Farewell the Ashtray Girl
This is a poem I wrote about my bestfriend/penpal Val . I started it as a creative writing assignment, a tribute to our friendship written mostly in song lyrics. Ironically, while writing it she committed suicide. We'd been friends for nearly 7 years. So, this turned into a tribute to not only our friendship, but her life. Hope you like it.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl The OCD angel wants to Take you with her You’re the girl that’s pretty like drugs With strawberry gashes all over Because don’t you know I’m the patron saint of self-injury Hey ashtray girl The band aid won’t cover the bullet hole So just pour your misery down And I’ll comprehend That which I should never comprehend Real a lie, are you telling the truth? I’m trying to tell which lies are true Thanks for the cash For The Bipolar joker’s Psych ward calls Sleep may be the enemy But so’s another line Wishing you a serene dream tonight Crazy words results of Cocaine and ecstasy Valium and cherry wine But deep down I know You’re all pigtails and chords Pale blue eyes so young Pale blue eyes so far away You tell me everything And you know that I won’t tell on you I’d give you anything And I know that you won’t tell on me Skin’s crawling as I Try to call your rehab To wish you Merry Christmas No matter how many say Baby you’re lost Baby you’re a lost cause I’ll still stay So, you found a boy He said “I'll never ever Ever go away” He said he'd always Always he would always stay The fishbowl souls have Swum away to the rainbow Run baby run The red van caught us Left the jokes bruised and broken Screaming “She should have been a son” Doesn’t it astound you how Life can be so cruel? Thinking, hoping, praying that When we grow up We’ll be stable When we grow up We’ll turn the tables I know you keep asking When’s he gonna come? When’s he gonna spring? He promised he would get you So just lock your worries Inside your heart shaped box I’m slowly discovering A friend in need’s Better than A friend with weed Stay straight You eat better when you’re You sleep better when you’re Stay straight for me Like the Mad Hatter said It’s always easier to take More than nothing Oooh, yeah, he wants to take you Take you away from your life Oooh, yeah, he wants to take you Take you by the hand You’re the girl, Miss World Can’t look me in the eye So sick you cannot try Life is good when We eat pancakes With the Breakfast Club And feel the dizziness like poison As the ride violently spins So tell me Are you satisfied with Wonderland? Expending all that energy Fighting with your boyfriend Is he the one you’ll marry? Enjoy the Blankets Craig was warm enough to Draw the winter kiss Tying the knot for something that lasts A guy that’s high for life He’s tripping, he was drifting He was high on you All that matters is What makes you happy Found out about the fishbowl souls Their smug, sarcastic whispers Showed me they never knew Where true beauty lies It took a year of college To prove that they don’t love me I think I’m paranoid I must just be the one To drive them home Trying to find something real to hold on to Your letters keep me going There’s something in our unity Forget humility You have me and I have you When people ask Don’t you have someone You’d die for? Handmade flowers, candy hearts Lip gloss, puppy dogs and hair berets Oh Valentine, You are what confuses me About my sexuality Be my Courtney Lover I bet you **** Like a Suicide Girl Always telling me You can’t sleep Having bad dreams So bad you threw your pillow away Just take your pills to fall asleep With your Hello Kitty Purring in your arms And dream that you’re invincible I see your Doll eyes Doll mouth Doll legs Resting peacefully Mary wanna play? Mary wanna play? Shotgun me again baby Morbid giggles with Laughing eyes I dream we can live next door One day too Crying for the Wounds that won’t seem to heal I know you’re underjoyed With no one comforting Just remember I’ve held your hand through all of these years I watch you with this sorrow Forgive you all this pain You’re so temperamental darling With your little disease I just want you to be happy All the letters still asking Why do you love me? It’s driving me crazy Oh Valium You were crazy long before I loved you You captivated me by your resonating light Your poetry, Mary Janes, blood that drains And trips down the rabbit hole I am straight edge but You are my drug Trying my best not to forget All manner of joy All manner of glee And our one heroic pledge I’m drunk on apathy I burned right out Weeping for the Child twice stolen from me Four months sober So proud of you Always knew you could do it He was good tonight He cried tonight I was quite surprised Hush it’s ok, Dry your eyes Dry your eyes No loneliness No misery You sound sick tonight Baby Did you forget to take your meds? I fear the day There’s nothing but A restless wind Inside my letter box Tumbling blindly As I wait for your reply Nothing’s gonna change my world So don’t die, don’t die, don’t die Please don’t die How could you do it? How could you leave? You still need to teach Wind why she bleeds My letters are left With no one to read Pure mourning Taking over me Give her my soul And let them take somebody else Scold me, failed her If only I’d held on tighter To her pale white skin that Twisted and withered away from me Desperately trying to find A song to say goodbye I’ll cherish all my misery alone And I’ll wait Staring at the Northern star Choking through my sobs To say I heart you Farewell the ashtray girl Love always, Trixie Troubleshooter |
Wow, that's really clever...
I'm so sorry you've lost your friend :-( |
*cuddles*
really good... cept sad and all mhm |
I really like this. I'm sorry for your loss
PM me anytime x *hugs* These are good song lyrics too :) xx |
this is so incredibly deep and beautiful and heartbreaking and woderfully written. i simply can't comprehend all the pain you must be feeling. there are tears running down my cheeks as i read this and i don't cry that esily. i'm so sorry for you :'(
xxx |
i just went and emailed my old best friend that really really hurt me and that i haven't really been talking to for a long time, this poem relly brought me back down to earth. i think i always assumed she'd always be there and reading this showed me that i can never take advantage of that. i told her i'm sorry and that i love her.
sorry to blab on! |
Thanks Jess, I'm glad it meant so much to you.
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Been missing her so much.... No one else needs to comment I just felt the need to bump it. *sigh*
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I just read your poem. I have never lost someone so dear to me. I lost someone, many people really lately, and not even people I cared so deeply about, and it still hurt like hell.
I don't know what it is to lose family, but I know what it is to have friends that are like family. What you've written is heartbreaking and beautiful. It means a lot to me on so many levels I don't even understand. Thank you. |
Hey Tracie *snuggles*
I read this the other day too. I didn't comment though I didn't want to bump it for you. I hope you are okay. I love you xxxxx |
thanks to you both. *hugs* I'm glad it meant a lot to you twisted mirrors.
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hi im so sorry to hear you lost a close friend, i know that pain
i just wanted to say whay you wrote is very clever and also beautiful, its a strange balance of flowing so well yet jolting too (but that makes it work). much love and hugs xx |
Miss you so much girl...can't believe it's been almost two years.
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Absolutely amazing. I would love to hear this as a song.
And, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. </3 |
Thanks. It would be cool as a song, but I'm pretty sure it would be copyright infringement of a few dozen songs! Thanks again.
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This is quite amazing. I love all the references to different songs.
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