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-   -   Moving Back to an Abuser (http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=256004)

FlyingPeanuts 16-06-2019 02:33 AM

Moving Back to an Abuser
Iíll preface this by saying Iím a bit drunk so apologies.

Iíve decided to drop out of uni and, despite my better judgement knowing my joint issues, work somewhere strenuous. However my wife and I have failed to find anywhere to live in time before our student tenancy expires, so Iíll be moving back to my motherís and commuting the 40 minutes driven distance that could take 2-3 hours that early in the morning (work will start at 8).

I want to die, or if not, hurt myself badly. I canít deal with the knowledge that Iíll be living with my abusive and unaccepting mother again. Iíve made so much progress but the knowledge of having to go back just makes me not care anymore, Iím terrified. I donít know if I canít do this again when I know how good things can be.

one_step_closer 16-06-2019 02:50 PM

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, I can imagine how awful and painful it must be. Do you think this is 100% the only solution? Where will your wife be living? I'm really not sure what advice to offer, sorry, only that please make sure you are looking after your own wellbeing as much as possible.

Auror. 20-06-2019 03:30 AM

Having to go back to a bad situation doesn't undo any progress you've made. I can only imagine how hard that must be though. Have you learned anything since you've been gone that might make living there easier to deal with? Are there any other options? It sounds like if you have a wife, maybe they could be supportive to you during this time?

Alternatively, likely not great solutions but are there any homeless shelters or temporary housing options you could look into instead?

FlyingPeanuts 25-06-2019 05:02 AM

My wife is staying with their mother, and there's no way I could stay there either. I have now managed to find a place to live with my wife but the move in date isn't until the 17th July, and I have to be out of the place i'm in on the 30th June.

I've now met my boss, and worked out I would need to leave the house at 4am to commute the journey, which he doesn't think is feasible. So it's looking unlikely that I'll be able to start working there until I move back and into my new house. This means I'll have over two weeks alone with my mother, who will essentially expect me to do everything for her.

Auror. 25-06-2019 05:56 AM

Is putting your stuff in storage and or having your wife keep it and then staying in a hostel, with a friend, cheap Airbnb, couchsurfing (which last I checked was still a free website), looking at hotels, etc. an option for that couple of weeks?

That's awesome that you were able to find a better solution for long term!

FlyingPeanuts 25-06-2019 06:38 AM

My wife doesn't have anywhere to put it. I have a couple of friends taking a few things. I can't afford to pay to stay anywhere, and living in a very religious city and being trans, I'm very cautious about speaking to anyone outside of the church I sing for in the choir, and my friends.

Also, this is a separate issue that is somewhat related, but now that I'm married and have a job and soon to be renting a house that is just for me and my wife, i'm really struggling with the idea that I must be a "real adult" now.

one_step_closer 28-06-2019 08:30 PM

How are you doing? Have you managed to sort anything more suitable for you yet? Do any of your friends have space to allow you to stay for a bit?

It is scary feeling like you are/are supposed to be a 'real adult.' You are doing lots of big stuff right now and it will take some getting used to. I'm not sure if anyone really is a full and proper functioning adult though, we all need help with different things and do some things better than others. It's ok to ask for help if you need it and it's ok to not feel entirely on top of adult things. What does being a real adult mean to you?

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