*Hugs Celtic Wings* what are stuffies?

*Hugs Lindsay*

How is everyone?

runs in... huddles in the corner with the my fuzzy blanket and hood over my head....
guilty

hugs everyone

stuffies=stuff aminals.
:)
/maaaark- i *might* getta see you :D
if can scrape together the freaking train fare :P
louise- nice picture :)

*Hugs Heather* I heard from Felicia ! That would be so cool :)

*Hugs Mousie*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Mousie*

*hugs Mark*

is it ok if i post a poem?

Yes thats Fine Monk :) How creative !*Hugs*

*Hugs Louise*

So now I say goodbye
For now it is the last time
I thought it could be better
But you've proved me wrong

I held onto this
I held onto us
But now I let go
Now finally it is time

You hurt me, and I think you know
I never imagined you would be that way
I never regretted a word spoken
But now I regret every day

It was not your story to tell
It was no longer your concern
Why couldn't you leave it be
Just the way you left me

But what's done is done
And now I say goodbye
As I slowly bleed because of you
And may your conscience be drenched in my blood.

i really figured out that during my time in the ward that im really trist inside my heart and my emotions are getting unstable ui know i need drugs to calm me down. its the only thing that can help. but its illegal and thats what stops me on the way to making myself calm down. how can i do this without the help of drugs. now remember. medicine that the doctor prescribes is also drugs. and i've been taking antipsychotics and i just had enough. i wanna go exoplore something different than just what i dont have. it just makes me feel more empty than i already am. i dont think talking to ppl i dont know by eyesight helps me anymore. i just dont know what to do. other than sit in my bed or at the computer crying inside cause no one reaches out to me. and when i last talked to someone qualified to talk to it was like she poushed me away and everyone is sneaking up one me from everywhere. i need to talk to someone that has the same feelings as me but i know its just a trap cause there is no one there. my family cant help cause i got really bad memories from there. and i cant just call ppl and ask if i can meet them to be with them for just one day. cause i know they'll just say that they dont know me and hang up. im sitting with a memory of a ex-friend that i never got to say the last word to before i never saw her again. it broke my heart. and what crushed my heart even more was the ex-gf i had after that twisted my mentality into some unknown dream world i wanted nothing from and she dragged me from the gutters and threw me into solitary just like that song from evanescence. i never talk to any psychologists or therapists or nothing. just like everyone wants me away. best i can hope for is sleep like that apodorm. it made me sleep like fast. but it took like two hours for it to work. and i dont get that tonight cause i have to talk to my doctor to get it. i jsut get the vallergan that dont help at all.

but you are an angel said st.peter. i said i was not cause i have no wings. but you can fly in your dreams he said. yes i can i replied. he said then why dont you use them. because using is part of taking from others and i dont want to go down that path cause it haunts me in my dreams and i help others fight it.

im feeling a little anxious. just say if you want me to go away or something.

Hi Monk, I'm Oliver. I'm feeling anxious too. any reason for your anxiety?

dont gotta go 'way :)

cause i dont get to talk to someone with whats on my heart. it must be someone special like more special than my mom or dad or sisters. but no psychiatrists have talked to me. even though she said she was going to. no one comes visiting me with things that i can handle. they just come here just going to a place like not to meet anyone just have a place to stay. never get to be asked if i want to go out. i do this on my own accourd. and the way my last relationship ended left me a bit wandering.

<3 <3 <3

bleh.
oding is addicting *hides*

i did actually o'd some months back. ended up in the ova in the hospital.

*Hugs Monk* That's a powerful poem . The ward will be here to support you Monk :)

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Oliver*

*hugs everyone*

*creeps in while it's dark and hides under the covers*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Mousie*

*hugs everybody in the thread and tries to stay calm* didnt have the rules at mind when i wrote that edited by one step closer. sry..

*hugs all*

I'm being discharged tomorrow

*hugs all*
sorry I haven't been around in the last 9 weeks or so.
I've been at the psych ward where I don't have internet and I was too lazy to catch up on the weekends.
How is everybody?

*hugs Oliver* I'm jealous. They say that I'm not stable enough and I've been at hosp for the last 9 weeks.

*Hugs Laura Hugely*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Monk*

*hugs Mark* (that's your name, right? I haven't been here for such a long time... I'm not sure anymore lol)

*hugs Laura and Mark*

hugs everyone

*hugs all*
I have to go back to hosp now. Maybe I'll get to go home over the weekend.

hugs laura - take care x

hi hows everyone doing ?

am doing ok at the moment

*Hug Louise*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Waves to Angel*

How is everyone today?

*hugs to all*

*leaves some treats on the table*

*hides in the corner*

hugs everyone

*sneaks in*
*hugs everyone*
Sorry I haven't been in. Things have just been all over the place.
How is everyone? Well I hope.

Hugs y'all

Waving hello.

doing ok today. yesterday not such a good day.

answering someone's earlier question. a stuffie is a stuffed animal like a teddy bear. i've heard them called plushies but my name for 'em is stuffie.

*Waves to CelticWings*

how is everyone

*curls up* it's too hard to pretend today. i can't do it anymore.

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Crimson* Whats up hun?

*hugs mark back* everything. friend fighting cancer, friend going in for surgery, trouble with my apps to the uni, only 1 job i applied for has gotten back to me... they want to hire me but the hours aren't guaranteed to be stable or full time and i lose benefits on top of it, my family can't just make do if my hours were to drop..., my current boss seems to want me to quit (a lot going on but it seems very similar to when she forced out a coworker about a year ago...) and the most recent thing with my boss? yeah she apparently thinks i do literally nothing but dick off on the net all day so she says i need to do a log of what i do all day every day while i'm at work but "you know just in half hour increments or so"... i want to get a new job and stay in my new house but between the frigid winters up here and all the crap being piled on me i am really tempted to go with what my friend g wants and move to seattle. i found the most awesome 4 bedroom apartment down there (the community has 3 pools a playground a gym and a picnic area on top of the lg 4 bdrm apartment with its own washer and drier) for less than $1400 a month. the only bill i'd have other than rent and transportation? electric. i must admit the more bs i deal with and the more stressed the **** out i get the more i feel moving down there to be the best option. even d thinks me quitting is for the best. if we could afford it i'd quit now but we can't afford it til feb or march. and to top it all there's homeschool for the kids and my own upcoming classes and all of the other smaller more trivial stuff that's just getting stacked on top of everything else. and food is another category to toss on the pile... i've been so irritated upset and stressed lately i can hardly even eat.

i keep trying to distract myself lately with nano but more often than not (especially today) i just come up with nothing.

and the more people ask how i am and whats wrong or commenting on how i look upset today, it just makes e closer to tears. but then on the other hand even when i say why not and let it go i can't cry more than a tear or 2 anyway.

*Huge Hugs Crimson*

*shuffles in and sets up camp until next tuesday*

I really think there should be more psychology people out there. I can't get in more than 1x every two weeks. THis is very frustrating. I need to see him now.

*Hugs Mousie*

*hugs all* how are you?

I'm at my Parents *Hugs*
How are you Laura?

*hugs mark*
I had to take half of my emergency med earlier. Should have taken it all... my hands are still shaking but it's bearable. I'm going to do more skills now.
How are you?