Susan-Mom, I replied to your thread

*goes to make some tea and actually start on that uni work*

Make us a coffee whilst your there please Ally?

*throws an ice cream cone at Pengy*

*sits in the corner and sings quietly*
"Try to fly away but it's impossible, when every breath I take gives birth to deeper sighs, and for a moment I am weak, so it;s hard for me to speak, even though we're underneath the same blue sky.
If I could paint a picture of this melody...it would be a violin, without it's strings, and the canvas in my mind, sings the songs I left behind, like the ocean, and a sunset..."

*hugs everyone*

Brrr I'm cold =p

*throws ice cold snowballs with ice cold water inside at penguin ;)*

*brings out a tea tray with coffee, tea, cake, biscuits, toast, and anything else y'all would like, then returns to her uni work*

MARSHMELLOWS 8-D

How sweet is this message purleaaase?

So sweet :)

Still having a rough time.
Will take olanzapine and try to fight her, but I just don't think it's going to work.
Tonight's going to be really difficult.

[quote=~*forever_lost*~;819048]*gags on the water from Matthews water pistol*



That just sounds sooooooooo wrong.


*burps on you all*

*thwaps Matthew on the head with a pillow* Get your head out of the gutter there Mr. Penguin lol

*cuddles Zowie* It'll be worth it luv. I am SO proud of you for fighting her !!*massive squishes* It just shows how strong you really are, sweetie, that you are even willing to try.

*buries her nose back in her uni work**sigh*

*sigh* =[

*rolls eyes*

Hmmm.

I know I can't go three months without seeing her :(

I need my meds....I can't get up. I feel so low. I dont want to move.
I want them. Need them. Want to sleep. Want to break stuff. Break myself. Break bones.

no ones in anyway....*wanders round*

I am...
But hey, that doesn't matter.

:pinch:
I told you....many times...I'm ****.
And you deserve better.

Not at all.

*snuggles Helen, Alexx, Jess, and anyone else that needs/wants one*

I'm sorry guys, despite that I've basically got todays exam taken care of and only have two more to go I'm feeling really crap. I think I even found an apartment and a job and still am feeling bad... Ugh, I just suck, that's all...

*returns to her corner to spend a little time staring into space (and maybe crying) before her exam and more studying*

sounds like you guys had fun when matthew was attacking :)

finals start tomorrow. im so unprepared its actually quite funny.

and ****ing terrifying.

i just need to pass, that's all. a straight a student has dropped her expectations to just passing.
it annoys me how i cant get compassionate consideration (which i am entitled to) because my parents would find out. grr.

i want to die.

*hands The penguin a breath mint*

I don't want you to die Chloe, so therefore you can't :P
I'm sure you will do better than you expect on your finals...I have faith in you :) Why can't you get special consideration though without your parents finding out?

Hey Ally, hows the exam? *offers hugs and a glass of wine*

*pokes Alexx* Jess cares a lot about you, you are both lucky to have such friends as each other and you both DESERVE to have good friends too so no more talk of being undeserving!

Hells, meet up with her at some point. It will also give you something else to look forward to. Plus think how much fun you will have telling stories etc when you meet back up. *hugs*

How are you doing now Zowie? *hugs* Hope Beth is not giving you too much hassle.


--------

Me? I have absolutely no idea what I am feeling or how I'm doing, except that it's not well. I am seeing my M-H co-ordinator tomorrow though which should hopefully help. I'm just worried that I have been focusing on that to get me through the last week or so and it's not going to be enough, I know it's not and I'm losing grip quickly. I don't know what I will do after but I have to try and stay focussed because of my German and History exams on Friday. I just don't want to move ever again.

I might do just that. Turns out she's not leaving until 22nd/23rd now, so we're gonna spend thurs & fri together and then obv you know where I shall be on Saturday & Sunday. U need to reply to my pm missy, u still coming yeah?

*snuggles* I hope your meeting goes okay today hunnae

*sits next to Emma* mmm, thanks for the wine luv :-) too bad I've got final exams tomorrow AND Friday morning so I shouldn't drink till Friday night:pinch:
Anyway Emma I hope your meeting goes well and you manage to focus for your exams this Friday *cuddles for courage*
Chloe I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. I understand about just passing being good enough and how it sucks because you know you can do better, have higher standards. I'm in the same boat. But I think I just might make it... And you will too luv*snuggles*

Thanks Ally, I will be getting completely ****ing slaughtered on Friday night, like horrifically drunk lol because then my exams will be finished :D

Chloe, Ally sssshhh I am sure you will both do great :P xxx

*hugs Emma* Ah, a girl after my own heart lol. I can't get too drunk as I don't have any money but I've got a bit of alcohol that I'm definitely going to down Friday. I ****ing graduate:crying: now it's get a job. Get up, go to work, go home and go to bed. That's going to be my life. No one to come home to (well the cat... I didn't want a room mate but I'm almost 25 I kind of thought I'd have a man by now). Just me, the cat, a bunch of DVDs and no cable TV... And me working at some shop job with my BA in psychology... GO ME!!:ermm:

*retreats to her corner to do MORE studying, oh joy*

*snuggles everyone*

I can't sleep, and just read a long book. I'm abloutely bawling with tears from the book and about other things. Oh dear :(

*snuggles Helen* I'm sorry luv, it's pretty damn early there isn't it:pinch:.*hands you some tissues*

I just crashed... Not like, sleep wise, though I am exhausted, but mood wise. Worst part is I'm not done studying yet and tomorrows exam is for the class I'm really worried about:crying:
**** me

I freaked out again today at another mountain road, bad enough that I had to take my anti-psychotic. My husband has been driving this whole trip anyway. But as soon as I told him that I was going to take it and announced that I was no longer safe to drive he was fine with that.

Husband went to sleep 15 minutes ago and is snoring so loud that it is distracting me as I sit here and type, never mind when I try to sleep. No wonder I'm always so sleep deprived.

btw, when I get home, when my "I am currently" thingy says "dizzy" that means lightheaded with exhaustion.

Ally, been where you are with the job. With an MA I was the free samples girl in the Thanksgiving rush at Honeybaked Hams. Then I spent a year basically asking "would you like thread with that?" at a fabric store. For that I wrote a 60+ page research paper estimating with the development in two cities how much the runoff would increase? That is why I spent 2.5 years mapping and measuring the slope etc of those streams?

Time for me to roll my husband over then go to bed myself.

Sorry I'm talking so seldom and so long. Back to regular schedule on Monday.

*Jem agrees with emma* jess does care about u alexx!!


Good luck chloeeeeeee!!!! U'll do fine....u'll pass! if not apply for that special considerations for a exam resit or something long those lines.


Ally....good luck tomorrow! u should try and study as much as possible there ;) maybe sleep a bit and study tomorrow morning?

*cuddles everyone the psych ward one by one :-)*

can't resit these.
was trying to revise today but can't concentrate, and....yeah....see thread in support.
they would find out cos it says on results paper "under compassionate consideration" or something.
good luck ally, love u xx
hugs to everyone

*hugs everyone*

Yeah Ally it was pretty damm early. I didn't sleep til 5.30am and then I heard my mum wake up to take my sister & her boyfriend to the airport at 6am. Deary me.

Got some sleep though, feel really crappy with this cold and lack of sleep. Ugh I'm having my vaccinations for my holiday tomorrow :|

Go try get some more sleep helen :-)

It sounds like u need it..that's if u can

****, crap %^*( (*^£$%^&$^&*( For ****s sake! I forgot I had left my damn car in a car park at uni on TUESDAY and you aren't allowed to leave it there over night so I am now going to have a £50 fine. See....who in their right mind forgets that they have a car??? Seriously?

Oh yeah and the cut I went to A&E for earlier this week, that they wouldn't stitch but steri stripped and was still gaping a bit....well guess what? It's infected, as predicted steri strips have not held so now I have the gaping hole basically on the inside of my wrist (yes I showed it to the nurses when I went this morning and got anti-biotics).

I mean COME on though. Sorry. I'm just tired and upset and stressed out and just generally a pain to be around today :crying::crying::crying:

can you put in a complaint about the people that wouldn't stitch it? Sorry you're stressed today, anything you want to talk about? Take care of yourself and your wrist *hugs*

To be honest they were fairly nice and polite about not stitching this time, said it was hospital policy not to stitch self harmers because a lot of us just unpick them (I don't but hey) so they tried to steri strip but it wouldn't close properly and they still wouldn't stitch. I don't want to complain because realistically I will have to go back there and also it wasn't the nurses who patched it ups fault. I wish I had complained about the doctor at the other A&E whose reason for not stitching was because it was self harm and she wasn't going to 'waste her time' on it but hey that was over a week ago now so n/m.

Nothing really I can say, I think exams and family stresses are exacerbating how I'm feeling. I'm just in one of those 'had enough' moods. It's just it's lasted more than a few days now. Thanks for the reply though x

*Hugs Pomegranate* Sorry hun, I don't know your name?

Called A&E last night. They weren't much help. Took my meds, went to sleep on the sofa. Woke up, had a panic attack. Slept. Called EIP today, she's seeing me at 3.30.

Feeling terrible but going for lunch with dad.

Emma - fair enough. At least they were nice about it I guess. I've found that the nurses in A&E tend to be nicer and better at coping with it than the doctors. Your exams will be over soon, maybe that will ease the stress a bit? x

Zowie - Sorry things are so hard for you right now. What did A&E say to you? Have a nice lunch with your dad :)

Thanks Zowie *hugs back* it's Emma x

Sorry A&E were so useless but well done for calling them anyway :) Hope the EIP lady helps today and have a nice lunch xxx

My 17 year old friend is in hospital again. I'm worried about her but helpless to know what to do.

I'm back to being exhausted. This is the final days of my holiday!

Good morning all

*snuggles Chloe*
I'm going to read your thread after this mornings exam luv. I wish I could do it before but I've got LOADS of studying to do and not enough time to do it in. I hope you're doing better.

Zowie, good luck with... Who is it? EI? Sorry, American, I get confused easily. I hope lunch with your dad was good.

*cuddles her 'across the pond drinking buddy'*
Oh Emma, that all sounds like a load of bull. For heaven sake, especially the one a week or so ago! Good lord, I'd have given her an ear full and then some. And not stitching because 'they' usually just pick them out? *humph* first off, it's not PC to be identifying folks by their disorder (like depressive or schizophrenic) and while SH isn't it's own disorder in the DSM (though I think it at least deserves a nod) it's still the same thing. Self harmers, self injurers, cutters... My theory there is, it's ok if I call myself a cutter, that's one thing, and I understand all that that covers and that it is not the whole of who I am... But others sure better not because that does not define me.
*steps off her soap box*
Oops, sorry:pinch: didn't mean to preach. It's early and I've not slept well for two weeks... Makes me a bit... Well, yeah.
ANY way... I hope your mood improves dear heart*snuggles*

*throws a pillow at Jeremy* HA! I win :-p

Ugh, too much studying, then I've got to go to talk to someone at the apartment I'm trying to get into, then check up on those job possibilities and then go to work... And all I really want to do is stay in bed all day:pinch: Damn

*hugs Ally* You will be great hun. Good luck with the exam and besides just think...in 28hours or so we can both get trashed :)

I think not sleeping may be making me ill. I keep throwing up and can't focus my eyes. May go back to bed for an hour or so.

*hugs everyone*

*hugs Emma*
Aww, sweetie
*hands you a blanket, a pillow, and a bucket*
Go to bed hun, I hope you feel better.

I know but I'm a letdooooown
Look i up....

LET-DOWN: Noun: Also see Disappointment. Failure. Headcase. Alex Carter

Seeeeeeeeeeee....

and she COULD do better than me....it isn't hard....and she'll read this and feel bad coz i'm an idiot and then I'll feel worse...but I'll continue to type because I make soooooooooo much sense :pinch:

It's stupid.
I share too much information.
Like last night. Wanting to break my own bones with a hammer.
Pffft.
From now on I'm fine.
Fine.
Fine.
:-D

Lunch was nice.
Still feeling bad though, Beth is being really aggressive.
Took some olanzapine and waiting for the EIP lady.

EIP = Early Intervention in Psychosis.

*squishes ally*
Nooooo!!! *throws some soft toys at u* :P
Good luck in ur exams...i'm sure u'll do fine :-)

*cuddles emma* Stupid hospital and their policy..they should of stiched it up so it wouldn't get infected coz of the gaping hole. I hope u recovery soon tho ;)


*hugs susan* how is ur friend doing so far?? What is ur friend in for??


*Squishes alexx* Ur a special person :-) and definitely not a let down or a disappointment!! even tho i don't u that well hmmmm

I think I might grab an hour's sleep, but I don't want it to mean I'm up half the nite :(

*hugs emma lots* I'm sorry A&E's are so damm useless :pinch:

Me> I feel utterly ill today damm cold & hayfever on top. Jane was late today but I respect why and I really needed to talk to Julie about something and couldn't find her :crying: So I'll have to wait til fricking Monday now.I am soooooooooooo tired, and doesn't help that I'm having really bad nightmares =[

I believe there was a mix up with the names, certainly shouldn't say Alex Carter.
Hey ho; Bad - yep.
Helpless - yep.
Confused - yep.
Emotionless - yep.

*hugs everyone*

I wish I had the words for you guys, you're all wonderful, but me? I... I don't know what I feel anymore. I'm... oh, who'm I kidding? Nothing's wrong, and yet I still feel like utter crap.

*shuts up and hides*

Ohhhhhh. Thanks hun. Glad to hear lunch was good. I am sorry Beth is being so awful sweetie. Glad you took the meds though. You are trying, and you can do this *snuggles*

*cuddles her RYL lil' sis*
No, not you're not a let down. It's not stupid, and you don't share too much hun. I wish I had more for you but I'm pretty crap atm

*Hands Emma a glass of wine*
Good lord, that's not cool, I hate parking areas like that. But believe me I forget where my car is all the time... I almost lost it in a parking lot once... and not because it was too full either *hugs*
______________________________________________
Me? I'm ****ing fantastic (Read:Absolutely ****)

Pretty sure I am not going to finish uni... Haven't done so well in one class and no amount of extra credit is going to help me... Called in sick to work, not checking up on either job I looked into yesterday, and don't really want to go to the meeting about the place I want to live but I need to because I need someplace to live, even if I am a loser who couldn't get her degree because of a class she attempted THREE times!! (granted, I withdrew twice but still...) And it's just one ****ing class!! And I can't go home, I'll never be left alone :-(

*retreats to her corner, curls up, and alternates sobbing and staring blankly into space*

*sends hugs to anyone that needs them*

I don't feel to good tonight, i feel like i'm going to have a total breakdown, i should be happy but i'm not :( everyone is letting me down like my friend who said i could go over there for a week now changed his mind and now my auntie who promised she'd ring and come and see me today but didn't bother :( i swear this week needs to hurry up and end. xx

I neeeeeeeed an early night :(

*hugs Emma* people suck I have decided sometimes. But we won't let you down. I hope things get a bit better for you. You have been so brave these last few weeks.

*kicks Ally and steals bottle...screw the glass* you don't know you've not passed yet hun. Could your counsellor write a special circumstances thingy? (check out my technical language!) Replied in your thread but wanted to leave more hugs x

Auburn, you don't always need a reason to be depressed, sometimes it just happens, thus is the nature of depression. There does not have to be a reason but that does not invalidate what you are feeling.

Jess *hugs* you are amazing, I am sorry you are feeling so well, nothing, but bad if you get what I mean.

*pokes Alexx* I wish you could see yourself as the person we see you as then you would know those things aren't true.

*kicks Chloe up the &*^%* Where for art thou Chloe?

*leaves hugs for everyone else*

------------
Had meeting with M-H co-ordinator today joy of joys. She is helpful, not always nice but when she is not nice it is helpful if you get what I mean? Anyway, I am now not seeing her until 1 October because of summer break. Now is just not the best time for me to be left supportless. I am trying to shut out the bad thoughts but I don't have the motivation still, for , well anything. I spent hours and hours today just staring at a page unable to concentrate. I want...well I don't actually know what I want. I think I am going to ask do go back on AD's because this is just simply ridiculous. *goes to rock in the corner and try to cry*