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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

chinahorse 07-08-2019 08:31 PM

The watchmen are preventing me from putting the bin out until I cut to stave off the evil from polluting my neighbours.

I am tired of this life.

Juella 08-08-2019 06:17 AM

I am pretty sure that whatever is the reason behind the insufficient support you're receiving, it has nothing to do with you, or anyone being evil.
I hope you were/are able to rationalize that putting out the bin is not going to hurt your neighbours. You've met them before and you interacted with them, and they are still okay. You will not hamn them by going out. Can you get in touch with any of the professionals and tell them what is bothering you? I understand that this emotional turmoil must be really exhausting. Can you take it easy for a while and try to get some rest?

one_step_closer 08-08-2019 11:21 AM

How are you doing today?

I'm sure no one other than yourself thinks that you're evil. Have you heard from the CMHT at all?

chinahorse 08-08-2019 05:05 PM

I cut. I didn't go out last night either. Couldn't take the risk.

The cmht rang me. Want me to come and see them on one specific day. One day I really can't do. The next date is over a month away. I said it wasn't good enough. The receptionist said tough. So I hung up the phone. See. They know I'm evil. They chose a day o they could protect themselves. That's why they wouldn't change it.

I've got no support. Even my so called friend didn't reply until this morning. I feel so alone.

one_step_closer 08-08-2019 05:28 PM

The CMHT offered you another date for an appointment and I'm sure they would have kept it if it had been suitable for you, I don't think they're trying to avoid you. Could you try and phone them back when you feel a bit more settled?

I'm sorry you feel alone and that your friend took a while to reply. Was your friend supportive when they replied this morning? Sometimes things get in the way of replying to messages.

one_step_closer 10-08-2019 12:44 PM

I have no idea if this will be of any use to you but I saw this about moving house with MH problems and thought of you link.

chinahorse 11-08-2019 12:44 AM

Thank you for thinking of me.Things seem strange and hazy. I have an appointment on the 29th. I feel not good.

chinahorse 11-08-2019 12:51 AM

Im slipping down.
Havent turned my oven on or microwaved since I moved in.
Struggling to keep up with personal hygiene.
Struggling to leave the house on my own. Watchmen.
Sleep is up and down.
Meds are hit and miss.
Im exhausted.

Auror. 11-08-2019 03:00 AM

Hi Lillie, I've read and I hear you. I'm unsure quite what you are looking for in terms of help or support, but I do care.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 11-08-2019 09:22 AM

A bit lost for words but I'm sending so much love.

chinahorse 11-08-2019 11:01 AM

I think I'm beyond help. Sometimes I manage stuff. Sometimes everything is unmanageable. On the whole I'm not managing I think.

Its all painful and scary and pointless. I think the end is near

Juella 11-08-2019 11:16 AM

I don't think you, or anyone at all, is beyond help. It might not feel like anything can help or things will ever get better, I understand and I can sympathise, but it's not true, you can be helped and things can get better. The fact that you can at least occassionally feel like you're managing is proof. If you can feel okay sometimes, you can progress to feeling okay most of the time. I'm sorry you're not there yet, and I understand how hard it must be. But you're still here, and it means you're still getting through everything and making it.

I see your pain and I'm so sorry. It must be hard getting through life when everything is so scary and it feels like there is no point. I wish I could say something to make it better, but I just hope you'll stay safe. Take care!

one_step_closer 11-08-2019 02:05 PM

You are not beyond help at all Lillie, but I know what it's like to feel that way. Can you use this month to write some things for your appointment so that you can say what you need to and hopefully get at least some of what you need?

chinahorse 11-08-2019 09:09 PM

It's all too much. And I cant even go get put together. I can't get to city and back. Cnt face work tomorrow. Don't have anyone to ask for help. Can't do this. Don't need help. Obviously just deserve to die. Can't though. Not yet. The ticking isn't in time to the left.

Stellata 11-08-2019 09:16 PM

You do need help, it sounds like.

nonperson 11-08-2019 09:23 PM

Aren't you nearer your family now? Can they help?

chinahorse 11-08-2019 09:33 PM

They won want to know. They only want good happly me.

Stellata 11-08-2019 09:33 PM

What if you tried to speak to them?

chinahorse 11-08-2019 09:46 PM

They would see the evil.

Stellata 11-08-2019 09:47 PM


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