How is everyone today?

*hugs everybody* Thank you for the words. I ended up curling up and watching stuff on the interweb before I fell asleep. I didn't manage to go to group today but I WILL go tomorrow and I will NOT listen to any irrational thoughts. But for now I'm just going to sit in my corner of misery and not bug anybody *nod*

How're you doing Lindsay, dear?

Come out of the corner, Zed. We're here for you.

I'm surviving.

Hi, can I rejoin? My name is Shannon. I used to come here, but I kinda disappeared for almost 2 years.

Hi Shannon, welcome back. How are you?

*shuffles over*

Surviving isn't as good as living y'know....

Hey Shannon, welcome back =)

:) thanks guys, hugs. I am not doing so well anymore. How are you two?

Anything you want to talk about, Shannon?

I guess i'm just tired of fighting to exist when it's not what I want.

*hugs Linds*

I don't have any useful words but I do completely understand...

Today has been one huge, uphill struggle. I feel so distressed and unable to cope.

Thanks, Zed. *hugs back*

Do you want to talk about it, Jamie?

*cuddles Lindsay*

I've just been struggling to get out of bed, get things organised and function the past couple of weeks. I need to get my college funding and flat for next year sorted, but I just feel exhausted and my temper's been really short. I even struggled to get to the awards ceremony I was supposed to attend, and I don't even feel like I've accomplished anything despite the fact I got my qualification in youth work today.

*sits with everyone* love you guys <3
zeddeh, stay strong <3
congrats on the youth work qual :)

(One, I don't remember your name. Sorry) Tomorrow will be 8 months of not cutting and I am just struggling to not do it. I am just tired.

Jamie, it sounds like you're feeling really low and it's affecting a lot of your daily life. Has anything happened recently to lower your mood?

Shannon, nearly 8 months free is absolutely amazing! Don't give up now, you can keep going. Maybe you could do something nice to 'celebrate' tomorrow. My name's Lindsay :)

can i come in and hide please?? stupid flashbacks and urges i hate them.

Hi Faye *hugs* What are you doing to try and cope?

Thanks lindsay how are you? i tried to talk to my bf but he felt ill so we only spoke shortly then i tried to sleep but turning off the light made things worse so now im just looking online at random things. Im scared though i dont know how to control myself.

Thanks Lindsay, I don't want to give up. i may do something to celebrate tomorrow, idk, i just don't feel like doing anything right now. sorry, i'm a mess.

*sits with faye* sorry tonight's rough :(
thinking of you <3

Hey all... don't have a lot of time to catch up on post, but I wanted to check in. I may not be on for a while. Things are pretty rough at home as my husband has informed me that he no longer feels the same way about me now that he did when we first got married and that he's not sure if he really wants to try and work it out. I'm doing my best to handle it in a healthy way, but it's very difficult to say the least. My stomach has been in knots for days now. I can't even describe how bad this hurts.

thanks hun, that was a bad night and now ive had about 4 hours sleep and feel the same but hey its life...

Im so sorry to hear that ljmeep i really hope things get better for you soon sending love and hugs xx

*sits and looks around*

*Hugs Julie* Missed you!

*Hugs Kelly*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Feli*

*Hugs Faye*

*Hugs Happiness*

*Hugs Heather*

Sorry *Hugs* are all I have atm , Love to you all.Oh and the men just came to "Fix" ie , break and replace some windowlocks :)

*hugs everyone*

It's amazing how tiring such 'simple' tasks can be...*curls up for a nap*

may i curl up next to you?? whats made you tired? are you ok?x

Of course you may =)
Just general day to day life stuff mostly....
How are you?

Thanks :) anything i can help with? im feeling under the weather didnt sleep so feel very odd- dizzy and going hot and cold etc.

Was going to ask are you still in touch with laura (kuwairo)?

Anyone mind if I hide in here? I've got counselling starting in 2 weeks time and I'm terrified

hey dylan, why are you terrified? it will hopefully help you *hugs*

Faye, how are you doing now?

Kelly, I can't even imagine how hard that must be. I'm here if you need to talk.

Hi Julie *waves*

Mark, how are you?

Zed, well done for doing those daily tasks even though they're tiring.

Dylan, please tell us what's worrying you. Maybe we could share our experiences with you.

Hey lindsay how are you?

Im not as triggered as last night but due to lack of sleep i feel really rough and ill :(

No it's okay, just need some sleep =) Awwh I hope you manage to sleep better tonight. Make sure you have plenty of fluids and stuf...

Yupyup I do still talk to her and we meet up whenever we can =)

Thanks im sure i will as im at my bf's and i feel safe here and dont have flashbacks so much. Im also so tired it will be impossible for me to stay awake after about 9pm lol.

aww cool how is she? i did message her on facebook recently but i dont think she goes on there much

hi everyone *HUGS ALL AROUND" how is everyone

She's not on Facebook any more but she's doing well, I'll tell her you asked after her =)

Hi Shannon *big hugs*

hugs everyone

Hugs Louise, how are you today?

hugs back - I am so so, how are you?

*gently cuddles zeddeh and curls up near*
my teddy wanna cuddle with fred xD

*waves to everyone else*
ugh my chest hurts and i've no idea why
and have counselling at 3 :/ [its 1:10] blech.

Hope counselling goes well, Heather.

I am better than yesterday. Last night was just a really bad night for me.

Another difficult day to get through.

*hugs for everyone*

Lindsay - I'm not sure. I have rapid cycling bipolar and haven't had an "episode" in a long time, so I guess it was due to rear its ugly head. Doesn't make it any less awful though.

I'm scared the counsellor's going to hate me or judge me, maybe he'll even have me locked away :eek:

Shannon, i'm glad you're doing better. Did anything trigger the bad time you had last night? Is there anything you can put in place to try and stay ok?

Jamie, i'm sorry things are tough. What normally helps you through?

beautydylan, what would you like us to call you? I saw that your username is comprised of two of your cats names. Counsellors are trained to be non-judgemental and respectful. I have had counselling in the past and whatever I said I never felt like I was being judged. Counsellors generally don't have the powers to hospitalise people but they can talk to your doctor or someone else if they're worried about you. But professionals tend to want to do all they can to keep people out of hospital.

I usually get called BD on the forums I've got this username, but thinking of changing my username because my username itself can trigger me (depending on how I'm feeling when I come online)

counseling was tiring ><
and i have a headache but going to see my brother's band perform at the racetrack in NJ, so i kinda hafta go xD

hows everyone?

Headache + band doesn't sound like a good combination!

:) Yeah, yesterday was the birthday of the person that abused me as a child and because no one in the family knows, they talked about it and really bothered me.

had a strange time now. talking to some ppl on irc. then someone mentions lithium and my brain instantly thinks about the razor ontop of the mirror in the bathroom. that made me stand at a crossroad im my mind. about wheter i should cry/do it/ go outside/ sit in a corner/ or just. i cant sleep it off. SOMETHING IS BOTHERING ME. and i dont know what. i want lithium. i cant drink cause i get all schizo from the drugs i get from the doctor. i get them at 21:00pm then around 22:00 i get all weird and spiky and uncomfortable like the only thing i want is sleep and food. i dont need all that just cause he designed the way i should feel about/when i take the drugs.
and im still in this circle in my head that no one wants me something. my dad = distant, my mom = distant, my sisters = distant entire relativity = distant. then i start to listen to lithium or any other song of evanescence and i get withdrawed/displaced and i live this fantasy in my head that maybe one day when i get my real thoughts back im gonna show you wtf it means to care about someone that you overlooked so many times it hurts so ****ing bad in someones heart to just throw it away and then looking back at it and thinking that it didnt matter and just moving on from a family to a deserted life of non existant relations wich really put someone off in a really weird way. kinda just want to vibe it off but i cant cause the annoying parts are still gonna be there. like ppl around me. to close to distant. not worth having a talk with me. no one ever talks to me about anything i want to talk about to get it out. this whole life i have is ****ing depressing. i got no one to talk to that i want to talk to that would understand. but they wont understand cause they just want to talk so that i get better without caring about that i never had a family. i felt something today like i was on drugs. but the medicine they give me dont help me by getting me drugged like it always had given me. druggy feeling. morning night morning night. i should just run away. take my razor and run. but if i run in my mind i may bump into something i wont want to meet. still with no friends. ppl coming by me and asking if i want hash or pot or drink with them. i cant do hash cause if i do its the last step towards psychosis again, pot i cant smoke cause i dont want to invade myself. and if i drink i'll probably resemble my dad too much wich i dont want just as i dont wat along with the meds i get. stupid. i had real life friends like online friends i had when i was in highschool when i was self injuring all the time. but they never called me. i had too many thoughts about ppl i talked to dying. i tried calling some of real life ppl but always wrong number then i get scared of what if they are mad at me. like they dont want to talk to me. right now my life is ****ed up. cause everyday i realise something new something better about everything hoping that it'll be better the next day. i havent self injured for a really long time now like couple months. and i have only thought about it a few times since then. maybe its just building up for next time i get impulsive. when can i have a normal life like..? im soaked in missery just like my parents wanted. is it now i go missing all of a sudden? no one would care. not even the voices in my head.

"I used to self harm" - these are the words of denial
You are never cured, there is no past
Only an ongoing cycle of fighting
Fighting battles which rage inside your head.

People like me just struggle along in silence
Hoping and praying that the overwhelming darkness
Will allow us to fight for survival
Before consuming us all like lost souls.

I'm not proud of what I've done
These scars are the price I'm paying
For never having the strength to speak out
To fight the fears and frustrations.

I wish life was different
That I'd never picked up that knife
But deep down I know I have to keep fighting
Even if it's just to see what another day holds.