*hugs Mors Certa*
you arent a pathetic little twit :(

*sips some water while facing a corner*

I sip on soda all day long, comforting I think. And I play with my hair a lot. Nice for my head and scalp and nice for my hands. I wouldn't do it with men around, thought it was flirting. But I am so married.

Jeff, you are not pathetic. You are hurting, just like the rest of us are. You're trying to find a solution.

I noticed i missed a lot. I've literally felt an ache behind the left side of my sternum when I've been sad these last two years.

The blankest I've made for all of us in the psych ward are magic just because they're hand made by an inmate here. Once crochet stitch at a time to not SI.

Sorry i'm in such a weird time zone. Well, for me it is normal. As normal as anything in California can be.

Not your fault about the time zones. I play with my hair too only on one side usualy so it ends up looking werid if i have been doing it for a while.

Just sneaking in again. Really struggling today. Been up most of the night alone with my thoughts .... never a good idea. Thinking of dropping out of university even though I've been doing really well. Just not coping right at the moment. And I don't know why. Sorry, this is a bit stilted, I'm having to type while I'm "allowed" to. I just want out :(

kahlia sorry to hear your struggling same to you blondie bears hugs to you both
i too am having a reall rough night had one incident of SI and struggling to stop myself from doing it again :(

Diamond - thanks for the hugs and here's some straight back at you. {{hugs}}

Peace to everyone.

I braid my hair, or just comb it. Today in meeting i pulled the stuff from the temples up to the crown. Secured it with a fabric covered ponytailer that matches my t-shirt.

that sounds pretty blondie.

the kids are at their dads this weekend all i want to do is crawl into bed and spend the whole weekend there! i have got to get a prescription in town and then i will probably end up back in bed more than likely SIing or something self destructive, i hate myself right now

Jeff, what's up?
*hands you some cocoa*

Jeff, no worries. The psych ward is a safe place for us. for us to be ourselves and cry and howl.

Yeah, it is pretty. My hair is so my best feature. Someone I know asked why don't i highlight it? I told her I wasn't messing with perfection.

there are worse things than spending the weekend in bed.

Jeff, I'm sorry you're having such a time of it. I would like to tell you that, the idea that you WANT to be sick... A lot of us have been there I think. I believe it's because it is what is familier to us, in a strange way it's 'safe'.

Please don't drink, Jeff, it's not worth it *hugs*

Jeff, please don't drink. Please don't. I started drinking when I was about where you are, and it was a short fast elevator to hell.

Your wife is abusive then?
Is she not able to take care of the kids? Or does she stay home with the others? I don't remember what they have probs with. Sorry, memory of a window screen, old woman.

*passes around a bowl of brownie bites* store bought. my cooking timer is the smoke detector

Why are kids done if you drink?

Jeff, we here in the psych ward are pretty darn patient... We have to be, we're so ****ed up...

What's up with the wife? Sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place.

Alright Jeff, can you do me a favor? I really need to stop drinking to solve my problems, to not feel... I'm drinking tonight so that's out of the question. But could you and I not drink together? Kind of tag team it or something? Hold eachother up I guess. If really like to avoide becoming an alcoholic, but I know I am well on my way there... But I think if both of us are trying... Maybe it would be easier..?

You both know that I'm here to grab on to or catch either or both of you if you start falling? Not with expectations. Not to judge. Maybe so you can grab onto me if you'd rather.
And Jeff, before you tell me you're too big, even though i am a short stuff, i have broad shoulders and even better, a big heart.

*cuddles you both*

Uncle Jeff, first off I very much appreciate the help... But remember I asked if we could do this together... We'll both fight it. *hugs*

second, the reason we are here, the reason we ask, is because we care and we want to be able to help, we want to know what's going on.

I wonder, does your wife know she is this way? Does she know that her keeping any alcohol in the house is torture for you, dangerous for you? Have you talked to her about it? I don't know, maybe she is just that kind of person... I just thought I'd throw that out there. *hugs*

Oh, FYI, I drank one bottle of champagne and then half a bottle of this strawberry-champagne like stuff... And dumped the rest of it out:blush:

Lol and yes you're right, that is where the quote came from... Just felt like it fit.oh, and Susan wasn't lying... She really does have a big heart :-D

Thank you dear daughter Ally.

Jeff, I was an abusive/abusing wife. My husband is six inches taller than I am but I grew up in such a violent household that I have ptsd. I also outweigh my husband, always have. (When we married he was skinny and i was healthily robust. Now he is healthy/slender and I am obese.) I can be mean when i'm drunk too. Or when I'm tired, or overwhelmed.

Jeff, I don't know that I would have survived another year of drinking. But i think you got sober about 7 years younger than I did.

What do you want in your magic shirt? Or from your magic shirt? What needs to be done, created, engineered? I'm not an artistic sewer, i'm an science based one. Yup, weird. Works though. So let me know what you want and I will make it work.

You are not bringing the place down! You are being honest. You are offering an amazing amount of help. You are so quickly becoming part of the community. Believe me, I am not always this cheerful! Or even pleasant!

*hugs you both*

Oh my, Jeff, I'm sorry... It sounds to me like she really isn't taking your feelings into consideration *hugs*. I'm so sorry :-(

Pima Cotton I think, as it is grown here in California. 100% cotton. Will wrinkle but never itches. Hmm, sparklies itch, unless they are absolutely magical. Oh well, it is also magical quick drying cotton. Oh, a soft texture brushed cotton.

Layers of it quilted together? In a classic diamond design? I think with deep front and back yokes that are be where the quilted padded parts will be. And big patch pockets for holding extra bandannas.

And never mind what is weird and what isn't. I'm 5'3" tall and wear men's shirts cause the shoulders and sleeves on women's are significantly too small on me. It is why i'm so good at making shirts.

Let me know what changes you want if any?

Dang, your wife is cruel!

And I will be here for you to grab onto too. Both of you.

Ugh
*sits in her corner and wishes she hadn't drank so she could take some Tylenol*
My leg is killing me atm... Cut... Go me :eyeroll:

Shirt sounds lovely btw y'all.

Purple then. Black buttons.

I'll start shopping for fabric on Monday. If you don't hear much from me over the weekend, don't worry. I'm hoping to get out of town for a day or two.

I'm off to eat some supper while watching project runway, then get a bit of sleep.

Ally dear, neosporin and bang aids for the leg. Gatorade for the head. Love you dear daughter.

Jeff, welcome to the family.

Sounds very honest and brave... As to whether or not you should send it to her... I honestly don't know... But I'm young and have never been married so...

*yawns and stretches*
I am back from my map

'tis okay daddy dearest...

*curls up in cupboard* waiting to know whether my nan is going out or not so if i cut i can do it before i fall asleep/pass out whilst bleeding everywhere >.> it's only 4:23 pm here... i'll get there... soon. *promises self*

just... one more time...

hey.

jess, how are you now?

sorry everyone is having such a rough time of it.

i am bad. i try to stop doing bad things, but then as soon as i start thinking about how i havent done them for a couple of days and i should be pleased with myself, i need to do them again :(

pathetic.

*hugs jess* Ur stronger than that ;-) hang in there! you can beat it!!!

*cuddles chloe* ur equally as strong as jess...keep it up!!

I dont' want to beat it just yet... tongiht will be the last ones ever. i swear *nods* yep.... i'm just going to make it count.

:( please be safe jess. i know i can't stop you if you really want to do it. but i really wish you wouldn't. it feels like it will help but really it doesn't. is there anything you could do instead?

i just... iw ant this. really badly. i dun know why.

*hugs jess*
leave it for now talk to me instead!

sorry i wasn't about when lots of people were hurting

dont b sorry. is k.

i'm k.

no you're not hun, but its all right not to be ok all the time. you've come this far, you're still here, just keep reminding yourself of all the good stuff, like hairy nipples :p and shopping malls in sydney - you had fun, right? and think of people you love, they don't want you to cause yourself pain sweetheart.

hey diamond. hope you're ok.

i need sleep now. will check back in tomorrow.

i giggled... :P thanks sweets. sleep well.

i really am ok. tat's the problem. i'm not bothered that this is upsetting people. i shol dbe. but i'm not. *sighs* soz.

take care hun sleep well
i am going to go sit in the corner snuggle up and try n stay safe!

*tackles di and squishes* i'll snuggles with you *nods*

It is early. I'm getting a very slow start. I want to go back to bed, not shower. More caffeine gum.

*snuggles jess up, hands blondie a coffee and sneaks to the batroom*

i have o go nw. wil chekc in gain in moning. let people know i knew when to sop an stuf. pokay? okay. night.

*hugs jess* you know where we are hun

*cuddles jess*

Hope ur ok there...

*hugs jess*

I wish I liked coffee. that is why all the diet pepsi, caffeine.

Hi Jem, Hi Diamond

Really struggling at the moment, my dad's calling A&E.

awww hun whats up?

hi blondie

Had an awful day. Beth's been really violent and hurtful, I just didn't know what to do with myself.
Went to A&E and got given some PRN meds, lorazepine.
They wanted to admit me, and he called the hospital to sort out admission but there weren't any beds so they sent me home with the meds.
I don't feel safe, I kinda wish I had gone to hospital.