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makedamnsure 14-09-2010 09:41 AM

Quote:

Partially I think it is not being over optimistic as such, but pretending to be, if that makes sense. It's partly a case of that I don't really know what to say, like if people talk about it happening within the next few years. It just makes me want to cry, but I don't want to be sad or to make anyone else sad, especially my mum, so I try to be positive and optimistic and happy about everything, I just want to make my mum happy. But then, there's not really anything I can say to make it better. It's just a case of making the next few years special just in case, and of making sure we'll all be ok, before and afterwards.

This makes perfect sense babe. And the last bit (in bold) is so true. I know its hard. I really can't imagine how hard. But this is what you have to keep aiming for.

How is your mum today?

I understand how she feels in a way. I still feel like a b*itch for all the horrible things I did when my mum was alive. When anyone dies you go through all the things you ever did or said that you regret, and your mum is naturally worried about how she will be remembered.

Reassurance is key. Keep telling her you love her. And bring up good memories, like your holiday in France, or your skid pan day, to show her that those are the things you will remember.

Too Shy 14-09-2010 05:25 PM

Thank-you, I will keep doing that. My best friend said similar yesterday, she said keep finding things to look forward to, and she said to tell my mum we have Thorpe Park in October to look forward to, things like that.

My mum is feeling better today I think, she was a bit sad this morning I think because she found a pancreatic cancer wristband that my brother had bought, I've got one as well, and I think it just made her a bit sad, but she seems much happier today. Occupational Health have said she can go back to work, so that's good because she won't just be sitting around at home after we go back to university.

Too Shy 14-09-2010 09:09 PM

My mum said she is getting back pain again, right in the same place it was before.

It doesn't sound like a good sign. But it might not be related. It might be something else. I hope it's something else.

Soviette 16-09-2010 01:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Too Shy (Post 2489722)
My mum said she is getting back pain again, right in the same place it was before.

It doesn't sound like a good sign. But it might not be related. It might be something else. I hope it's something else.

Mhm. It isn't. :/ But you're right it could be anything else, really.
Is she gonna see a doctor about the pain?

Too Shy 16-09-2010 01:30 AM

Thank-you. My mum saw her doctor at the hospital today (well yesterday now I guess), and he said she's done a lot better than he expected her to, and that he's happy with how well she coped with the radiotherapy, so I'm more positive now - it might just be something unrelated I guess. He's said they can book the CT scan soon, so hopefully it won't be too long and they'll tell us the cancer has gone. :)

Hopefully.

Soviette 18-09-2010 07:33 PM

Really good luck with that. ^^ I hope to God it goes well for her, too!
Could she be then a-okay after that?

Too Shy 19-09-2010 12:41 AM

Thank-you.

I dunno, I keep getting my hopes up and then something else happens to make me worry again. Like what I said in my last post sounds really positive, it must be a good sign, and it's obviously great if it's gone or if they can do the surgery. But then the day after that my mum said the doctor said that there's not much change in outcome for those who have surgery compared to those who don't.

My mum said today that she doesn't think she'll be able to have the surgery. I think she just doesn't want to get her hopes up though, just in case, because I think she'll be able to have the surgery, all the signs are positive so far.

I don't know though. They're saying they might be able to do the CT scan next month now, so hopefully we'll find out sooner than expected.

Soviette 19-09-2010 04:48 PM

Your conflicting thoughts and feelings (i.e. getting your hopes up, then thinking of the negatives) aren't helping you I think. Uncertainty is horrible, but I think.. it would be best just to try and focus on the potential positive outcomes, whilst preparing for the not-so positive outcomes if that makes sense.

The doctors do sound quite positive about it, though from what I read. If they can get that CT scan ASAP (which you said is within a month), then that's great to see how things are going. Your mum should keep positive too, they say the will to live is one of the best ways to fight and keep alive during a terminal illness. :) Of course - being realistic and being prepared for other scenarios is wise, too, and it sounds like you're trying to do that rather than be negative to be fair.

Again though; really really good luck to your mum. I hope there is something that can be done for her!

xxx Keep us updated.<3

Too Shy 27-09-2010 09:22 PM

I am struggling with being back at uni. And I've only been back for a day.

Soviette 28-09-2010 12:52 AM

Mhm. I suppose it's hard being near "there" and away from home and the family. But remember.. there still some hope and I know that they'd want you to be (trying to) be happy at Uni and trying to finish your degree. You're only one day back, but I'm sure once you're there a week or two you'll settle back in, and your work will help you keep your mind off things, because afterall you want to graduate and do well and follow your dreams. :)

If you ever begin to struggle badly or need help/to be safe, then you have your friends, family, and the 'professionals' like counsellors, Crisis Team, the cops, etc. and they're a phone call away. Also I'm sometimes (okay always) on MSN and a forum PM away, so I'm here for ya.

Good luck with the year + coping! xx You are not alone.

Snow White. 28-09-2010 06:37 AM

Hey love, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you, it's completely understandable that you're struggling being back at school. Hopefully as you have more days there it will begin to feel a bit better for you, and if there's anything we can do to help don't hesitate to ask. I'm glad you're still writing here and expressing yourself, you're doing amazingly and you're very strong, don't give up xx

Too Shy 28-09-2010 08:34 AM

Thank-you.

I've only got six hours contact time a week at uni this year, so I think I'm probably struggling at the moment partly because there's not much structure yet. So maybe once there's more of a routine and more work and I've got more to do it will be easier?

I'm home for a couple of days every other week at the moment too for counselling. And maybe next month we will find out everything is ok, so that would be very good.

makedamnsure 28-09-2010 11:41 AM

I understand its hard being away from home.
Once you get into a routine it will become easier.
Perhaps set specific times each week to go to the library and study so you are structuring your life a bit more.

Thinking of you babe and hope you are ok.

Soviette 29-09-2010 01:37 AM

I know it's only been 3 days, but you settled in any better yet? x

Too Shy 29-09-2010 10:04 AM

That's a good idea, having set times to study. It does help having a routine, so I will try it, thank-you.

I'm settling in a bit I guess. I had to meet my final-year project supervisor yesterday about starting out research proposals, and that was quite diffiuclt because it's just stress already. But he told us it would probably feel really overwhelming at first, and he said he'll meet with us every couple of weeks, and he seems nice, so that's good.

My mum's back at work now too, so that must be a good sign. She's also going to a support group now for people with cancer, and she said it wasn't too bad (plus she gets an afternoon off school heh). I am 99% certain they will either tell us the cancer has gone (into remission at least) or that they can do the surgery when they do the CT scan. It's just there's that small 1% which is terrified they won't be able to, however unlikely that is.

Based on the statistics, it's unlikely, that's what's scaring me. Based on my mum's individual case, it's looking a lot more likely. If that makes sense? But then they said the other week that the surgery doesn't often change the outcome much. But then it might do. I dunno, hopefully they'll give us good news in a couple of weeks/months/whenever they do the CT scan and the uncertainty will be gone.

makedamnsure 29-09-2010 10:59 AM

If it helps try to remember that 75% of all statistics are made up :-P

The individual signs are looking good. Your mum is back at work, and is getting some support and hopefully meeting a load of amazing people who will help her. The doctors will do everything they can. Its out of your hands so try your best to let it go and not think about the future so much.

Quote:

I'm settling in a bit I guess. I had to meet my final-year project supervisor yesterday about starting out research proposals, and that was quite diffiuclt because it's just stress already. But he told us it would probably feel really overwhelming at first, and he said he'll meet with us every couple of weeks, and he seems nice, so that's good
I'm meeting mine today ^. Petrified!

Too Shy 29-09-2010 01:53 PM

Thank-you. :) Statistics are always rubbish I guess, it's always the worst-case scenario. And also the stuff you read online tends to be the stuff from people who are struggling, because the people who are doing well with their illnesses and recovering are out enjoying life more instead I guess.

I am really struggling today, but I am probably just overreacting, so hey.

I hope your meeting with your supervisor goes well! I was really scared but he was really nice and really helpful, so hopefully yours will be the same! What's your project on?

makedamnsure 29-09-2010 08:01 PM

I'm doing something about protein acetylation. Have to do Western blotting which neither me or my supervisor have ever done! But its sounds good.

Whats yours on?

The stress of the meeting probably hasn't helped on top of the stress you are already under from home. I don't think you are over reacting. And at least you can admit you're struggling.

But like I said, there is nothing you can do, and I know how easy it is to get dragged into worrying and going through every tiny detail in your head of how things could/should/might turn out. So just try and stay positive, or even better forget about it sometimes yeah?

Too Shy 30-09-2010 01:26 AM

That project sounds hard! But it sounds interesting. :) Although I have no idea what Western blotting is heh. Good luck. :)

My project is on Striving for Perfection vs Striving for Excellence: Which is better?

My mum has an appointment for her CT scan now. It's on 14th October. And we find out the results on 26th October. We'd already booked to go to Thorpe Park on 26th October too. So that's nice because hopefully it will be like a celebration.

I have felt really negative all day, it's so pathetic. I went out for a bit earlier, but then I just walked around and sat outside somewhere quiet in the rain for 3 hours. I'm very cold now though, my hands are a little bit numb and I'm getting a headache. So I might try and sleep now. And hopefully tomorrow I will feel more positive again.

Soviette 30-09-2010 08:40 AM

Which is better? lol.

And that's good to see your mum's got a date for the scan, and I do hope when the results do come in, they are indeed clear so the trip to Thorpe (which btw I've never been. Jealous!!! it looks good) is as you said.. a celebration. :)

Yeah, it's understandable to feel a bit negative at times. You're back at uni, away from home, and waiting for a chance'ey thing which has uncertainties. It's you trying to be 'realistic' I suppose. The rain yesterday was horrible and cold, me and my mate walked home 2-3 hours in it yesterday and got splashed by a car driving through a puddle! I know that you like to get outside to calm down a bit, but as long you keep warm and safe etc. It's no problem. :) Not trying to sound mumsie, ha.


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