Thanks for the welcomes.
Jacket potatos - yum.

It was yummy :) I'm now very full indeed...

Hi bex welcome to the ward *welcome hugs*

*hugs zowie* glad you had a good dinner

*hugs MammaMia* i'm glad your holding on feel free to join me on the sofa and steal more chocolate :)

*hugs wildly insane* here for you honey

---

I cut today, just a tiny scratch with a pair of scissors it didnt even bleed but it made me feel better for almost an hour, im so f***ed up

Could have sworn I replied in here? Obviously not.

Just been watching a program, it's effected me quite badly lol. Making me think too much and missing someone very much. I'm so suicidal and even though in some hearts I want to leave, I'm fighting against them to stay. It sounds stuipd. I don't know what I want. So confused. Don't know how to deal with anything at the moment. Need to hold it together.

hmm i feel so crappy tonight, i hurt so much my sides are killing me, finding it hard to catch my breath. might just curl up in corner, and try and sleep. =[

So, I've never been here before...
But it seems like a nicer place than most psych wards....
I'm having a really bad night...

Hey guys, thanks for the support, it means a lot.

Hiya PolkaPirate, this is a nice place, if you wanna talk we're here to support, ooh that rhymes :)

*hugs Jill* hope you feel better soon

*hugs Helen* keep holding in there hun, you can get through this.

*hugs Shadowedseraph* am here for you too *cuddles*

*hugs Arwen* glad to hear you're doing okay

I couldn't even dance today :( I went and I couldn't, I couldn't even pretend I was alright.

Still trying to stay safe. Still trying to hold the pieces for someone (Hannah, I think you'll know what I'm talking about?) even if they've gone to bed to sleep bless them.

I feel like crying lol.

Thanks shadowed and Helen.

*hugs everyone*

I'm getting ready for a celebration when I reach 11 months it's now 6 hours to go until I reach my goal.

*hugs everyone again*

You can do it honey :]

Thanks Helen

I'm stressing about uni going back. Partly because of my shoulder surgery. Oh well, I'll just focus on one thing at a time...

Haetseeinglurkers

Kahlia, what you stressing most about uni sweetheart? *cuddles* Try deal with one thing at a time like you said. xx

Dayna, you okay sweetie?

Ugh, still ****ing awake. Am in so much agony. :'(

Todlich ~ I understand what you mean

Helen ~ I'm actually calming down about uni now. I have to get the lecturers permission to digitally record their lectures and had to send emails out to them. It's just basically that uni goes back next week and my laptop hasn't arrived back from being serviced.

I have now reached 11 months SI free. *does a little dance*

*offers hugs to all on the ward*

Sorry I'm not supporting at the moment, I just can't manage it. Going to the doctors today because, well, I really don't feel safe, and I can't let my fiance down like this. I mean, he's ill right now, for hell's sake, and all I can think about is cutting.
It's taken so much for me to stay cut free the past few days, and I just can't do it anymore. Scared of what the doctors are going to say though.

I started to reply individually but I can't concentrate enough, sorry.

*welcomes those new ones* Hope you find this helpful.

*leaves hugs for all*

sorry for this guys, need to vent, being think about this all last night. hardley slept. why did you die, why, why i know your were ill. im miss you so much, wish i could find away to bring you back but i cant. i miss you so much, and im kind of lost without you. hmm need to make this stop it hurt so damn much.*sits in corner and crys and bangs head on wall, please make it stop. sorry

Welcome to new people :)

*hugs everyone who's having a hard time* My thoughts are with you my lovelies.

*Dances with Kahlia* Well done sweetie, you're doing so, so well!!

Sorry I'm not doing individual replies, to many posts confusing my little brain!

Love to all xxx

*hugs to all on the ward* can;t do individual replies i am too brain frazzled

*cheers Kahalia* Well done sweetie you are a star

Anyone that wants to feel free to pm me im nearly always about

*hugs Everyone*

Sorry no individual replie but there are too many posts for my poor brain to cope with.

I'm going to hide out in the smoking shelter for a bit.

Am really struggling so am gonna come hide in here for a while.

I don't know if it's the right thing to do
I don't know what to do full stop.. *cries*

*offers cuddles to all*

Kahlia, congratulations sweetie, I hope your laptop is returned soon and working okay :D Hope all the lecturers are okay with them being recorded too :]

thanks Helen. I've already had replies from two lecturers who are quite happy for me to record their lectures. Just waiting on another four. I also hope my laptop is returned soon and in working order.

*offers cuddles and hugs to all including those hiding in corners or in the smoking shelter or in the denial tent*

Oooh I'm so glad :) I remember when I had to ask lecturers if I could use my radio aid haha, but only half of them bothered to reply and in the end I didn't use it *whistles*

I had a really bad night's sleep, was awake until gone 7am this morning :( Hasn't been THAT bad in 3/4/5 weeks, absloutely gutted. Though in a way it reminded me of being at Jade's lol. Gwad I miss her so so so so much. This time two weeks ago, I should have been there but missed the last train, so that set me back 20 mins, but I would have been almost there, I think this was about when I started to cry lol!!!!!! :P We were just SOOOOO excited, like you couldn't believe....Anyway I'm rambling again LOL

Am still struggling and I cut last night, was almost at 3 weeks =[

*hugs MammaMia* I'm sorry your struggling

i've just made my nine months and slipped up, not majorly but i really enjoyed it *cries* what is wrong with me?

*hugs shadowed* Nothing is wrong with you, slip ups happen. I hope you are okay.

I don't feel anything today. I hate being numb.

*hugs Helen* ~ I hope my lecturers bother to reply.

Shadowed ~ there's nothing wrong with you sweetheart. Remember that slips are going to happen. I hope you are okay.

Fallinstar ~ I hate feeling numb as well. I hope it doesn't last.

-----
I am waiting for the nurses to come and give me my shower. I'm going to walk out to uni today and print off my first weeks lecture notes. That will give me my walk for the day. I hate waiting.

*hugs Kahalia* thank you :) I hope your nurses come soon

*hugs Fallinstar* I hope the numbness doesn't last

*hugs shadowedsoul* 9 months is so good hun, it's only a slip up, please keep thinking of it that way

*hugs Helen* I know you hate it, but keep fighting

*hugs Kahlia* good luck with the lecturers and the lap top, and so glad to hear about your housemate too

*hugs Katie* it's always hard knowing what to do, but once the decision is made, it's always the right one

*hugs secrets* do you want to talk about it?

*hugs Arwen* hope you had a good day

*hugs Jill gently* sorry I can't offer more

*hugs Hana* good luck at the doctors, let us know how you're doing

*hugs Todlich* how you doing hun?

am back in control but still struggling, lost it last night, couldn't pretend

*Hugs everyone* Sorry, I'm a little tipsy and can't comprehend the recent posts. Will do indivisual posts soon, promise!
I've had a good night, my dad and I talked about all sorts of things and some of it made me feel good about who I am, and who I am about to become :)
xxx

Bloody depressed, and no idea why. Had a good day with a friend today, and then my mood fell flat on its ass. And I'm waiting on the mods for an answer to a simple (or so I thought) question I asked like, early this year/back end of last year about a potential lurker problem, and just...ugh. I hate the wait :/

*hugs everybody in the ward* <3

*hugs everybody in the ward*

Sorry no individual replies. I have been doing some pre-reading of the textbook for one of my subjects and it's pretty heavy going. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you all.

*leaves more hugs for anyone who needs them*

*hugs Damnation* I hope you are okay. Sometimes waiting for people is the worst.

*hugs Kahila* Good luck with the reading!

*hugs for everyone else*

think by the end of today our friendship could be over if she just takes me apart. u will hate me.sobs goes hides in corner

sorry bit out of it this morning for individual replies hugs to all. hope everyone is ok.

*leaves hugs for all on the ward including those hiding in corners, in the smoking shelter and in the denial tent*

I managed to complete the introduction and first two chapters of my textbook. Some of it was quite interesting, but other parts were extraordinarily boring. What I found most interesting was that the code included in the text was in Java which most of the student are learning concurrently. Lucky for me I am already fluent or semi-fluent in Java so the code made perfect sense. My disability resource officer has offered me a laptop belonging to the Department and I have decided to take them up on the offer because my laptop is still being repaired. I wrote e-mails to all my lecturers to let them know I have had shoulder surgery and asking permission to record their lectures and have had replies from some. Not too bad considering Uni begins next week.

I am badly stressed and it is showing with the tension in my back muscles leaving my back caning. On the plus side I'm needing less and less of a pain medication for my shoulder. My shoulder now only hurts when I put it through angles that it is not yet ready for.

Tomorrow morning I have to be up early because I need to get my lithium serum levels taken. I'm hoping that it isn't going to be a cold morning.

Thanks for the hugs. I'm really sorry I can't reply individually, I'm at my boyfriends and there's loads to do.

Things are actually getting worse, I feel really unwell still (in fact I feel even worse today) and I'm having unnecessary pressure put on me by something I do voluntarily. That's without the daily battle with food and whatever else

*leaves hugs for all*

*offers hugs to all*

Sorry I'm not upto indvidual replies but thanks for those who have done so with me, it's massively appericated.

Thank you to everyone who individually replied me, i can't offer the same right now i'm in a terrible place :( *offers hugs to all in the ward including those out smoking or hiding in the denial tent*

I just got some very very very awesome news, haha!!!!! All I can think is shame I won't probably be around to see the end product but shhh ;)

"I’m delighted to let you know that we’ve chosen your case study to feature with five others in Skill’s Into Higher Education 2010 guide."

Basically it's a guide for disabled students who are considering entering university, and SIX people (out of THOUSANDS) are chosen to feature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

parents doing my head in la la la parents doing my head in!!!!!!!! urghhhhhhhh

actually put that down to mother doing my head in!!!!!

yeah well done helen grrr parents really love to do my head in ****tards!!!!!

Thanks Laura :)

Bahaha, parents really do love to irrtate the hell out of us, usually because they care.

thing is i have to spend 3 weeks 24/7 with her urghhhhhh

I'm waaay too hungover and tired to do individual replies. I will soon - You all know I do when I can.
I stayed up drinking until 6am last night/this morning! Then slept through the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon.
xx

*hugs MammaMia* thats awesome news honey congratulations

*hugs all people she can find on the ward*

Thanks shadow :)

Hugs Kahlia lots but gently :)

*snuggles Kahalia but is careful of the shoulder*

*Hugs MammaMia*

*hugs Helen taking care not to hurt her shoulder* ~ Good news abbout them using your case for future students with a disability Hells

*hugs shadowed gently*

It's 6 am and I'm the only one in the house that's awake. Coffee time!!

*hugs Kahila* I hope that arm's improving.
*hugs Helen* congratulations honey, that's really good news!
*hugs shadowed*

I'm all itchy and really feeling unwell still. A friend's really winding me up, she's allowed to yell at me and give me a hard time but it's not allowed to happen the other way round.

Ahh well back to isolation with my rash.

*leaves hugs*