*hugs felicia* hope you had fun camping! i missed you over the weekend, was starting to get worried... I said i wondered where u were a few pages back. How r u else wise?

*hugs heather* glad you had a good day today :-) and thanks, i might message you on fb soon... i am starting to really need to talk to someone...

*hugs sarah* im sorry that you are having issues with your meds, can you talk to your doctor about it?

*hugs kat* good to hear from you! it sounds like things are great right now... is there anything we can do to help?

*hugs nicole* I missed you over the weekend too! its been awhile since you've posted. How are you?

*hugs lia* I know what you mean about some people glamorizing SI. Its sucks that people do it... but I guess its just reality that sometimes people do things for "attention" (<-- not always bad, but if its really fake pain then its hard to imagine it being okay) or to fit into a group. On a happier note - yay christmas music! :-)

*hugs mark* i think I have seen a definite improvement with you since the time you have been posting in the ward. I mean, we all have our up and down moments, but I can notice a difference with you overall. I think that is making great strides before you are 30! You'll kick the SI in the butt eventually, I really believe that. and I am proud of you too!

*hugs kahlia* im sorry that pain managment dismissed your complaints.. that really sucks. sounds like that guy was a real a**hole. You should at least put in a complaint. Hope the results of your medical stuff turn out okay/easily fixed and that your computer continues to play nice.

Had a busy day which was good i suppose, but it was quite long.. went on a coffee shop writing workshop for the magazine i am web editor for and then had work at the newspaper. Stressed about graduate school applications again, working on essays right now. I know this seems like a crap update, but trying to keep things kind of light right now before bed.

*runs into the ward and sends cuddles and care packages to everyone*

I've never been in here but Im feeling really triggered and really alone... I'm losing and confused n have no one...

Has anything made you feel triggered? *cuddles gently* You have all of us here in the Psych ward, so don't feel alone xx

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Kaytee*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Kat*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Waves to wasteofspace* Hello I'm Mark :)


EDIT:-
Well it took an effort and a half to pull myself out of bed in the morning today , Total lack of motivation , Feeling really low , 30th not helping I guess I'm going to whine about that a lot in the next few weeks so sorry in advance , I am a failure .

EDIT EDIT:- Oh and the 9th of November is the date I set myself when I was suicidal to kill myself , I was serious , But I've been adjusted meds wise and I am not as Suicidal but I still get thoughts of it, I just don't know how I'll cope with that day :S sorry

*hugs Mark back* Lack of motivation aside and all, you've done well to get out of bed :) I hope you start to feel better though! And you are not a failure. Look after yourself today and keep hanging in there.

Thanks Kaytee , Hopefully the cafffine will kick in soon heh . How are you doing?

Hi Amy :) are you tired ?

*Spots Kahlia and Hugs* How are you ? How's your arm? Did you have your tests? Sorry for all the questions :S

Yeah my gf left me on Wednesday told me she doesn't love me I lost my job n I lost her family which were my family... N now I'm so alone 3 hrs together n now all of a sudden I mean nothing to her... It's killing me solo bad

I'm so sorry to hear that Wasteofspace *Hugs if Okay*

Ccuddles all, argh!!! Damn I'm so triggered and pissed off.

Oh *Hugs Jill* Whats the matter?

I don't want to do anything today. I'm sick of being alive.

*hugs everyone* *waves at WasteOfSpace and anyone else who is new*

Hey Mark! *gently glomps* I'm ... surviving. I've come down with a cold on top of everything else. Just a case of a) it never rains but it pours and b) Murphy's Law (everything that can go wrong will go wrong at the worst possible moment) taking effect. My arm isn't much chop to be honest. It's really not good. My tests are all done. Now I just have to go and see the GP to get the results back. o_o Really not looking forward to that. How are you doing?

I'm Feeling really low today Kahlia tbh , I hope you get good test results from your GP when you go , I know the feeling of not wanting to go to the Drs :S , Sorry about your arm *Hugs arm gently* *Offers a Lemsip for your cold*Darn Murphys Law!!

*Hugs Lindsay*I know the feeling , Not that that helps you but just know you're not alone :)

Has anyone heard from April the last few days? I've not had a reply from my e-mail ,No Livejournal updates and she's not been around here that I recall *Concerned*

Argh!!!! Bollicks I sodding give up just want to do somthing dangerous. Screw everthing.

Just had a meeting with my Nurse , Sharon, Who is wonderful , We talked about how I'm feeling low about turning 30 and How I'm having a bad day and I got all tearful slightly hmm , I told her that I was worried about the 9th of November , 2 days after my birthday as when I was suicidal that is the day I set for myself to commit suicide , in a very specific way and I am no longer pro-activly suicdal (Touch wood) but I still get the thoughts and I don't know how I'm going to cope with it all over the 7th , 8th ,9th November so she said she will meet me on the 8th and the 9th which is SO good of her .

*Hugs Jill* Do you want to talk ?

*Hugs Mark* I hope those days go OK for you, as well as Sharon, you also have us, don't forget that. And you're not a failure. No one's perfect, not even perfect people because they fail at failing :) Does that make sense?

*Hugs Jill* Don't give up please. Is there anything you want to talk about?

*Hugs wasteofspace* Is there anything you would rather be called? i know it's not up to me, but I don't feel eniterly comfortable calling you that because you're not a waste of space and I don't want to reinforce those feelings every time I speak to you. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. I had my heart broken a few months ago, and it does get easier. It doesn't stop hurting, but the pain gets easier to deal and live with. Promise.

*Hugs Kahlia* Good luck with the results, I hope everything is OK.

*Hugs Laura* I love Christmas music :) And I'm glad someone knows where I'm coming from, I was starting to feel like a bit of a cow. I hope you're alright.

Hey Amy :) How are you?

*Hugs Lindsey* Are you feeling any better now? I do hope you're Ok. I know it doesn't always feel like it, but there are moments in life that make it worth living.

Update on moi, I am doing alright today. I am reading 'Wuthering Heights' for my English class, and I actually love it. Plus, I was off lessons all afternoon and used that time to do a whole load of English homework so now I have 'Wuthering Heights' on the brain, so sorry if I start talking like a **** at any point. This week should be a pretty good week, oh, and freaking out year 7s with 'rave dancing' is fun.

Two 'mature' year 12 students, waving their arms around and 'wooo'ing at some poor kids probably was pretty terrifying. Especially as one of them was Dan. Lol, good times.

^^
Woo, hench reply!

Thankyou Lia , That was truly epic post , sorry I'm pretty drained at the moment from getting things out, Oh and you made sense yep :)

mark, you are NOT a failure, the fact that you're still fighting all this means you arent. along with you being awesoem :P <3

*Hugs Heather* Thankyou, You're pretty awesome too :P

just feel so numb, and stressed out. really want to end it all struggling not to.its crazy tho its one bad habbit after another right now, its not helping that im so addicted to this habbit now. meh

Please please try not to do anything bad Jill I'm here for a couple of hours if you need someone to talk to , What bad habit do you feel addicted to now Jill ?

Jill, I think you need to get some professional help. We can only do so much and feeling so unsafe all the time and doing bad things (and then telling us) is not good for anyone, especially not for you. So please try get some help?

Mark, well done for opening up :)

*hugs ward*

I got home nearly an hour ago. Am exhausted emotionally and physically. I cried most of Saturday night, parts of yesterday, most of last night and nearly every single minute of today and actually sobbing whilst writing this.

I want my best friend in my arms, where I belong in hers. I can't handle this :'( So not in the mood to return to college. Can't even settle into my usual routinue because one, my ex best friend being out of contact (since me and my bestie are no longer speaking to her) is something I'm needing to get used to and am slowly. Plus I'm going away again on Friday. I just feel so out of everything. I want my best friend. That's all I want. I don't want to live just over 3 hours away....Really struggling with it all. Badly want to cut arrrgh :'(

*Hugs Helen* Please do try not to cut, I know how it feels to miss someone so badly you just feel empty. I feel it every day of my life. But you've been doing so well and you can carry on resisting those urges.

Thanks Lia sweetheart. I feel so empty now I'm not right next to her nearly constantly. I just want to hug and hold her so tight and not let go :'( Only to ****ing breathe LOL.

nevermind

*Huggles Helen* Please try not to cut , You can get through that feeling and out the other side, you are a really strong person :)

Hey Jill *Spots and hugs* It's just us in here right now , Are you feeling any better ?

*huggles everyone*
8 days SH free today :D

erm no not really. curls up.

*Huggles Nicole* 8 Days !!!!!!! thats great Nicole :) You should be SO proud of yourself :D

*huggles mark* thankyou :D i even managed 9-5 at college today and i didnt have my blades with me :D i havent gone out with them since june. i feel very proud although today was hard and i cried through lunch and didnt concentrate much :/ how're you tonight?

*Squishes Jill* I hope you feel better soon , I'm getting tired so will be going to bed soon but I'm sure the ward will listen to you if you need to talk and I will listen whilst I'm here

Oh WOW Nicole , going out without your tools is a big step and you've been doing it for a while , I still carry a tool in my wallet so I know how hard it is to give up that habit . Well done you !!

cheers mark, wish i could say why im feeling the way iam. never been good at expressing how i feel. just bottle it up, and not deal with it. which is stuiped when i say somthing in here and cant explan why im feeling that way. shrugs shoulders

whoops :/ that was supposed to say i havent gone out without them since june, today was the first time,i really didnt deseve that wow mark. it ****ing scared me. idk, maybe i will be able to keep it up *crosses fingers* heh. i want my bed :(

It's not stupid Jill , I find it Really hard to express how I feel too. But if you can find the right words ( Which is really hard I know ) the ward is a safe place to talk *Hugs*

Well you still deserve a little wow for going without your tools today , It's a Humungous step :D

*huggles everyone (waves at Owen)*
How is everyone?
Feeling any better Helen?
Congrats Nicole! *throws confetti*
Good night Mark! (if you've decided to head to bed that is)
What's up Jill?

As for myself, I'm going to be pretty spiffy in a couple hours. I'm leaving work early today to make it down to a collections office before they close and I'm going to pay off the last of the debts on my credit report :D As it stands I've a 649 score and after I pay off the last 613$ my ex racked up it may get up to 700 or so!!! And next week my other paid item should be on there as paid off. I am sooooooooo excited! I haven't even had mediocre credit scores in about 7 or 8 years. I'll be debt free and have no remaining ties to my ex! *happy dance, happy dance*

thanks mark *huggles* damn. feel like a failure now. hmm, ahwell.

*Does the happy dance with Crimson* Heeee thats so cool , I've never had a credit rating but I did get turned down once for a bank account so know its good to have a decent one *Happy dances his way to bed*

*Hugs Nicole* You're not a failure, you're inspiring :)

hehe I got turned down for a bank account before, then told I could have an account but no ATM card. Glad I should be able to do not only that but get a home loan soon *tucks Mark into bed*

*hugs Nicole* you are not a failure, hun.

*hugs mark.* how is that inspiring? sorry, but it's not :( i am useless. everyone at college hates me so i should just quit and my family hate me so i should just hide somewhere and never come out.

*Hugs Nicole* I thought you loved college? You said they were all really understanding there. I don't know what I would do without my school. I love it there and I'm happy, even if it does feel empty half the time now. You're not a failure, you went so long without taking your blades with you and you've gone a whole 8 days without cutting, that's something to be proud of.

*Hugs Jill* Totally know where you're coming from there, I find it so so hard to open up and I regret what I told everyone a couple of weeks ago. I shouldn't have done and it was stupid. But I think Helen was right. You should think about getting proffesinal help. I wouldn't appreciate it if anyone told me that and would probably tell them where to go, so you can do that to me if you like.

*Hugs Crimson* Woo, debt free! :)

*Hugs Mark* How are you feeling now?

*cuddles wardies*

I feel terrible today, just had a really really bad day. I don't want this to keep happening. I can't keep doing this. I feel awful :(

*Hugs Sarah* What happend honey?