:( I've just got a letter from my GP asking me to make an appointment to "Discuss My Medication" . They refused to give me my Diazepam and when I contacted my mental health team I get this letter from my GP. They are going to want to quiz me about how and why I need Diaz , I am no good in meetings , under any pressure or stress I'm awful. Why The crap should I HAVE TO justify my need for Diaz , I take it responsibly , I don't abuse it and I am Presricbed it from my Psychiatrist why can't they just give me my prescirbed meds , I can't talk to Yet another person ( Pysch Dr , SW , Houseing support worker , Nurse , different nurse , Psychologist (Ued too)) I feel like a public ****ing one guy freak show ugh

I can't do this , I can't , I can't , I can't :(

SO Triggered now , This letters wound me up with anxiety to the extent that I feel I Need a Diaz . :(:(:(:(

*hugs Mark until he's calmer*

Go talk to your GP, its good that your team are all talking, though I can understand it may feel overwhelming. They just care about you hun, like we do here.

You can do this, ring the doc and get in as soon as you can and explain to him how you're feeling.

Stay strong, you will get through this *hugs again*

*cuddles everyone*

oooo *leans into helens cuddles*

I spy a Hels!! *cuddles* How are you doing, love? People DO care that you're not fine, and it's okay to say so... (replying to your post a few pages back) Any plans for the day? :)

*curls up next to Mark and hugs him* Love, it'll be okay. I promise. You can make it through that meeting and whilst I don't know why they found a need to justify your using it, it is an addictive medication and maybe that's why? I don't know. Sorry if that offended in any way - really didn't mean to. :( I'm sorry that we missed each other in chat last night, maybe today we'll run into each other. :) I like talking with you especially if it helps you through the SI urges, anxiety, etc. But it WILL be okay. Just keep telling yourself that. And worst case scenario (don't we all love those? :-/) if you are so anxious in the meeting without your diazepam then that WILL justify your needing it. I hope that made sense... and didn't offend. :-S And you are NOT a one guy freak show... you're not a freak at all!!!

Oliver *cuddles* Please stay safe, sweet. You are worth so much more than you think you are. I promise. And you would be so missed... I know that the ward would miss you here so much... :( I have been wondering why you haven't been posting as much, guess it had to do with the fight a few pages back? (that is currently in the mod forums and why I refuse to talk to...) Anyway... hope you're feeling a bit better this morning... :)

JK, how are you? hope you sleep well... *cuddles*

So my NP thinks that Mercy Ministries would be a good thing for me to go to now that I'm almost done with uni and don't have a job. I don't know. What do you think? It's a free, Christian, all women's (13-28 y.o., in different locations) residential treatment organization. There is a long waiting list but... I don't know. What do you guys think? :-S I'm scared to commit, because it can be an up to 6-month stay... and it's states away from Jarrod and me... :( so I would miss him terribly.

Anyway. Any thoughts? :-S

*hides*

[quote=jonikd;2292604They just care about you hun, like we do here.

You can do this, ring the doc and get in as soon as you can and explain to him how you're feeling.

quote]

THEY DON'T care , they just want to mess with my head or at the very least avoid messing up their budget with my meds .

I really don't think I can do this JK it's too much , I am SO Freaked out and I don't feel safe at all
*Hugs back* Thankyou for the hugs :)

*HUGS APRIL TONS* I don;t have any words right now just Hugs

*Possible Trigger S.I. *




















I Harmed , quite badly , I wont go into details as I don't want to break any rules . I feel less freaked out now although my mind is racing .
I KNOW I simply cannot face a meeting with my G.P. who btw has been presribeing me Diaz for 6 months with some hiccups but he has given it to me in the past so why the sudden change of direction?
Cutting has made me numb , does anyone else get that? It works for me sometimes by externalising inner pain but this time it's made me numb .
*Sigh*

Thanx *Hugs Amy back*

fight a few pages back? was it from the weekend? i couldn't read through them all from the weekend and now I'm confused as to what's going on... *shakes head* I don't suppose you remember the page number so I can go see?

*hugs Mark* I hope they work it and for you soon. I don't know why he'd suddenly change his mind about it but I'd ask at the meeting. If there was going to be a question with your meds I think the meeting should have been before you were supposed to pick up your meds. *huggles*

*Waves* Hi Amy!

*hugs everyone*
I haven't come by here in forever, how's everyone doing?

*cuddles everyone*

Hope you're all keeping safe or trying to.

Been out. Helped. Made me think about other things. Although lowness was there, I was kinda happy, maybe I was faking it like I have to. Hm. *hides*

As April stated, the argument's in mod forums so can no longer be viewed here & yes it was the one from the weekend. Sorry, I know this post wasn't directed at me...

No prob Helen, anyone with an answer was welcome to give it. I was just quite confused. Thanks for answering. *hugs* Never be sorry for answering me :)

*hugs april* your hair looks awesome hun! I love it.

*hugs helen* Im glad that you went out and felt a little better afterwards. I do that too with the whole faking it thing.. Sometimes i can even fake myself into thinking I am happier than I actually am for a little while anyway.

*gently hugs mark* I'm sorry that you are so anxious and about the letter you got from your GP about the meds. I would be really anxious too about it I think. Please try to take care of your wounds hun.

*hugs oliver* hope that your exam went okay. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much right now. Please take care of yourself and dont act on those thoughts you are having.

*hugs JK* you are amazing for trying to keep up with the ward hun! But its okay to let us know how you are doing too! I know that I would like to know. Thanks for the congrats, I'm pretty glad that i'm on summer break now.

*hugs kahlia* Im sorry that you are having such a hard time with the mental health system down there. It sounds frustrating and I hope that it gets all sorted out for you (i hope that isn't too much of wishful thinking there).

*hugs julie, nicole, crimson, hayley, and anyone that i missed*

*sneezes because of all of the cats running around in here*

I slept so late today.. Guess i was tired heh. I have a ton of errands I need to run now but its pouring outside and I dont have a car and i realy don't want to get soaked. I dont know.. maybe i'm just being lazy. Anyway, other than that.. Tried to fight off a huge SI urge last night. I'm trying to remain free until at least after my little sisters high school graduation b/c i have to wear a short sleeve dress and i really dont want to have any new marks that my family can scrutinize.
Anyway sorry.. this is kinda ramble-y

I spy oliver!

*Hugs Laura* Thanks, I hope you get your errands done whilst keeping mostly dry :) I hope you manage to keep fighting off those urges ( being a hypocrite I know )

* hides in a corner and settles in to take a nap *
How is everyone this morning?
*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Crimson* Good morning to you , I'm just getting ready to take a bath , I bath at weird times of the day I know :P Hopefully it will relax me .I feel drained :( Anyhoo, How are you Crimson?

morning

Aside from wanting to crawl back into bed instead of working? LOL I'm doing decently today so far.

Morning Julie

i'm heading out *hugs for all who want them*

*hugs Julie* Good morning! and have fun out :)

So so anxious... I hate being this way, ugh. :'(

Congrats Laura!! Sorry I didn't say that earlier - but it feels SO GREAT knowing that you're done, doesn't it?! :D *throws some confetti and saves Laura from the kitty allergies* (it's magic confetti :P) How are you doing?? *squishes*

Hels, don't apologize for answering. :) Crimson is right, whoever has an answer is welcome to post it. :) I'm glad that you got out and it helped you feel a bit better... that's good. Jarrod and I went out too, down to the mall, and that was a lot of fun. Probably bought too much but oh well. Heh. *cuddles*

Crimson, how're you doing? *cuddles*

Mark *cuddles* I'm so sorry that you SI'd... :( I wish I could've been online to be there to talk you through it... just take care of the wounds. And yes, I know what you mean by saying that SI made you numb this time, it does that to me sometimes... most of the time now really. I don't know. It doesn't work as well for me as it used to. :( Which, I suppose, could be a catalyst for change but isn't, not right now anyway. :-S

*cuddles everyone else then pops out*

*hugs everyone*
i just had my first group meeting. it was a lot better than i thought, we had a laugh and it was really nice! i'm actually looking forward to next week!

Thats good news Nicole :) Way to go :)

thanks :D i was SO nervous at first, especially as it's quite a big group, theres about 10 of us! lol. but theyre all really nice.

Hiiiiiiiiiiii people.

I spy Mark & JK *jumps on*

Thanks Crimson/April for replies about me answering question.
Thanks for everyone's replies to me too.

OMG I've had a fairly good night, helped me not think about things too much, again. But I've suddenly added anxious to my million emotions. FUUUUUUN! >.>

*hides and curls up*

*finds helen and hugs her.* heey hun. not really gonna talk much lol. gonna get in the bath again :D.
*leaves cake and extra special hugs for everyone*

*hates on economy* I found awesome federal jobs all over California that I qualify for. I picked the 6 I was most suited for in places I was willing to live (not the one in Death Valley for example since moving from a place with a high of 70s to 120s is a bit too much...) and 3 refuse relocation assistance and 3 say nothing for or against but probably won't since they're the 3 lowest in pay. *pouts*

*hugs everyone who likes hugs*

Laura, thanks hun, I tend to find by the time I get through reading how everyone is I've run out of oomph to worry bout myself. I think as others are struggling so much some of my stuff seems silly. Which I know is silly in itself ;) Anyway, raving now, really hope you got through without SI, you've had such an awesome week and inspired us all [well me anyway] with completing your course and stuff. *hugs*

Hi Taz35, its a bit busy in here, but we're all around a lot so stick with us 'k?

Mark, honey, I'm so sorry you cut badly, are you OK? I do feel numb after I SI also, I won't go into huge detail here, but feel free to PM me if you ever want to. Not that I'm on here much but will always get to you when I can! Good luck with the GP, you go sort him out ;) *hugs tight*

Hey April and Crimson, you two are such nice people, I hope you're both feeling better, cos I reckon you deserve to. *cuddles*

Nice work with the group meeting Nicole, hope you're doing OK *hugs*

*leave cuddles for Julie in case she pops by after aquarobics*

*cuddles Helen lots* I really hope you have a great day one of these days soon, it must be so tiring day in day out to feel so low :( Glad you got out though, I find distraction works wonders and when I'm at work I'm completely fine.

Speaking of work....have a good evening etc you lot. *leaves a few boxes of hugs and lovely, special things for everyone*

JK
xx

*Jumps back on Helen*:)

*Hugs JK* Thanx for the offer of the PM , I might take you up on it if I need to but I don't want to weigh you down with my problems :S Thanks for the Hugs too I NEEDED them

*Hugs all who need and can accept hugs*
*Waves to Owen if he pops by*

Me too JK. Feeling low/suicidal is sooo draining.Thanks for huggles. Needed those so much. *hugs tight*

*hugs Nicole* Enjoy your bath.

Yay Mark :P

Thanks, I'm planning on it :) Just whenever I miss a few pages I don't have the attention span to read back through them and find out what I missed.

*waves at Taz* - I can't remember whether I've said hello to you before or not. Do you prefer being called Kristyn or Taz? Do you accept hugs? If so, please accept this *hug* sent your way. I hope you are doing okay, if not just jump in and let us know how you are doing. :D

*hugs everyone who wants/needs & can accept hugs*

I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to reply to everyone, but I don't mean to neglect anyone.

Hels: I'm sorry you are still feeling so low and struggling so much. I wish that I could offer you more. I guess that all I can offer you is some *big hugs*. All I really want to do is *hold you gently*.

Mark: *big hugs* How are things going?

JK: *hugs you tightly* How are things going with?

Crimson: The job situation there sounds kind of like our job situation. I hear you loud and clear on that one. *offers hugs*

April, Laura, MID, Jem, Ally, Emma, Lindsay, Julie & co, Kat & co, Oliver, nicole ... & those who I have inevitably missed: *big hugs* for those who can accept them. How are you all doing?

Struggling like hell at the moment. Just really wishing that all this was over. I really don't know how much more I can take. *sigh*

I think it's time to cut the rope . . .

*wants to die*

*hides*

*huggles April* Whats up?
*cuddles Kahlia* It certainly is not time to cut the rope.

*hugs everyone lots*I'm so sad that we're all struggling so much...

*hugs April tight* Please keep safe April.

Kahlia, thank you sweetheart. Hugs lots. I just want someone to hold me in real life. Well one person in particular, but that's not possible right now. Want to hold them tight too. I fear I won't get to see her this year after all. I should have been visiting her in February but things happened :'( Please keep safe too sweetheart I'm sorry you're struggling too.

I have SO much going on. Just wrote a HUGE post on another support forum. I'm debating whether to post it here, but, some of it would have to be edited because it would break the rules. Maybe I should PM one of you guys, since you do offer.....I mean like, Laura & April do know some of it & I appreciate the support they have give over last few days....

*curls and hides*

Sounds like almost everyone is having a hard time... :-(

*hugs helen* you could PM it to me if you would like.

*hugs kahlia* Please keep hanging in there hun. It is not time to cut the rope!

*cuddles april* Whats wrong? I wish i could offer more than virtual hugs...

*hugs nicole* Im glad your group went well!

*hugs crimson* The job situation all over the place is awful. Im sorry that you are having a hard time with it... Last summer i was turned down for 24 jobs.. and no i am not exaggerating at all.. Its just almost impossible to find really good ones right now :-/

*hugs JK* We would not think any of your stuff is silly. I promise. Hope you had an okay day at work.

*waves to Taz* Hi, I'm laura!

*hugs oliver and mark*

Have managed not to SI so far. Went to dinner and hopefully I am going out tonight for more distraction. It'll be fine. Urges are always there, i dont know why they decided to get stronger, you would think i would be happier now that schools out... and I am happy that it is so... i cant really explain.. o well i guess.

Thanks Laura *cuddles tight* Will send it in a few minutes, it's long. Maybe it's because now the stress is all over & your body is readjusting and letting all the stress leave. Or something...so you're more aware? I'm glad you've managed to keep safe so far.

*hugs everyone* You can just call me Taz, it'll make it less confusing :) I'm alright right now.

Yay Taz. I'm glad you're doing alright at the moment ;)

Yeah it is awful everywhere. And I'm grateful that I have a decent job but I have desperately wanted to move back to California for years now and I never seem to get any closer to getting there so it's just so frustrating. If I found a job that does relocation assistance I would be willing to take a job I'm overqualified for just no place seems to offer it anymore. Maybe when my credit is better I'll get a loan and move with that...

I hate the job situation. I so desperately need a job, it SUCKS!!!!!!!

to eat or not to eat that is the question

Try & eat Julie :)

*shows helen my soup and toast*

Oh yummy :D What flavour soup you got? :) I only like tomato & chicken!!! How boring am I? :laugh: