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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

nonperson 26-05-2019 02:19 PM

What things do you think you could do to avoid it? Would calling someone and explaining all the overwhelming feelings help? Sometimes venting it all is a good release and can help you focus a bit.

chinahorse 26-05-2019 02:40 PM

Ive been messaging a friend. And I went out earlier. And I've cleaned a lot. And done some of the tests for my online work course. I'm running out of things. Im running out of cope. Ive decided to cook some dough balls and Im not allowed to do aything until Ive eaten them and my laundry is finished. If I still feel not better I may have to go out again or call crisis.

nonperson 26-05-2019 02:57 PM

It's good that you're keeping busy but don't knacker yourself too much. If you go out again could you just go and sit somewhere and watch the world go by? I think giving yourself rules like not allowing yourself to do anything until you've eaten/done laundry is also good but be careful that it doesn't backfire and make it so it allows you to do it.

chinahorse 02-07-2019 07:29 AM

Sorry to resurrect this thread.

I am really finding things hard. Not sleeping properly. Am stressed to the point of suicidal plans. I am half way through my final straw and I'm drowning.

tamobhuuta 02-07-2019 11:16 AM

It's good you've come back, I hope we can help. Has anything triggered this? Do you have a key worker you can tell how bad things are?

chinahorse 02-07-2019 11:50 AM

No cpn. I have a new one I've met once. She doesn't have time to meet with me before I leave.

I'm changing job and relocating. Problems with new house.
Barely sleeping. Purging.
No one gives a shit.

tamobhuuta 02-07-2019 12:00 PM

I care :) moving house is hard even if you don't have mental health problems, so don't feel bad about that too! Do you know why you're purging?

chinahorse 02-07-2019 12:38 PM

Because it's better than cutting. I am counting down the hours until I can go home and destroy myself. I can't cope.

tamobhuuta 02-07-2019 01:18 PM

This might be a stupid idea but could you delay going home so you're less tempted to hurt yourself? I understand you have to go home at some point!

SI is bad but so is purging.

chinahorse 02-07-2019 05:46 PM

There's no where to go. I've also been out the house since 7.10am so think delaying going home wouldn't help any.

tamobhuuta 02-07-2019 06:04 PM

Fair enough. Instead of hurting yourself maybe you can deliberately look after yourself? A nice hot drink, a bath or shower, your favourite tv or film. I know these things won't cure you but they might help you be alive and safe.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 02-07-2019 06:09 PM


Originally Posted by chinahorse (Post 4227370)
No cpn. I have a new one I've met once. She doesn't have time to meet with me before I leave.

I'm changing job and relocating. Problems with new house.
Barely sleeping. Purging.
No one gives a shit.

This sounds like a really really tough situation to be in, sweetie. I wonder have you ever been through something really tough before and come through it? If so do you think reminding yourself you have been through something similar before and survived would help?
When do you leave, do you have any emergency contact you can call?

Auror. 02-07-2019 06:37 PM

I know for me at home when things are bad I go hide in bed and snuggle with my dog. Once she's cozy, I don't want to disturb her by getting up to hurt myself.

chinahorse 02-07-2019 08:06 PM

I had a complete sobbing breakdown for a few hours. Messaged a friend. Called another friend. They were kind. Calmed down now and am no longer planning to hang myself tonight.

Juella 03-07-2019 02:20 AM

Please, be extra gentle with yourself today. Can you have some rest for a while?
It's great that you have kind friends. I hope you can see that people care and want you to be okay and are willing to support you, and it makes you feel at least a little bit better.

chinahorse 03-07-2019 07:40 AM

Can't rest. Work. Always work. I'm in so much pain. I'm so sick of life.

tamobhuuta 03-07-2019 10:14 AM

Well done for contacting friends, I'm so glad you're still here. Sorry work is tough, can you take your entitled breaks?

one_step_closer 03-07-2019 03:05 PM

I'm sorry things have been so distressing and you continue to feel awful. Would contacting your friends more regularly help at all?

chinahorse 03-07-2019 08:13 PM

I get a 1 hour lunch break. That you're expected to only take 50 minutes of.

I'm in so much pain. Struggling to take pain killers which I normally can take no issues even when I'm off my other meds. I feel trapped. And it hurts.

tamobhuuta 03-07-2019 08:14 PM

No advice just love and hugs x

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