needs releasing. Not doing much this weekend though, so maybe relaxing will be good for a while, and then a good physical release at training on Monday. Plus it's 2:30am, so I don't suppose that helps much, my sleeping pattern is rubbish.

Syrup - I hope today went ok for you, the year anniversary is something I am dreading so I can understand. If you ever want a chat you can always message me. x

[Frostbitten] 04-03-2012 05:43 PM

Liv m'lovely, I don't have many words but even though I'm not on here much anymore, I think about you and your family a lot. It sounds like there are both good and bad times and you know what? That's ok- no one ever expects you to 'move on' completely from the premature death of your mother. But you also have a lot going for you- your famliy sound very supportive, and from what I hear the kickboxing is going really well :)

Do you know why your sleep isn't particularly great at the moment? That can really affect your mood/stress levels

So yeah, just leaving love and hugs, and a reminder you can message me any time :)

(And also, I think I keep seeing you in Waitrose ahah, not sure though!)

Too Shy 05-03-2012 02:07 AM

Thank-you, it is muchly appreciated. :) <3

There are good and bad times, and I think I'm learning to go with that more these days, rather than feeling so guilty for being down (although I think I still need to work on that, heh).

I do have a very supportive family though, and kickboxing is going well, yes! I have struggled there lately actually, but they're good at getting me to focus when I need to! I'm possibly having my second fight at the end of this month, so that will be a good target to work towards if I am ready. Targets are good, it gives me a reason to keep trying to be healthy.

I'm just rubbish with sleeping at normal times. I always have been, I'm just in a bad sleeping pattern at the moment. I'm trying to get into a better routine with night times though so that should help.

Thank-you again, and I hope things are going ok for you too, the same goes, you can always message :). And possibly not me, I haven't been in Waitrose for a few weeks now! Although I have been in town loads lately haha.

makedamnsure 17-03-2012 09:48 PM

Thinking of you tomorrow <3

DrWatson 17-03-2012 10:30 PM

*lots and lots and lots of hugs for Liv* I know I sound like a bit of a creep, but I've read through your posts, and I am so sorry to hear about your mum :( I've never had an experience that even comes close to what that must feel like, but I think I can imagine it. I just wanted to say that I think that you must be a really strong person for struggling on through this, and I can't imagine myself ever being able to cope the way you have. I don't know you, but I feel as if I've got a glimpse of what you must be going through in this thread. And from that I know that you're an amazingly strong person. I'm thinking of you :)
-Kate xx

Too Shy 18-03-2012 01:33 AM

Thank-you both, it is much appreciated to read that because today has been on my mind a lot.

Trying to remember the good times though, and I love so much to think about my mum. :) Our kickboxing coach said last week to try and mention my mum to my friends and family in conversation, because he said I smile whenever I talk about her, he said I have a right to talk about her and acknowledge her. And it helped a lot to hear that, so I'm going to try it more because we don't mention anything too much at home, but it's nice to have normal conversations too and remember the happy things. :)

We're going to my dad's brother's today, with my gran. I'm not particularly looking forward to it, I'd rather have some alone time, but it will be ok once we're there I think.

P.S.: Sherlock is awesome. >.>

DrWatson 18-03-2012 04:38 PM

I'm glad you're thinking about the good times, Liv. Obviously I never met your mum, but I'm sure the last thing she'd want you to be is sad. If it helps to talk about her, then just talk. She's your mum, she's a massive part of your life - she deserves to be remembered. Perhaps you could talk it through with your kickboxing coach? You're being incredibly strong today :) Maybe being around your family will be a good thing, not to forget your mum, but to remember the happy times about her life. You've been on my mind today :') PM me if you need anything at all.
-Kate.
PS. It really is spectacularly awesome, isn't it? *passes Liv a deerstalker and navy scarf*

Too Shy 18-03-2012 07:32 PM

Thank-you. :) I have talked to our kickboxing coach, I used to struggle a lot to talk to him but he is very good at getting through to me so it has helped a lot, I don't know what I'd do without them.

The family was ok, I was a bit quiet but that is not unusual heh. And it reminded me of some happy memories with my mum so that was nice. :) I'm so proud of her, I miss her so much but I'm so lucky to have had her at all.

PS: Yay, deerstalker! Actually can't wait to see the next series, can't believe we have to wait so long haha.

DrWatson 18-03-2012 09:28 PM

I know, I'm literally like 'MOFFAT - HURRY UP!!!' - I can't wait to find out how he survived falling off a building :/ Anyway, how're you going? I'm glad to hear that the family visit didn't go too badly :) Maybe talk to your coach more when you feel down about your mum, or anything for that matter. If he helps get things through to you, then that has to be a good thing. On a side note - you do kickboxing? That's ace!
- Kate x

Too Shy 18-03-2012 10:29 PM

I know, I have seen so many theories about how he did it, I want to know now! Will have to watch it again before the next series finally starts, I think I'll have forgotten it all by then!

I am doing ok tonight thank-you. :) It's been nice to 'celebrate' my mum and think about the happy times. And I think the anticipation of the day is often worse than the day itself in some ways, same with Christmas and anniversaries and things I think.

And yes, I do kickboxing! I have my second fight in a few weeks hopefully. Scary heh. But it is brilliant fun, and it helps me a lot too. :)

Hope you're doing ok. :) x


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