Crisis team only took me on for the night until Monday when the EIP team will be around. I didn't call them because I thought 'what good can they do? They'll just tell me to watch tv or read a magazine'.
Considered removing my bandages (done at A&E) and SHing again, but managed not to.
Feeling really low but can't tell my dad because he'll say it's because I drank wine last night.

wish i could make shawls i bet they look beautiful blondie, how is your hand now jess?
how is everyone else today? i am feeling all dopy from my meds which is tough when i am looking after the kids :(

*hugs zowie if hugs are wanted*
sorry things are tough but well done for resisting the urge to SI

I am already eating sweets...who needs pills when there is copious amonts of chocolate around!

can i haves some please? moght give me the kick i need lol

i now have a headache... it's still bleeding through, but not much. almost stopped i think

*gives jess magic plaster*

*Hands out chocies*
Just found a recipie for some brownies think i will have to make some!

that sound good and thanks for the chocs!

put more bandage over the top.

brownies sound great. but not for me, i've already had lots of choc today.

*cuddles all round*

Hugs are nice, thank you.
Called EIP woman and am waiting for her to call back as she was in a meeting.

i am glad you called her zowie, well done xx

Well done for calling her Zowie. *hugs*

Hope it stops bleeding soon, Jess, but put extra bandage over the top *massive hugs*

*hugs everyone else who wants/needs*

-----------------------------
Managed to catch up on some sleep since camp, not feeling quite so triggered anymore. Almost slipped up on Saturday night, but one of the other leaders came in and we had a chat. She's going to help me when I get back to uni. Said she knows some people that will be able to help me to "cure" everything in my past, although of course everything takes time. I don't quite know how I feel anymore, but... still struggling not to cut.

T-minus 30 mins untill brownies. Think I may have found a good distraction...although i dont know if my parents would aprciate me bakeing cakes in the middle of the night. I do enjoy cooking (although eating is great!)
You have something positive ahead Hana! Untill then talk to us and find distractions untill the urges fade.

yes we are here to listen and munch on brownies ;)

:D I hope they turn out ok :S

i am sure they will be brownielicious!

I'm sure the brownies will be great :)

My cousin's in hospital at the moment, but I'm ok about that, because she's only in for a fairly simple operation.
Nothing happened on Saturday, nothing really, I just went into semi-automatic mode. My friend was worried about me apparently and went to ask Ruth (leader) to go and find out if I was OK and everything.
She found me with blade in hand, but hadn't cut. She said to me that she'd experienced the same thing at my age, and so she understood where I was mentally at that moment, wanted to know why, but I didn't know why.
She told me that she was adopted, and sometimes she'd get angry for no reason. Her anger was road rage, and once I told her I was adopted too, she thought, maybe that was why I got the urges just then. Urges are still here, but I want to get to 5 months free, and I don't want to slip up this close.

Heh, that was long. Sorry! Don't know if any of it makes sense either :S

you are doing so well and to be that close to cutting and nor doing it you should be proud *hugs* i hope your cousin is ok xx

All going well she'll be back out tomorrow.

I wish I could feel proud, but... it's just the only reason I didn't is because of Ruth walking in.

I suppose I feel good that after the talk, she said if I still needed to do anything, then she would understand completely, but that I had to promise to let her clean it afterwards. But I didn't need to after, the urges were going, and... I found more distractions in rounders and waterfights.

Still, started smoking again while I was up there. I think I need to concentrate on giving up one thing at a time. I dunno...