*hugs everyone* thanks guys, but sorry, i ODd again saturday night :( im still in the hospital, although theres nothing medically wrong with me, theyve decided im not safe enough to go home yet :( im feeling CRAP! i was admitted saturday night, my mum didnt come up with me, i havent seen her or spoken to her since :( im really starting to miss her, and need a hug, but kate (the nurse who i am really close with) is so upset with me for doing it again she will hardly talk to me :( gah. idk whether i wanna go home, or stay here, but i do know i wanna cut :(
*retreats into a corner and cries*

*huggles nicole* I don't know what else to say atm, just...*huggles*

thankyou. i needed that. even if it wasnt a proper hug. im just getting so stressed, and i need to catch up on my school work too, ive missed 8 weeks of school now, and im doing my GCSEs this year :( how're you feeling??

Something that I've learnt through life, is that exams will always be there, we can always get qualifications. I'm still hoping one day to go back to education. I've dropped out so many times through ill health that I'm too defeated to try again at the moment. But I know one day when I'm ready, education won't have gone anywhere. So look after yourself first and foremost, then you can think about your school work when you're able to.

I've supercleaned my living room now. So time for a fag break and then super clean the bedroom. Then another fag break then it'll be time to put my happy face on for Ewan's birthday meal.

*goes out to the smoking shelter*

thanks, i know that the education will always be there, but well, im so close, it seems a shame to give up now, so i wanna push through and get it over with. so im just gonna work hard for the next couple of months, do my GCSEs, and hopefully get good grades, it saves me having to re-take them later. lol. have fun cleaning, i hate it :/ thats one good thing about the hospital, i dont have to do anything lol

if I had the energy I'd be jumping round my now super duper cleaned flat...just jumping 'cos I've finished cleaning and to keep me distracted.

Time to freshen up, hair & make-up to be done, try to have restraint when ordering food this evening. I've had 2biscuits whilst cleaning with 2 diet red bulls, so not too bad if I have 'proper' meal tonight....I hope. Just got to remember I'm feeling worse due to PMDD....and also weighing more and bloated. *tries to keep self rational*

*group huggle!* Sorry for masses of posts today, I just really need this place right now.

*huggles hayley*
that's what this place is for.
got any wood or laminate floors? sock sliding is totally fun... more fun that jumping for me :D

nicole~ good luck on getting good grades, i'm sure you can do it :) but don't push yourself too hard.

Thanks for the huggles crimson. Time for me to toddle off out now. *deep breath*

good luck xx

AARGH panick attack :( *grabs blanket and hides in corner, clinging to her phone because its her lifeline*

anybody in?? i need a hug? :(

* Hugs to y'all *


I gave in and injured .
I feel guilty that I gave in :S
But I feel so much less anxious.
*sigh* I'm a bit numb now.
I'm so weak , I couldn't even tough it out out until tomorrow .
Sorry this is a bit disjointed.
I'm thankful that the loud thoughts have calmed, does anyone else get REALLY loud thoughts that tell you to hurt yourself ? Not Voices , Thoughts

*hugs nicole*
I'm in and out of here all day (working the rest of the time :) )
Feel free to PM if you need to talk to someone.

*Hugs Nicole* Hope this helps:-)

sorry I missed your post Mark, we posted at the same time...
I know exactly what you mean. It happens to me a lot. Thoughts that at times even flow into images if I ignore them long enough...

thanks guys. dw that you injured, everyone slips up at times, you've just gotta get back up on you're feet, brush yourself down and try again :D urgh. now i want my mum more than ever. she just called the hospital. but i only got to speak to her for a couple of mins then she ran outta credit :(

*checks self in for the night* eurgh. feeling majorly triggerd and unsafe! damnit, i must seem like a right whiney cow :/ dw, im not always like this, just having a bad day :(...............................

I can't do this :'( :'(

whats up?? *hugs* its ok, come join me in the corner.

But it's not okay :'( *cuddles*

Can't cope with the way one of my best friends is right now, it's not her fault, but I just can't. Daytimes she seems to be better but nights are really hard and awful to cope with :'( :'(

I need my other best friend too. please please please please :'( :'( :'( :'(

hey, i dont know whats going on with you're friends, but im sure it will get better, and the way you're feeling will too. i know how you're feeling. i have a friend who keeps asking me to buy her pills and stuff so she can kill herself. im trying to persuade her not to but its hard when im currently in hospital because of my own OD. but it will get better, for everyone. we've just gotta stay strong and push through it. theres nothing wrong with getting upset either. it helps to cry. *hugs tightly* i dunno about you, but for me a hug really helps. and i know this isnt a physical hug, thats the problem ive been having all day, but its better than nothing right??